The five inevitable stages in relationships, courtship and marriage and how to handle them




The five inevitable stages in relationships, courtship and marriage and how to handle them

Pastors Dunamis and Sophia Okunowo

Break-ups eventually occur if the relationships are not built on strong biblical principles and foundation. There are five processes or stages a relationship has to pass through progressively to avoid possible break-ups. If you have some time of courtship, you will see this stages defined. If your courtship is very short, you will see the same
stages play themselves out in marriage. So these stages apply to singles and married couples.

1. Attraction
There must be physical attraction between both parties. Never start a relationship with someone you are not physically attracted to. God will not force anybody on you. Moreover you will be doing yourself a lot of good when you marry somebody you are attracted to, so that your eyes can be on your spouse only! That is why I married a beautiful lady! You can see our picture right there! Discover the things you admire about your partner. However, the relationship cannot thrive on attraction alone. It must move on to the next stage. This is the stage you all over each other.

God help you if you are writing an examination at this time! When you open your books to read, you see his/her face! It happened to me! I got engaged to my wife at examination time! Thank God I didn’t fail. This is the time you feel your partner is right and every other person is wrong. You need to be careful at this time, making sure your relationship with God is intact so that you can still hear Him speak to you. What is the next stage?

2. Disturbance
This is the stage when the parties begin to realize their differences and see in other people, qualities they admire. If their love is not genuine, the relationship is certain to collapse here. They start picking on themselves here. The guy begins to reason properly and the lady begins to get hurt easily. He starts complaining that she has changed and vice-versa, but in reality, none has changed, they just suddenly start seeing what they refused to see before. Love blinded them initially, but the eyes begin to open!

3. Repulsion
Here is the stage a lot of relationships break up. Here, the differences between the lady and the man become glaring and very obvious. Differences in attitudes, characters and mannerisms may result in misunderstanding. Immaturity and selfishness may result in break-ups. It would take two people the love and peace of God guarding their hearts to go through this stage successfully. If your love is based on ephemeral conviction, it cannot stand this stage. If your conviction is not really founded in God, the foundation collapses at this stage.

4. Endurance
Only relationships built on the solid foundation of God’s Word can endure this phase. Here, it seems that all you have in common apart from God are just differences, differences and differences! At this stage, quarrels seem to be the order of the day.

The knowledge of the basic differences between a man and a woman, constant prayers offered for the relationship, and the presence of a good mentor over the relationship are very helpful to avoid break-up here.

This is the stage you often reach the conclusion that the marriage cannot work. When I got to this stage, I wanted to break up, and she wanted to break up. But every time we decided to go our separate ways, we lost our peace! We always came back. It is at this stage you decide to embrace God’s plan instead of being selfish and egotistical.
This is the most critical stage; any relationship that goes through this stage successfully will be established.Sunday, October 6

The five inevitable stages in relationships, courtship and marriage and how to handle them

Pastors Dunamis and Sophia Okunowo

Break-ups eventually occur if the relationships are not built on strong biblical principles and foundation. There are five processes or stages a relationship has to pass through progressively to avoid possible break-ups. If you have some time of courtship, you will see this. 5. Enjoyment
After endurance comes enjoyment. Here you realize the rewards and blessings of relationship. The Biblical truth of two being better than one, and two being able to chase ten thousand while one could only chase a thousand, becomes a physical reality. Here, the differences are seen as a blessing, not as a challenge. The two enjoy their relationship. They align their visions; they now understand each other. They forgive easily. They stop getting hurt at everything and they decide to forge ahead in God!

Let me note here, that presence of good mentors and exposure to knowledge often helps to minimize issues in these stages. It is for this reason we established a Free Online Academy & Community for singles and married couples comprising of friendship/courtship school, marriage counseling school and after wedding school, to learn the basic principles in relationship and marriage.

I pray for you this day, that at whichever stage you find yourself, single or married, the wisdom of God will be available for you in Jesus name!

CONFESSION FOR THE DAY
I am patient. I am not hasty. I am led of God

PRAYERS FOR THE DAY
I receive the grace to be patient in Jesus name. I receive help from God’s Spirit to stay with God’s plan for my life and relationship

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
Jas 1:2-3 MSG
(2) Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides.
(3) You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors.

ACTION PLAN FOR THE DAY
Locate which stage you may be right now and discuss with your fiancée or spouse on how to pull through

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This entry was posted in Uncategorized on October 6, 2013.
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moses in the ring…culled from open heaven daily devotion….
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Open Heaven of Saturday 5th October
2013.

MOSES IN THE RING

Memorise: Be not hasty in thy spirit to be
angry: for anger resteth in the bosom of
fools.
Ecclesiastes 7:9

Read: Judges 6:11-16
And it came to pass, as soon as he came
nigh unto the camp, that he saw the calf,
and the dancing: and Moses’ anger waxed
hot, and he cast the tables out of his
hands, and brake them beneath the
mount. Exodus 32:19

And he took the calf which they had made,
and burnt it in the fire, and ground it to
powder, and strawed it upon the water,
and made the children of Israel drink of it.
Exodus 32:20

Bible in one year: Genesis 43-46
Message
In the game of boxing, there are three
major blows – the jab, the hook and the
upper cut. Let us look at the life of Moses
while in the boxing ring of life. Moses had
a weak point – sudden anger. This was
revealed to his enemies the day he struck
an Egyptian and he died (Exodus 2:11-12).
After children of Israel had left Egypt,
Pharaoh and his men gave them a hot
chase to the extent that the Israelites
rebelled against Moses in Exodus
14:11-12. This was a jab from the devil and
Moses dodged it. Similarly, after the
Israelites had crossed the Red sea, they
got to the bitter waters of Marah and they
murmured (Exodus 15:23-25). This was
another jab from the devil and Moses
dodged it. In Exodus 16:2-3, when they
were hungry, they murmured against
Moses again. It was another jab that Moses
overcame. However, in Exodus 17:1-2, the
next jab that came, Moses could not dodge
it. When the devil saw that Moses was
becoming weary, he gave the hook and it
landed successfully in Exodus 32:19-20.
Moses was angry. Do you say his anger
was a holy anger and therefore justified?
Anger is anger holy or not.

By the time we get to Numbers 11:4-6,
10-15, we find Moses blaming God. He
almost began to see himself as the
provider, as if he had been the one
providing for the people all along. He even
asked God to kill him.Can you imagine
how the devil exploited the weakness of
Moses and turned him against the
Almighty God? From this point, Moses
began to diminish. His anointing was then
distributed among 70 elders
(Numbers11:16). Finally, the devil’s
uppercut came in Numbers 20:1-4, 7-12
and Moses experienced defeat. Do you
celebrate when you dodge Satan’s jab?
Some people do. He may give you space
but will surely return with another jab.
Satan wants to wear you out, so in all you
do, never allow Satan to wear you out.
Never allow Satan to turn you against your
Helper – the Almighty God. If he succeeds
in making you believe his lies, then he has
really got you. The Lord will give you
victory over internal enemies. Commit
them to God and ask Him to deal with
them.

ACTION POINT
Today, you are in the ring of life, how are
you coping? Ask for grace to be victorious.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized on October 5, 2013.
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avoid burn outs……culled from open heavens daily devotion
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Open Heaven of Thursday 3rd October 2013.

AVOID BURN OUTS

Memorise: And he said unto them, Come ye yourselves apart into a desert place, and rest a while: for there were many coming and going, and they had no leisure so much as to eat. Mark 6:31

Read: Mark 6:30-31
And the apostles gathered themselves together unto Jesus, and told him all things, both what they had done, and what they had taught. Mark 6:30

And he said unto them, Come ye yourselves apart into a desert place, and rest a while: for there were many coming and going, and they had no leisure so much as to eat. Mark 6:31

Bible in one year: Genesis 37-39
Message
If you look at the story of ten virgins recorded in Matthew 25:1-13, you will find out that in the beginning, all their lamps were burning. However at some point, some ran out of oil. God generally created things to be refillable. Plants generally draw on the soil to derive nutrients on a regular basis. Animals such as goat and sheep regularly feed on grass and water to survive. Some time ago, while discussing on animals with my wife, we realise and concluded that animals that feed on grass keep on multiplying whereas those who prey on fellow animals like themselves are fast becoming extinct. If you survive by destroying others, you will soon be extinct. We also discovered that normally, people eat two or three times daily, unless they are fasting.

Minister of God must learn to refuel. After Jesus Christ performed some special miracles in Matthew 14:15-23, He found a secret place to refuel. Unfortunately, many of us think we do not need to recharge. No, we do! Some of my colleagues keep asking me why I keep fasting. Believing I have enough, they also ask, “What do you want again?” It is dangerous to keep working for God without recharging. It will lead to burn out. In Mark 6:30-31, when the disciples returned excited, the Lord simply told them to step aside and rest for a while.Some ministers don’t attend our Solemn Assembly programme because they think it is a waste of time. They would ask why they should come and sit down for four days when souls are perishing. Of what use are your efforts if you do not make it to Heaven? If you are fagged out, then it will be easy and even easy to fornicate, steal or patronise the flesh. An African proverb says: “When a big problem knocks you down, the small ones will climb over you.” Those who experience a burn out are not far from sinning.

KEY POINT
If you are too busy to rest and recharge, be prepared to crash and be spent. One is obviously cheaper than the other.

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