People, please help me out here. It happened about 1week ago and although I've forgiven her, I've been asking myself why it happened? So what's my story, please read on:

I've been going out with this girl for the past 2 years now and we have always been very happy with the intention to get married in another 2yrs after her NYSC. I really did love her and made sure she lacked nothing (the most recent was the N150k laptop I got for her about 1 month ago), even if that meant a little inconvenience. Before this experience, I believed she really loved me also and we certainly never had any major problems except for very minor arguments and stuff. The only difference between us is that we aren't from the same tribe.

Okay, she happens to be a student who went home for hols. Last week, she calls me to tell me that some old man - a friend of the father and from the same tribe comes to their house with his son for , you know, "this is my son, he is working and is interested in marrying your daughter". According to her, her dad tells the friend and his son that his daughter is still a student and to wait till she graduates.She didn't tell me about the incident until 2weeks after it happened. All this time, I call her at least once daily. About a week ago, during a phone call she tells me that she had sex with someone. WHHAAT I was mad with anger on the phone - she sees this and then tells me she was just kidding and wanted know how I would feel about it.

I'm still trying to get over this "experiment of hers" when a few days later, she resumes school, comes to see me and then tells me that it really happened. Can u please imagine that? I ask with whom she did it with and after some hesitation she tells me it was with the guy (who came with his dad) to come see her father. Apparently, her folks ask her to go and visit the guy (at least that's what she told me) and during that visit, they were gisting and from gisting, it happened and that was it. She says it was a mistake.

She literally broke my heart and I was insistent upon a breakup. She begged me not to; I thought about it for a day or so and decided to forgive her on the premise that we are all human and sometimes we make mistakes. I have forgiven her but walai, forgetting things like this is not easy. I have never cheated on her and I have been trying to rationalize things in my head.

People, please how the hell could something like that happen? Do women make stupid mistakes like that. I really need your candid opinion in this matter.


Thanks,
fsb

fsb:

People, please help me out here. It happened about 1week ago and although I've forgiven her, I've been asking myself why it happened? So what's my story, please read on

I've been going out with this girl for the past 2 years now and we have always been very happy with the intention to get married in another 2yrs after her NYSC. I really did love her and made sure she lacked nothing (the most recent was the N150k laptop I got for her about 1 month ago), even if that meant a little inconvenience. Before this experience, I believed she really loved me also and we certainly never had any major problems except for very minor arguments and stuff. The only difference between us is that we aren't from the same tribe.

Okay, she happens to be a student who went home for hols. Last week, she calls me to tell me that some old man - a friend of the father and from the same tribe comes to their house with his son for , you know, "this is my son, he is working and is interested in marrying your daughter". According to her, her dad tells the friend and his son that his daughter is still a student and to wait till she graduates.She didn't tell me about the incident until 2weeks after it happened. All this time, I call her at least once daily. About a week ago, during a phone call she tells me that she had sex with someone. WHHAAT I was mad with anger on the phone - she sees this and then tells me she was just kidding and wanted know how I would feel about it.

I'm still trying to get over this "experiment of hers" when a few days later, she resumes school, comes to see me and then tells me that it really happened. Can u please imagine that? I ask with whom she did it with and after some hesitation she tells me it was with the guy (who came with his dad) to come see her father. Apparently, her folks ask her to go and visit the guy (at least that's what she told me) and during that visit, they were gisting and from gisting, it happened and that was it. She says it was a mistake.

She literally broke my heart and I was insistent upon a breakup. She begged me not to; I thought about it for a day or so and decided to forgive her on the premise that we are all human and sometimes we make mistakes. I have forgiven her but walai, forgetting things like this is not easy. I have never cheated on her and I have been trying to rationalize things in my head.

People, please how the hell could something like that happen? Do women make stupid mistakes like that. I really need your candid opinion in this matter.


Thanks,
fsb

@ poster

things like that happen. i really dont know, but if i were to be in your shoes ( which i hope not to be? ), i will study her to know if her apology is for real. I mean, you have to be sure that she is not going back to bump that guy.

I really admire her telling you the truth. most people wont do that for anything.it means that she felt bad about what she did

but in all, you gotta be careful ok.

see yarns

I am merciless. Cheating for me is a dealbreaker. Get rid of her.

lady bam:




@ poster

things like that happen. i really don't know, but if i were to be in your shoes ( which i hope not to be? ), i will study her to know if her apology is for real. I mean, you have to be sure that she is not going back to bump that guy.

I really admire her telling you the truth. most people wont do that for anything.it means that she felt bad about what she did

but in all, you gotta be careful ok.

Lady Bam, Sconded girl,
Well man i understand how you feel coz ve been in your shoe b4,and bout your girl cheating on you i guess the fault isn't really her's .rather the parents re the caused of every thing.we are all human we could make mistakes any time any day.there some thing i really appreciate bout your.for the fact that she told you she cheated on you.i respect that. which means she knows that she has done some thing wrong."come to think of it ,what if she never made mention of it' you wouldn't know.jst get it out of mine and continue the relationship if you really want her.as you claim to love so much.
Love 4gives and 4get
Love is patient
and most all Love is every, Aint saying you should Endure your love life.I belive at the point of your age you know what you want compare to what you don't want jst b/coz minu situation.
don't even think of looking for some other girl.Mehhhen you don't know wat she going to do to ya.as an adage will always say "the Devil you know,is beta than the angel you no nothing bout."
jst keep your head straight and let you heart choose for
be gud man.
takia

she sounds like a perpetually confused individual to me, you know one of those people who glide through life without actually knowing what they want from it, who leave all the important decisions in their lives to other people.

Get rid of her before she ruins your life. stupidity is second nature to her, you can be sure she will continue sleeping with the guy while she just tags you along till she drops you and breaks your heart.

What if the girl make up this story to see how you will react over it, within me i believe she did not sleep with anybody, maybe she's tired of hanging around you so she's looking for a way to break up with you that's all. Any girl that sleeps with another guy will not have the audacity to tell his boyfriend even if he doesn't have anything to offer to her, she will keep it secret.

ziddy:

she sounds like a perpetually confused individual to me, you know one of those people who glide through life without actually knowing what they want from it, who leave all the important decisions in their lives to other people.

Get rid of her before she ruins your life. stupidity is second nature to her, you can be sure she will continue sleeping with the guy while she just tags you along till she drops you and breaks your heart.

Men,
guess you are rather too harsh to the advice you are giving FSB,don't know you if read his story line well,for crying out loud.he said he loves this girl in question and plaining on getting marry to her.and you don't judge people by the act coz any one could have falling for it.thatz why we are human don't act as if you are one gud man/boy, that you ve done this kind of thing to any one b4.
Don't tell me, that what she did was wrong by telling her man what went wrong.atlease with her confession she free.
you don't have to judge any one so that you won't be judge as well.
next time read well and be considrate man.
Love is not jst a child play.where do you xpect the poor guy to start from?? looking for some other girl only God knows what that one is going to turn out to be,

@Poster

Let me give it to you straight up bro . . . .you are wasting your time now ok . . . .It might sound harsh but its the truth
Its better that you leave her NOW and begin the healing process of curing yourself from YOUR love grip on her. Trust me . . .
This singular insident of her sleeping with another guy ain't gonna go away ok

I courted a gal for over 8 years and the same thing happened . . .we tried to make it work for another year afterwards but still
everything had to come to a bitter end. i found fault in everything she did & i just couldn't bring myself to trust her again.

Guy, its not your fault if you leave her or can't let go of the pain ok . . .its the way you are CODED in your DNA and a MALE human
we DO NOT 4give SEXUAL sins . . . . .period.

Listen to the voice of experience ok, reading your mail made a scar on my heart pulsated

ITS HARD . . . BUT YOU HAVE GOT TO LET HER GO NOW PLEASE

@Poster

Bin her like a Gala wrapper and dont forget to collect your laptop!

Ur woman na Ashana!!!

Nowadays a lot of boyfriends and girlfriends act like married couples. they start to live together, even have kids, and some other stuff sha. dat is why i prefer dating and knowing someone, and then get into a relationship wit them. as for this guys situation i actually think his relationship was becoming like a married couples own. wat i will say is dat u guyz need Jesus in ur lives and hopefully u will find the right person. u can forgive her if u want toonly if she changes. through this i have gained the ability of reading peoples mind and actions.

I think there is some sense in what francesby has said!no lady will open her mouth to tell her b/f dat she is sleeping with anoda man.boy i will advise u to wake up i have xperience such too.

@ Nautillus

You cant use yourself to generalize this issue. you just cant because i know a lot of men whose lovers cheated on them,and they did forgive.the fact that you dont have a forgiving heart does'nt mean that every other man out there has to be as stone-cold. NO WAY. nobody, boy or girl, will want to forgive a repentant unfaithful partner. To be honest, I'm pretty sure that i cant forgive that sort of crime, but then everyone is different . and I admire people who can  handle such situations, because they got to be very strong people.

@ poster

once you're pretty sure she is not going back to her sins, try and be srong enough to forgive and forget. but if you cant, then chicken out. That is what cowards ( like me ) do. after all forgiveness is not by force

lady bam:

@ Nautillus
once [b]you're pretty sure she is not going back to her sins, [\b]try and be srong enough to forgive and forget. but if you can't, then chicken out. That is what cowards ( like me ) do. after all forgiveness is not by force

Good, . . .i like your choice of words. . .PRETTY SURE . . .how do you define this change? ? ?

Please educate me

I dont think she's ready for anything serious just yet, looks like she still wants to enjoy herself , is there a big age difference btw the two of you?

If you are truly ready to settle down, then you need to let her go and look for someone with the same reasoning as you.

lady bam, adex285,

thanks so much for your encouragement. I remember back then in university, when these sort of things happened to people around you, its just so easy to tell them to break up with their girlfriends but the situation is really different when it hits you in the face, particularly when you're looking to get married to the person. I really appreciate your comments!!!

I also want to thank everyone else for their candid opinions,

@ Topic
I have just 4 things to say. . .

1) Get rid of her.

2) Get rid of her even if she begs.

3) Get rid of her even if she tells you she was joking and it was a test. Seriously, what kind of test is that?

4) Money & Gifts do not mean love. I don't understand why guys mention the things they buy for girls when they talk about their love for her.

Good Luck.

adex285:

. . . and bout your girl cheating on you i guess the fault isn't really her's .rather the parents re the caused of every thing.

You guessed wrong mate. One of my mum's favourite saying is "Dem no dey give woman belle, na she go collect am."

its just so easy to tell them to break up with their girlfriends but the situation is really different when it hits you in the face, particularly when you're looking to get married to the person.

in as much as i detest such thing, even if its a joke or truth, for this story i am wordless when i read the above post.

I really appreciate the comments from all posters cos i ve learnt from this so dat one day if i find myself in such situation, i knw wat to do.

Big ups pple!!!

fsb:

lady bam, adex285,

thanks so much for your encouragement. I remember back then in university, when these sort of things happened to people around you, its just so easy to tell them to break up with their girlfriends but the situation is really different when it hits you in the face, particularly when you're looking to get married to the person. I really appreciate your comments!!!

I also want to thank everyone else for their candid opinions,

Generally, If you can distinguish between good advice and bad advice, then you don't need advice.

Whichever way you wanna look at this though, the probability of your girlfriend telling you before you found out yourself is lesser than the probability of saying it to test you/hurt you/prick your conscience, etc.

In spite of this though, this is the lady you intend to get married to, and the only safety net you have is that you don't have plans to get married soon, so you still have time to give the relationship a grace period in order to find out whether you still wanna be with her.

LMAO . . .sorry but couldn't help but laugh at this topic.

Human beings,

You all are breaking my heart!

I know it is hard for you to leave her but you cannot trust her again.It has happened to many people,it is easy to forgive but you cannot forget except if you have a retarded memory.

your babe is still a baby, playing such tricks. once she cheats n you forgive her, she will do it again. dump her

People what happening to you all.
you guys to seems to 4get all bout LOVE, who knows if any of you has ever Xpirence through love coz i dont jst get it all you guys could say is for him to leave her and go on with his life.what if he never found some one that will ever makes him happy in life again apart from this very girl?
and how are we so sure the next girl wont even do some thing woser than what she has done?
after to all some one in Bilble got married to a prostitute compare to this very act.



FSb i feel for you man,she must have realised her mistakes by now with my lil knowledge the girl is jst be sincere to you.
alright bro .
see ya have a gud life and be gud.
ok

She will do it again, shes got the eyes for it!!!
you better get all you can and start looking elsewhere!
She is your new f buddy!!!

@poster
i realy dont think she slept with that guy cause if she did she wouldnt have told u, no matter how a girl loves a guy, the moment she cheats on u she wouldnt dare to tell u unless she wants to use it as a means of getting rid of u cause she will believes u would u would tell her its over the moment she tells u that she slept with another guy.
so be careful man i think she is looking for a way out of the relationship.

There's another story you guys aren't picking up on.

The girls's parents encouraged her to go visit the guy who eventually 'caned' here. That means the parents are VERY amenable to the idea of her marrying this other guy.

What sense is there in you keeping on with a girl whose parents will be opposed to your marriage anyway?

shylladear:

@poster
i realy don't think she slept with that guy cause if she did she wouldnt have told u, no matter how a girl loves a guy, the moment she cheats on u she wouldnt dare to tell u unless [b]she wants to use it as a means of getting rid of u [/b]cause she will believes u would u would tell her its over the moment she tells u that she slept with another guy.
so be careful man i think she is looking for a way out of the relationship.

true!!
she wants out but wants you as a close f, K friend

and she actually went to visit they guy, what for?

fsb dump her fast. A woman with integrity and who truly loves you will not allow things to "just happen". Women are usually strong enough to refuse sex IF THEY DONT WANT IT.

@poster,
I am sorry to hear of your dilemma, Get rid of her. You deserve better. Some things are just not meant to be. Life goes on,