Ok, i wrote this song down and i'm about to put it on studio record,but i got this uneasiness on my first rap verse,i don't think it's really good so i decided to post it here and allow other Hip Hop fans and heads to judge....coment if it's good or not and if you have any suggestion you may go on and suggest,criticise it! I really need to make it perfect
And please don't steal it :>
Legoo!

RAP VERSE
Rhymes in my mouth
i wanna spit it out
blazing in my tongue
gotta take it out
money overpouring
yeah me cashing out
be like i'm breaking records
oh lord i got more cash
me flying higher,to apex
met an Angel,we had sex
felt like a miracle,best i ever had
girl so fresh make a brother wanna spend
evil haters hear my rhymes and go deaf
me be like Jesus Christ,my holy self
bread getting large,i'm so blessed
motherf0ckers wan' try,they all dead
me baddest,unu don't reach
so heartless.me f0ck the beat
your biatch,handling my diick
y'all haters,psychos or freaks
*chuckles*
this niqqa was born to lead
and i swear imma gon' lead
Tally ho!
Me killing this beat
Three biatches on my right
me eating thou meat
Why you hating
why you hating on this niqqa
oh! o: they hating coz he getting cash
haters get pained,talking barbash
while we stash cash in the calabash
yeah me f0cking biatches
i don't even know their faces
see her give me head
oh my god i love these ladies
she taking of her clothes
she taking of her jean
these niqqaz watch illegal they need PG
Checking on the lines
making sure i get it right
London chicks hitting on my profile
and i be getting girls
Bleep it money rules
case closed moherf0ckers!!!
.........................................................................
Please don't fail to like it if you like it
And also criticise IT!
But most importantly,advise me and correct me on where i went wrong

#WaitingForYou

I came from TIME, nigga i saw ur END before ur pops popped em THINGS.. ETT

Mehn! Don't really know what to say, I can't call it wack cus I can see that you're still thinking about bitcches, fucck, and shiit like that.. So, i don't expect you to pen down some deeper shiit.. There's always a room for improvement but it comes gradually, so hang on, you'll get there soon.. The thing is, can you really flow well in the booth? Trust me, it's really really important in this music business

sushieater: I came from TIME, nigga i saw ur END before ur pops popped em THINGS.. ETT

Mehn! Don't really know what to say, I can't call it wack cus I can see that you're still thinking about bitcches, fucck, and shiit like that.. So, i don't expect you to pen down some deeper shiit.. There's always a room for improvement but it comes gradually, so hang on, you'll get there soon.. The thing is, can you really flow well in the booth? Trust me, it's really really important in this music business

C'mon! Is it wack??

god_of_music: C'mon! Is it wack??

Mehn! I don't know what to say, it's somewhere between wack and good.. It's an Ok verse if your song is going to be a commercial hit cus nobody has the time to listen to whatever you're rapping about, just give them a hot beat and hook, then you're good to go.. but if it's going to be a real rap song, then I am afraid to say that it's not up to par.. Your lines were so basic, you need to put in more effort..

Hope you understand where I am coming from?

If you can,download the song "syllables" by Eminem ft Jay Z,Dr.Dre and 50 Cent...Listen to what they said on the track about rap...
Here's a cue,Eminem said that rap aint about lyrics anymore,its all about a hard beat with a Catchy Hook!!
...
As to you lyrics,normally,you tried,it was almost perfectly laid...
1}But as an upcoming Rapper,who has nothing yet,saying things you dont have will take you no where!
2}.We are in Nigeria,not America..Saying things like "biatch biatch" "fu.c.k f.u.ck" dont work here...It doesnt spell that you are original..Its something more of a Nigerianized American!
3}Speak the language{not mother tongue} people understand...The language here is what appeals to people,e.g current trends,or something people dont know about;and not what appeals to;You want to please People with your raps,not the other way round.....
4}Try to infuse pidgin English in your rap,it is Naija's language: Unless you want to remain an underground rapper,not Commercial......
5}Try and be original...No matter what anybody tells you,my brother,Originality Alwayz Pay....."A" in the Capital!

If you can,download the song "syllables" by Eminem ft Jay Z,Dr.Dre and 50 Cent...Listen to what they said on the track about rap...
Here's a cue,Eminem said that rap aint about lyrics anymore,its all about a hard beat with a Catchy Hook!!
...
As to you lyrics,normally,you tried,it was almost perfectly laid...
1}But as an upcoming Rapper,who has nothing yet,saying things you dont have will take you no where!
2}.We are in Nigeria,not America..Saying things like "biatch biatch" "fu.c.k f.u.ck" dont work here...It doesnt spell that you are original..Its something more of a Nigerianized American!
3}Speak the language{not mother tongue} people understand...The language here is what appeals to people,e.g current trends,or something people dont know about;and not what appeals to;You want to please People with your raps,not the other way round.....
4}Try to infuse pidgin English in your rap,it is Naija's language: Unless you want to remain an underground rapper,not Commercial......
5}Try and be original...No matter what anybody tells you,my brother,Originality Alwayz Pay....."A" in the Capital!

sushieater:
Mehn! I don't know what to say, it's somewhere between wack and good.. It's an Ok verse if your song is going to be a commercial hit cus nobody has the time to listen to whatever you're rapping about, just give them a hot beat and hook, then you're good to go.. but if it's going to be a real rap song, then I am afraid to say that it's not up to par.. Your lines were so basic, you need to put in more effort..

Hope you understand where I am coming from?

Ok, I appreciate...I noticed it too...I'm working on it now

philfearon: If you can,download the song "syllables" by Eminem ft Jay Z,Dr.Dre and 50 Cent...Listen to what they said on the track about rap...
Here's a cue,Eminem said that rap aint about lyrics anymore,its all about a hard beat with a Catchy Hook!!
...
As to you lyrics,normally,you tried,it was almost perfectly laid...
1}But as an upcoming Rapper,who has nothing yet,saying things you dont have will take you no where!
2}.We are in Nigeria,not America..Saying things like "biatch biatch" "fu.c.k f.u.ck" dont work here...It doesnt spell that you are original..Its something more of a Nigerianized American!
3}Speak the language{not mother tongue} people understand...The language here is what appeals to people,e.g current trends,or something people dont know about;and not what appeals to;You want to please People with your raps,not the other way round.....
4}Try to infuse pidgin English in your rap,it is Naija's language: Unless you want to remain an underground rapper,not Commercial......
5}Try and be original...No matter what anybody tells you,my brother,Originality Alwayz Pay....."A" in the Capital!

WOW!!! I'm definately gonna put down on my mind....thanks a million

Owky how bout these: life aint fair its ebony but death is even darker
i tied the middle belt to my waist and sagged my pants
black boys be popping condoms. I be sealing contracts
if you're from a poor background can i say yo state of origin is poverty...

Nmeri17: Owky how bout these: life aint fair its ebony but death is even darker
i tied the middle belt to my waist and sagged my pants
black boys be popping condoms. I be sealing contracts
if you're from a poor background can i say yo state of origin is poverty...

I don't see the rhymes buh you tried.

These are just random lines from the song. Do u wanna see the rhyme part ;-D

Nmeri17: These are just random lines from the song. Do u wanna see the rhyme part ;-D

Yeah, show me

,too much on sex,if you intend on making it (blowing) in nigeria.you need very strong punches that are incisive with a bit of humour,don't get carried away by the lilwayne,2chainz and dreezy song you listen to..................5.5/10.......and the tone of your voice has a big factor on the style of rap you wanna choose..........

I actually wanted to post my lyrics on here but as i brought my rap book out, i just chickened out. Imagine posting such lines on a forum as public as nairaland

Nmeri17: I actually wanted to post my lyrics on here but as i brought my rap book out, i just chickened out. Imagine posting such lines on a forum as public as nairaland

You afraid they may steal it Oya PM me the koko.

frankly your lines are whack...the only thing that can save you is your delivery...if u can flow then your are good to go...

talk about stacking cash in a calabash... now that's a whack ass line...it ain't a necessity to rhyme..

ma niggaz got ma backs and I aint talking bout spinal cords
u talking mavado I'm talking bout Michel kors
flow so good y'all owe me all the applause
don't get ma shii now that's the true meaning of a clause..
I was tryna make it rain now the streets be flooding...
tryna make it pop now the champagne's pouring
when we in the club none of ma niggaz ordering
eat your chicks pus.y now or mouth be watering....

now that's how u drop...
I just put this up after reading or post and its not half good for my studio material...

How about mine @dazekid? Your username is whack tho. Jus saying

dazekid: ma niggaz got ma backs and I aint talking bout spinal cords
u talking mavado I'm talking bout Michel kors
flow so good y'all owe me all the applause
don't get ma shii now that's the true meaning of a clause..
I was tryna make it rain now the streets be flooding...
tryna make it pop now the champagne's pouring
when we in the club none of ma niggaz ordering
eat your chicks pus.y now or mouth be watering....

now that's how u drop...
I just put this up after reading or post and its not half good for my studio material...

Actually I know that's wack...it wasn't even good to me sef

philfearon: If you can,download the song "syllables" by Eminem ft Jay Z,Dr.Dre and 50 Cent...Listen to what they said on the track about rap...
Here's a cue,Eminem said that rap aint about lyrics anymore,its all about a hard beat with a Catchy Hook!!
...
As to you lyrics,normally,you tried,it was almost perfectly laid...
1}But as an upcoming Rapper,who has nothing yet,saying things you dont have will take you no where!
2}.We are in Nigeria,not America..Saying things like "biatch biatch" "fu.c.k f.u.ck" dont work here...It doesnt spell that you are original..Its something more of a Nigerianized American!
3}Speak the language{not mother tongue} people understand...The language here is what appeals to people,e.g current trends,or something people dont know about;and not what appeals to;You want to please People with your raps,not the other way round.....
4}Try to infuse pidgin English in your rap,it is Naija's language: Unless you want to remain an underground rapper,not Commercial......
5}Try and be original...No matter what anybody tells you,my brother,Originality Alwayz Pay....."A" in the Capital!

Gbam!

Nmeri17: How about mine @dazekid? Your username is whack tho. Jus saying

Lol...blame it on the auto correct...it was meant to be kidDaze but was swapped....didn't see it as an issue tho coz I go by dazekid too...history,,,sentiments and shii...
..
@god.of.music...if u get into a booth,,this flows may sound like the bomb if you have a great delivery so I'd just say as you work on your ryhmes,work on your delivery as well coz it goes a long way...