Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego - Jokes Etc (56)

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Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by musik8: 2:25am On Jul 09, 2015

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Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by Mintek: 10:13am On Jul 09, 2015

Mairaguent:
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of coffee. "What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?" The husband looks up, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 17?" he asks solemnly. The wife is touched, thinking her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes, I do," she replies. The husband pauses. The words are not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the backseat of my car?" "Yes, I remember," says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continues, "Do you remember when he shoved a shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years!" "I remember that too," she replies softly. He wipes another tear from his cheek and says, "I would have gotten out today!"

Very funny.

2 Likes

Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by Mintek: 10:30am On Jul 09, 2015

njuwo:
I went to a supermarket to pick something to eat.

As I was walking down the isle, I noticed a man staring at me. I looked at the man and kept walking to the front counter to pick Gala.

As I picked it, I turned to see the man right in front of me.

I smiled and greeted him, then went on to get Lacasera.

The man followed me through the store.

I was getting a little nervous and mad because he was following me without saying anything.

Trying to be friendly I said, ''Hi!''

The man finally said, he is sorry for staring at me, but I look like his youngest son. They just buried him two weeks ago.

I felt stupid for getting mad as I expressed my sincerity to him.

He said he was fine as he knows his son is with the Lord.

Then he asked me to do him a favour.

I said, ''Sure, if i can''.

He said he was a bit sad that his son never said goodbye before passing on.

He asked me to get in line behind him, and as he left the store I should say, Goodbye dad! So that he can have a sense of closure.

Though his request was weird, I however agreed to grant him.

As he collected his bags from the cashier and walked away, I said, ''Goodbye dad!''.

He turned and said, ''Goodbye my dear son!''.

When the cashier calculated my bill she said the total is 12,500 Naira.

I screamed, ''For what? How can a Lacasera of 120 Naira and 50 Naira Gala turn to that amount?''.

He replied, ''Your dad said you are paying for his bill too!''.

Hahaha!

Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by Godskidmidas(m): 12:50am On Jul 10, 2015

njuwo:
When Sweden and Denmark play
each other, the letters used for the
teams are SWE vs DEN. The remaining letters not used are DEN vs MARK.

Woooow! That's an eye opener

1 Like

Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 5:02am On Jul 11, 2015

When human body was first made, all the parts wanted to be the Boss. The brain said, ''I should be the Boss because I control the whole body responses and functions. The legs said, ''We should be the Boss because we take the body to where it wants to go''. The hands said, ''We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money. The mouth said, ''I should be the Boss because I take in all the food and water. And so it went on like this with the heart, the lungs and the eyes all speaking until the buttocks spoke up. All the parts of the body laughed at the buttocks saying it should be the boss. So the buttocks went on strike. It blocked its hole and refused to shit. Within a short time the eyes became swollen, the hands became fat, the legs grew large and unable to work, the stomach started growing big, the heart and the lungs started to panic, and the brain was unable to think. As the stomach grew bigger and about to burst open. The whole parts of the body all pleaded with the buttocks and agreed it should be the Boss.

Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by Meekmiller038: 6:06pm On Jul 11, 2015

njuwo:
My girlfriend told me last night that it's over between us.

I thought about it and i found out that life without her is meaningless, so i decided to kill
myself.

I jumped from my reading table to my bed but i didn't die, i went to the express road and looked carefully before crossing the road, nothing happened to me.

I drank 4 rubbers of lacasera with
plenty suya but nothing happened, i took a lot of mangoes without swallowing the seeds, yet i didn't see hell!

I proceeded to another level of
concoction.

I prepared gizzard and kidney sauce with strawberry juice
and lots of fresh tomatoes, yet nothing happened to me.

I ate cake, chocolate mixed with ice cream, still i didn't die.

I'm so worried now cause i just
finished eating fried rice with chilled maltina and fresh fruit salad but nothing has happened to me.

I'm really upset right now.

Friends, what do i do? Should I
try fried plantain and chicken with fresh milk?

Will it work?

Advice me please,
I'm waiting for your advice.
Use akara and salad with palm oil
What concoction do you prescribe?

njuwo:
My girlfriend told me last night that it's over between us.

I thought about it and i found out that life without her is meaningless, so i decided to kill
myself.

I jumped from my reading table to my bed but i didn't die, i went to the express road and looked carefully before crossing the road, nothing happened to me.

I drank 4 rubbers of lacasera with
plenty suya but nothing happened, i took a lot of mangoes without swallowing the seeds, yet i didn't see hell!

I proceeded to another level of
concoction.

I prepared gizzard and kidney sauce with strawberry juice
and lots of fresh tomatoes, yet nothing happened to me.

I ate cake, chocolate mixed with ice cream, still i didn't die.

I'm so worried now cause i just
finished eating fried rice with chilled maltina and fresh fruit salad but nothing has happened to me.

I'm really upset right now.

Friends, what do i do? Should I
try fried plantain and chicken with fresh milk?

Will it work?

Advice me please,
I'm waiting for your advice.

What concoction do you prescribe?

Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 6:39am On Jul 13, 2015

Three dead bodies were taken to a mortuary in London with smiles on their faces. The mortuary attendant called the police and an Inspector was sent and was taken straight to the first body. The mortuary attendant said, ''Frenchman, 91, died of heart failure while making love to his 18 years old lover, that's why he's smiling. The Inspector was taken to the second body. The mortuary attendant said, ''Englishman, 22, won a thousand pounds on a lottery, spent it all on whiskey. Died of alcohol poison, that's why he's smiling. The Inspector said, ''Nothing unusual here, show me the last body.'' The mortuary attendant said, ''Nigeria Man, 32, struck by thunder.'' The Inspector asked, ''Why then is he smiling?.'' The mortuary attendant replied, ''It was his first time in London, he thought he was being taken a picture.

1 Like

Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 5:57am On Jul 14, 2015

A friend and I were arguing one morning in the village,
Me: I'm telling you, this is sun.
Him: It's a lie! It's moon.
We argued like this for 45 minutes until we decided to ask a passerby.
Me: Guy please, that thing, is it moon or sun?.
Passerby: I don't know, I don't live in this area.

1 Like

Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 5:23am On Jul 16, 2015

A beggar who sits close to a bank and usually held a plate when begging was holding two plates yesterday. Me that used to give him money was surprised to see him holding two plates, one on his right hand and the other on his left. I asked why he was holding two plates. He replied, ''My son, business has not been too good for me, that's why i had to open a branch office.''

Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 5:46am On Jul 17, 2015

In Abuja, an Atheist brought up a case against the upcoming Christmas Holiday. He hired a Lawyer to bring a discrimination case against Christians and Muslims concerning observation of their holy days. The argument was that it was unfair that Atheists had no such recognised days. The case was brought before the judge. After listening to the passionate presentation by the Lawyer, the Judge banged his gavel declaring, "Case Dismissed". The Lawyer quickly stood up, objecting to the ruling and said, ''Your honour, how can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have Christmas, Easter and Others. The Muslims have Id-el-kabir, Id-el-fitri and others. But my client and other Atheists have no such holidays.'' The Judge leaned forward in his chair and said, ''Your client and other Atheists have. It's just that your client is woefully ignorant.'' The Lawyer said, ''Your honour, we are unaware of any special observance or holiday for Atheists.'' The Judge said, ''The Calendar says April 1st is April Fools day. Psalm 14 verse 1 says, The fool says in his heart, there is no God. It is the opinion of this court that, if your client says there is no God, then he is a fool. Therefore, April 1st is his day.''

3 Likes

Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 10:04am On Jul 18, 2015

I was searching for a job and went to one big company to make inquiry in respect of the advertisement placed outside the company. Me, being so eager, didn't read the advertisement properly. I just dashed into the company and started asking for the manager. Little did I know that such a job requires someone who has been to different parts of the world. The Manager decided to have an interview with me. ''Hello young man, what can I do for you?''. He asked. I replied, ''Good morning sir! I came concerning the advertisement placed outside your company. ''I see!'' He hummed. I hope you know that this job requires someone who has been to various parts of the world?''. He asked. ''Yes sir, I know that!''. I replied. ''Good! Now tell me, have you been to the United States Of America?. He asked. I replied, ''Yes sir, I lived there for six years. ''Wow! That's good! How about England, have you been there before?''. He asked. ''Yes sir, I lived there for four years.'' I replied. ''Interesting! How about the People's Republic Of China?''. He asked. I replied, ''I have been there sir, I lived there for six years.'' He quipped, ''Hmm! Then you must know much about Geography.'' I replied, ''Yes sir, I have also been to Geography, I lived there for six years.''

2 Likes

Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by IamDavidJames(m): 10:44am On Jul 18, 2015

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Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by MRZaph(m): 6:43pm On Jul 18, 2015

haha what is more important than a good laugh to kill the stress

Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by MRZaph(m): 6:47pm On Jul 18, 2015

Meekmiller038:
[color=#000099][/color]

try sugarcane and raw egg

Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 6:09am On Jul 19, 2015

In a sunday school class one sunday morning after a very interesting topic the teacher asked, ''Any question?''. I raised up my hand looking very confused. The Teacher asked me, ''What is your question?''. I said, ''Teacher you said the children of Isreal escaped from Egypt.'' The Teacher said, ''Yes.'' I said, ''The children of Isreal crossed the red sea.'' The Teacher said, ''Good.'' I said, ''The children of Isreal sinned against God?''. The Teacher said, ''Yes.'' I said, ''The children of Isreal fell down the walls of Jericho.'' The Teacher asked, ''What exactly is your question?''. I asked, ''When the children of Isreal were doing all these, where were the adults of Isreal?''.

3 Likes

Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 5:40am On Jul 20, 2015

A mad man in a psychiatric hospital climbed on a branch of a tree and stayed there for half of the day.

He suddenly let go off the branch and fell forcefully on to the ground. A doctor ran to him and asked, ''What happened?. He replied, ''I'm ripe!.

Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 9:31am On Jul 20, 2015

My younger sister got pregnant. My dad was so furious, he asked himself, ''Who did this to my little girl?. He asked her who was responsible for the pregnancy. At first, she refused to tell him but after a while she opened up and told him nothing but the truth, that the pregnancy belonged to a famous chief in the community. My dad called the chief and they both sat down to discuss about the issue. My dad said, ''Chief, I learnt you are responsible for my daughter's three weeks pregnancy. The chief said, ''That is true, let me add this, If she gives birth to a male child, I will give you 10 Million Naira with a furnished flat. If she gives birth to a female child, I will give you 5 Million Naira with a bungalow. If she gives birth to twins, I will give you 20 Million Naira with a duplex. But If she has a miscarriage . . . . My dad interrupted, ''You will have to sleep with her again.

Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 5:16pm On Jul 20, 2015

In Yaba Left Psychiatric Hospital a nurse walked into one of the rooms and saw a patient acting like he's driving a car. The nurse asked him, "Tobore what are you doing?" Tobore replied, "Driving to Port Harcourt!" The nurse wished him a safe trip and left the room.

The next day the nurse entered Tobore's room just as he stopped driving his imaginary car and asked, "Well, Tobore, how you doing?" Tobore said, "I just arrived in Port Harcourt". Great!" replied the nurse.

The nurse left Tobore's room and went across the hall into Obuke's room and found Obuke sitting on his bed masturbating crucially. With surprise she asked, "Obuke what are you doing!" Obuke replied, "I'm banging Tobore's wife while he's away in Port Harcourt.

1 Like

Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 6:02am On Jul 21, 2015

An Uncle of mine who is a Coca Cola salesman returned from his Middle East Assignment disappointed. ''Uncle why weren't you successful with the Arabs?. I asked. He replied, ''Ofego when I got posted to the Middle East, I was very confident that I would make a good sales pitch as Coca Cola is virtually unknown there. But I had a problem, I didn't know how to speak Arabic. So I planned to convey the message through three posters.
1st Poster: A man lying in the hot desert sand totally exhausted and about to faint.
2nd Poster: The man is drinking our Coca Cola.
3rd Poster: Our man is now totally refreshed.
These posters were pasted all over the place. ''That should have worked. I said. He replied, ''It should have worked but I didn't know that Arabs read from right to left.

Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 12:51am On Jul 22, 2015

My friend got a job as a porter in a five star hotel in Asaba. On his first day at work, the manager told him, "In here we give every customer personalised services and you have to be very observant so that you will know how to address their every need even before they ask." Before the manager could finish, a couple walked through the hotel entrance and the manager quickly approached them, nicely took their bag and said, "Welcome Mr & Mrs Tom, It is our delight to have you in our hotel. Please come this way to the reception." And he led them to the reception. After the couple had been taken care of, my friend asked the manager, "Has the couple been visiting this hotel before?" "No!" came the reply from the manager. "So how come you knew their name?" asked my friend. "That is why I told you to be very observant. All I had to do was quickly look at the label on their bag while I'm taking it from them, and see the name on the tag." "Oh, here comes another couple. Why don't you give it a try?" "Okay!" said my friend, and he hurriedly approached the couple, helped them with their bag and said, "Welcome Mr & Mrs Superior Hand Made Leather! We are delighted to have you in our hotel.

2 Likes

Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by MDOLOFU: 9:08am On Jul 22, 2015

njuwo:
Hahahahaha!! I just can't stop laughing. This
is the awkward Truth About some husbands.
A group of men gathered at a church
conference on how to live in a loving
relationship with their wives. The men were
asked, "How many of you love your wife ?" All
the men raised their hands. Then they were
asked, "When was the last time you told your
wife you love her ?" Some men answered
today, some yesterday, majority didn’t
remember. The men were then told to take
their cell phones and send the following text
to their respective wives: I love you,
sweetheart...
Then the men were told to exchange their
phones so one can read the other wife's reply
to the love message.
Here are some of the replies:
1. Have you impregnated someone again
2. That was then, not now
3. You wan borrow money abi?
4. What did you do again? I won’t forgive you
this time.
5. Meaning?
6. Is that a new song?
7. Am I dreaming?
8. If you don’t tell me who this message is
actually for, you will die today!
9. U dis man!! I asked you to stop drinking.
10. Abeg na who be this?

tanks a lot for making my day

Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 2:02am On Jul 23, 2015

Three Men were in a hospital's waiting room waiting for their pregnant wives who were in labour at the labour room.
Minutes later, a nurse came and asked; Who is Mr Johnny that works with 3 crowns milk?
Mr Johnny said, ''It's me!.
The nurse said, ''Congratulation sir! Your wife has just given birth to triplet. The nurse went in, came out again and asked, ''Who is Mr Dan that works with 7 Up Bottling Company. Mr Dan said, ''It's me!. ''Congratulation sir! Your wife has just delivered 7 babies. The nurse said. As the nurse went inside, the third man who works with 33 Lager beer took to his heels.

1 Like

Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 4:48am On Jul 24, 2015

My Bros travelled back from London with the hope of marrying a decent Nigerian Girl. He came down to Warri and had plans of marrying one girl like that. He got to a hotel to book a room for them to meet and decided to call the girl. He called saying, ''I'm trying to get a room for us, I'm at Odus Hotel. The girl said, ''No don't, It's too expensive and the facilities is not worth that cash, check Hotel Excel, it is better but Wellington is the best. He said, ''Okay. I'll try Wellington. The girl said, ''When you get to Wellington, don't take room 121, the bed is not strong enough, If they give you room 208, don't take it, cause the AC is not good. Room 315 is better but the hot side of the shower is bad. However try room 421, although it's hard to open the door most times. Better still, just take room 502. My brother immediately dropped the phone and went back to London.

Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 8:38am On Jul 24, 2015

I got employed at a big company as a cleaner. On my first day at work, I picked up a telephone, dialled a number and shouted on the phone, ''Get me some tea, quickly!. The voice from the other end responded, ''You fool! You've dialled the wrong number. Do you know who you are talking to? I said, ''No! The voice said, ''I am the CEO of the company. I shouted, ''Do you know who you are talking to? The CEO said, ''No! I said, ''Good! And dropped the phone.

1 Like

Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 7:02am On Jul 26, 2015

For a very long time, my Daddy had been battling with a leak on his roof. One night, there was a heavy downpour, he had to move from one corner of his room to the other to avoid drops from his roof. This made him to have a sleepless night. The next morning, he decided to fix the roof. After scouting for ladder in our neighbourhood, he tried to climb to the roof. Climbing wasn't easy, he panted and sweated but successfully climbed to the roof. As he was about to fix the damage, he heard a knock on his door. He yelled from the top of the roof, ''Who is that? A tattered looking beggar showed up at the ground and said, ''Excuse me sir, can I see you? My Dad asked, ''What is it that you want to tell me? The Beggar replied, ''Just spare me a minute. My Dad climbed back to the ground, looking tired and asked, ''What can I do for you? The Beggar said, ''Can you give me 10 Naira? My Dad thought for a moment and said, ''Follow me! The two of them started climbing to the roof, panting and gasping for breath. They both got to the top of the roof. After panting for one minute, my Dad turned to the beggar and said, ''I don't have!

1 Like

Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by Nobody: 8:11pm On Jul 27, 2015

all i have to do is follow.

Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by Simeon4real(m): 8:46pm On Jul 27, 2015

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Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 7:07am On Jul 28, 2015

I walked into a chemist store, reached into my pocket, took out a small bottle and a teaspoon. I poured some liquid into the teaspoon, offered it to the chemist boy and said, ''Could you please test this? The chemist boy took the teaspoon, put it into his mouth and swallowed it. I asked, ''Does it taste sweet? The chemist boy replied, ''No! I said, ''Good. The Doctor told me to come here and get my urine tasted for sugar.

2 Likes

Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by Sanmel(f): 1:03pm On Jul 28, 2015

njuwo:
I walked into a chemist store, reached into my pocket, took out a small bottle and a teaspoon. I poured some liquid into the teaspoon, offered it to the chemist boy and said, ''Could you please test this? The chemist boy took the teaspoon, put it into his mouth and swallowed it. I asked, ''Does it taste sweet? The chemist boy replied, ''No! I said, ''Good. The Doctor told me to come here and get my urine tasted for sugar.

lol.. ayama

Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 6:31am On Jul 29, 2015

My two years old niece sat in the dinning table having dinner with me. My phone rang, I said excuse me, and rushed outside, answered the call, talked for a few minutes, came back, and continued with my food. The little girl said, ''Uncle, I have something to tell you. I shouted at her, ''How many times have I told you not to talk while eating? Twelve minutes later, we finished eating and I asked, ''Tonia, what were you trying to say? The little girl said, ''Uncle, while you were on the phone, the cat pissed on your food.

3 Likes

Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 9:43am On Jul 30, 2015

The Geographical Map Of A Woman.

Between 18 and 20, a woman is like Africa. Half discovered, half-wild, naturally beautiful with fertile deltas.

Between 21 and 30, a woman is like America. Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone with cash.

Between 31 and 35, she is like India. Very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40, a woman is like France. Gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50, she is like Yugoslavia. Lost the war, haunted by past mistakes. Massive reconstruction is now necessary.

Between 51 and 60, she is like Russia, Very wide and borders are un-patrolled. The frigid climate keeps people away.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Mongolia. A glorious and all conquering past but alas, no future.

After 70, they become like Afghanistan. Everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.

1 Like

Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 3:01am On Jul 31, 2015

Three boys whose names were Shut Up, Manners and Trouble went to the field to play. Trouble got lost. Shut Up told Manners to wait while he went to the police station to ask the police for help. The police asked, “What is your name?” He said Shut Up. The police shouted, “What is your name?” He said Shut Up. The police then asked, ''Where are your manners? The boy said, ''Out in the field. Then the police asked, “Are you looking for trouble?” The boy said, “Yes, how did you know?”

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