It really baffles me as to what's happening in churches @large,catholic church in particular.a friend of mine opting to wed in the catholic church was asked to pay 20k."y" I asked? Is it wrong to b wedded in the church/is the sacrament of matrimony for sale?y commercialize everything and yet they ll turn around to preach against abortion?I know some priests&Catholics 'll read this but just b4 you crucify me,just explain y.y r we deviating from Christ's teaching?y did st.valentine really die?NB:am a practicing catholic buh with these,I may b forced to leave so that I can really worship God for who he is.

Dear sister, it is easy to imagine why you are disturbed by your friend having to pay #20000 to the Church.

First, let me say that the sacraments are free and never paid for.

However, I do not believe that your are a practising Catholic for certain reasons.

1. If you were a practising Catholic, you would know that Jesus is present in the Holy Eucharist and as such, you would never ever think of leaving him who made himself a prisoner of love for us.

2. If you were an actively practising Catholic, you would most likely belong to a society or group in the Church or you would have close friends and family who are. In short, you would be closer to the Church as a community. My point is: you would know that it costs money to run a Catholic Church and the money doesnt literally fall down from the sky.

Any time the parish provides a spiritual service for its members, it is customary to make an offering, a sacrificial offering to the church. It’s an expression of our faith. At the same time it costs money to provide for a wedding. The time the staff spends with you compiling information for its records and preparing you for the ceremony costs money. The forms and literature and registers used in the preparation process cost money. The use of the church building, including lights, fuel for generator, AC, staff on hand to open, prepare, and clean up after, all cost money. Because many Catholics sometimes don’t get the idea of a sacrificial offering, most parishes have resorted to charging a fee for using the church. Call it “rent” if you will.

In addition the organist and choir spend extra hours rehearsing for your wedding often leaving their daily schedule. Dont forget the church wardens, altar servers, lectors. They should be given a small stipend shouldnt they?

The services of the priest or deacon are free, but it is customary to offer a stipend. Usually, no specific amount is suggested. Couples may want to consider not only the time devoted to the rehearsal and wedding, but also the effort put into the marriage preparation process.

If you think it is so easy, then you and your friend should join the choir at the church and serve other people (who might never ever contributed anything to the Church until their wedding) every Saturday at your own expense; leaving your personal concerns and transporting yourselves to Church every evening for rehearsals for other people's weddings.

If you do that for one month, you will insult anybody who makes the kind of complaint you have just made.

I hope I havent sounded too harsh. I'm not here to crucify you but make you understand.

I love you.

God love you.

I understand clearly well all u v stated buh do u realize that the banns will also be announced in their villages.and so the payment continues.yes payments must b made buh dis high?hmn don't know if the couple will be left with much.I think then that white wedding is truly for the rich.

Okay let us do some analysis.

I live about 30 mins walk from my parish and it is similar to most parishioners' distance from their houses to the Church.

It costs an average of #150 to go to and fro by bus. Lets imagine I'm in the Choir of 20 members. If we have to attend just 2 rehearsals for your wedding, each member will spend #300 on transport. The twenty members will spend #6000 on transport. Let us add 5 altar boys, one organist, 4 church wardens, one lector. They will use about #2000 on transport. What about the catechist and counsellor who would have transported themselves many times for the celebrant's sake. Now this is only the barest minimum for transport o. If you want to give stipend or a token to all these people, including the priest, will #20000 be enough?

Now bear in mind that the organ, generator, staff salaries, electric bills, maintenance and all other costs are catered for by the donation and contribution of me and my fellow parishioners. If everybody says sacraments like matrimony, eucharist, confession etc arent for sale so we wont contribute money to the Church, will your friend go to an empty space to have her wedding?

If the Church were to charge for the services of all the people listed and rental, dont you think #20000 would be far too small?

Now, if your friend cannot afford 20k which is not possible for someone about to wed, she can share her concern with the Parish priest and they could be lenient. Also, if she is that broke, she can register for a mass wedding which would cost next to nothing.



God bless you.

All ur emphasis is on the choir,am a choirster and choir does not get more than 10k as substitute 4 their food nd drinks.why would the village parish charge up to 10k just 2 announce the bann whereas the wedding will not be held there?my dear,pple clearly opt 4 court marriage 2 avoid all these shit.

amyg: All ur emphasis is on the choir,am a choirster and choir does not get more than 10k as substitute 4 their food nd drinks.why would the village parish charge up to 10k just 2 announce the bann whereas the wedding will not be held there?my dear,pple clearly opt 4 court marriage 2 avoid all these shit.

Oh! To you, the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony is "shit" that can be replaced by "court marriage."

I see that you have made up your mind on certain things. Nothing will change it.

You say you are a choir member. Have you tried asking your parish priest or any priest at all why the village parish would charge #10000? I guess not.

May Christ not judge the way you judge his Church.

May people not judge you without hearing your side of the story with an open mind.

Amen?!

Don't get sentimental my dear,Christ I love buh the so called Christians I dislike their attitude.I v notn against the sacrament buh those that v d authority 2 administer are deviating and making it so difficult.this happens in dis country alone.u may want 2 analyse white wedding for what it truely is and those dat introduced it 2 us,u ll surely tell urself the truth.pls take me back 2 St valentine and why he is being celebrated.so many human doctrines have been included.I will love to have a sacramental wedding buh am scared with the church demands.

amyg: Don't get sentimental my dear,Christ I love buh the so called Christians I dislike their attitude.I v notn against the sacrament buh those that v d authority 2 administer are deviating and making it so difficult

I asked you if you had asked a priest for an explanation. You didnt answer. I bet you havent...yet you have judged.

May you not be judged that way. Amen.

amyg:

.this happens in dis country alone.u may want 2 analyse white wedding for what it truely is and those dat introduced it 2 us,u ll surely tell urself the truth.

The same thing you are complaining of is done outside Nigeria.

amyg:

pls take me back 2 St valentine and why he is being celebrated

I dont think St. Valentine ever wedded a couple in a Church with choir, organists, altar boys, wardens, lectors going to rehearsals for weeks...and he sent them home hungry and broke. St Valentine wasnt that wicked.

And if St Valentine gave them a stipend, I dont think he plucked the money from trees. He must have got at least some of the money from couples who could afford it. And I believe the couples would have given him cheerfully because they knew he'd need it. Except they are stingy and stupid.

amyg:

.so many human doctrines have been included.I will love to have a sacramental wedding buh am scared with the church demands

Why would you love a sacramental wedding if the demands of the Church are human doctrines.

If you have a court wedding, you will pay money to the government that will end up embezzling it. And you will not complain. If you have a traditional wedding, you will pay money. It is only when you have to contribute to God's Church that you people complain.

I have a solution for you: you and your would be husband should just stay at home and perform the wedding vows yourself. After all, it is the same human doctrine that you will obtain at the Church.

Then you can keep your #10000 and use it for things you consider more important...like DJ, wedding gown and suit, food n drinks, shoe n bag, hall, cake, decoration, souvenirs
Etc.

If the Catholic Church has corrupted the Sacrament of Matrimony by adding human doctrine, why dont you go towhere they only administer the sacrament in its divine form, not corrupted and you wont have to pay a dime?

Why are you so particular about this Church that wants to extort your money and offer you corrupted sacrament?

Traditional, court wedding, muslim wedding, other "churches", you can even arrange one of these pastors to do it privately in your bedroom.

There are many many options, sweetheart

Haba @ OP, this is the church that organises mass wedding free of charge from anything for her members. This is a church that has Legion of mary that will do anything to ensure you are truly wedded. This is a church that has St.Vincent de paul society that helps non catholics materially, not to talk of one of theirs and for such a purpose. Dear one, no naa, no catholic church can deny a determined candidate the sacrament of matrimony just for their inability to pay such fees. In the villages, such fees accrue from groups like cyon, mary league etc that one should have identified with earlier, but all in all, if any one cannot trully foot the whatever fee (which is not that expensive everywhere), please approach the priest or any of the societies I mentioned, you'll be surprised.

Syncan: Haba @ OP, this is the church that organises mass wedding free of charge from anything for her members. This is a church that has Legion of mary that will do anything to ensure you are truly wedded. This is a church that has St.Vincent de paul society that helps non catholics materially, not to talk of one of theirs and for such a purpose. Dear one, no naa, no catholic church can deny a determined candidate the sacrament of matrimony just for their inability to pay such fees. In the villages, such fees accrue from groups like cyon, mary league etc that one should have identified with earlier, but all in all, if any one cannot trully foot the whatever fee (which is not that expensive everywhere), please approach the priest or any of the societies I mentioned, you'll be surprised.

I have already told her about the options of talking to the parish priest and mass wedding if the fee is beyond her means. Also, she says she is in the choir. How will a choir member not know that she cannot be denied the Sacrament just because she cannot raise a certain fee.

You know, when some people have made up their mind to condemn something...there might be nothing you can do about it.

Syncan: Haba @ OP, this is the church that organises mass wedding free of charge from anything for her members. This is a church that has Legion of mary that will do anything to ensure you are truly wedded. This is a church that has St.Vincent de paul society that helps non catholics materially, not to talk of one of theirs and for such a purpose. Dear one, no naa, no catholic church can deny a determined candidate the sacrament of matrimony just for their inability to pay such fees. In the villages, such fees accrue from groups like cyon, mary league etc that one should have identified with earlier, but all in all, if any one cannot trully foot the whatever fee (which is not that expensive everywhere), please approach the priest or any of the societies I mentioned, you'll be surprised.

a word is enof for a wise..

italo:

I have already told her about the options of talking to the parish priest and mass wedding if the fee is beyond her means. Also, she says she is in the choir. How will a choir member not know that she cannot be denied the Sacrament just because she cannot raise a certain fee.

You know, when some people have made up their mind to condemn something...there might be nothing you can do about it.

I hope for hersake, that she is a winner and not a loser that easily give up.

woky: a word is enof for a wise..

abi...

woky: a word is enof for a wise..

na so

Syncan:

I hope for hersake, that she is a winner and not a loser that easily give up.

I pray...for her sake.

@italo,u sound so bitter.u may need 2 calm down.u mentioned giving cheerfully and freely,y then do they impose?all am saying is that just because its in their power to administer the sacrament,they should not use it as a means of extortion and exploitation.are u married yet?if no,pls ask those that wedded in catholic church what they passed thru. and when u wed,pls come back and tell us the honest version of ur story.I asked my priest back home,he told me that 2 get a reply after publication alone is 10k?Mary league 20k and others I wouldn't mention.pls am not here 2 pass judgement buh I hope my Jesus will b happy with them when they tell him what they v done with his flock. Tel me about the whites that introduced church wedding to us and how its done in their place.

amyg: @italo,u sound so bitter.u may need 2 calm down.

Well, it might seem i'm bitter from my tone but I'm not. I think I'm calm...at least calmer than you. I'm not the one who wants to run away from the Holy Eucharist because of #10000. I'm just disturbed that some adults that claim to be practising Catholic choir members dont even know what it means to be Catholic in the first place. Children as young as 7 know that Holy Communion is Jesus' body, blood, soul and divinity...but some adults that claim to sing communion hymns every Sunday dont know. In fact, I'm not just disturbed, my heart genuinely aches for such people.

amyg:
u mentioned giving cheerfully and freely,y then do they impose?all am saying is that just because its in their power to administer the sacrament,they should not use it as a means of extortion and exploitation.

I guess the reason they charge a fee is that there are people who claim to be Catholics but dont understand cheerful and free giving. They are just thieves who want to reap from what they did not sow. These wicked people stayed away all their lives while I and fellow parishioners built up and continued to maintain our parish. Then at their wedding they want to take what others have suffered for without making any remuneration. On top of it, they want other human beings (Catechists, counsellors, facilitators, altar boys, choir, wardens etc) to slave for them at their wedding then go home hungry, tired and broke while they themselves go on to feast lavishly at the reception they have prepared for themselves and their VIPs. And they never make any contribution or visits to the Church after that until they are dead. Then their family tries to bring them again to the Church to steal again. Tell me who is extorting who. I say again: these people are evil.

amyg:
are u married yet?if no,pls ask those that wedded in catholic church what they passed thru. and when u wed,pls come back and tell us the honest version of ur story.I asked my priest back home,he told me that 2 get a reply after publication alone is 10k?Mary league 20k and others I wouldn't mention.

My sister wedded in April in Abuja and she paid 60k to the Church. We paid for hall-850k, decor-300k, food and drinks not less than 1.2m, 4 parents' outfits-400k, MC-175k, etc. And it follows a similar pattern for most weddings.

These same people I was talking about will spend much larger sums on many irrelevant things then say it is the Catholic Church that made life difficult for them.

amyg:
pls am not here 2 pass judgement buh I hope my Jesus will b happy with them when they tell him what they v done with his flock. Tel me about the whites that introduced church wedding to us and how its done in their place.

Have you not passed your judgement that the ones entrusted with the sacraments are unfair and are deliberately exploiting and extorting people? Whites also do the same. Read:


Fees
Your parish will spend a considerable amount of time and money helping you prepare for your marriage. Most parishes charge a fee to recover some of this expense; others simply accept a voluntary contribution. Fees for members of the parish commonly range from $300-$500. Sometimes a higher fee is charged to people who are not members of the parish.
Even if a fee is not specified, it is customary to offer a monetary gift. How do you determine the appropriate amount? One way would be to consult the websites of parishes in your area to see whether they charge a fee, and make the gift to your parish a similar amount. Another way would be to tithe a percentage of what you expect to spend on the whole wedding. Or offer as much as you choose to spend on more "optional" elements of the wedding, such as the cost of photography or wedding clothes. Alternatively, you could just ask the parish staff what an appropriate amount would be.
If you are truly unable to afford the fee, don't hesitate to approach your parish to ask for a waiver or reduction. All eligible persons have a right to receive the sacrament of marriage, regardless of ability to pay a fee.
- See more at: http://www.catholicweddinghelp.com/wedding-planning/02-contacting.htm#sthash.6FaSZ2kr.dpuf

We have told you that no Catholic parish would refuse you the Sacrament just because you cannot afford to pay a fee. We have told you how to go about it...but no!

You have decided that you must give the Church a bad name so you can hang it.

And you say I sound bitter. ..

Dear Italo,can we pls stick 2 our point of arguement?I nevr preached against the holy eucharist(am a communicant),so u don't lift what I did not say.did u just mention thieves stealing frm d church?biko what are they stealing?salvation?whose is salavation?I bet u r a priest cos u r trying so hard 2 justify the church action.so if u were God,you would give children only 2 ur so callEd free-givers/better still only those that pay aS @when due?ha!you are frm true Christianity then.I beg to say that your thoughts are prejudiced.so you are happy to tell us that your sister paid 60k for the church to wed her?monetized matrimony(am I right?)lol.was it a freewill donation or tagged fee as usual.pls ask her how happily she gave.Considering the harsh economy,she must be highly paid.Frm ur angle,once a couple setS to wed then they must be rich.u r angry@the money lavished@wedding,bend down well my dear,its either on credit/loans.and the truth which u and I know is left to our conscience.be careful as a shepherd that you are not feeding off your own flock.u demand payment for those serving @ the lord's vineyard,its God's work u were not forced.u will be paid buh it must not be caShwise.most times,u r invited to the reception.money must come to God's treasurey buh don't withhold the sacrament when it dosnt come.and oh 4 the matrimonial sales,happy sales.

^^^

All the parish priests whose parishes are charging that fee are exploiters and extortionists. God is not happy with them. People should be left to make a donation by their own choice. And if they dont, the parishes should not change, even if they have to go bankrupt and send their choir, altar boys etc home hungry and broke. Even is the Church cannot meet up its financial obligations and has to close down. Choir members, altar boys, organists should keep using their own money to prepare for and slave at other people's weddings without any stipend if the couples dont make contributions...or they make negligibly small contributions.

The priests are bad now because one selfish choir member who has been enjoying from the money paid to choir for other people's weddings is suddenly about to pay at her own wedding.

Yes, I hear you. The priests are bad. Na you good.

I hope I have told you what you want to hear.

"He who the gods want to destroy, they'll first make deaf"-'African proverb.

Please anyone that knows some couple whose wedding is on hold due to just their inability to pay "church wedding fee" only, should let me know. Till then, hold your peace.

^^^That would be a good way to go about it.

@amyg,

Can you let us know any couple like that?

Let us take it up with the relevant authorities within the Church and see their response.

amyg: Dear Italo,can we pls stick 2 our point of arguement?I nevr preached against the holy eucharist(am a communicant),so u don't lift what I did not say.did u just mention thieves stealing frm d church?biko what are they stealing?salvation?whose is salavation?I bet u r a priest cos u r trying so hard 2 justify the church action.so if u were God,you would give children only 2 ur so callEd free-givers/better still only those that pay aS @when due?ha!you are frm true Christianity then.I beg to say that your thoughts are prejudiced.so you are happy to tell us that your sister paid 60k for the church to wed her?monetized matrimony(am I right?)lol.was it a freewill donation or tagged fee as usual.pls ask her how happily she gave.Considering the harsh economy,she must be highly paid.Frm ur angle,once a couple setS to wed then they must be rich.u r angry@the money lavished@wedding,[b]bend down well my dear,its either on credit/loans.and the truth which u and I know is left to our conscience.[/b ]be careful as a shepherd that you are not feeding off your own flock.u demand payment for those serving @ the lord's vineyard,its God's work u were not forced.u will be paid buh it must not be caShwise.most times,u r invited to the reception.money must come to God's treasurey buh don't withhold the sacrament when it dosnt come.and oh 4 the matrimonial sales,happy sales.

People borrow money to get married. Why on earth?

babestell:
People borrow money to get married. Why on earth?

Nne, though I cant judge them but e get as the thing be for my ear o...

There are 3 sides to every story,ur version,my version and the TRUTH.its like a stain of oil in water.even if it be a tanker of water,it must always FLOAT.once more,happy sales.

amyg: There are 3 sides to every story,ur version,my version and the TRUTH.its like a stain of oil in water.even if it be a tanker of water,it must always FLOAT.once more,happy sales.

Daughter of God, dont you think it would be better for the house of God if you could show us any couple anywhere in that world that is being denied of the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony just because they cannot pay a fee?

Then we can take the issue up and go about trying to correct the wrong in God's house.

If you cannot provide evidence of this, shouldn't we just take you as someone who just wants to condemn the Church based on something that could well be a lie?

U already know the truth,cos u r fighting so hard 2 cover up.I v sighted enuf examples, need I say more?am glad 4 a forum like this,we are not allowed questions in the church.people are dying inside cos of their love for the catholic church,while those that can't cope just creep away.just incase u don't know,the population of sacramental weddings has droppeD greatly,reason"my thread".I rest my case but I thank God that I finally got the chance 2 speak up.God bless u as u give all we argued about a thought and mayb effect a change for the sake of weak souls.

amyg: U already know the truth,cos u r fighting so hard 2 cover up.I v sighted enuf examples, need I say more?am glad 4 a forum like this,we are not allowed questions in the church.people are dying inside cos of their love for the catholic church,while those that can't cope just creep away.just incase u don't know,the population of sacramental weddings has droppeD greatly,reason"my thread".I rest my case but I thank God that I finally got the chance 2 speak up.God bless u as u give all we argued about a thought and mayb effect a change for the sake of weak souls.

I want to forward this to the Archbishop of Lagos' office as early as next week.

In which diocese is this presently happening, which parish?

How can we tell the Church authority of these people you know that are being/have been denied the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony because they cannot afford a wedding fee?

Of course you know we must have facts.

Let us together help improve God's Church instead of merely condemning as if we ourselves are perfect.

Go 2 Imo state,Orlu dioceses.I won't b specific 4 anonimousity sake.also go 2 Enugu.

amyg: Go 2 Imo state,Orlu dioceses.I won't b specific 4 anonimousity sake.also go 2 Enugu.

Even if not here, can you send me the name of the parish (es) in Orlu diocese. I spent many years there and know many priests there including the present bishop of the diocese. Let's see if anything can be done about it.

Whats wrong with paying a fee for the use of the facility?

And whats so unusual about that?

You dont have to hold your wedding in the church if you disagree with the policy, just have it somewhere else.

And if you cant afford to pay the fee but still want to get married, then just discuss with the minister and see if it can be waived.

Sal C: Even if not here, can you send me the name of the parish (es) in Orlu diocese. I spent many years there and know many priests there including the present bishop of the diocese. Let's see if anything can be done about it.

Yes...yes.

Even if she cant give the names of the couples... she can give vital details of what is happening.

E.g the parishes, exactly how much is being paid, that couples who cannot afford the fee are turned away etc