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Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego - Jokes Etc (64) - Nairaland

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Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 5:50am On Oct 30, 2015
A Russian, an American, and a Nigerian were discussing one day.
The Russian said, "We were the first in space!".
The American said, "We were the first on the moon!".
The Nigerian said, "And so what? We are going to be the first on the sun!".
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You will get burnt!" said the Russian.
The Nigerian replied, "We are not stupid. We are going at night!".
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 12:19pm On Oct 30, 2015
Ofego was seen in a bad mood by his friend Frekens, Frekens asked what was wrong? Ofego said, ''I kept my phone on the table as I was eating in Mama Sikiratu's restaurant. The pure water I was drinking poured on my phone.....

Frekens interrupted, ''Was the water plenty?''.

''No, it was small o!.'' he replied.

Frekens queried, ''Then what happened?''.

He settled down to answer him, ''I then put it inside the ehnn, that thing that they use to warm food (Microwave) and before I know, the phone has melt.
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by motab(m): 12:29pm On Oct 30, 2015
Make money doing little jobs online. http://PayTaski.com/?ref=37298
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 4:44pm On Oct 30, 2015
My bros' wife and her friend had gone for a night out party. Both of them are very faithful and loving wives, however, they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the red label. Incredibly drunk and walking home, they needed to piss, so they stopped in the cemetery. My bros' wife had nothing to clean her asshole with so she thought she should take off her pant and use them. Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pant and did not want to ruin them. She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to clean with that. After they did their business they proceeded to go home. The next day my bros was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned his wife's friend husband and said, "These girls nights out have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst, my wife came home with no pant!!" "That's nothing" said the husband, "Mine came back with a card stuck to her ass that said, ''From all of us at the Motor Park. We will never forget you.''
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 5:31am On Oct 31, 2015
My neighbour was raped.

During the trial in court, the following transpired,

Prosecuting Lawyer: Madam, as this was happening, did you atempt to escape?

She: Yes, I tried to run but he soon caught up with me.

Prosecuting Lawyer: At that time had he removed his trouser?

She: Not exactly, they were around his ankles.

Prosecuting Lawyer: What about you?

She: He raised up my skirt.

Prosecuting Lawyer: One more question, who can run faster, a woman with her skirt up or a man with his trouser down?
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 7:29pm On Oct 31, 2015
My bros and his wife that had gotten two stunningly beautiful teenage daughters already decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. After months of trying, the wife finally got pregnant and sure enough delivered a healthy baby boy nine months later. The joyful father rushed into the nursery to see his new son. He took one look and was horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever seen. He went to his wife and told her there was no way he could be the father of that child. "Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!" Then he gave her a stern look and asked, "Have you been fooling around on me?"
The wife just smiled sweetly and said, "Not this time!".
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 8:51pm On Oct 31, 2015
My Dad who is a milking farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine. Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first. So, he inserted his "manhood" into the equipment, turned the switch on and everything else was automatic. Soon, he realised that the equipment provided him with much more pleasure than his wife did.
When the fun was over, though, he quickly discovered that he couldn't remove the instrument from his penis. He read the manual, but didn't find any useful information. He tried every button on the instrument, but still without success. Finally, he decided to call the supplier's Customer Service
Hot Line. "Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company. It works fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow's udder?" Don't worry," replied the customer service rep, "The machine will release automatically once it has collected two gallons."
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by leookagbare: 3:45am On Nov 01, 2015
Pals. Check out some Hilarious screenshots from Nigerians Vs Kenyans twitter yabbing competition @ http://www.medianehd.com . We Nigerians wicked for yabbing sha!! Loool
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 5:23am On Nov 01, 2015
Upon hearing that my grandfather had just passed away, I went straight to my grandparent's house to visit my 95 years old grandmother and comfort her. When I asked how my grandfather had died, my grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on a sunday morning."
Horrified, I told my grandmother that two people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
"Oh no, my dear," replied grandma. "Many years ago, realising our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bell would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and
and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."
She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He would have still be alive if it hadn't been for that damned Dangote Cement Truck".
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 7:22am On Nov 01, 2015
My grandfather and grandmother were enjoying an anniversary dinner together in a small canteen. My grandfather leaned over and asked his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind this canteen where you leaned against the fence and I made love to you." "Yes," she said, "I remember." "Okay," he said, "How about taking a stroll round there again and we can do it for old time's sake. "Oooooooh, Onowhakpor, you old man, that sounds like a good idea," she answered. There was a security man sitting closeby listening to all this, having a chuckle to himself. He thought, "I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so that there will be no trouble." So he followed them. They walk haltingly along, leaning on each other for support, aided by walking sticks. Finally they got to the back of the canteen and made their way to the fence. My old grandma lifted her skirt, took her knickers down and my old grandpa dropped his trousers. She turned around and as she hanged on to the fence, my old grandpa moved in. Suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the watching security man has ever seen. They were bucking and jumping like eighteen years olds. This goes on for about forty minutes! She was yelling, "Ohhh, God!" He was hanging on to her hips for dear life. This is the most athletic sex ever. Finally, they both collapse panting on the ground. The security man was amazed. He thought he had learned something about life that he didn't know. After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, they struggled up to their feet and put their clothes back on. The security man, still watching thought, "That was truly amazing. That old man was going like a train. I have to ask him what his secret is." As my grandfather and grandmother were passing by, he said to them, "That was something else. You had sex for about forty minutes. How manage? You must have had a fantastic life together. Is there any secret?" My grandfather said, "Fifty years ago, that was not an electric fence."
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 8:15am On Nov 01, 2015
I'm fed up with this nonsense When CL0SE-UP does an advert, they will show you someone's teeth and how to brush properly. When GILETTE does an advert, they will show you someone's beards, armpit and they will show you how well the shaving stick works. When DETTOL does an advert, they will show you someone taking his or her bath in the bathroom with the soap. But what the hell is wrong with ALWAYS ULTRA Sanitary PAD? When they are doing their advert, they will never show us anything! All we see is a girl rolling on her bed or secondary school girls singing on the field. How does that show us what the pad is used for, eh?

1 Like

Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by techmandy: 5:59pm On Nov 01, 2015
a planet full of diamond is discovered
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Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by xploitlaf: 6:15pm On Nov 02, 2015
phyno and olamide in a comedy skit ''HIGH WAY LIARS''

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W4uSOPB5cq0
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by techmandy: 11:15pm On Nov 02, 2015
how to use simple server without autoproxy and proxydroid
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Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by MrBONE2(m): 11:55am On Nov 03, 2015
njuwo:
My neighbour was raped.

During the trial in court, the following transpired,

Prosecuting Lawyer: Madam, as this was happening, did you atempt to escape?

She: Yes, I tried to run but he soon caught up with me.

Prosecuting Lawyer: At that time had he removed his trouser?

She: Not exactly, they were around his ankles.

Prosecuting Lawyer: What about you?

She: He raised up my skirt.

Prosecuting Lawyer: One more question, who can run faster, a woman with her skirt up or a man with his trouser down?
this lawyer is too clever,look at how he just finnished the sisi.grin
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by MrBONE2(m): 12:01pm On Nov 03, 2015
njuwo:
I'm fed up with this nonsense When CL0SE-UP does an advert, they will show you someone's teeth and how to brush properly. When GILETTE does an advert, they will show you someone's beards, armpit and they will show you how well the shaving stick works. When DETTOL does an advert, they will show you someone taking his or her bath in the bathroom with the soap. But what the hell is wrong with ALWAYS ULTRA Sanitary PAD? When they are doing their advert, they will never show us anything! All we see is a girl rolling on her bed or secondary school girls singing on the field. How does that show us what the pad is used for, eh?
grin
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 9:45am On Nov 04, 2015
A White Missionary Man was sent to my community a long time ago before I was born.

He spent years with my people, teaching them to read, write, and the good Christian ways of the white man. One thing he particularly stressed was the evils of sexual sin, ''Thou must not fornicate or commit adultery!''.

One day, the wife of a chief in the community gave birth to a white child. The village was shocked and the spokesperson to the King was sent by the king and the people to talk with the missionary. "You have taught us of the evils of sexual sin, yet, here, a black woman gave birth to a white child. You are the only white man that has ever set foot in our village. It doesn't take a genius to figure out what has been going on!".

The missionary replied, "No, no, no, my good man. You are mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence. What is called an albino. Look over there to your fields. You see a field of white sheep, and yet amongst them is one black one. Nature does this on occasion."

The spokesperson paused for a moment, and then said, "Let me tell you something white man. Don't say anything about the black sheep, and I won't say anything about the white child."
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by lumenafrica: 1:55pm On Nov 04, 2015
Did Rick Loss get a slap from this girl at the pool party?? or is it his second?? Confused

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uo8KE6Ht0Nw

1 Share

Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by oyeezah(f): 8:13am On Nov 05, 2015
njuwo:
Three business associates, an Igbo man, a Yoruba man and a Chinese man, went to eat lunch together at a restaurant in Surulere. While in the middle of their meal, a fly came in through the window. It flew across the table to where the Igbo man was but he just waved his hands to chase it away. The fly then went to where the Yoruba man was, he also chased it away. Finally, the fly then went to where the Chinese man was and was flying close to his ears. The Chinese man looked at the fly for sometime and then grabbed it, put it in his mouth and swallowed it. The other men saw this but just kept on eating. About Five minutes later, another fly came in and flew to the Yoruba man who just chased it away again. It then flew on to the Igbo man but this time he did not chase the fly, he looked at it for sometime and then grabbed it. He then turned to the Chinese man and asked "how much you go buy am?"
. I love igbos jare. dey always c biz opportunity in everytn
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 3:10pm On Nov 05, 2015
My neighbour and I went to the police station to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description of the missing husband. She said, "He is 41 years old, 6-foot, 4-inches, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, he's soft-spoken, and he's good to the children."
I protested, "Your husband is 5-foot, 8-inches, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and he's wicked to your children."
She replied, "Yes, but I don't want them to find him.
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 3:13pm On Nov 05, 2015
Ofego went to a doctor for a physical examination. When he got into the room, he stripped for his exam. His dick is the size of a little child's little finger. A nurse standing in the room saw his little dick and began to laugh hysterically. Ofego gave her a stern look and said, "You shouldn't laugh, it's been swollen like this for two weeks now!".

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Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 3:30pm On Nov 06, 2015
One day, I was observing the class while the children was drawing, then I was teaching KG 2 in a nursery school. I would occasionally walk around to see each child's artwork. As I got to one little girl who was working diligently, I asked what she was drawing.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."

I paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like." Without missing a beat or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will know what He looks like when I finish drawing Him."
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by lumenafrica: 5:51pm On Nov 06, 2015
Does this guy deserve this hot slap?? This is so hilarious see the action below


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uo8KE6Ht0Nw
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 9:45am On Nov 07, 2015
When I was little I went to visit my grandmother. Playing with my toys in her bedroom while she was dusting, I looked up and
said, "Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa has gone to heaven?".
Grandma replied, "Ofego my dear, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend."
Grandma turned on the TV, and the signal was terribly bad. The TV wasn't clear. She started turning the knob, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.
I heard the doorbell ring, so I hurried to open the door,
and there stood Grandma's Reverend father. The Reverend father said, "Hello son, is your Grandma in?"
I replied, "Yes, she's in the bedroom, banging her boyfriend." The Reverend father collasped!.
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 2:46pm On Nov 07, 2015
Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego is now out with an official WhatsAPP group. Drop your number let me add you.
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by Japhola(m): 8:18pm On Nov 07, 2015
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Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by Nobody: 4:23am On Nov 08, 2015
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Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 1:35pm On Nov 08, 2015
A Reverend father and a Pastor from the local parishes were standing by the side of the road holding up a sign that reads, "The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it's too late!"
They planned to hold up the sign to each passing motorist.
"Leave us alone you religious vagabonds!" yelled the first driver as he sped by.
From around the curve they heard screeching tires and a big splash.
"Don't you think," said the Pastor to the Reverend father, "We should just put up a sign that says, 'The Bridge is Out' instead?"

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