Is He Trying To Break Up With Me? - Romance - Nairaland
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| Is He Trying To Break Up With Me? by dstiva99: 4:54pm On Oct 03, 2013 |
I am Nigerian, raised in America and My BF was raised in Naija and has been in the US for the past 6 years. We have known each other for about 2 years, been together for about a year and we were both planning to go home for xmas (his first time back since he left). We have talked about marriage already and he has told me that he wants to get married but wants me to meet his family first. I agree that is important and was looking forward to meeting them during xmas. Yesterday he tells me that his father is not interested in meeting any "omo america" because two of his cousins were married to nigerians raised in the west and the women recently divorced them and took everything. My BF claims he has explained to his father that I am not "omo america" and although I was raised in the US, I am very "nigerian", come from a good two (nigerian) parent home and come home often. He says his father will not budge and that his father said "i am done talking with you about this over the phone, when you come home we will talk". He says he has been fighting with his family for the last six months and he is tired of fighting with his family about me. He sounded like he's ready to give up on us and I feel its very unfair because his parents have never even met me. They want him to move back (which he won't do) and then if he doesn't move back, to marry from nigeria so no woman will divorce him and take everything. Yesterday was the first time I am hearing of it and I am very upset. I asked him if he wants to break up, he said no that he will still try to talk to his parents in Dec. but that he cannot marry without their consent and participation and as of now, they want no parts of it. My cousins (who grew up in naija) feel he is lying and just trying to find reason to break up with me. I am so hurt and confused, as he is 30 years old and I expect at this age he would be able to stand up to his parents and fight for me if he really loves me like he claims. He says he is tired of fighting them, that there is only so much you can do by phone and the rest of the fight is left for naija. Now I'm not even sure when I go if I will meet them based on his father's current opposition which is bad because I feel if his parents met me they would know that I am no "omo america" Is he trying to set me up for a break up? What can I do if anything? |
| Re: Is He Trying To Break Up With Me? by Sheenor: 5:02pm On Oct 03, 2013 |
dstiva99: I am Nigerian, raised in America and My BF was raised in Naija and has been in the US for the past 6 years. We have known each other for about 2 years, been together for about a year and we were both planning to go home for xmas (his first time back since he left). We have talked about marriage already and he has told me that he wants to get married but wants me to meet his family first. I agree that is important and was looking forward to meeting them during xmas. Yesterday he tells me that his father is not interested in meeting any "omo america" because two of his cousins were married to nigerians raised in the west and the women recently divorced them and took everything. My BF claims he has explained to his father that I am not "omo america" and although I was raised in the US, I am very "nigerian", come from a good two (nigerian) parent home and come home often. He says his father will not budge and that his father said "i am done talking with you about this over the phone, when you come home we will talk". He says he has been fighting with his family for the last six months and he is tired of fighting with his family about me. He sounded like he's ready to give up on us and I feel its very unfair because his parents have never even met me. They want him to move back (which he won't do) and then if he doesn't move back, to marry from nigeria so no woman will divorce him and take everything. Yesterday was the first time I am hearing of it and I am very upset. I asked him if he wants to break up, he said no that he will still try to talk to his parents in Dec. but that he cannot marry without their consent and participation and as of now, they want no parts of it. My cousins (who grew up in naija) feel he is lying and just trying to find reason to break up with me. I am so hurt and confused, as he is 30 years old and I expect at this age he would be able to stand up to his parents and fight for me if he really loves me like he claims. He says he is tired of fighting them, that there is only so much you can do by phone and the rest of the fight is left for naija. Now I'm not even sure when I go if I will meet them based on his father's current opposition which is bad because I feel if his parents met me they would know that I am no "omo america" Is he trying to set me up for a break up? What can I do if anything?mehn dis Ȋ̝̊̅̄§ serious.......watchin closely, ώɨℓℓ be back to comment on dis later..... |
| Re: Is He Trying To Break Up With Me? by Annie2gud(f): 5:18pm On Oct 03, 2013 |
Hmmm |
| Re: Is He Trying To Break Up With Me? by drnoel: 5:19pm On Oct 03, 2013 |
dstiva99: I am Nigerian, raised in America and My BF was raised in Naija and has been in the US for the past 6 years. We have known each other for about 2 years, been together for about a year and we were both planning to go home for xmas (his first time back since he left). We have talked about marriage already and he has told me that he wants to get married but wants me to meet his family first. I agree that is important and was looking forward to meeting them during xmas. Yesterday he tells me that his father is not interested in meeting any "omo america" because two of his cousins were married to nigerians raised in the west and the women recently divorced them and took everything. My BF claims he has explained to his father that I am not "omo america" and although I was raised in the US, I am very "nigerian", come from a good two (nigerian) parent home and come home often. He says his father will not budge and that his father said "i am done talking with you about this over the phone, when you come home we will talk". He says he has been fighting with his family for the last six months and he is tired of fighting with his family about me. He sounded like he's ready to give up on us and I feel its very unfair because his parents have never even met me. They want him to move back (which he won't do) and then if he doesn't move back, to marry from nigeria so no woman will divorce him and take everything. Yesterday was the first time I am hearing of it and I am very upset. I asked him if he wants to break up, he said no that he will still try to talk to his parents in Dec. but that he cannot marry without their consent and participation and as of now, they want no parts of it. My cousins (who grew up in naija) feel he is lying and just trying to find reason to break up with me. I am so hurt and confused, as he is 30 years old and I expect at this age he would be able to stand up to his parents and fight for me if he really loves me like he claims. He says he is tired of fighting them, that there is only so much you can do by phone and the rest of the fight is left for naija. Now I'm not even sure when I go if I will meet them based on his father's current opposition which is bad because I feel if his parents met me they would know that I am no "omo america" Is he trying to set me up for a break up? What can I do if anything?He may not be lying, nigerian parents have a way with their kids. They would normally want their daughter's inlaws to kneel down while greeting as is custom and not talk back to their while they talk. There are many other things that they would want but these things one does not learn in the west. I know, I was in ur situation too. In my case I had to speak with them. It took a long fight, lots of name calling but I married who I wanted at the end. |
| Re: Is He Trying To Break Up With Me? by lertee(f): 5:20pm On Oct 03, 2013 |
Your boyfriend is not lying. Trust me I know what he is going through. Parents are very important in marriage no matter how mature we feel we are. This is Nigeria,parents consent is necessary,it is nigeria's culture and culture can not be ignored no matter how exposed we claim we are. I really don't know what to say to you cos this is a matter of the heart and I can't advise that you forget about him. Just try and give him time to get home and discuss with them,whatever comes out of it you try and accept it. If you force yourself on him without his parent's approval,you may have a problem with your inlaws and you won't find that marriage favorable. #mylittle contribution |
| Re: Is He Trying To Break Up With Me? by ATMC(f): 5:20pm On Oct 03, 2013 |
i dont cimpletely understand the situation but there is something i am very familiar with and it is this...when someone is in a relationship, the family depends on him or her to understand their partner so a family sees one's partner thru the eyes of their own. in other words it is d info i give to my family about my lover that they would work with. so what has he been telling them dt is if at all he spoke to them about yhu? have yhu spoken with anyone of his family at all? Again, see if yhu can relax and just observe things...very important, be careful not to force urself on him by pressure or by manipulation. Just assume what he is telling yhu is true, tell him so, act so...then watch him closely, yhu will find the truth in a matter of weeks. |
| Re: Is He Trying To Break Up With Me? by truborn9ja: 5:24pm On Oct 03, 2013 |
From my own point of view, he may be saying the truth or he may be lying just to find a reason to break up. but sincerely speaking, at age 30 he should be able to choose whosoever he wants to marry .. if he truly loves u, he would surely defend you infront of his family. |
| Re: Is He Trying To Break Up With Me? by Illuminatus(m): 5:27pm On Oct 03, 2013 |
Your boyfriend isn't serious. In fact, I think he is kinda siding with his parents (if the story about them not wanting you is true). If he really wants to marry you, his father won't be stopping him. A few years ago, My uncle told my grandparents that he wants to marry. They didn't approve of the girl. He told them outrightly that he didn't care. They weren't the ones getting married. He had made his choice whether they like it or not. He was pretty firm with them and at the end of the day, my grandparents agree and even paid for the marriage. So I advice you to prepare for the worse. I think he doesn't want to marry, at least not yet. I hope I'm wrong. Good luck. 1 Like |
| Re: Is He Trying To Break Up With Me? by ITbomb(m): 5:29pm On Oct 03, 2013 |
Sign a prenup n let him explain to his parent all about it . If Naija parent no gree nothing for u, this na Naija |
| Re: Is He Trying To Break Up With Me? by Illuminatus(m): 5:29pm On Oct 03, 2013 |
And please, don't do anything rash to further complicate the situation. Just sit back and watch. At least for the time being. |
| Re: Is He Trying To Break Up With Me? by ceospecial(m): 5:31pm On Oct 03, 2013 |
 So you want him to marry you without the Blessing of his parents? That he can't do, you only need to Pray. Can You speak any traditional nigerian language? I mean yoruba, igbo or hausa? If NO, then no hope! My Uncle over there married a nigerian of your type and right now, they are divorced! They even had a daughter.... So if I was in the guy's shoes, the answer you already know is a NO! NO!! Don't waste your time and move on dear. |
| Re: Is He Trying To Break Up With Me? by natasha: 5:58pm On Oct 03, 2013 |
@ op - i think you are self centred and selfish (sorry to say). Would you get married to someone without at least a half hearted approval of your parents? in your other topic you berated the same bf for not meeting your mother whom you said (is VERY IMPORTANT TO U) yet you want him to make a life long commitment, life changing decision, family changing decision to you without getting their approval? https://www.nairaland.com/1268463/boyfriend-wont-meet-parents-why who do you think sponsored his phd in the states or paid towards the deposit for the home he bought? Your boyfriend isnt lying to you when he said he needs his parents approval. regardless of whether he is 30yrs or 13yrs as an african raised child (yep you will always be a child to your parents) issues such as marriage involve the entire family. If indeed you were brought up the naija way as you claim then this isnt something you would find difficult to believe nor should it come as a surprise to you. Might i also add, that if his family have had 2 divorces from oyinbo bred daughter inlaws, then you are in for a lonnnnngggg hurdle as you have to convince his parents and possibly extended family members. I am sure you can confirm with your "naija" parents who brought you up "naija" style to help you clear any doubts 4 Likes |
| Re: Is He Trying To Break Up With Me? by ATMC(f): 6:01pm On Oct 03, 2013 |
^lol |
| Re: Is He Trying To Break Up With Me? by lertee(f): 6:26pm On Oct 03, 2013 |
https://www.nairaland.com/1407911/relationship-crossroads-should-stay-leave Poster,going by what is your former thread and the excuse your boyfriend gave in this thread now,I think he is using his parents as excuse. He may not be into you,I advise you check yourself well and know what you are not doing right,you also need to know if he has a wife or fiancee in nigeria already also try and talk to any of his family members to know the truth. You can even call his mom or dad,their response to you will determine if he's saying the truth or not. |
| Re: Is He Trying To Break Up With Me? by dstiva99: 6:45pm On Oct 03, 2013 |
Thanks to all for d response. @ natasha, I am NOT saying my BF should marry without parents consent, my NIGERIAN parents taught me that marriage is between two FAMILIES, not just two people so I would NEVER want to get married without his parents consent. All I am saying is he SHOULD want to fight for me, and do as drnoel said, go to naija, speak to them and do his best to convince them while also praying about the situation and working with me to help me understand what his parents like and expect when they meet me (some of which I already know because I regularly go to naija and interact with my family as well and they always seem surprised that I am so "well mannered" and "into the culture"). In the end, I will accept that but what I don't want to accept is him just saying I've tried and I'm tired. I feel if he really loves me, he will try harder and talk with them to convince them. Thats all I want and I feel I deserve. Also, I understand it may be a long fight but I am prepared to do my part to convince the family. I feel we should both just try our best and leave the rest to go. @lertee, I have asked him if he's sure and he says he's sure about me, just his family is the issue, I have asked him if he has someone in naija, he said no but that his family has always wanted him to come home and marry so that its not about me, just about how they feel about marrying abroad. @ceospecial, I don't want to marry without his parents blessing. I hear yoruba but I don't speak it well, I will just continue to pray @ITbomb, I don't believe in prenup but I have no problem signing one if that would make his family understand that i am not going to divorce him and take everything, i have my own and do not even believe in divorce 1 Like |
| Re: Is He Trying To Break Up With Me? by Enegod(m): 6:52pm On Oct 03, 2013 |
dstiva99: I am Nigerian, raised in America and My BF was raised in Naija and has been in the US for the past 6 years. We have known each other for about 2 years, been together for about a year and we were both planning to go home for xmas (his first time back since he left). We have talked about marriage already and he has told me that he wants to get married but wants me to meet his family first. I agree that is important and was looking forward to meeting them during xmas. Yesterday he tells me that his father is not interested in meeting any "omo america" because two of his cousins were married to nigerians raised in the west and the women recently divorced them and took everything. My BF claims he has explained to his father that I am not "omo america" and although I was raised in the US, I am very "nigerian", come from a good two (nigerian) parent home and come home often. He says his father will not budge and that his father said "i am done talking with you about this over the phone, when you come home we will talk". He says he has been fighting with his family for the last six months and he is tired of fighting with his family about me. He sounded like he's ready to give up on us and I feel its very unfair because his parents have never even met me. They want him to move back (which he won't do) and then if he doesn't move back, to marry from nigeria so no woman will divorce him and take everything. Yesterday was the first time I am hearing of it and I am very upset. I asked him if he wants to break up, he said no that he will still try to talk to his parents in Dec. but that he cannot marry without their consent and participation and as of now, they want no parts of it. My cousins (who grew up in naija) feel he is lying and just trying to find reason to break up with me. I am so hurt and confused, as he is 30 years old and I expect at this age he would be able to stand up to his parents and fight for me if he really loves me like he claims. He says he is tired of fighting them, that there is only so much you can do by phone and the rest of the fight is left for naija. Now I'm not even sure when I go if I will meet them based on his father's current opposition which is bad because I feel if his parents met me they would know that I am no "omo america" Is he trying to set me up for a break up? What can I do if anything?keep on praying..God answereth all |
| Re: Is He Trying To Break Up With Me? by Nobody: 6:58pm On Oct 03, 2013 |
please move on...with your life... a word is enough for the wise... when a guy starts a story with ...... abeg it means there is a probability we gonna break up.... and on the part of him seeking consent from his parents... haba we are africans and thats essential.. but if you wanna give it a short then please be my guest |
| Re: Is He Trying To Break Up With Me? by Nobody: 7:32pm On Oct 03, 2013 |
Exactly! I like that dude. He's truly a Barça fan. He's just tryna break up with you, so he can have the whole time trolling Nairaland and posting annoying pictures with "HOW DOES THAT MAKE BARCA SIGN A NEW DEFENDER??!" 1 Like |
| Re: Is He Trying To Break Up With Me? by natasha: 7:35pm On Oct 03, 2013 |
@ op - but you already said it initially, he IS going to naija, he IS tired of talking over the phone and feels its best to talk with them face to face so what else do you want from him? to start fighting them over the phone? He has told you all there is to say. He's parents dont approve of a foreign bred wife (shocker), you the foreign bred wife wants him to fight his parents decision (reason why the parents wont approve of their son marrying a foreign bred (dem neva marry u yet u de push ur bobo to fight im parents) hmmmm. You just have to believe him, chill and wait till you meet them by christmas and make an impression (good or bad) or take the high way. It is what it is. And frankly, if i were your boo, i wont fight for you in front of my parents if as my girl u are instigating me to fight and resist my parents even when you havent met them yet!! its easier for a naija man to defend his wife in front of his extended family than a girlfriend. emphasis on "Wife". 2 Likes |
| Re: Is He Trying To Break Up With Me? by Nobody: 7:42pm On Oct 03, 2013 |
Started from the bottom now I'm here! I took my time to go through you previous threads before coming here to drop my comment. They all seem to be complaints about this same guy. Sweerie, wake up and smell the coffee and stop living in a delusion of disney world. This dude is not into you. You are just obsessed with this guy. Wetin hin give you chop? I hate it when people are being taken for granted. You are and you know it! Fathers in Nigeria are usually not the troublesome ones when it comes to having a say in marriage. If dis bobo dey craze for you, dis sldnt be much of an issue. If he was a lady, it wld have been more challenging. But he is a 30 yrs old man for screaming out loud. Better act right if you don't want to spend the rest of you life in regret. Wake up! 1 Like |
| Re: Is He Trying To Break Up With Me? by Illuminatus(m): 9:35pm On Oct 03, 2013 |
ceospecial:Antagonistic much? |
| Re: Is He Trying To Break Up With Me? by JameyMaxwell(m): 11:44pm On Oct 03, 2013 |
If yhu are truly a Nigerian, yhu won't forget to use JUJU |
| Re: Is He Trying To Break Up With Me? by 25omega(m): 11:57pm On Oct 03, 2013 |
Jamey Maxwell: If yhu are truly a Nigerian, yhu won't forget to use JUJU  wey reposter my mother had the same sentiment until she met my fiancee by then she couldn't say anything because i showed her that i am a man and i make my own decisions in life . What you need to know is that his excuse sounds plausible but you and i know its crap. if i were you i would end it with him because homeboy is about to ghost move your azz. he would go home and separate from you so he can bang all the chicks he wants then he would meet you on the way back to the states and pick up where ya'll left off from. |
| Re: Is He Trying To Break Up With Me? by flexshop(m): 12:30am On Oct 04, 2013 |
25omega: [b]hello mister, his excuse aint crap. I have a relative who died 3 years ago.the dude went to USA about 10yrs ago as a student fully sponsored by his parents. After graduation,he met an african american who he wanted to marry.his parents were against it right from start but he insisted and told everyone to go to hell.did his wedding in the US.fastforward 2yrs into the marriage,all hell broke loose and the marriage crashed,the wife got the house he worked his bottom of to buy and almost everytin.the guy had to sleep in his car for some days as he cldnt go to any relative havin quarreled with everyone.he was unlucky this happened during winter so one of the nights,he died inside his car homeless and miserable. All my brothers, the one in UK and in US have a stern warning from my parents.Once bitten, thrice shy. @OP, he is not lying to you one bit. I advice you get to know a family member of his, maybe the sister.then if possible let him tell his parents that you guys have a Prenup in the effing before getting married.And give it time,time has a way of solving problems..... see, naija no dey carry last.no parent go want make I'm pikin use I'm two legs waka jump inside lagoon.so d parents just dey shine eyes[/b] 1 Like |
| Re: Is He Trying To Break Up With Me? by 25omega(m): 2:07am On Oct 04, 2013 |
flexshop:i never said it never happened but for christ sake you can't judge everyone by something that happened to some people. thats like me finding out you are from Nigeria and automatically think you are a credit card scammer. just because a man in nigeria can divorce a woman and ask the woman to pack her bags doesnt mean that a woman shouldnt marry right? life is taking a chance the things that can happen tomorrow no one knows. if this guy is not willing to be a man then he can remain a boy and marry who his parents want for him. he can also spend his life being unhappy because his parents said so. i say all this to say if you love someone enough you will be willing to take the chance. As far as divorce is concerned you hire a good lawyer to protect your interests. |
| Re: Is He Trying To Break Up With Me? by Nobody: 5:53am On Oct 04, 2013 |
I won't even date or marry any American raised lady. I have come a long way to suddenly lose what I have worked for and my life in the process. What the guy is saying is very through. I have so many people going through hardship now because they were stupid enough to marry American raised ladies. I also have a causing raised in the UK, she relocated to Nigeria, married a guy 2 years ago, and has refused to stay with her husband. She keeps saying she likes to stay alone. The guy is about dumping her asss now and she does not even give a damn. My own parents will disown any child who marries oyinbo raised lady. Not that I give a shiit about my parents disowning me, na them head ache, but I just can't stand losing ma properties to some idiat in the name of divorce when she starts misbehaving. I won't take that risk at at all since I still love ma self. Before u blink, it is divorce, alimony, child support, home remove, everything taken away from you. |
| Re: Is He Trying To Break Up With Me? by dstiva99: 3:42pm On Oct 04, 2013 |
Thanks for all d responses. I always knew this was an issue with many Nigerian parents but sounds like its more common than I thought. After giving it some thought, I do believe my BF is telling the truth and he has said he will try to talk with his parents when he gets home in Dec. I agree with those who have said that I should wait, be patient and not be involved in the discussion with his parents. I believe it is the man's responsibility to fight for the woman and my responsibility is to continue to show him that being with me is worth fighting for! I can't and won't force him to fight his parents, I don't believe that it is right for a woman to try to force herself on a man, but at the same time, there comes a time when a man must stand up for what he believes in (to his parents, family and etc). In Dec. I will find out whether he will fight for me and what will be the outcome. All I can do between now and then is watch and pray. To those who have a bias against all "foreign bred" girls, I know that the stories of what has happened to others makes it easy to say ALL are bad, but its simply not true, just like as @25omega said : not ALL nigerians are credit card scammers, some bad apples don't spoil the entire bunch. |
| Re: Is He Trying To Break Up With Me? by flexshop(m): 5:31pm On Oct 04, 2013 |
dstiva99: Thanks for all d responses. I always knew this was an issue with many Nigerian parents but sounds like its more common than I thought. After giving it some thought, I do believe my BF is telling the truth and he has said he will try to talk with his parents when he gets home in Dec. I agree with those who have said that I should wait, be patient and not be involved in the discussion with his parents. I believe it is the man's responsibility to fight for the woman and my responsibility is to continue to show him that being with me is worth fighting for! I can't and won't force him to fight his parents, I don't believe that it is right for a woman to try to force herself on a man, but at the same time, there comes a time when a man must stand up for what he believes in (to his parents, family and etc). In Dec. I will find out whether he will fight for me and what will be the outcome. All I can do between now and then is watch and pray. To those who have a bias against all "foreign bred" girls, I know that the stories of what has happened to others makes it easy to say ALL are bad, but its simply not true, just like as @25omega said : not ALL nigerians are credit card scammers, some bad apples don't spoil the entire bunch. Good decision OP.it will turn out fine. But if the guy convinces his people and you later talk about divorce,remember say God is watching you in 3D.and we for nairaland go dey use our spiritual mirror dey watch you too 2 Likes |
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