YOUR FANTASY GIRL.
(by Lorretta)

with one lush 'come hither' look. . .
I've got you by the hook. . .
I'm your fantasy girl...
in your eyes i glow like a pearl. . .
you long for the nectar from my lips...
you delight in the gentle curve of my hi-ps...
of this ball i am the belle. . .
you're completely under my spell. . .
i smile at you,my cheeks dimple. . .
you wanna whisk me off. you wish it were that simple. . .
am i a figment of your imagination?. . .
NO! I'm as real as your ere-ction. . .

No one read literature section?
Was hoping to get some constructive critisicm and this.
Where are the expert poets in the house?
How am I doing?

I do but your poem (If I should call it that) was just too preliminary and amateur that I thought it best not to comment so as not to hurt your feelings or break your spirit.

Not really.I like honesty.so say it the way it is.if not how will I learn?

Where is jack when you need him?

yemi2plus2: Where is jack when you need him?

you mean wiggleswood or damningahill? have you seen hardlychase lately?

Aggrippa:

you mean wiggleswood or damningahill? have you seen hardlychase lately?

I don't know any of those names

Oh no. Ok I'll try another one today
Hope it will be much better

Thanks

timpaker:
Nice one Lorretta! However, I think your 5th line deserves to be rephrased... I've tried to decipher " you delight in the gentle curve on my hi.ps" but I think the word 'delight' was misplaced here (I hope you know what I mean)
In other words, every other lines was awesome, especially the 2 last line, it got me cracking.
Keep up it!
Cheers

I think it was a good piece, EVERY LINE, besides, "poetry is emotion recollected in tranquility"...so, I say good work.

I see nothing bad wit d piece.

[left][/left]

lorretta u: YOUR FANTASY GIRL.
(by Lorretta)

with one lush 'come hither' look. . .
I've got you by the hook. . .
I'm your fantasy girl...
in your eyes i glow like a pearl. . .
you long for the nectar from my lips...
you delight in the gentle curve of my hi-ps...
of this ball i am the belle. . .
you're completely under my spell. . .
i smile at you,my cheeks dimple. . .
you wanna whisk me off. you wish it were that simple. . .
am i a figment of your imagination?. . .
NO! I'm as real as your ere-ction. . .

lorretta u: YOUR FANTASY GIRL.
(by Lorretta)

with one lush 'come hither' look. . .
I've got you by the hook. . .
I'm your fantasy girl...
in your eyes i glow like a pearl. . .
you long for the nectar from my lips...
you delight in the gentle curve of my hi-ps...
of this ball i am the belle. . .
you're completely under my spell. . .
i smile at you,my cheeks dimple. . .
you wanna whisk me off. you wish it were that simple. . .
am i a figment of your imagination?. . .
NO! I'm as real as your ere-ction. . .

lorretta u: YOUR FANTASY GIRL.
(by Lorretta)

with one lush 'come hither' look. . .
I've got you by the hook. . .
I'm your fantasy girl...
in your eyes i glow like a pearl. . .
you long for the nectar from my lips...
you delight in the gentle curve of my hi-ps...
of this ball i am the belle. . .
you're completely under my spell. . .
i smile at you,my cheeks dimple. . .
you wanna whisk me off. you wish it were that simple. . .
am i a figment of your imagination?. . .
NO! I'm as real as your ere-ction. . .

Hmmm! It seems this fantasy girl is a description of yourself. Pretty picture by the way.

Not much of a poet myself except when there's a babe to pursue, so my opinion wouldn't be so true.

The effort is appreciated.

St.Ola:
Hmmm! It seems this fantasy girl is a description of yourself. Pretty picture by the way.

Not much of a poet myself except when there's a babe to pursue, so my opinion wouldn't be so true.

The effort is appreciated.

na poem u dy read 4 ur any babe u wan pursue?

Lmao.
It works sometimes u know?

Diplomatic G: na poem u dy read 4 ur any babe u wan pursue?

Thanks.yep.you're right

St.Ola:
Hmmm! It seems this fantasy girl is a description of yourself. Pretty picture by the way.

Not much of a poet myself except when there's a babe to pursue, so my opinion wouldn't be so true.

The effort is appreciated.

It's an amazing piece but the composure is poor. Will categorize it as an amateur poem. I think she's do better if you take it more seriously. Nice one.

Diplomatic G: na poem u dy read 4 ur any babe u wan pursue?

Lol!

Not every babe, but it's an approach I use in most of my text msgs to only babes who might appreciate it - a fast dwindling population i must say.

We You made front page . Now that's my Fantasy Girl .

Fantancy girl ur Poem tickles my fancy.. Weldone.. Keep it up.

Fantancy girl ur Poem tickles my fancy. Weldone. Keep it up.

Hmmmmmm

I like it except the use of 'wanna', why not use 'want to' ?

@op *scratches head biko translate your poem 2 english... i dnt understand shii *crying...what language is dat by the way *catwalks out

U r right

I guess I'm used to it.

uj_sizzle: I like it except the use of 'wanna', why not use 'want to' ?

And your use of 'delight in' the curve if my hips, makes it seem like he's already enjoying intimate pleasure in it.


Daz all tho. The poem is cool, but somewhat bland. It doesn't tickle the imagination as much if you're hoping to improve, but it's a good start

Woris dat?

drnairalov: @op *scratches head biko translate your poem 2 english... i dnt understand shii *crying...what language is dat by the way *catwalks out

Noted. Thanks alot

uj_sizzle: And your use of 'delight in' the curve if my hips, makes it seem like he's already enjoying intimate pleasure in it.


Daz all tho. The poem is cool, but somewhat bland. It doesn't tickle the imagination as much if you're hoping to improve, but it's a good start

i thought i saw a P.OORN by Loretta U.

Nice alliterative n assonancial start; 'lush' and look' in ur first line.its rythemic.And nice aa bb cc end rhymes too.its a decent and simple poem.even the finest of minds have to let out their message beautifully as they would wholly.make more use of the literary figures of speech.simile,metaphor,allusion,imagery.they make a poem rich.

Loretta I think its wonderful. Bravo