Awwww @crystalballs!!...you sure do sound like a nice guy and a caring husband...*sighs*...I pray your wife comes around soon cos this is a serious issue for married couples any day...compatibility sexwise is really important when choosing a life partner.

Crystal u need God 2 see u through All dis,pls don't cheat on her,just manage her like dat,am hoping dat one day she will loosen up.

crystalballs:
Sometimes courtship can be deceptive but am not hiding under that.
Just looking for way forward.

That's the spirit!

WoW .... I'm speechless.. You are a good man.

I pray for all your heart desires even concerning your marriage , God will perfect all imperfections in your marriage, all your worries shall come to pass .. this holy day IJN . It is well with you and your family and mine too.

Increase the quality and quantity of time you spend with her. And appreciate her a lot. Make her wet her mind so she can adore your sexual moment with and be ready for intimate for you.

@op, If I married someone I didn't love,I would never initiate love making,I would 'submit' to his sexual advances just to keep the marriage, I would see love making with him as rape thereby crying and feeling sad when we are at it.

How does your wife feel about you cos from one of your posts above,you know people marry for different reasons.Is your wife 'truly' in love with you?

I think you should find that out,then take it from there?

Op, sorry to say this, but your wife was never in love with you in the first place, neither did she have any s3xual feelings towards you from onset... She probably sees u as a friend, and I bet you sweet talked her into getting married to you... Which is not a bad thing o.... But she's not into you, at all.... Try and be her friend.... Leave out s3x for a period of time and watch how she behaves after a period of no intimacy...if she beckones on you , to make love to her afterwards, then know its sumthing , both of you can talk about... But if she doesn't come close to you say after one year!......my dear, start searching for a second wife.... Bitter truth, but the reality....
Sorry.

safeLove: @op, If I married someone I didn't love,I would never initiate love making,I would 'submit' to his sexual advances just to keep the marriage, I would see love making with him as rape thereby crying and feeling sad when we are at it.

How does your wife feel about you cos from one of your posts above,you know people marry for different reasons.Is your wife 'truly' in love with you?

I think you should find that out,then take it from there?

Dis ur post na waaa, after 2 kids and expecting the 3rd.

So, he should check if she love him or not and send away later abi?

Hhhhhhhhmmmmmm!
*sighs*
Marriage! Marriage! Marriage!
Every marriage with it's unique challenge.

I can almost swear that, there is no marriage without its unique challenge(s).
May God give all of us the grace and power to overcome our marital challenges.


For all yet-to-marry peeps............ Never envy anyone's marriage, pray for your own, i mean what you really want in your own marriage, never tell God to make your marriage be like Mr A or Mrs B's marriage, because you never can tell what is happening or the challenge(s) in that person's marriage.
May God help us all.


@op, it is well, keep on the good work.

@HRMKZ,I never wrote that he should send her away,pls read again and stop assuming. He needs to get his wife to fall in love with him. Obviously,having 3 kids hasn't made either of them happy,has it?

The most important people in a marriage is the couple. They need to start again. Forever is a long time to keep patching things.

See what lack of love costing the poor dude. Hope de doesn't take someone's advice of going to UniLag.

crystalballs:

You see, have gone to the extent of asking if she was once raped..or why is she scared of sex? All to no avail.

I suspect your wife was sexually molested as a child. Nigeria is a country crawling with paedophiles and paedophiles get away with defiling little girls quite often. If your wife was fortunate enough to have been living in the western world, she would have probably skipped marriage altogether because there are many women out there who do not like or enjoy sex. I can imagine it is not easy having someone constantly insert a foreign hard object like an erect male organ into a lady's private part especially if the private organ is too big and bruising the lady's private part. I doubt all that thrusting is even comfortable for many ladies out there. However, since she is unfortunately born and raised a Nigerian and living in Nigerian society where people are forced to get married whether they want it or not or risk getting stigmatized, so she has no choice but cave into societal pressure and get married while living out her days on earth miserably. Poor lady!

safeLove: @HRMKZ,I never wrote that he should send her away,pls read again and stop assuming. He needs to get his wife to fall in love with him. Obviously,having 3 kids hasn't made either of them happy,has it?

The most important people in a marriage is the couple. They need to start again. Forever is a long time to keep patching things.

See what lack of love costing the poor dude. Hope de doesn't take someone's advice of going to UniLag.

No hard feelings dear.

..shebi i answer you anytime you want sex. lolz dat got me laughin... And it also sound like u are d one wantin sex while she's offerin u d sex... Over a month now, no sex and she's not bothered *complicated*

Ngokafor: Awwww @crystalballs!!...you sure do sound like a nice guy and a caring husband...*sighs*...I pray your wife comes around soon cos this is a serious issue for married couples any day...compatibility sexwise is really important when choosing a life partner.

True..
Dats y am on d fence wen it comes t d whole 'sex bf marraige' issue.
Still kinda an advocate tho

what advice can I possibly have?


Bad things dont only happen to bad people but to the good ones as well.

Remain good please.

dasparrow:

I suspect your wife was sexually molested as a child. Nigeria is a country crawling with paedophiles and paedophiles get away with defiling little girls quite often. If your wife was fortunate enough to have been living in the western world, she would have probably skipped marriage altogether because there are many women out there who do not like or enjoy sex. I can imagine it is not easy having someone constantly insert a foreign hard object like an erect male organ into a lady's private part especially if the private organ is too big and bruising the lady's private part. I doubt all that thrusting is even comfortable for many ladies out there. However, since she is unfortunately born and raised a Nigerian and living in Nigerian society where people are forced to get married whether they want it or not or risk getting stigmatized, so she has no choice but cave into societal pressure and get married while living out her days on earth miserably. Poor lady!

wat stops her from opening up to her husband
Especially one that so obviously cares, instead of paying him back f sins he didn't commit.
We should stop making excuses f her..she wasn't forced into d marraige.
Whateva it is..sexual dissatisfaction, psychological hang ups..wateva, Communicate it.
I can bet d marraige counselling wont do naught unless she is a willing partner, which so far, going by d o.ps posts, she ain't.
Don't u ladies ve an idea how frustrating a month of sexual coldness can be talkless of 3 yrs

She Has To Show the willingness t work on d problem..

Sorry but I dey vex

i always say if your girl cant fvkc due to seeing her period, pregnancy or whatever, just tell her to lay down...........




and open her mouth.

She just does not love you. Stop trying so hard. This is so sad.

Hmmmmm.

Am grateful to you all. Really I got really tired of the situation and needed to purge myself.

crystalballs: Hmmmmm.

Am grateful to you all. Really I got really tired of the situation and needed to purge myself.

You do well.

Now work on those reasonable given advices and see what happens then go from there... after-all when you see a marriage councillor you'll be given exercise work on for progress assessment.

I wish you well

she has something weighty on her mind,,you need to stir the deep waters to get answers....
may be she is guilty of something....
think of what you can do to get response from her
very few people have the gift of discerning whats going on in a woman's mind...goodu luck

...

Hummm, I have read thru ur post and all the replies and I am ordinarily not the writing type, but i felt a need to reply to your post, Pls from experience I know blackmail works, Try blackmailing her and working on her physic and emotions. eg say something like how she is pushing you out of the marriage with her attitude, how u really are worried for her sake, how if there is a problem she can confide in you cause you are her friend and will keep it sacred, how if there is need for her to seek help you will be there all thru... you really need to find a way to make her talk, silence is not the solution she has to TALK, note the capital letter, you have to make her talk that is the only way you can know what is the problem. also counselling can only work when both parties accept to it and are willing to talk and seek a solution. I wish you well.

Finally can you drag her to nairaland let her read this post, she will know you care and may be willing to tell you what the problem is after that. really try it and u may be surprised the outcome. Good luck

crystalballs:

I have never cheated on her, which she knows.

When we married newly, i was only 6months into my job and was struggling financially... for those periods and like a Year and half, i have to beg for sex..it takes me like 30mins to 1hr to beg her before she would give in.

But, somehow i left paid employement and registered my company. I got series of contract and became financially stable.Built our personal house and two other ones...bought her a car and gave her 500k for her business.

Having realise am financially ok, she became submisive and will allow me to make love to her anytime...i guess this is because she is scared i can now flirt around.

sorry, seems am saying too much...but the truth is i have never cheated on her, but i do contemplate it.

Seems you marry the wrong 1(my 1cent though)

safeLove: @op, If I married someone I didn't love,I would never initiate love making,I would 'submit' to his sexual advances just to keep the marriage, I would see love making with him as rape thereby crying and feeling sad when we are at it.

How does your wife feel about you cos from one of your posts above,you know people marry for different reasons.Is your wife 'truly' in love with you?

I think you should find that out,then take it from there?

You actually took this from my mouth .
#Gbammest

Amelian: Op, sorry to say this, but your wife was never in love with you in the first place, neither did she have any s3xual feelings towards you from onset... She probably sees u as a friend, and I bet you sweet talked her into getting married to you... Which is not a bad thing o.... But she's not into you, at all.... Try and be her friend.... Leave out s3x for a period of time and watch how she behaves after a period of no intimacy...if she beckones on you , to make love to her afterwards, then know its sumthing , both of you can talk about... But if she doesn't come close to you say after one year!......my dear, start searching for a second wife.... Bitter truth, but the reality....
Sorry.

It is the truth though hard to accept .

@OP pls send a link of this post to your wife ; I bet it with you that she will speak up cos I don't accept the idea of counselor, but if she refuse; she may never open up till thy kingdom come .

Your kind of a man is rare this days. I just pray your marital challenges come to an end very soon.

@OP, I like ur spirit. But its rada unfortunate ur wife doesn't know ur worth. Pls don't give up, well done!

I think what you should do now is to invite her relatives since talking to her yourself proves abortive. Inform them(may be her father, mother etc) of what's going on, she might open up to them. I love seeing couples and I love marriage.

dBard:

True..
Dats y am on d fence wen it comes t d whole 'sex bf marraige' issue.
Still kinda an advocate tho

My dear,am not an advocate as such but i personally indulge in it regularly with my fiance..i feel slighly guilty as a xtian but with the kind of man i have...abstaining is not an option for him and am not ashamed to admit i enjoy every minute of it n am so glad he cajoled the life out me initially...*shamefaced*....God please forgive meooo!

@crystalballs i understand your frustrations cos i know how important sex is to a normal red-blooded male.I feel really sorry for you at the moment cos you clearly sound like a good guy who is almost at his wits end right now....i feel sorry for your wife as well cos am sure it's no tea-party for her as well....kai i dont even know what to say anymore honestly!!!!... but May God bless you and help you with a solution soon.Amen!

Ngokafor: My dear,am not an advocate as such but i personally indulge in it regularly with my fiance..i feel slighly guilty as a xtian but with the kind of man i have...abstaining is not an option for him and am not ashamed to admit i enjoy every minute of it n am so glad he cajoled the life out me initially...*shamefaced*....God please forgive meooo!

chei..u r finished

Ride on..**tongue in cheek *

Never marry a no testing