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The story is nice but the major problem is your punctuation marks. A full stop comes immediately after the last alphabet and you ought to give a space after your full stop before continuing typing.

i used ma phone

valdprof: i used ma phone

I used my phone too

You type on phone i read through phone =1:1

you are skipping details in your story . I don't know how to write but i think the stories i enjoy reading are captivating one's where it seems i'm watching what i read or i'm who you're describing ... Something like ... " and i picked my phone and opened OX website " ... Where did you pick your phone ? Kitchen , parlour , bedpost ? Did you keep it there cos you hate night calls ? Or you kept it there cos you wanted it to charge whenever power is restored ? little things matter

[hope i was constructive]

purpinkx: You type on phone i read through phone =1:1

you are skipping details in your story . I don't know how to write but i think the stories i enjoy reading are captivating one's where it seems i'm watching what i read or i'm who you're describing ... Something like ... " and i picked my phone and opened OX website " ... Where did you pick your phone ? Kitchen , parlour , bedpost ? Did you keep it there cos you hate night calls ? Or you kept it there cos you wanted it to charge whenever power is restored ? little things matter

[hope i was constructive]

million thanks to u purpinx . But pls this is just an essay that I wrote last semester during my use of english exam .You know it had be brief and straight to the point , 2 pages tins .....just wanted to find out if it will earn good mark

Generally, an essay is graded on these four features: content, organisation, expression and mechanical accuracy.

If you can grade yourself then you might guess the outcome.

But, I should say that a touch of polish here, there and here again, and you're good to go.

valdprof: I attended Bigano high school, a school located thirty miles , south of Onitsha metropolis ,and throughout my days in bigano , I nursed the ambition of studying marketing in the university .So when I left bigano 2OO7 ,the only thing on my mind was to enter a university as soon as possible to pave the way for my dream in embryo . ............................................................ Barely a year after I left Bigano , I sat for an entrance examination in a university situated in the northern part of the country and though I passed , my name was nowhere to be found when the admission list was released .Being a starry eyed jambite ,I was so crestfallen that at time ,when no one is around , I would lock myself up in my room and bemoan my fate in hush tones . Then came the second year, then the third and yet nothing happened. But by then I had learnt to take solace in my father's favourite pithy , ''where there's a will , there's a way.'' So I gave a fresh heart to to the pursuit ; I kept the spirit alive ............................................................. On that fateful day , it was a cold , breezy morning in the thick of harmattan . I had scarcely woken up when my friend , Okoloma rang me up and said that UNN had just released their admission list . Albeit I lost my somnolence immediately, I did not believe him for two reason : First he is a prankster , and secondly it had not occured to me that UNN could release their admission list barely two weeks after the release of their screening results ..............................................Halfheartedly, I picked up my phone and entered UNN website. My heart missed a beat when I saw the inscription , '' UNN ADMISSION RELEASED .'' So I started scrolling down the webpage as fast as my fingers could permit and at the same time , I wished the names would linger awhile.On seeing the names of those admitted in my would be department , one could have heard the sound of my heartbeat from just a modest distance .On the spur of the moment , I saw my phone fall to the floor , '' what did I just see? Was that Val Obi ?'' I queried rhetorically. Propelled by a strange force , I leapt forward and picked up the phone as though it was an explosive device about to detonate . Tears of joy rained down my cheeks when I saw '' Val Obi timitola '' bodly written on the webpage .So I knelt in supplication to almighty God and exalted his name for granting my desires ......................................................... A month afterwards, I left home for UNN to begin the long awaited marathon with my compeers

asap