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When Your Fiancee Walks Out On You Always - Family - Nairaland

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When Your Fiancee Walks Out On You Always by tpm1078: 7:17pm On Sep 30, 2013
I was engaged to my fiancee some time May this year and we are seriously planning for our wedding next year. But ever since she joined me in Lagos three months ago, i have learn she enjoyed walking out on me each time we had an argument. For more than four times now, she did the same thing, even when i was trying to make some point clear. I am beginning to see this as a disrespect because it's really getting to my nerves. I have told her to stop doing that, but she wouldn't listen. I love her, but i don't think i can put up with this for long. Please, fellow nairalanders, i need your wise counsels on how to handle this.
Best regards
Re: When Your Fiancee Walks Out On You Always by bellong: 7:43pm On Sep 30, 2013
Have you ever sat her down to register your displeasure of her action? If you have not done so, please express your grievances to her and let her understand how deeply it hurts you.

You can encourage her to work on that weakness. It is not just for you but for everyone. Wouldn't know if she does that to others too, if she does, she needs to work on herself to finding solution to such attitude.
Re: When Your Fiancee Walks Out On You Always by soulglo: 7:54pm On Sep 30, 2013
Some people cannot handle confrontation. Maybe you sound really aggressive to her during an argument so she walks out because it's too much to handle. It could also be that she has a terrible temper and has learned over time that removing herself from a situation that is escalating helps her manage it better. Neither of these two options are healthy for a relationship. Have a conversation about it but not as if you are accusing her. Ask her as if you are trying to understand her. In the process help her understand were you are coming from and why it makes you feel like you are being disrespected.

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Re: When Your Fiancee Walks Out On You Always by tpm1078: 8:24pm On Sep 30, 2013
Thanks soulglo and bellong for your wonderful comments. I have actually told her how i felt about the attitude, but she wouldn't just stop. When we have misunderstanding, i always like us to sit down and talk about it. This is because i am someone that believes in communication as a conduit for managing relationship conflicts. But my wife-to-be does not believe in discussing it. Instead, she might even felt i am talking too much. OK, today i came back from a night work this morning and being too tired i went straight to bed (though not yet asleep). A neighbor knocked on our door to ask me for screw driver, but i wouldn't lift a muscle because i was too tired. He went to my wife washing outside who then proceeded to present the request to me. I managed to get up and gave the guy the tool. Then when i returned, i pleaded with my fiancee not to wake me up to answer peoples calls whenever i am resting from the night work of the previous day. This i told her disturbs my rest which i always want to have before hurrying out for another night duty. To my amazement, she screamed, telling me that i am being non responsive to the needs of people around me. I sat her down to let her know that even without me telling her, i expect her to help me ward off noise and disturbances when i am resting from the overnight job. But she couldn't even let me finish, and boom, off she walks out on me-AGAIN. I don't have any problem with human relations and i associate with others a lot. Any other day (that i am not on night shift) is an exception. I don't know how to always let her know how i feel about things without her misunderstanding the whole thing.
Re: When Your Fiancee Walks Out On You Always by djeezy(m): 10:12pm On Sep 30, 2013
Communication is the key to every successful marriage/relationship. See her walking out on you as one of those bad habits that can be corrected. When you guys are calm and relaxed, not comatose. You can sit her down and talk about it. Tell her you do not like her walking out on you. I guess she walks out to avoid exchanging tantrums with you, or she fears what she might do. Be that as it may, talk to her about your displeasure.
Re: When Your Fiancee Walks Out On You Always by swagqueen(f): 3:56am On Oct 01, 2013
She could be walking away to avoid confrontation. But otherwise,it's downright rude!
Re: When Your Fiancee Walks Out On You Always by Nobody: 6:47am On Oct 01, 2013

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Re: When Your Fiancee Walks Out On You Always by Rhythm(f): 7:24am On Oct 01, 2013
This is an issue that could be sorted out if you love her and you are patient. Sometimes you think you are talking to her but all you are actually doing is nagging. When talking to her about her behaviour, make it a point never to use the word 'Always' as that would only make her act worse. Don't say 'You are always walking out on me', instead treat each new case like that's the first time such a thing has ever happened. Most times people walk out on you cuz they believe they've heard it all before, and you are just repeating annoying stuff you said a week ago, and most times they are right.

Also when talking to her, try asking more questions, so she actually does more of the talking. That way you would hear her admitting to herself, that its wrong to walk out on a person.

Thirdly, since you admitted you are a great fan of communication, I admit you go running to talk things over whenever there's an issue. But sometimes, timeouts are good with those kinda people. Give her a day to mule over what she has done and probably realise she's wrong, before going in to talk about it.
Re: When Your Fiancee Walks Out On You Always by bellong: 7:37am On Oct 01, 2013
tpm1078: [b]Then when i returned, i pleaded with my fiancee [/b]not to wake me up to answer peoples calls whenever i am resting from the night work of the previous day. This i told her disturbs my rest which i always want to have before hurrying out for another night duty. [b]To my amazement, she screamed, telling me that i am being non responsive [/b]to the needs of people around me. I sat her down to let her know that even without me telling her, i expect her to help me ward off noise and disturbances when i am resting from the overnight job. [b]But she couldn't even let me finish, and boom, off she walks out on me-AGAIN. [/b]I don't have any problem with human relations and i associate with others a lot. Any other day (that i am not on night shift) is an exception. I don't know how to always let her know how i feel about things without her misunderstanding the whole thing.

From the highlighted parts, I can deduce that your fiancee/wife has a good heart to help people in need but she has a temperamental problem. If this is the only short coming she has, I believe it can be worked upon using many methods. Walking out on people is a two-edged sword with advantages and disadvantages. As noted by other posters, some people can't withstand heat argument and the best way not to explode is to walk away.
However, walking out on people is lack of courtesy and demeaning. If you really wish to help her with this attitude, she first must acknowledge that she has a problem with it. When she acknowledges it is a problem, then solution is very near. Meanwhile, I wouldn't know how you sat her down to discuss the issue with her. Your handling of the situation may either escalate the problem or solve it. Adopt the right method.
When communications fail, resort to treat, let her understand that if she is not ready to change, you will rather part ways with her since you are yet to be married. This could also backfire depending on who she is, you know her well to know if to play this card. She may decide to pretend but her pretense can't last for too long when it comes to attitude. Though, the treat is only to make her see what you want her to see.

If all fail and you know you can't live with such attitude, then the time to leave is now to avoid story that touch in the future.

It is well with you and Happy Independence

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Re: When Your Fiancee Walks Out On You Always by Amhappy(f): 9:57am On Oct 01, 2013
Your girl have terrible temper. Try to find out why she is always on the edge. If sweet talk didnt work try controlling words. Eg if she is walking out just call out to her with her real name(Bumni/Ngozi) come back here. When she do command her to sit down and warn her neva to walk out on you. Do keep calm while doing this. After a while tell her to return to whatever she is doing. After a great meal calmly talk to her and tell her to apologise.

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