A little girl walks in on here father pissing ad screams, "Daddy what's that?!"
The father decides to be honest and says it's his pen1s. His daughter asks, "Daddy when will I get a pen1s?"
To which he replies "As soon as Mommy goes to work."

What's the difference between a Catholic priest and acne?
Acne doesn't come on a boys face until he's 13.

What's so good about an Ethiopian b0w job?
You just KNOW she'll swallow.

What is the smartest thing to ever come out of a woman's mouth?

Einstein's C0ck!

How are children like cellphones?
If you've lost one and haven't found it in a couple days, chances are it's probably dead.

What do you call the annoying part around the vagina?
Ans: woman

Englishman applies for a job with South African police. Inspector says "These are the best qualifications I've ever seen, just one test before you get the job. Take this gun, go out and shoot six niggaz and a rabbit."
Bloke replies "Why the rabbit?"
Inspector says "Fantastic attitude, you've got the job!"

why are there no muslims in star trek?
because it's the future

How do you know your girlfriend is too young? You have to make airplane noises with your pen1s.

Morpheus and Neo are plugged in to the Matrix and having a chat.
Morpheus turns to Neo, "In this world you can be anything you want."
There is a short silence.
Neo: "Then why are you a nigga?"

Why did so many blacks die in Vietnam?

When the platoon lead yelled "Get down!" they all started dancing

One afternoon after getting off of work, I was walking to my apartment building. As I arrive, I notice a black guy running out the front door of the building with a TV. At first I pay no attention...but soon realize that it could be mine!

I rush upstairs, burst into my apartment and breathe a sigh of relief, because their he is, shining my shoes

Whats the worst thing about a Ford Focus with 4 niggaz going off a cliff?

A Focus seats 5

cruise ship full of passengers along with an atheist, a rabbi and a priest strike something and starts to sink. everyone is screaming "SAVE THE CHILDREN! SAVE THE CHILDREN"

atheist says "phuck the children"
rabbi says" phuck em out of what!"
priest says " do you think we have time?"

How many Russians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and one to drink until the room starts spinning.


How many women does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. Women can't change a damn thing.


How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They just beat the room for being Black.

Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work

An investigative journalist went to Afghanistan to study the culture and was shocked to discover that women were made to walk ten paces behind the men. She asked her guide why and he said, "Because they are considered of lesser status." Outraged the journalist went home. A year later she returned covering violence in the region and was surprised to see the women walking ten paces ahead. She turned to her guide and this time asked, "What has changed?" The guide answered, "Land mines."

What do you call a black guy that flies an airplane?
A pilot you phucking racist!

What do you call a a bunch of white guys on a bench......... The NBA

What do you call a white guy surrounded by 5 niggaz?
Coach

A white guy surrounded by 50 niggaz?
Warden

A woman is in a coma, and the nurse tending to her notices that whenever she is sponge bathing the woman, the woman’s vital signs jump a little on all of the machines an screens. So the nurse calls the husband and says ’come down to the hospital, i think i know how to get your wife out of this coma.’ so the husband hurries down, and asks the nurse what he can do. The nurse says, ’ i think that MouthAction will bring her out of her coma, it will arrouse her enough to bring her out of the coma.’ so the nurse closes the cutains, and leaves the husband with his wife in the room. Moments later, the man comes running out of the room, flustered. The nurse, worried, asks him what happened. the husband says, ’I don’t know, I think that she started choking.’

Why can't a bicycle stand on its own?

Because it's two tired

One day, a Russian man walks into a bookstore.
He sees this one book, completely black with a skull on it, and it catches his attention.
He picks it up, and takes it to the register.
"How much for book?" he asks.
"Eighty rubles. It is good book, but do not read last page- it is cursed!"
The man pays for it, and walks home.
He opens it up, and reads it. It is a book about capitalism.
Like a good soviet, he does not read the cursed last page.
Months pass, however, and his curiosity grows.
He opens to the last page and reads it.
The book was worth 20 rubles.

A man walks into a bar and orders 12 shots.
Bartender: What's the special occasion?
Man: My first blow j0b.
Bartender: That's awesome! Let me buy you one to congratulate you!
Man: No thanks... If 12 shots don't get the taste out, nothing will.

Magic Bishop: One day, a Russian man walks into a bookstore.
He sees this one book, completely black with a skull on it, and it catches his attention.
He picks it up, and takes it to the register.
"How much for book?" he asks.
"Eighty rubles. It is good book, but do not read last page- it is cursed!"
The man pays for it, and walks home.
He opens it up, and reads it. It is a book about capitalism.
Like a good soviet, he does not read the cursed last page.
Months pass, however, and his curiosity grows.
He opens to the last page and reads it.
The book was worth 20 rubles.

Lolz...poor man... The cursed page really proved to be curse for him...