.

Huh?
So damn much for a lazy man
Stand on ur feet and don't offer him anything
Don't make him think he did u a favour by marrying u

Hmmmm, eleyi gidigan.
brb, i need to consult ifa first

OP, did you say you are frustrated? But you don't know what to do? Then I doubt you are frustrated enough, because if you were, you would have lit a fire under his arze by now. Don't worry, give it like another 10yrs. Maybe by that time you'll be really frustrated enough to act.

You are supposed to be a wife and not both a husband and a wife to a full grown man, the Idea of having a secret account was the perfect one, act broke to him, sit him down and discuss with him how his attitude has gotten the family into a deep end, try as much as possible to hide away %40 of your salary, but even at that, you should still try to support him in anyway you can, but not to the extent of compromising with the %40 that should be hidden from him, that one should by no means be tampered with, if he has an Elder Brother, he should be the best person for you to discuss with, but first as a woman, you should consult a female in his family just as you said his sister to arrange the discussion between you and the brother just for the sake of respect.

ileobatojo: OP, did you say you are frustrated? But you don't know what to do? Then I doubt you are frustrated enough, because if you were, you would have lit a fire under his arze by now. Don't worry, give it like another 10yrs. Maybe by that time you'll be really frustrated enough to act.

Man, you should try to respect peoples problem, you cant tell what they are going through at the moment, take your disrespect somewhere else.

eddiebruk:

Man, you should try to respect peoples problem, you cant tell what they are going through at the moment, take your disrespect somewhere else.

Nope. Bye.

ileobatojo: OP, did you say you are frustrated? But you don't know what to do? Then I doubt you are frustrated enough, because if you were, you would have lit a fire under his arze by now. Don't worry, give it like another 10yrs. Maybe by that time you'll be really frustrated enough to act.

That's not even the issue.
Soon she will start hearing rumurs of secret wife and children somewhere and of course funded with her money!

Sorry OP, marriage is not a one man business.
it takes two to tango.
you want your marriage to work at the detriment of your happiness.

Do what your Sister in Law advised you to do first.

then change the password of your online bank.

tactically collect your ATM Cards from him or you write to the bank(s) to block your ATM cards.

bolseas:

then change the password of your online bank.

tactically collect your ATM Cards from him or you write to the bank(s) to block your ATM cards.

Oh! The answer is obvious to you too?

Sister, christianity does not stop us from doing what is necessary and right. Infact, it strengthens us to do the right thing. Bible says, a man that cannot provide for his household is worse than an infidel. Suffice it to say that you are an accomplice in his laziness.

The solution is simple and straightforward. Though he will shout and make noise but you must stand your ground. He that does not work should not eat. Go to your bank, tell them to disable your ATM since he knows your salary, opening a secret account may not do. Once he can't withdraw from the ATM, tell him you can't continue to feed his lazy layabouts...

Worst case scenario if you can't do the above, open an account for him and transfer what you can afford monthly to the account. If he finishes it in a day, its his problem. Put him on a monthly stipend if that is what he wants...

But if you really want him to be delivered from laziness, block all avenues and access he has to your money and stand your ground in not giving a dime. Marriage is a symbiotic relationship and not parasitic.

yellowpawpaw:
That's not even the issue.
Soon she will start hearing rumurs of secret wife and children somewhere and of course funded with her money!

Of course! No good deed goes unpunished.

My comment on this thread is : no comment.

More ororo to your elbow sister. God is in control and your miracle is on the way. Love is patient and kind,it does not keep record of evil. A virtuous woman provides for her family, covers her husband with wool and anoints his feet with sweet scented oil.

Patience was patient and that was why Goodluck lead her to Aso rock. Are you ready to enter your own Zion rock sister? Tarry,I say! Tarry and do not grumble.

It is well.

ifyalways: My comment on this thread is : no comment.

More ororo to your elbow sister. God is in control and your miracle is on the way. Love is patient and kind,it does not keep record of evil. A virtuous woman provides for her family, covers her husband with wool and anoints his feet with sweet scented oil.

Patience was patient and that was why Goodluck lead her to Aso rock. Are you ready to enter your own Zion rock sister? Tarry,I say! Tarry and do not grumble.

It is well.

bellong: Sister, christianity does not stop us from doing what is necessary and right. Infact, it strengthens us to do the right thing. Bible says, a man that cannot provide for his household is worse than an infidel. Suffice it to say that you are an accomplice in his laziness.

The solution is simple and straightforward. Though he will shout and make noise but you must stand your ground. He that does not work should not eat. Go to your bank, tell them to disable your ATM since he knows your salary, opening a secret account may not do. Once he can't withdraw from the ATM, tell him you can't continue to feed his lazy layabouts...

Worst case scenario if you can't do the above, open an account for him and transfer what you can afford monthly to the account. If he finishes it in a day, its his problem. Put him on a monthly stipend if that is what he wants...

But if you really want him to be delivered from laziness, block all avenues and access he has to your money and stand your ground in not giving a dime. Marriage is a symbiotic relationship and not parasitic.

End of discussion!

Rotfl @ Ifyalways. Tarry and do not grumble!! Bwahaha!

ifyalways: My comment on this thread is : no comment.

More ororo to your elbow sister. God is in control and your miracle is on the way. Love is patient and kind,it does not keep record of evil. A virtuous woman provides for her family, covers her husband with wool and anoints his feet with sweet scented oil.

Patience was patient and that was why Goodluck lead her to Aso rock. Are you ready to enter your own Zion rock sister? Tarry,I say! Tarry and do not grumble.

It is well.

....

yellowpawpaw:
That's not even the issue.
Soon she will start hearing rumurs of secret wife and children somewhere and of course funded with her money!

Be it kindness,be it wickedness neither goes unrepaid...

Your husband probably has a secret life you know nothing about, if not how do you explain the money developing wings.
If your salary is N100,000, plan what to do with it and pay him say 15000 every month and nothing more than that cos you want your marriage 2work.

Op@ if what u describe above is true, u must be a big fool for u to be fending for a complete grown up lazy man. The responsibility of a man is to take care of his family even if ur income is more than his. ur husband is a complete irresponsible lazy man. From what u describe above, it seem ure making him see ur marriage as a favour for u. I would advise uve one on one talk with him.let him know that marriage is not suppose to be like this. A man should not depend on a woman likewise a woman.after sometime,if he is still adamant, not ready to get a job I advise u open a secret account and stop providing for him. if not u will be working and end up living a wretched life.

a man that relys on a woman for everthing is lazy,moreover as someone said don't be surprised when he jilts you,i advise you flee

Thanks everyone for your comment. My fear is that once a man cannot provide for his family, he gets frustrated at every small issue. Dont want my case ending like the guy who butchered his wife over a similar issue cos my husband is beginning to get frustrated cos I complain more these days. At times he feels bad about the whole situation but I think he's just pretending otherwise he would have done something about it.

NB: These days I feel so unhappy and turn him down whenever he asks for sex. He has no shame at all, he keeps coming every now and then for sex. Each time I complain of anything he tells me I cant be there for him cos he has small financial issues.

eyitayoemmanuel: Thanks everyone for your comment. My fear is that once a man cannot provide for his family, he gets frustrated at every small issue. Dont want my case ending like the guy who butchered his wife over a similar issue cos my husband is beginning to get frustrated cos I complain more these days. At times he feels bad about the whole situation but I think he's just pretending otherwise he would have done something about it.

Your husband's case is entirely different. If he gets frustrated, his frustration should be directed at his laziness. Your description did not show a man putting in efforts to make ends meet but one who is lazy and not ready to do anything. So stop lamenting, do the right thing by not feeding his laziness...

I appreciate what you are goung through. What you can do is, since you have a child about to start school, open an account in any of the bank's for the child. Everymonth, put upto or >50% of your salary in there. No ATM access. Only you should have access to withdraw at the counter. The account is for your child's future. Leave just balance for family upkeep in your own account. Hope these will help.

In the spirit of equality between men and women, i think this should be commended. No be una say una wan be career women? Just make sure your husband does the cooking, cleaning and taking care of the kids. The feminists are definitely winning. God be praised. Halleluya!!!

On a more serious note, i think you should take decisive actions against your husband's lazy and spending habits. You mustn't always give in to his demands. If the marriage crashes due to that then so be it. But if you really want to save this marriage and he remains adamant then you have to give in and stop complaining. It's your choice to make.

I endorse this action but I think she needs to have a secret account for major capex

bellong: Sister, christianity does not stop us from doing what is necessary and right. Infact, it strengthens us to do the right thing. Bible says, a man that cannot provide for his household is worse than an infidel. Suffice it to say that you are an accomplice in his laziness.

The solution is simple and straightforward. Though he will shout and make noise but you must stand your ground. He that does not work should not eat. Go to your bank, tell them to disable your ATM since he knows your salary, opening a secret account may not do. Once he can't withdraw from the ATM, tell him you can't continue to feed his lazy layabouts...

Worst case scenario if you can't do the above, open an account for him and transfer what you can afford monthly to the account. If he finishes it in a day, its his problem. Put him on a monthly stipend if that is what he wants...

But if you really want him to be delivered from laziness, block all avenues and access he has to your money and stand your ground in not giving a dime. Marriage is a symbiotic relationship and not parasitic.

Its a pathetic story........ In cases like this, I thinks its best the both of you plan a get away, and really get to discuss issues. Its immaturity to be ashamed of your employment status.... If you haven't got a job, come out clean with it and seek for help. He seemed to have boasted bigger than his status and is ashamed to go back to these people and seek help with job. You have to make him see that its not an abnormality to need a job in this country.... I know a man who once survived by pounding yam in one of these restaurants... But now, a top executive with a multinational firm.
Op, its a complex, and you ve got to help him deal with the complex. Its majorly humility that he needs, at the same time, don't give him a reason to hurt you....
Here's, what you"d do. Open that secrete account, and change your salary account to that..... Its going to take months of careful planning. Don't get an atm for that account.
Then tell him your office is having issues with salary payment.... Make sure your office have no idea of you marital problems, you don't know who's just waiting for an opportunity to ruin you... U have to be very discrete. I know you lo<3e him... That's the more reason you'l help him.
Now, stop buying things, sheos etc, if you must, tell him u got it on credit. Never tell him it was a gift, you have to protect his ego!
Pretend to be managing with him. He'll then explore the options of a job... He'l be forced to.

Above all, pray for grace and strength, it won't be easy looking ur lo<3e in the eyes and telling him no money, but fact is actually, "no money for wasteful spending"
If you pull through it, you'll have your family back.

Those who duped him are probably waiting for him to come with the next chunk of money. And guess who will be supplying him?....

All the best girl, whatever you do,,,, make lo<3e your reason.

eyitayoemmanuel: Thanks everyone for your comment. My fear is that once a man cannot provide for his family, he gets frustrated at every small issue. Dont want my case ending like the guy who butchered his wife over a similar issue cos my husband is beginning to get frustrated cos I complain more these days. At times he feels bad about the whole situation but I think he's just pretending otherwise he would have done something about it.

Let him get frustrated if that will solve the problem. I can see ure living in constant fear. U don't want to hurt him. If he sincerely feel bad as uve said he should at least try his best but from all indication he is a lazy man.

tellwisdom: Have you returned the money he squandered?? Cos that's my concern

Are you the brother

@OP, i believe you are enjoying the situation cos you already contacted his family member...
They advice you to open a secret account that you can do at ease out of the whole banks in Nigeria, but yet you refuse... You are not frustrated.... Just wait when the frustration comes we shall all see...

Turning down your husband's sexual advances is criminal. That's how i feel about it. You're his wife, where else shd he get sexual satisfaction. Reduce his crimes to being unscrupulous with money but don't add salt to it.

You nid nt 2 be told u've done enough, I think it's high time u focused ur mind on urself nd children; make him go nd make money himself by nt having to satisfy all his financial needs at d expense of ur own convenience mean while u can kip praying 4 him for a change of attitude.