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Would You Marry A Man/Woman Whose Family Hates You - Romance - Nairaland

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Would You Marry A Man/Woman Whose Family Hates You by Nobody: 8:04pm On Sep 24, 2013
I am not married yet. But I have to ask, do you believe that when you marry someone, you marry their family as well? Can your marriage be successful if the spouse's family is too much to deal with? For me, if I can't get along with a guy's parents I don't think I would ever be able to have a successful marriage. What do you guys think?
Re: Would You Marry A Man/Woman Whose Family Hates You by Nobody: 8:13pm On Sep 24, 2013
To answer your question, absolutely positive!

I'm good @ faking my feelings, it's going to be hard for anybody not to get along with me if I want to get along with them.

It's not going to be easy but if you can turn deaf ears to bullsh1t and ensure that their influence in your marriage is zero, go ahead. You just need to regulate the relationship between the two families.

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Re: Would You Marry A Man/Woman Whose Family Hates You by Nobody: 8:20pm On Sep 24, 2013
This is Africa and for marriage to be legal the family must accept U and If U and your Husband can deal with it, it can create some psychological problem for the children!!!


Infact, it is said in some quarters that U are Marrying the family and not just your Husband !!!

In Western Nation and Europe,It may be difference !!!
Re: Would You Marry A Man/Woman Whose Family Hates You by Nobody: 8:30pm On Sep 24, 2013
The family authenticates any marriage in Africa...itz a well known fact. I don't think such kind of marriage will last kos Your marriage will b d talk of d day. Family 1st before the Husband or Wife(African style)!
Re: Would You Marry A Man/Woman Whose Family Hates You by angelTI(f): 8:43pm On Sep 24, 2013
NO I CANT!
Re: Would You Marry A Man/Woman Whose Family Hates You by T3Amo(f): 8:49pm On Sep 24, 2013
No, I don't believe that when you marry someone, you marry their family. You might marry INTO the family, but you are not married to them. You are married to the person that you said vows to. You and your spouse become a family and then both of your families become extended family.

The outcome of marrying a person who's parents you don't get along with depends on the spouse and how enmeshed he is with his parents, IMO. If the parents wants/needs/demands are placed above the spouse, there are going to be problems.

A lot of the time people don't realize the degree of their Inlaws problems when they get married. In my sister's case her MIL is incredibly manipulative and sneaky, and did not take her son getting married well. So, while she sorta knew that MIL and her didn't have a perfect MIL/DIL relationship, she had no idea that it would get much worse and lead where it has.
In general, finding Inlaws that you enjoy and get along with is a good idea. If my sister have known over where this Inlaw road would take her, she might have changed directions.
Re: Would You Marry A Man/Woman Whose Family Hates You by Nobody: 8:50pm On Sep 24, 2013
No.
Re: Would You Marry A Man/Woman Whose Family Hates You by Nobody: 8:52pm On Sep 24, 2013
Yes. I'm marrying the man, not the family.
Re: Would You Marry A Man/Woman Whose Family Hates You by Nobody: 9:00pm On Sep 24, 2013
I don't think i can, unless they live very far away from us.
Re: Would You Marry A Man/Woman Whose Family Hates You by Nobody: 9:05pm On Sep 24, 2013
If she has her own 'head' - certainly.

But it is best where they think you're the coolest thing since sliced bread.
Re: Would You Marry A Man/Woman Whose Family Hates You by homesteady(m): 9:05pm On Sep 24, 2013
For a man, that's the least of his problems!
But for a woman, she'll forever live to regret it! Trust me! Except if the woman also carry wahala for body grin
Because they'll torment you at every given instance!
Only strong and troublesome women can survive such marriage and still be happy! cheesy

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Re: Would You Marry A Man/Woman Whose Family Hates You by Idowuogbo(f): 9:08pm On Sep 24, 2013
If he's willing to ride wiv me, willing to disown d player haters? Hell yea! cheesy

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Re: Would You Marry A Man/Woman Whose Family Hates You by totalbaby(f): 9:08pm On Sep 24, 2013
I believe life is easier for those who get along with their spouse's family but I don't see it as a prerequisite for marriage. Now, I would be the first to recommend terminating a serious relationship if someone's significant others family disrespects them and the significant other doesn't seem bothered by it or even joins in but...


I believe when one marries, they begin their own family and it is up to the former (and now extended) families to either respect that or not. We can't always choose what families we marry into. We can try by choosing a spouse whose family we believe will respect us but this isn't always possible. Sometimes these extended families like to hide their true colors until after the marriage ceremony.



There are many couples who have no contact with their in laws and have great marriages. That is why I believe that one does not have to be "married to the family" as well as to their spouse.
Re: Would You Marry A Man/Woman Whose Family Hates You by totalbaby(f): 9:09pm On Sep 24, 2013
homesteady: For a man, that's the least of his problems!
But for a woman, she'll forever live to regret it! Trust me! Except if the woman also carry wahala for body grin
Because they'll torment you at every given instance!
Only strong and troublesome women can survive such marriage and still be happy! cheesy
GBAM!!!

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Re: Would You Marry A Man/Woman Whose Family Hates You by Popowaa: 9:13pm On Sep 24, 2013
I personally cannt,even if they live far away cos i will panic anytime i hear they are coming over to visit and maybe,juat maybe they might hate my children.

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Re: Would You Marry A Man/Woman Whose Family Hates You by veave(f): 9:19pm On Sep 24, 2013
I can but wunt...
Re: Would You Marry A Man/Woman Whose Family Hates You by 190theclown: 9:19pm On Sep 24, 2013
marry who angry
Re: Would You Marry A Man/Woman Whose Family Hates You by lekpalicious(f): 9:21pm On Sep 24, 2013
I think it really depends on what kind of relationship the potential husband has with his family. If he does whatever they say, then I would seriously consider breaking things off. There are so many people in this world, why in the world would you need to spend the rest of your life dealing with all the stressful issues with the in-laws and your husband's inability to deal with them.

If he has healthy boundaries and limits with them (and you'll have to really answer that honestly instead of making up excuses for him), then it's something that could work.

I grew up in a family of this scenario where the in-laws did not like my mother(still do not but they pretend) and they felt same way about us(the kids), they would pretend when Dad is around but when he is gone they show their true colors. It made it appear as if my Mom was the problem and hated my dad's family when she use to complain about it.


From my experiences i do not want to go through all what my mom has been through. If he is a Mummy's boy then that is a no go area too. Maybe tribalism played a role in this as my mom is from a different tribe then my dad but that is another topic for another day.
Re: Would You Marry A Man/Woman Whose Family Hates You by Nobody: 9:21pm On Sep 24, 2013
Popowaa: I personally cannt,even if they live far away cos i will panic anytime i hear they are coming over to visit and maybe,juat maybe they might hate my children.

Never happens, they can't hate their grand-kids. Besides, if you hate either my wife or my kids - you are not welcome in my house.

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Re: Would You Marry A Man/Woman Whose Family Hates You by longjohnsilver: 9:21pm On Sep 24, 2013
Yoruba don tok am finish...."iyawo buruku san ju aana buruku lo"...meaning say having a bad wife is way better than having bad in-laws...on to the next thread

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Re: Would You Marry A Man/Woman Whose Family Hates You by lekpalicious(f): 9:23pm On Sep 24, 2013
Richfella:

Never happens, they can't hate their grand-kids. Besides, if you hate either my wife or my kids - you are not welcome in my house.
I wish more men are like you. Things would certainly be better.

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Re: Would You Marry A Man/Woman Whose Family Hates You by blackpanther25(m): 9:36pm On Sep 24, 2013
You are in control of your life and it's happiness, not anybody else

I won't lie: it'll hurt me. But I'd still marry her. It's MY happiness, after all, and I'm not giving it up

It would be unfortunate, but if her family doesn't like me ultimately it's their problem, not ours
Re: Would You Marry A Man/Woman Whose Family Hates You by Popowaa: 9:39pm On Sep 24, 2013
Richfella:

Never happens, they can't hate their grand-kids. Besides, if you hate either my wife or my kids - you are not welcome in my house.
so u think those who throw their nephews and niece,grandchildren and etc out of their fathers house as soon as he dies loves them?Hell no,even those smiling with u cannot be trusted after death oi wont joepardize with my children future and happiness all becos of sm useless love

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Re: Would You Marry A Man/Woman Whose Family Hates You by Idowuogbo(f): 9:47pm On Sep 24, 2013
Popowaa: so u think those who throw their nephews and niece,grandchildren and etc out of their fathers house as soon as he dies loves them?Hell no,even those smiling with u cannot be trusted after death oi wont joepardize with my children future and happiness all becos of sm useless love
How are u so sure the azz licking inlaws won't turn sour wen d goings gets rough? Never say never doll... Stick wiv ur man and wave ur middle finger to ya haters.


p.S- no try d latter o! Cus if dem go insert ur destiny inside calabash no halar me o!

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Re: Would You Marry A Man/Woman Whose Family Hates You by Nobody: 10:03pm On Sep 24, 2013
I used to sort of have a pssh-who-cares view on this. I'd like to say I still feel that way, but in all honesty I am not sure I could stand to be the dividing wedge between someone and his family.
Re: Would You Marry A Man/Woman Whose Family Hates You by Popowaa: 10:05pm On Sep 24, 2013
Idowuogbo:
How are u so sure the azz licking inlaws won't turn sour wen d goings gets rough? Never say never doll... Stick wiv ur man and wave ur middle finger to ya haters.


p.S- no try d latter o! Cus if dem go insert ur destiny inside calabash no halar me o!
lol,thanks.
Re: Would You Marry A Man/Woman Whose Family Hates You by Nobody: 10:13pm On Sep 24, 2013
ogugua88: Yes. I'm marrying the man, not the family.
U might as well be joking..i hope so.

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Re: Would You Marry A Man/Woman Whose Family Hates You by anyaekekehinde(m): 10:40pm On Sep 24, 2013
Thank God for people like my mum. Wetin concern my mother, if you like dont greet her,she doesnt care, if u also like greet her 24hours of the day, she might also be indifferent. If most mother-in-laws are like that, african families will be far more stable. A very lovely and simple woman, despite the fact that we love her, she brought us up to be emotionally independent of her, other women will take advantage of the fact that their children love them to heavily influence their children's decision, but she doesnt. Infact since we graduated, she doesnt influence any of our decisions, she tries to disconnect from us emotionally. A woman of substance. Funny enough my dad tend to be nosy at times, but my mum wil never do that.

Last bullet; Most male children loves their mum, so dont ever think the guy doesnt have a special place in his heart for the mother because the guy tells you "I Love you" 1000times a day.
The strenght of the character of a good mother-in-law wil be determined by how much she refrains her self from interfering in her son's family. Mind you, the mother-in-law is the most important member of your inlaw's family.

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Re: Would You Marry A Man/Woman Whose Family Hates You by asusuall: 10:46pm On Sep 24, 2013
I will,cos it mean less money to spend or will i spend money for my enemy?
Re: Would You Marry A Man/Woman Whose Family Hates You by Nobody: 10:57pm On Sep 24, 2013
as usuall: I will,cos it mean less money to spend or will i spend money for my enemy?
grin grin
Re: Would You Marry A Man/Woman Whose Family Hates You by Popowaa: 11:02pm On Sep 24, 2013
as usuall: I will,cos it mean less money to spend or will i spend money for my enemy?
sharp guy
Re: Would You Marry A Man/Woman Whose Family Hates You by addictiv(m): 11:08pm On Sep 24, 2013
[size=13pt]just wait till the husband dies and you ll see how the family would treat the poor woman,making her pass thru hell and also accuse her of killing their son, the only safety such women would have is if their husband was wise enough to write a will, and if she is from a prominent family...else she ll see hell[/size]

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