Last Flight To Abuja: The Slightly Off Critique. - TV/Movies - Nairaland
Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / TV/Movies / Last Flight To Abuja: The Slightly Off Critique. (1874 Views)
19 Mistakes From Last Flight To Abuja / Download Last Flight To Abuja To Your Phone / Last Flight To Abuja (pics) (2) (3) (4)
| Last Flight To Abuja: The Slightly Off Critique. by senbonzakurakageyoshi(m): 10:23pm On Sep 30, 2013 |
Okay, fine, I know I now have a reputation for bashing Nollywood. And for good reason too. And I have not repented, in case some of you are expecting a recant here. But I must admit, that there are some Nollywood movie trailers I’ve watched of late that have got me wondering if things really have improved. Last Flight to Abuja was one such movies and I determined within myself that I would brave the possible harrowing experience of watching another wack Nollywood movie, shelled out the dough and settled to watch the movie. I have no regrets about the money I spent; it was a pretty awesome movie. However………….there are stiiiiiiill a few finer points about the movie I would like to *clears throat* address; for the purpose of future productions, of course, and not because I want to make fun of the movie at all. For one, there was that scene after the pilot had asked them to assume the brace position and prepare themselves for a possible crash. Of course, everyone broke into panic (maybe asides that Hollywood Nigerian actor, what’s his name again, that his pidgin English sounds like a Senegalese trying to speak Mandarin Chinese while suffering from whooping cough). Now if you were in that position, what would come to your mind? Your family? Last prayers begging God to forgive you all your sins, especially the sex you just had in the aircraft’s toilet? Well our dear friend and action hero, Jim Iyke decided that all that crap was not for him. He decided instead to “chyke” the hell out of Omotola and ask her out on a date. In a plane that was frigging going to crash. You know, before that point, I was trying to be open minded that, hey, what do you know, Nollywood might actually blow my mind away and the plane would actually crash and the story would at least make some sense instead of, I dunno, some pastor suddenly appearing out of nowhere, praying and lightning flashes in the sky and the plane somehow flies all the way to the airport without functional equipment and lands safely, which is how nearly half Nollywood movies end. But once Jim Iyke went all Matt Damon on Omotola, I was like; aaahhhh this plane will not crash and even if it does, everyone will survive. Spoiler alert for those that haven’t watched the movie: it did crash…..and everyone survived. Except Hollywood Nigerian with Senegalese Mandarin accent though. He deserved the movie death for his horrible manhandling of pidgin English, anyway. Oh, and talking about crashing and burning….that final explosion when they went all Hollywood on us – “c’mon, you can make it!”(Jim Iyke) “No, leave me! Save yourself!” (Senegalese Mandarin) “No, you can make it…let me help you so we can escape before this plane explodes like it should have done like twenty minutes ago” (Jim Iyke) “No, I am finished. Get out! Save yourself!” (Senegalese Mandarin). After what has to be the gayest scene in Nollywood movie history (even gayer than that gay movie that they acted once (featuring Muna Obiekwe) that was so bad, it shamed gay people worldwide), the plane decided that it wasn’t having anymore of that sh*t and it was going to explode. Jim Iyke too decided that, hell he sure as heck didn’t want to die trying to save someone – it’s not the Nigerian way, besides the guy had already asked him to save himself which was good enough excuse for him- and took off. Now, two things at this point. One: that explosion was about as realistic as Vic O’s chances of marrying Genevieve Nnaji. It was so bad that i’m sure i’ve seen better in those really horrible movies they show on Universal channel. Sure, for a Nollywood movie, it was better, when you consider that till date, explosions in Nollywood movies mainly involved playing thunder audio effects, shaking the camera as much as possible and deploying the worst CGI in movie history but c’mon! After the pretty awesome movie I had watched so far, they decided to wrap it up with that? And two, if I remember correctly, Jim Iyke was sprinting down the aisle of the plane when it exploded; pretty much meaning he was still in the plane when it went bust. Now if the physics I was taught back in school still serves me correctly, said explosion that left the plane in total ruins should have left Jim Iyke’s body in total powder. Or at least with serious burns, considering he was still in it when it exploded. But no, somehow, he ends up with only a blackened suit to bust the Bruce Willis moves on us – the man appearing out of the raging inferno after everyone thought he had been blasted to a million bits before going to gather Omotola in his arms and, if the movie producers had been expedient enough to provide a horse, riding off into the sunset. We would like to think there was some petty jazz involved that the movie directors did not want us to know about – after all, it’s supposed to be a modern film about a true life story. A man with powdered face tying a red wrapper simply would not have done. Either way, Jim Iyke Survives – again, much to the chagrin of Emeka Ike lovers everywhere. But asides those, that was a pretty awesome movie. Worth every penny! Oh, yeah – Hakeem Kae-Kazim. That’s Senegalese Mandarin’s real name. http://zakuraweekly.com/last-flight-to-abuja-the-slightly-off-critique/ So the first issue of Zakura Weekly, Naija's craziest mag as edited by yours truly will be making its debut on tomorrow, 1st of October, 2013 (Happy Independence Day, Nigeria!). Y'all can subscribe to get it free when it drops. It is in soft format though, so if you'll need a pdf reader on your laptop/mobile phone to read it. To subscribe, just head on down to http://zakuraweekly.com/subscribe-to-zakura-weekly/ . Cheers! 4 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Last Flight To Abuja: The Slightly Off Critique. by Nobody: 10:34pm On Sep 30, 2013 |
what else will you say? so because the movie just hit YouTube and you got the opportunity to watch it for free (probably with free mb as well) you come here and spew. P.S i've never been a nollywood fan but last flight to Abuja is one cool stuff I never regret watching!! |
| Re: Last Flight To Abuja: The Slightly Off Critique. by Localamos(m): 10:37pm On Sep 30, 2013 |
Vividly descriptive, outrageously hilarious and mercilessly expository! . Standing ovation for your literary prowess!!! 4 Likes |
| Re: Last Flight To Abuja: The Slightly Off Critique. by Nobody: 10:44pm On Sep 30, 2013 |
LMAO!!! Lawd Have Mercy  See finishings  I must commend your literary prowress. You are good  1 Like |
| Re: Last Flight To Abuja: The Slightly Off Critique. by demelza: 10:47pm On Sep 30, 2013 |
Jim Iyke, fulfilling the players' code since 1732. Hilarious write up, too bad I have lost the urge to watch the movie. With this review, I'll pass. 1 Like |
| Re: Last Flight To Abuja: The Slightly Off Critique. by prof800(m): 10:58pm On Sep 30, 2013 |
This is not slightly off... ...this is way off critique..! |
| Re: Last Flight To Abuja: The Slightly Off Critique. by senbonzakurakageyoshi(m): 11:00pm On Sep 30, 2013 |
Yungwizzzy: what else will you say? so because the movie just hit YouTube and you got the opportunity to watch it for free (probably with free mb as well) you come here and spew. Apparently, you gave me said free MB and completely erased the over one hour I spent watching the movie at the cinemas from my life. Congratulations man; you're a god. 1 Like |
| Re: Last Flight To Abuja: The Slightly Off Critique. by senbonzakurakageyoshi(m): 11:02pm On Sep 30, 2013 |
demelza: Jim Iyke, fulfilling the players' code since 1732. Lolz, don't turn down the chance to watch this movie if you get the opportunity; it was really amazing. I just felt I should point out where I felt there were plot holes or scenes they could have done better so they could improve. I can't see how that is a bad thing! |
| Re: Last Flight To Abuja: The Slightly Off Critique. by Nobody: 11:36pm On Sep 30, 2013 |
Which money did you spend?  . I can bet with the last blood in me that you watchED it on youtube! Idi/ot, go to cinemas to watch Nollywood movies so you can encourage the new filmmakers that are trying to make Nollywood proud! That way you can have the mouth to say something good or bad about the movie and your money will probably be used to improve the CGI next time! Gosh! 'I'm boiling for your case!' And i don't know why!  .And this thread must not hit frontpage this time around or any of your moronic 'not-funny' threads again! If that happens.....I will kill the mods in this section and I will hack down Nairaland! Try me and see .And may thunder burn down you that you are ready to quote and insult me!  This Igwuragwara (or what's his name) boy is annoying me in this section. 3 Likes |
| Re: Last Flight To Abuja: The Slightly Off Critique. by homesteady(m): 11:51pm On Sep 30, 2013 |
^^^ |
| Re: Last Flight To Abuja: The Slightly Off Critique. by senbonzakurakageyoshi(m): 11:53pm On Sep 30, 2013 |
speedyboi: Which money did you spend? Hack Nairaland? Dude, knock yourself out trying! I'm not even going to go into an argument with you over where I watched it. And last I remembered, Naija is a democracy. Freedom of speech, eh? Oh, and if you see my thread hit fp again, you're free to take a leap off a bridge at your own discretion. |
| Re: Last Flight To Abuja: The Slightly Off Critique. by Ishilove: 11:56pm On Sep 30, 2013 |
senbonzakura_kageyoshi:  |
| Re: Last Flight To Abuja: The Slightly Off Critique. by demelza: 12:05am On Oct 01, 2013 |
Well I use to think Mr. Senb was biased against Nollywood, not until I saw his thread critiquing Hollywood. So its all fair [s]just as long as he steers clear of Bollywood[/s]. 1 Like |
| Re: Last Flight To Abuja: The Slightly Off Critique. by Nobody: 12:08am On Oct 01, 2013 |
senbonzakura_kageyoshi: Ogbeni sHUT up and face front, don't bathe me with your 'spit' . |
| Re: Last Flight To Abuja: The Slightly Off Critique. by senbonzakurakageyoshi(m): 12:08am On Oct 01, 2013 |
demelza: Well I use to think Mr. Senb was biased against Nollywood, not until I saw his thread critiquing Hollywood. Lolz, don't worry, Demelza. I don't watch Bollywood movies and I don't have to. So Bollywood is quite safe.........for now!!!! |
| Re: Last Flight To Abuja: The Slightly Off Critique. by senbonzakurakageyoshi(m): 12:09am On Oct 01, 2013 |
speedyboi: Remember that bridge I mentioned? It is still waiting for you. |
| Re: Last Flight To Abuja: The Slightly Off Critique. by prof800(m): 12:15am On Oct 01, 2013 |
speedyboi: go to cinemas to watch Nollywood movies so you can encourage the new filmmakers that are trying to make Nollywood proud! That way you can have the mouth to say something good or bad about the movie and your money will probably be used to improve the CGI next time! Gosh! |
| Re: Last Flight To Abuja: The Slightly Off Critique. by Warlord3000(m): 4:59am On Oct 01, 2013 |
Chai... Na wa ooo.. Just when I finally downloaded the movie to my PC to enjoy... Oh boy... U don watch am for me finish and I hate bad movies.. VERDICT:::: Make the movie dey chill for that folder until a day of boredom with no other option... 1 Like |
| Re: Last Flight To Abuja: The Slightly Off Critique. by debayun(m): 6:27am On Oct 01, 2013 |
Dodoyo y do nija pple keep hating d guy wrote is own review of d movie if u no lyk am write ur own and if its d part he said he watched it in a cinema 4 christ sake wats dere nt 2 bliv hw much does a movie ticket cost dat u will b ranting well it goes to show d poverty stricken mentality u hv. speedyboi: Which money did you spend? Das all |
| Re: Last Flight To Abuja: The Slightly Off Critique. by debayun(m): 6:31am On Oct 01, 2013 |
speedyboi: Lwkmd jesus rotflmfao1 Like |
| Re: Last Flight To Abuja: The Slightly Off Critique. by UjSizzle(f): 8:42am On Oct 01, 2013 |
lool you're all funny biko. I go like see am for fp |
| Re: Last Flight To Abuja: The Slightly Off Critique. by Nobody: 8:51am On Oct 01, 2013 |
LMAO!! If this thread hits frontpage, two things are involved. It's either Nairaland is hacked or someone jumps off the bridge. Seun better choose the one you want. 1 Like |
| Re: Last Flight To Abuja: The Slightly Off Critique. by Warlord3000(m): 8:52am On Oct 01, 2013 |
Abeg... Hmmm.. Who be the guy wey wan go jump for bridge on top another person matter...  Okay no vex, na direction to Third Mainland bridge I wan give U jare...= =>  |
| Re: Last Flight To Abuja: The Slightly Off Critique. by demelza: 9:50am On Oct 01, 2013 |
Baybe: LMAO!!Then its better we begin the candle light ceremony for the jumpee because Seun already has his goons ready to defend.. |
| Re: Last Flight To Abuja: The Slightly Off Critique. by Licensed2Kill(m): 11:49am On Oct 01, 2013 |
Guy do you play MK. . .dat was jst some fatality+brutality combo u jst gave the film 1 Like |
| Re: Last Flight To Abuja: The Slightly Off Critique. by Nobody: 11:53am On Oct 01, 2013 |
debayun: Dodoyo y do nija pple keep hating d guy wrote is own review of d movie if u no lyk am write ur own and if its d part he said he watched it in a cinema 4 christ sake wats dere nt 2 bliv hw much does a movie ticket cost dat u will b ranting well it goes to show d poverty stricken mentality u hv. I know you are dumb but I will answer you anyway. Please can you mention a cinema that is still showing LAST FLIGHT TO ABUJA anywhere in this world? If the OP said he watched it on DVD, I would have given him the benefit of a doubt (I won't believe him still), But he unfortunately sold himself out! hw much does a movie ticket cost dat u will b ranting well it goes to show d poverty stricken mentality u hv.Typical of a dumb Nigeria! if this is how most Americans think, their movies' box office won't rake in millions of Dollars. That $10 that each person paid to watch the movies multiplied into Hundreds of Millions. You are the one with Poverty skewed brain. Afterall said, Ebe like say you want thunder to blast your head ko? You are lucky today na Independence |
| Re: Last Flight To Abuja: The Slightly Off Critique. by senbonzakurakageyoshi(m): 5:09pm On Oct 01, 2013 |
speedyboi: Ahhh, see now that you're the dunce? I would like you to point out where in my entire article that I only watched it say, last week or last month. oh so because I just posted this recently, you jumped to the conclusion that I watched it yesterday, innit? I weep for your English teachers. |
| Re: Last Flight To Abuja: The Slightly Off Critique. by Nobody: 5:18pm On Oct 01, 2013 |
senbonzakura_kageyoshi: Chei! This boy must think everyone is dumb like him! Your small stay on NL, I can read you like a book. So you.... Igwuaragwara will watch a movie months ago and just start reviewing it now? = Joke of the century And to even assume you've watched it before now, the way you cite examples of movies on your threads and other Jamboree to prove 'you don't watch Nollywood', it never slipped your tongue, ever! Well not all Nigerians/Nairalanders are stupid! - And I've told you this times without number. I'm still waiting for another twist to your story - You should write for Filipino soaps btw. 5 Likes |
| Re: Last Flight To Abuja: The Slightly Off Critique. by Vibez9ja: 5:50pm On Jul 04, 2016 |
this is beautiful...keep it up guys |
(1) (Reply)
Watch Free New Movies Online (single And Season) / Why Nigerians Should Boycott DSTV And GoTv Services / Top 10 Porn Stars Rankings By Fans 2018 Hot Sexy Photo Images
(Go Up)
| Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2024 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 56 |