Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego - Jokes Etc (62) - Nairaland
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| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by kernigsloan: 11:03pm On Oct 04, 2015 |
njuwo:Lol. Nice |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 6:49am On Oct 05, 2015 |
A man and his neighbour were arguing, ''Vagina or honey, which is more sweet?''. The neighbour said vagina, the man said honey. The neighbour then suggested they bring vagina and honey for the man to test and confirm which is more sweet. Honey was presented on a glass cup. Vagina was presented in person of the man's wife. The man tested the honey, tested the vagina. He was testing and testing and it got to a point that as he was testing the vagina, he forgot all about the honey. |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 5:28am On Oct 06, 2015 |
One Of The Reasons To Stop Egbo (Marijuana) Smoking, My neighbour got high on Egbo and was searching for his phone with the torch light from the same phone he was looking for. He was so worried in the search and was about to break down in tears. His friend who was also high on egbo joined in the search. After two hours of searching, the phone which was on his hand rang. He answered the call, "Please, I will call you back later, I am looking for my phone". And cut the call in anger and continued searching for the phone he just answered a call from. He decided to use the same phone to try calling his line and when he got a user busy notice, he turned to his friend and said, ''My phone is gone jor. Let's forget about it. The person that stole it is running to the market to sell it, that is why it just told me user busy. 4 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by vickjohn(m): 9:00pm On Oct 06, 2015 |
h0w do u xplain wen a naija p0lice officer arrest u & check ur ph0ne n just at d m0ment,a text msg c0mes in 4rm ur frnd sayin"guy abeq if u day cum,buy 1ak~47 nd 4 bullets make we take day j0lly wel b4 we go owt t0nyt"h0w do u xplain to d p0lice man that ur frnd meant a v0dka(as ak~47)nd 4 energy drinks{as bullets}to make matters w0rse ur frnd's name is r0bert and u saved it as r0b~1  3 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by Nobody: 10:27pm On Oct 06, 2015 |
njuwo:see as I de laf here like mumu...too funny |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by Ayzeeez: 11:20pm On Oct 06, 2015 |
1 Like |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 2:00am On Oct 07, 2015 |
When I was in secondary school a woman brought her daughter to our house to complain about me. ''Your son told my daughter to kiss him in front of the whole class!''. She said. ''Ofego, why did you tell her to kiss you in front of the whole class? You could have told her to kiss you privately na.'' My dad said. The woman said, ''No! no! no! He shouldn't have asked for a kiss from her.'' ''Yes my son, you shouldn't have asked for a kiss. She is meant to give you the kiss!''. My dad expressed. ''No! You are not getting me. I mean to say it's wrong for your son to ask my daughter for a kiss!''. The woman said. My dad said, ''That's right Ofego my son! Why ask her daughter to kiss you, when you could just kiss her!''. The woman angrily left with her daughter. 1 Like |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 5:08am On Oct 08, 2015 |
A drunk neighbour of mine was coming from a bar (beer parlour). On his way, he met a barrister returning from bar (chamber). So he greeted him, "My learned colleague!". The barrister got angry and replied, "What Nonsense!''. A surprised him answered, "What do you mean by that? You are coming from a bar and I am coming from a bar, what is the difference? Bar is bar!''. |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 5:03am On Oct 09, 2015 |
When they are having a quarrel, screaming and yelling could be heard deep into the night. His wife would shout, ''When I die, I will dig my way up, out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life''. We the neighbours feared this woman and she liked the fact that she was feared. She later died of hypertension at the age of 54. After the burial, my neighbour went straight to the palm wine joint close to our compound and started to party, as if there was no tomorrow. We his neighbours, afraid for him, asked, ''Are you not afraid that she may indeed be able to dig her way up and out of the grave and come back to haunt you for the rest of your life?''. The man put his drink down and said, ''Let her dig. I had her buried upside down.'' 1 Like |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 4:26am On Oct 10, 2015 |
Girlfriend: Hello oooo dearie!!!! Ofego: Hi. Girlfriend: What happened? Ofego: Nothing. Girlfriend: No, say na, what happened? You look unhappy. Ofego: I will ask you something now and you have to tell me the truth. Will you? Girlfriend: Okay, ask. Ofego: Who is Joseph? He liked all your profile pictures and even your status updates on facebook. Who the hell is he? Girlfriend: Please don't say anything about him. Ofego: Is he your ex boyfriend? Are you still in love with him? Girlfriend: Why would I love him. You are my only love. Ofego: Then, is he your brother? Girlfriend: No, no. Not like that. Ofego: Then who the hell is he for Christ's sake? Girlfriend: Shall we talk something else? Ofego: So you are hiding something from me? You have that much close relationship with him. He's so much important to you, right? Girlfriend: If I disclose the secret you will definitely scold me. Ofego: I'm getting irritated now. Don't test my patience. Girlfriend: Pleasssssseeee. Ofego: If You don't tell me I will break up with you right now. Girlfriend: Okay, I will tell you. But promise me that you won't scold me, okay? Ofego: Okay. Girlfriend: Ermmmm, that is my fake profile, if no one likes my pictures I like my pictures through that account and also post comments like beautiful, hot, sexy, nice one, etc. 2 Likes |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 7:11am On Oct 11, 2015 |
What Is A Kiss? In Mathematics: A Kiss is the shortest distance between two Lips. In Biology: A Kiss is just exchange of germs from one mouth to another. In Chemistry: A Kiss is the process of testing the PH of the lips. In Physics: It is the process of charging a human body. In Computer: A Kiss is a local area network in which two bodies are connected without a cable data. In Economics: A Kiss is a process in which Demand is higher than Supply. In English: A Kiss is a touch or caress with the lips. |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 4:46am On Oct 12, 2015 |
A psychotherapist that moved his shop into our area was having a booming business since he started from the bottom. His business was flowing that he could now afford to have a proper shop banner advertising his wares. So he told a child who happens to be my younger brother to paint the sign board for him and put it above his shop entrance. But, instead of his business to boom the more, it started going down. He had especially noticed girls and women seeing his shop and running away from it after reading the sign board. So he decided to check it out for himself. Then he understood why! My brother found a small wooden board so he had split the word into the three words, Psycho - the - rapist. 3 Likes |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by successthe1(m): 8:08am On Oct 12, 2015 |
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| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by AJZionMantleCD(m): 5:54am On Oct 13, 2015 |
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| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 6:41am On Oct 13, 2015 |
Dad: Jessica I noticed you now call me Dad these days instead of Papa. Jessica: Yes Dad, calling you Papa spoils my lipstick. Hahahaha!!!! I know you will try it! I love to see you smile. 1 Like 1 Share |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 6:13am On Oct 14, 2015 |
I am wondering, Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks? If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from? If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes? Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible? Why is it called building when it is already built? If a book about failures sells, is it a success? If you are not supposed to drink and drive, then why do bars have parking lots? If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented? 2 Likes |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 1:36pm On Oct 15, 2015 |
A cousin of mine Goro (not real name) goes up to the Cotonou border on his bicycle. He had over his shoulders two large bags. The Customs Officer stopped him and asked, "What is inside the bags?". "Garri", He replied. The Customs Officer said, "Let me see. Come down from the bicycle." The Customs Officer took the bags and ripped them apart. He emptied them out and found nothing in them but garri. He detained my cousin Goro overnight and had the garri analysed, only to discover that there was nothing but pure garri inside the bags. The Customs Officer released him, puts the garri into new bags, lifted them onto Goro's shoulders, and lets him cross the border. A week later, the same thing happened. The Customs Officer asked, "What do you have there today?". Goro replied, "Garri". The Customs officer does his thorough examination and discovered that the bags contain nothing but garri. He gave the garri back to Goro, and Goro crossed the border on his bicycle. This sequence of events was repeated everyday for four years. At last, my cousin did not show up again. One day the Custom Officer met him in a drinking joint in Cotonou. "Hey, my friend," said the Customs Officer, "I know you are smuggling something. It is driving me crazy. It's all I think about, I can't sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?". Goro sipped his Hi Malt and replied, "Bicycles!". 1 Like |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 7:21am On Oct 16, 2015 |
It was October and Warri people asked their new King if the coming dry season was going to be hot or cold. He had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he could not tell what the dry season was going to be like. To be on the safe side, he told his people that the dry season was going to be cold and that they should buy sweaters. But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea. He called Channels TV Weather Report Department on phone and asked, "Is the coming dry season going to be cold?''. "It looks like this dry season is going to be quite cold," a reporter at the Weather Report Department responded. So, the King told his people to buy even more sweaters in order to be prepared. A week later, he called the Channels TV Weather Report Department again. "Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold dry season?''. "Yes," the reporter at the Channels TV Weather Report Department again replied. "It's going to be a very cold dry season." The King again ordered his people to buy every sweater they could find in the markets and everywhere. Two weeks later, the King called the Channels TV Weather report department again. "Are you absolutely sure that this coming dry season is going to be very cold?''. "Absolutely," the reporter replied. "It is looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest dry seasons ever." "How can you be so sure"? the King asked. The reporter replied, "Warri people are buying sweaters like mad.'' 2 Likes |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by Mathew5202: 9:18am On Oct 16, 2015 |
njuwo: |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by Mathew5202: 9:20am On Oct 16, 2015 |
Lolz very funny |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by Mathew5202: 9:06pm On Oct 16, 2015 |
vickjohn:gbagaun |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by Mathew5202: 9:09pm On Oct 16, 2015 |
Gbagaun |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 6:08am On Oct 17, 2015 |
My Uncle who lives in the Bahamas visited the United States Of America during their election. After the election, he was surprised that with the help of computer it took them 24 hours to declare the winner. In surprise he exclaimed, ''Wow! That was quick!''. He then travelled to London to see his daughter and it happened that it was their election period. After the election, with the help of CCTV it took the UK government 2 minutes to declare the winner. In shock, my uncle exclaimed, ''Hmm! This was quicker than I thought!''. Travelling to Nigeria for a business trip a week before the country's election, he decided to speak with INEC for his eligibility to vote. In reply, he was told, "Haba, why worry to vote, it is meaningless. The president has been elected a month before the election". In great shock he exclaimed, "Oh my God! This was quickest even with no computer and cctv. 2 Likes |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 6:08am On Oct 18, 2015 |
When the Pope, Pope Francis visited Nigeria. At the Murtala Mohammed Airport, after getting all of his luggage loaded into the limosine, the driver noticed that he is still standing outside. "Excuse me, your Holiness," said the driver, "Can you please come in and take your seat so that we can leave?" "Well, to tell you the truth," said the Pope, "They don't let me to drive at the Vatican over there in Rome when I was a Cardinal, and I will really like to drive today in Nigeria." "I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I would lose my job! And what if something happens?". protested the driver, wishing he had never volunteered to go pick up the Pope that morning. "Who is going to tell? Besides, there might be something extra in it for you," said the Pope with a smile. Reluctantly, the driver got in the back as the Pope climbed in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regretted his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Pope started driving fast. "Please slow down, Your Holiness!" pleaded the worried driver, but the Pope kept on driving fast to meet up with the meeting. They started hearing siren. "Oh my God, I'm going to lose my job and get arrested, possibly jailed!" the driver cried. The Pope pulled over and rolled down the window as the Nigerian policeman approached, but the policeman took one look at him, went back to his car, and called his D.P.O. The D.P.O answered the call and he told him that he has stopped a limosine driving speed. "Arrest him na," said the D.P.O. "I don't think I want to do that, he is a very important personality,” said the Policeman. The D.P.O exclaimed, "The more reason you should get him arrested!" "No, I mean he is really really a very very important personality," said the Policeman with a bit of persistence. The D.P.O then asked, "Who is he, the Inspector General?". "Bigger". replied the Policeman. "The Governor?". The D.P.O asked. The Policeman replied, "Bigger". "The President?". The D.P.O asked. "Bigger". The Policeman replied. "Well," said the D.P.O "Who is he?". "I think he's God!". replied the Policeman. The D.P.O was even more puzzled and curious. "What makes you think he's God?". He asked. The Policeman replied, ''Erm, erm, he has the Pope as his driver!". 6 Likes |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by Townhighlights(m): 7:41pm On Oct 18, 2015 |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 6:01am On Oct 19, 2015 |
The geography teacher of SS 1 class was teaching map reading. After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes he asked, "Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude?". After a confused silence, Ofego replied, "I guess you would be eating alone!". |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 5:51am On Oct 20, 2015 |
A travel agent for thirty years in our nation's capital has this to report; "This is why we are in trouble o! I had a Lagos State house of assembly woman ask for a middle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the aeroplane window. I got a call from one of the last election candidates, who wanted to go to Cape town. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information, then she interrupted me with, "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Cape town is in Uganda. Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Cape Cod is in Uganda, Cape town is in Africa." A well ranked Enugu house of assembly man called, furious about an Anambra package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Minna. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Minna is in the middle of Nigeria. He replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked on the map, and Niger is a very thin state!". I got a call from a lawmaker's wife who asked, "Is it possible to see Nigeria from Ghana?". I said, ''No." She said, "But they look so close on the map.'' An Hausa woman senator called last week. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Nigeria left at 8:20 a.m. and got into Ghana at 8:33 a.m. I tried to explain that Ghana was an hour ahead of Nigeria, but she could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went very fast, and she accepted that. I just got off the phone with a new senator who came in through the last election. He asked, "How do I know which plane to get on?". I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these planes have numbers on them." A highly ranked senator in the house of senate called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him that he needed a visa. "Oh no, I don't. I have been to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this, he said, "Look, I have been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express!" Now you know why the Nigerian Government is in the shape that it is in!!!!!. |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by lazbrizy(m): 12:21am On Oct 21, 2015 |
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