I've a relative in Nigeria who always ask for financial help but will never help anyone for free if it's her turn. Though she'll always say if she's the one abroad she'll help everyone back home. However, her utterances and responses towards other people in need of non-financial help suggest otherwise. Eg. she'll never run an errand for anyone except you pay or mobilize her first. She does nothing for free, even things she can do. Some will never walk around to get you even price quotations unless you either give them money for air-time or transportation. At one time I paid $10 Western Union fee to send $20 transport money to a relative in Nigeria to go check my transcript for me at my former school. If one cannot spare $1 from $10, do you believe he/she will spare $100 from $1000? Mother Theresa had nothing except a small house, yet shared it with hundreds of orphans. So you don’t have to be wealthy to share what you have. Giving is a spirit, and not a practiced act.

Sometime I feel so used by friends and relatives back home, who will never do anything for free despite all u do for them. Which leads me to wonder if it’s a stingy spirit that leads people to lack in the first place, and should you be helping such people?

Terrible behavior I must say. Read by thread, I met a man

Really wish people can reciprocate the love they get to others

He that cannot give when he has little, can never give when he has in abundance. Stinginess is a reflection of selfish and me only syndrome attitude.

The stinginess of people should not stop you from helping those in need. Remembering that whatever help you do, it is done with the mind of not expecting a return favour.
Meanwhile, you need to reconsider who your friends are if your friend cannot help you for free.

bellong: The stinginess of people should not stop you from helping those in need. Remembering that whatever help you do, it is done with the mind of not expecting a return favour.

I know, but I am only considering stopping helping those who don't help me either when I need their help. Why give a sh**uu**t about people who don't give sh**uu**t about you? Must I pay someone to love or like me & be my friend? That's how I feel when I work too hard to keep a relationship..while the person acts like he/she's doing me a favor spending my money....

hmmmmm, u will either learn from other pples experience or u will learn from ur own experience.

this is normal in nigeria,

once u travel u become everyone's sacrificial lamb.

u become the outsider, the others share secrets n u will not be involved.

its sad but dats how it is. take heart

one advise: dnt do business wit anyone o, u go turn to office for their hand

if u want to help just help.

A WORD IS ENUF FOR THE WISE!!

Na wah oh.

bebe2: : dnt do business wit anyone o, u go turn to office for their hand if u want to help just help.

A WORD IS ENUF FOR THE WISE!!

I stopped doing biz with friends/ relatives back home after I read very horrible experiences of people on Nairaland often resulting in family feuds and even enmity - inflating/manipulating prices twice the cost. But can't someone abroad have a trusted, honest, good friend back home? why is it always one-sided?

Woged2005:

I stopped doing biz with friends/ relatives back home after I read very horrible experiences of people on Nairaland often resulting in family feuds and even enmity - inflating/manipulating prices twice the cost. But can't someone abroad have a trusted, honest, good friend back home? why is it always one-sided?

There are good and trusted friends at home. It is left for you to identify the type of friends you keep. Those your friends had always been like that, its not because you are abroad that they changed. A leopard does not change her skin... Get a better company and people with positive attitude to life.

bellong: ... Get a better company and people with positive attitude to life.

Honestly I've tried many across board, almost the same result (Perhaps except my parents). Even a bank manager flashed me to call her back only for her to tell me what to buy for her. She didn't want to pay for the call. It's just the spirit in some people.

Scorpion needed a ride across the river and begged a frog to help out, the frog said he would carry the scorpion on the back across the river if scorpion would not sting him! The scorpion promised not to sting the frog and so they started the ride; just as they were about arriving on the other side of the river, the scorpion gave the frog a nasty sting. The frog was mad and asked why scorpion could not keep his promise to which the scorpion replied "it is part of me to sting, it is the way I was created"

Moral of the story - let nobody cause you to change, in fact you will lose some of what makes you happy if you try to change. Live the way you are wired and let those people deal with their issues.

Woged2005:

I know, but I am only considering stopping helping those who don't help me either when I need their help. Why give a sh**uu**t about people who don't give sh**uu**t about you? Must I pay someone to love or like me & be my friend? That's how I feel when I work too hard to keep a relationship..while the person acts like he/she's doing me a favor spending my money....

igbonla: Scorpion needed a ride across the river and begged a frog to help out, the frog said he would carry the scorpion on the back across the river if scorpion would not sting him! The scorpion promised not to sting the frog and so they started the ride; just as they were about arriving on the other side of the river, the scorpion gave the frog a nasty sting. The frog was mad and asked why scorpion could not keep his promise to which the scorpion replied "it is part of me to sting, it is the way I was created"

Moral of the story - let nobody cause you to change, in fact you will lose some of what makes you happy if you try to change. Live the way you are wired and let those people deal with their issues.

. I enjoyed the story. U'll make a good kiddies story writer. Maybe that's a calling u've not given a thought yet

Honestly sometimes I wonder about some morals we keep at our own expense..while some people take advantage of other's goodwill.

Woged2005: I've a relative in Nigeria who always ask for financial help but will never help anyone for free if it's her turn. Though she'll always say if she's the one abroad she'll help everyone back home. However, her utterances and responses towards other people in need of non-financial help suggest otherwise. Eg. she'll never run an errand for anyone except you pay or mobilize her first. She does nothing for free, even things she can do. Some will never walk around to get you even price quotations unless you either give them money for air-time or transportation. At one time I paid $10 Western Union fee to send $20 transport money to a relative in Nigeria to go check my transcript for me at my former school. If one cannot spare $1 from $10, do you believe he/she will spare $100 from $1000? Mother Theresa had nothing except a small house, yet shared it with hundreds of orphans. So you don’t have to be wealthy to share what you have. Giving is a spirit, and not a practiced act.

Sometime I feel so used by friends and relatives back home, who will never do anything for free despite all u do for them. Which leads me to wonder if it’s a stingy spirit that leads people to lack in the first place, and should you be helping such people?

Awww, i understand how you feel. I think maybe what you should do is whenever they ask you for a favour,you remind them of their past sins before helping. Let them know that your attitude of giving/ helping is not stupidity

Woged2005:

. I enjoyed the story. U'll make a good kiddies story writer. Maybe that's a calling u've not given a thought yet

Honestly sometimes I wonder about some morals we keep at our own expense..while some people take advantage of other's goodwill.

Thanks for the compliment, who knows where the legs are taking the head?

bebe2: hmmmmm, u will either learn from other pples experience or u will learn from ur own experience.

this is normal in nigeria,

once u travel u become everyone's sacrificial lamb.

u become the outsider, the others share secrets n u will not be involved.

its sad but dats how it is. take heart

one advise: dnt do business wit anyone o, u go turn to office for their hand

if u want to help just help.

A WORD IS ENUF FOR THE WISE!!

You're perfectly right. This, I'm afraid, is common in Ghana as well. Sadly, the very ones you cherish so much are those that hurt you the most. Human behaviour is sometimes very difficult to comprehend.

Woged2005:

I stopped doing biz with friends/ relatives back home after I read very horrible experiences of people on Nairaland often resulting in family feuds and even enmity - inflating/manipulating prices twice the cost. But can't someone abroad have a trusted, honest, good friend back home? why is it always one-sided?

It' a pity.

Woged2005:

I stopped doing biz with friends/ relatives back home after I read very horrible experiences of people on Nairaland often resulting in family feuds and even enmity - inflating/manipulating prices twice the cost. But can't someone abroad have a trusted, honest, good friend back home? why is it always one-sided?

You are basing your decisions on shady nairaland stories?

Wa pe nbe.

So you need nl to tell you not to do business from afar, what happened to your own judgement and assessment of situations?

As per sending money for people to run errands for you, you want them to do it for free even though you know how difficult things are financially for most people in nigeria?

If you dont want to do, then dont do instead of complaining about when they are helping you.

Yes, people do take advantage of others but the examples you gave do not show that, imo.

bellong:

There are good and trusted friends at home. It is left for you to identify the type of friends you keep. Those your friends had always been like that, its not because you are abroad that they changed. A leopard does not change her skin... Get a better company and people with positive attitude to life.

Well said!

tpia@:


As per sending money for people to run errands for you, you want them to do it for free even though you know how difficult things are financially for most people in nigeria?
.

But when they want people abroad to buy them shoes, phones, clothes, medications, etc do they give them transport fare too? Do people abroad manufacture their own gas to drive their cars to the mall, shop, or pharmacy? We make the sacrifices for the sake of friendship/ family which some people back home do not reciprocate.

Don't even go there, sister. Life is far tougher for many Nigerian's broad than those at home. At least in Nigeria u can borrow oil, salt, or maggi, etc from ur neighbor to cook. Abroad, who will give you? -and how come my experience is same with that of most Nigerians abroad?

Woged2005:

I stopped doing biz with friends/ relatives back home after I read very horrible experiences of people on Nairaland often resulting in family feuds and even enmity - inflating/manipulating prices twice the cost. But can't someone abroad have a trusted, honest, good friend back home? why is it always one-sided?

Your parents are your closest allies. They'll never inflate prices or cheat you of the little you have.

Woged2005:

I know, but I am only considering stopping helping those who don't help me either when I need their help. Why give a sh**uu**t about people who don't give sh**uu**t about you? Must I pay someone to love or like me & be my friend? That's how I feel when I work too hard to keep a relationship..while the person acts like he/she's doing me a favor spending my money....

Ah! The bolded bit says a lot.

The answer to your question is 'No'. You musn't pay someone to love, like or be your friend. Absolutely not. As far as relationships go, you might want to stick to your fellow countrymen with valid papers in the same country as you currently are at. That way, they too will:

~ understand what a struggle it can be to keep your head afloat, without you having to spell it out to them.
~ won't make unnecessary demands on you as though you're a walking bank

Finally, they'll level easier with you, and you won't always have that nagging feeling that they're with you only to get what they can out of you.

Be strong girl.

It is well.

Why would you be comparing nigeria with a first world country?

And what s the big deal about sending your friends and family basic items which they need but cant afford to buy? When jonathan said he had no shoes as a kid, wouldnt it have helped if he had someone who could have sent those to him?


Stop being so petty and arrogant, nobody is forcing you to part with your money, if you dont want to help anybody then thats your prerogative and stop whining about everything.

As per how many people are "sharing" your experiences, that does not concern me. If you dont have a mind of your own then too bad.

of course, if you dont have money and cant afford to send cash or items home, that's entirely different. In that case, let them know the situation of things, they dont have to assume you're rolling in cash just because you're overseas.

Woged2005:

But when they want people abroad to buy them shoes, phones, clothes, medications, etc do they give them transport fare too? Do people abroad manufacture their own gas to drive their cars to the mall, shop, or pharmacy? We make the sacrifices for the sake of friendship/ family which some people back home do not reciprocate.

Don't even go there, sister. Life is far tougher for many Nigerian's broad than those at home. At least in Nigeria u can borrow oil, salt, or maggi, etc from ur neighbor to cook. Abroad, who will give you? -and how come my experience is same with that of most Nigerians abroad?

Re: the bolded bit - that is so true!

The sad fact is this - many of those back home who shout the loudest that they're 'dying' are actually a lot better off than their counterparts in disporia. Just travel home and check out some of their rides and the quality of life they live. You'll be surprised - and yet, these same people won't bat an eyelid when asking demanding favours of you.

It's called taking the p!$$ and many Nigerians are good at doing just that.

Efemena_xy:

Your parents are your closest allies. They'll never inflate prices or cheat you of the little you have.

Strangely.....not all parents.....

Maybe am d one getting d op's tale muddled up.
@op,part of what u based ur conclusion(evn d main part from ur narrative abroad)is because u had to send $20 to a realation 4 transport fare to help check ur transcipt.Were u expecvting d person to use his/her own money to run d errands 4u?If u were down here wudnt u av spent money also to transport urself;did u factor in d time d person wud av used up running ur errands 4u,time dat cud av yielded him/her some money too.Evn if d person was jobless,sth might av come up dat period of running d errand.
Take dis advice,its one thing av learnt :gv if u av,appreciate pple for time and effort,being a relation shud not stop u frm paying pple for d work dey do,d advantage is dat u wudnt pay dem as much as u wud an outsider;if d person tries to take advantage of u in d process,dey invariably end up losing in d long run,but u shud move on and stop dwelling on how bad dat ur relation has been to u.

tpia@:
Why would you be comparing nigeria with a first world country?

Stop being so petty and arrogant, nobody is forcing you to part with your money

As per how many people are "sharing" your experiences, that does not concern me.

Coincidentally, I've heard these exact same outbursts before especially from people at the receiving end when confronted. Suprisingly same people who won't give even a cup of water to anyone Pls we are not comparing countries here. We are talking about personal character. It doesn't matter where one lives. Character counts! Location should not be an excuse.

^ you were the one dishing out advice about people's private parts on another thread, but you're here on this one complaining you dont want to help your friends and relatives and inviting everybody to join you in abusing them.

you have your priorities twisted, i would say won ko e sugbon o jo pe oo gbeko.

tpia@:
^ you were the one dishing out advice about people's private parts on another thread, but you're here on this one complaining you dont want to help your friends and relatives and inviting everybody to join you in abusing them.

you have your priorities twisted, i would say won ko e sugbon o jo pe oo gbeko.

Na u sabi o! I'm very consistent in my posts evident in the number of people who like my posts on any topic. This topic is not about giving rather peaple who take advantage of givers. 'Onye na amaghi, ya mechie onu ya biko!

doctokwus: Maybe am d one getting d op's tale muddled up.
@op,part of what u based ur conclusion(evn d main part from ur narrative abroad)is because u had to send $20 to a realation 4 transport fare to help check ur transcipt.Were u expecvting d person to use his/her own money to run d errands 4u?If u were down here wudnt u av spent money also to transport urself;did u factor in d time d person wud av used up running ur errands 4u,time dat cud av yielded him/her some money too.Evn if d person was jobless,sth might av come up dat period of running d errand.

I already clarified on this above. It's reciprocal too. When u send people abroad on errand u should pay them too. Time is useful abroad too, transport is not free there too. Honestly, I think it's more of a character issue than location and hardship. I'm sorry to say that some (not all) Nigerians back home are 'too smart' and petty to their own detriment sometimes. If u can't make little sacrifices for others because there's hardship in Nigeria, guess what? It's too cold or too hot abroad too to run around for u.

^^ You do argue logically, don't you?

I like that.

@poster

It depends on where you want the person to get the information/something, if it's within the state then he/she should be able to help you with except maybe he/she is broke.

But if it's inter-state then you will need to pay for it.

Talking about helping people is at your own convenience so you shouldn't be expecting any return from them

In conclusion:
I think the folks you help are the same folks you send errand

Some will never walk around to get you even price quotations unless you either give them money for air-time or transportation

If this is the scenario, then that's not cool.

faakay: @poster

It depends on where you want the person to get the information/something, if it's within the state then he/she should be able to help you with except maybe he/she is broke.

Talking about helping people is at your own convenience so you shouldn't be expecting any return from them

In conclusion:
I think the folks you help are the same folks you send errand

If this is the scenario, then that's not cool.

How about someone who has lost job for more than 4 times. She's never been fired, she always quit for one reason or the other (The job is too boring, it's too stressful, the salary is too small for graduate, I can't find myself doing that kind of job, etc). We pooled funds 3yrs ago and collectively opened a business for her, she abandoned it after one year, saying customers don't come to the shop, she'll prefer an office job....I am not exaggerating! Honestly, the regime of 'Easy money' to girls from some irresponsible Nigerian men have completely affected the psyche of some (not all) Nigerian girls. forget about the shout of unemployment. Majority of them either don't want to work or can't work (except an office job to be a mistress to oga). Do u still want me to sympathize wit these type of people, or fund their irresponsibility bc they need money?