Bombaybombay: Many times writing helps calm my spirit down. I am sad, heartbroken and unhappy.
Here is why.
I picked his phone dis morning,i do once a while. And i saw his chat with dis gurl. Dis gurl's chat i av always followed up cos i wasnt sure they r just friends. Its either he is asking her to call him, or asking really deep questions of eachother. Now 2day, i saw him saying he misses her but hard to say, or he wants to see her nd d worse, "my P is doing geezgeez as am chatting with you". I tried to confront him and ask him what kind of chat that was eventhough am nt sure it was d right thing to do. B4 i knee it he has twisted everything b4 me. Saying did i catch him cheating. Dat i dont av a point. And i rem d last time i saw his chat with this i asked him y they where dat close, he said shez his padi.
He is ere acting as if he did nutting wrong nt a single word of apology, he isnt sober. Am shedding tears nw nt even becos of what he did cos i know dats just a tip of d iceberg. But am sad now cos of d way am bin ignored by him. This same man i make love to like a LovePeddler just to keep him. I do all, i submit. Anyone would advice me not to leave my marriage cos of this, but right now i dont feel respectedaor loved, instead bin apologised to am blamed for picking his phone. How would i pass my message across that am sad, i av cried in front of him he ignored me bluntly.

byvan: @ Ifyalways," mount him", isn't that a risk?STD things.

byvan: @ Ifyalways," mount him", isn't that a risk?STD things.

swtchicgurl:

the bolded part really touched me. If you've submitted and done everything good, the next thing is to pray. are u a christian?

chaircover: Its one of two things . . .Either He is not in love with you and therefore doesnt care if your feelings are hurt. (You say that you rushed into marriage with him and you have a baby for him. Maybe you were/are not be his first choice.

. . . . . Or he he does this because as you say, he knows that there is nothing you can do and no where to go and he therefore believes that he can do and undo and he lacks respect for you. This is easier to deal with that the first option I mentioned. You just have to change a few things. For example do you work? Do you bring anything to the table? Are you totally dependent on him in all areas?

You need to sit down with yourself and be very honest with yourself and think about things and how and why things got to this stage and with a clear mind work out what to do.

Gaggi: Your writing is poor. Most people read fantastic lying tales of marriage on NL and d next thing they start talking of how it is better to be single and such nonsense.
Life is tough. Being single Is tough, marriage is tough, going to work everyday is tough, raising kids is tough. Every thing in this life is tough and only the tough survive. Find out ways to make ur relationship or marriage work just like u would make ur job work.

Nashville: Sorry to hear about your issues but you said you rushed into marriage how? Was it that you didnt know him or you kinda trapped him with pregnancy? I am just trying to understand how your courtship was like and if he you had to fight to marry him.

First of all, there is no justification for what he is doing. I can also see that you are very dependent on him financially and he has little respect for you. Has he always been like this or he has just found a new sweet 16. Don't rush to do anything you might regret. I will not advice you leave your house as you have nowhere to go. Please talk to him again and talk to members of his family about it. See what they say and do pray for him to.

Bombaybombay: Many times writing helps calm my spirit down. I am sad, heartbroken and unhappy.
Here is why.
I picked his phone dis morning,i do once a while. And i saw his chat with dis gurl. Dis gurl's chat i av always followed up cos i wasnt sure they r just friends. Its either he is asking her to call him, or asking really deep questions of eachother. Now 2day, i saw him saying he misses her but hard to say, or he wants to see her nd d worse, "my P is doing geezgeez as am chatting with you". I tried to confront him and ask him what kind of chat that was eventhough am nt sure it was d right thing to do. B4 i knee it he has twisted everything b4 me. Saying did i catch him cheating. Dat i dont av a point. And i rem d last time i saw his chat with this i asked him y they where dat close, he said shez his padi.
He is ere acting as if he did nutting wrong nt a single word of apology, he isnt sober. Am shedding tears nw nt even becos of what he did cos i know dats just a tip of d iceberg. But am sad now cos of d way am bin ignored by him. This same man i make love to like a LovePeddler just to keep him. I do all, i submit. Anyone would advice me not to leave my marriage cos of this, but right now i dont feel respectedaor loved, instead bin apologised to am blamed for picking his phone. How would i pass my message across that am sad, i av cried in front of him he ignored me bluntly. He knows am gulllible, he knows even if i pack out i av no where to go. Is dat y i get treated dis way. I was hurt nd i snapped at him , is dat y i dnt deserve anytin. Anyone will say dont leave ur house for another woman to come in is it not better to be a single mum without a man to stress ur life.
Single girls dis institution called marriage can be d worse night mare once u rush into it like i did, cos i loved him and i tot he did too

Bombaybombay:
Am not dependent on him all around cos i work. I got pregnant b4 we got married cos he asked me to sir, not becos i saw that he loved me. He was really nice to me though an dat was all. But he is nice to everybody(Sad to hear but true). Now sir/ma i dont know if urs becos i got preggy he married me though thats how i see things now though. And i av no where to go back to cos my dad will nucely shut his door on me, and dats all i have

Nashville:

You said he asked you to get pregnant and you agreed even though you did not think he loved you? So why get pregnant for him if you were not sure he loved you. Sorry I am just trying to get to the how things were from the beginning. May be he was just looking to raise a family and he was just going to marry any girl that could get pregnant for him.

Madam this is a tough one. I will suggest you plead and talk with him. Tell him how much you love him and how much this hurts you. Tell him how much it is bad for the family and see his reaction. Get his family involved if need be. It seems your husband doesn't love you if at all he ever did, and that is very difficult to change. In his head you are a baby factory and an evidence of his marital life. You need to let him know you are more than that and deserve better. Suggest counseling if possible but what he needs is a total mind shift.

Bombaybombay:
If i tell u his mum is here now, and guess what she couldnt help.

Bombaybombay: Many times writing helps calm my spirit down. I am sad, heartbroken and unhappy.
Here is why.
I picked his phone dis morning,i do once a while. And i saw his chat with dis gurl. Dis gurl's chat i av always followed up cos i wasnt sure they r just friends. Its either he is asking her to call him, or asking really deep questions of eachother. Now 2day, i saw him saying he misses her but hard to say, or he wants to see her nd d worse, "my P is doing geezgeez as am chatting with you". I tried to confront him and ask him what kind of chat that was eventhough am nt sure it was d right thing to do. B4 i knee it he has twisted everything b4 me. Saying did i catch him cheating. Dat i dont av a point. And i rem d last time i saw his chat with this i asked him y they where dat close, he said shez his padi.
He is ere acting as if he did nutting wrong nt a single word of apology, he isnt sober. Am shedding tears nw nt even becos of what he did cos i know dats just a tip of d iceberg. But am sad now cos of d way am bin ignored by him. This same man i make love to like a LovePeddler just to keep him. I do all, i submit. Anyone would advice me not to leave my marriage cos of this, but right now i dont feel respectedaor loved, instead bin apologised to am blamed for picking his phone. How would i pass my message across that am sad, i av cried in front of him he ignored me bluntly. He knows am gulllible, he knows even if i pack out i av no where to go. Is dat y i get treated dis way. I was hurt nd i snapped at him , is dat y i dnt deserve anytin. Anyone will say dont leave ur house for another woman to come in is it not better to be a single mum without a man to stress ur life.
Single girls dis institution called marriage can be d worse night mare once u rush into it like i did, cos i loved him and i tot he did too

andromida:

May I suggest to you that you can turn things around for yourself? If you have been acting like a doormat and living for his love and approval stop right now. Put the focus on yourself,live for yourself. What do you like doing apart from work?
Do you have a support circle like sisters or friends you can keep company with?can u jog,take long walks anytime you feel unloved. Can you invest your time and energy in something that does not involve him that makes you happy?. Will you consider treating yourself like the queen you are.?Can u keep writng in a journal and keep working towards your happiness.

Remember before you met him your life was happy and didn't revolve around him. Can you work that magic again by loving yourself even while with him.

Bombaybombay:
Yea ma i am, and i pray, wake up at night sometimes to pray for my home

Bombaybombay:
I was crying while writing so ignore d mistakes.

chaircover: Gaggi i get what you are saying which is for people to put their money where their mouth is and if you read many threads here on the family section, many people have shared their experiences/given advise on how to make a little money here and there as a woman

The truth is that there is a difference between a woman who asks for N10 from her husband to grind pepper and one who doesn't. That N10 though a very small amount can make a big difference in how a man perceives a woman and how he therefore responds to her.

A man who knows that he can travel knowing fully well that his wife can hold the home front together in his absence is a lot different from a man who has to keep on transferring money home for minor expenses or having to call on one relative or another to go and give his wife money because they have run out of cooking gas.

Back to your question on how women can be productive, there are so many things a woman can do to get change in her hand; hair dressing, pastry's, a small kiosk . . .so many things. No one is telling the woman to earn a 6 figure salary, but being able to do little little things financially will gain her respect.

Gaggi:

Do u know some people can't even raise 1,000 naira in a month? Even opening a provision store will cost thousands. Who will an abused woman run to when d husband is against her? It even makes her vulnerabe to sexxxual abuse.

I would love to see u women come together and.help a woman raise capital. If people can do it for those ill or.seeking for school fees why not an abused woman?.
It's food for thought.