I am married to a wonderful man for close to two years now. I know he loves me so much and wants the best for me. He has spent so much to ensure that I get to the peak of my career and become successful, but the problem I have is that I want him to move forward also. Right now, am at the peak of my career, working in a good place, and have good friends while he seems 'stagnant'. What I mean is that he is not so educated but was very high business minded, but after the business he was into went down, he channeled the little money he saved to me, he says he want to make sure he settles me financially and otherwise before he will start something for himself. I really have a problem with this because I am human and a woman. At times I question him why he trust me so much, what if I change (though I do not have the mind to), but anything can happen. Right now, I am provide everything in the house, though i am not complaining. I just want matured opinion on how to make him focus on moving his life forward and stop depending on settling me. Anytime I tell him that he needs to start something for himself, he just says he knows but he wants me to be settled and become very successful first. How do I encourage him to start something now? sometimes, I feel he is scared that he might fail again, but how do I encourage him to forge ahead?

Save enough money and give it to him to start something for himself.

Simple...research on his strengths, save some money aside and let him start up something he has passion for.

But it seems some money is still coming in for him right?
And I think your grouse is his education background not really finances right?

Let him know he has pushed you up enough...and it's time for you to push him up to.

Get someone he really respects to talk to him and convince him.

He is a good man....and you are a good woman too.

All the best.

ofcourse he need money. he is just talking all that to save time. meanwhile dont think he is not thinking about getting something to do? he does maybe he is still thinking and planing what to do.

i_laugh: Save enough money and give it to him to start something for himself.

Wise advise. . .Save money and give him to start something. . .One good turn deserves another. . .

Thanks everyone. About the issue of saving money, I have discussed it with him, but he says the business he is really interested in requires a lot of money which might take years to save except a miracle happens. I have encouraged him also to look into something that requires a smaller capital but he says he cannot start doing petty business that requires small capital.

It seems to me like you are more worried he's not doing anything now and you are the one providing for the home. 100%

Part of you is grateful to him for helping make you what you are today and the other part is resentful that he's quite idle and leaves the bulk of the financial responsibilities to you, while he waits around for a big break to come God knows when.

I think you married a lazy man and that's what worries you the most.

He needs to start doing something, no matter how small, whilhe waits for his big break.

He probably sees you as his investment which is why he's comfortable seating back doing nothing while you work and pick up the bills.

You have two options here IMO . .

1. Let him wait for and play the supportive wife role while he 'watstes' away . . .

2. Make him understand that time waits for no man. The journey of a thousand miles starts with one little step. He needs to start from somewhere!

@op, 2 be honest with u, I think u don't even trust urself 2 begin with and I think u have statred associating urself with some peeps who have started giving u a wrong advice and now u feel u are bigger dan ur husband cos he is no longer financially buoyant.
*Wat do u mean by d statement 'STAGNANT? For u 2 refer 2 ur hubby as dat shows u are abt 2 be lost or already lost (sorry if I sound harsh)
*Why are u now having doubts abt ur hubby after having 2 children for him? U suddenly don't seem 2 trust urself again cos u have now climbed d ladder of success and u look down and see ur hubby?
*infact without mincing words, I can deduce from ur story dat if ur hubby dosen't act fast, u myt either end up dumping him or cheating on him (y should dis thot even cross ur mind in d first place)

2 be very honest with u, I think d major issue u have here is dat u are currently bigger dan ur hubby and u are finding it difficult 2 HUMBLE URSELF

My simple advice 2 all men is dat work so hard everyday so dat u don't end up broke 2 d extent dat u can't provide ur family cos if dat should happen, even d wife dat u think sincerely lovs u would eventually leave u if anythng happens or would stat having doubts with tym just lyk d poster of dis story.

I pray dat Almighty God will not let any man here suffer or experience any problem dat would make him incapable of meeting d needs of d family (amen)

^^^^^ Amen!! I feel u jare.

chai! OP have reached the peak of her career. Now, it is time to dump the man that helped her climbing the ladder and go and look for her levels. what happened to helping your husband climb his own ladder? you are now having a re-think on whether you should dump him and go and find the same men in your levelz.

choi! this thread is a classic thread for men who will be thinking of investing in any woman, be it wife or not, because you never can tell what the woman will turn out to be tomorrow.

OP, you never married this man for love but for his money, he has trained you finish and his money have dried up, you now need to go find love.

classic thread of the mentality of women.

OlowoB: My simple advice 2 all men is dat work so hard everyday so dat u don't end up broke 2 d extent dat u can't provide ur family cos if dat should happen, even d wife dat u think sincerely lovs u would eventually leave u if anythng happens or would stat having doubts with tym just lyk d poster of dis story.

I pray dat Almighty God will not let any man here suffer or experience any problem dat would make him incapable of meeting d needs of d family (amen)

A BIG AMEN BRO! WE LEARN EVERYDAY.

WHAT A CLASSIC THREAD.

What do I say? A pathetic story we have here...

It takes trust for a man to devote the remaining he has after a downturn to lift up his wife. Some men will prefer to lift themselves up first.

OP, Let him know that it's not the will of God for him to be 'stagnant.' Let him find something doing no matter how little it is. That little thing he puts his hands into can be blessed by God if it is legitimate.

It is true that men can sometimes be hard, especially those that know a lot. He is right to say that he the business he wants to start needs a lot of money but he can start something small. Great things they say, start small and Rome was not built in one day. It may be that apart from the one he intends to start, he doesn't know much about other businesses and that may discourage him. He can learn them, invest profitably in them and grow from there.

Keep reminding him about the future-what lies ahead. Money brings respect and what if something negative happens to your job (God forbid!) tomorrow. What will the family fall back on?

And if he is scared of re-investing then he needs to put it off because like they say, 'the downfall of a man is not the end of his life.'

In conclusion, ask God to touch his heart to listen and hearken to your opinion. God created him and knows how to encourage, comfort and empower him to stand on his feet again, financially.

Thanks and God bless.

i see my aunt's husband in urs... set up every type of business for him, for were? even a cold room. dude ended up sellin everythng even the freezers... in his words... 'i made u who u are today'
God, pls look into my hrt befor blessing me with the best person for me.
Amen!

OlowoB: @op, 2 be honest with u, I think u don't even trust urself 2 begin with and I think u have statred associating urself with some peeps who have started giving u a wrong advice and now u feel u are bigger dan ur husband cos he is no longer financially buoyant.
*Wat do u mean by d statement 'STAGNANT? For u 2 refer 2 ur hubby as dat shows u are abt 2 be lost or already lost (sorry if I sound harsh)
*Why are u now having doubts abt ur hubby after having 2 children for him? U suddenly don't seem 2 trust urself again cos u have now climbed d ladder of success and u look down and see ur hubby?
*infact without mincing words, I can deduce from ur story dat if ur hubby dosen't act fast, u myt either end up dumping him or cheating on him (y should dis thot even cross ur mind in d first place)

2 be very honest with u, I think d major issue u have here is dat u are currently bigger dan ur hubby and u are finding it difficult 2 HUMBLE URSELF

baba u just spoke ma mind....

Three gbosa for u

chaircover: God created the sexes differently for a reason and no matter how much people try to cross over to the other side, there will still be gaps.

A woman is a woman and will always have the desire to come under the wing of security that her man can provide. A man is also programmed to provide for his family and when these scales are tipped, things begin to go wrong.

With all the posters career and money that she is earning, she still wants to feel the protection and security of her husband and that is a normal desire.

She wants to be able to introduce her husband with pride at the Christmas office party. She wants to be able to tell her husband that XYZ needs doing in the home or Mama lagbaja needs money knowing that her husband will be able to deal with it without her having to stress about it.

he posters husband is a good man for supporting his wifes career, but he shouldn't have given up his own career just to do that. He is a man and no man should trade or compromise his position because in the long run that same woman will resent him. He should have been raising himself at the same time his wife was rising. Its not too late and he can still do something to better himself before it is too late. Little drops of water make a mighty ocean so he can still start little and grow with time and hard work.

Women like strong dependable men, men that can hold it together, men in shining amour, men who can provide for their famines.

I am worried for the poster because this is a recipe for "compare and contrast" and if she is not a very strong willed person she will soon be comparing her more "happening" male colleagues with her stagnant house husband.

RUBBISH!

So, what you are implying is that the man did wrong in helping his wife with his money to be what she is today.

MY ADVICE TO MEN WITH THIS YOUR POST IS: EVERY WOMAN NEEDS TO FEEL THE SECURITY AND PROTECTION OF HER HUSBAND. PLEASE INVEST IN YOUR BUSINESSES AND YOUR OWN CAREER AND MAKE SURE THAT YOUR WIFE IS STAGNANT AND NEVER GETS AHEAD OF YOU, ELSE SHE FINDS THAT SECURITY AND PROTECTION ELSEWERE.

chaircover: ^^^^

Read the post you quoted again!! . . slowly!

how many times do you want me to read it? 1 million times?

chaircover: ^^^^

Read the post you quoted again!! . . slowly!

Lmao

babyface333: how many times do you want me to read it? 1 million times?

Actually once would do if you can actually read!

I have read it like 10 times now and this is still my response.

MY ADVICE TO MEN WITH HER POST IS: EVERY WOMAN NEEDS TO FEEL THE SECURITY AND PROTECTION OF HER HUSBAND. PLEASE INVEST IN YOUR BUSINESSES AND YOUR OWN CAREER AND MAKE SURE THAT YOUR WIFE IS STAGNANT AND NEVER GETS AHEAD OF YOU, ELSE SHE FINDS THAT SECURITY AND PROTECTION ELSEWERE.

Ujujoan:
Actually once would do if you can actually read!

babyface333, ujujoan, CC. pls dont fight. e nova reach like that.



abu una nor know sey black on white is difficult for we blacks...

This thread brought a similar thing that happened to my cousin to mind. I personally think it is wrong for a spouse to put on hold his/her career growth because of the other person. In a case this must be done ,there should be an agreed definite time the tables have to be turned in favour of the other.

@OP I understand how you feel at the moment. Nowadays parents no longer depend on their children,so it is quite unusual for a man to train his wife and then depend on her. Some of the guys ranting here should know that there are bitter facts of life. Anytime a healthy man stopped providing for his family,he loses his respect. Not just from his wife but also from the extended family,neighbours,friends and even their children.It will only take a while for that to happen. I wont be surprised if OPs husband's friends will jokingly mock him one day that a woman is feeding him. The guy need to wise up. Let him start from getting more education. He should also start his dream business small.Time is not on his side and the more you save without investing,the more you spend the savings. OP should talk to him again and also pray for him to 'find direction in life'. During bible sharing choose Bible passages on faith,failures and subsequent victories of courageous men. He will start believing in himself again.

I don't see anything wrong with what the OP's husband did. He probably realized that she was educated and that she would reach her full potential with a good education. He knows that running a business is his thing and he will reach his full potential through some sort of business. The problem here is him sitting on his laurels and waiting for the huge amount of money needed to start a big business on a grand scale rather than using the little there is now to start small. I understand the Ops fears. She holds her husband as the head of the house but she feels like that role has been given to her and she might fail at it. It is a big responsibility. She fears (she is not admitting it out of respect I guess) that his plan might be to empower her to earn more so he can then relax and get used to the new reality that she will always shoulder this alone. It's a recipe for disaster but it seems that with him saying he does not want to start small he might already be thinking that way. She fears that he is afraid he will fail again and she might be right. She knows her husband. He might actually not want to start again that's why he spent a lot to get her were she is. People have to realize how fear can drive people to do the most insane things. He is not saying it out loud but in his head he is thinking it. In summary, he has turned his wife into an investment. Oga needs to buck up and start small.

op. i don caught you. so na my matter you carry come here. na me nairalander de insult as lazy asshole. so our private marriage affairs na you bring come public. internet for that matter. i go deal with you when you reach house. bullshit

babyface333: how many times do you want me to read it? 1 million times?

It's true watv chaircover said. just skip the 1st two paragraphs and read the 3rd and 4th its enough to decipher what chair meant.

chaircover: God created the sexes differently for a reason and no matter how much people try to cross over to the other side, there will still be gaps.

A woman is a woman and will always have the desire to come under the wing of security that her man can provide. A man is also programmed to provide for his family and when these scales are tipped, things begin to go wrong.

With all the posters career and money that she is earning, she still wants to feel the protection and security of her husband and that is a normal desire.

She wants to be able to introduce her husband with pride at the Christmas office party. She wants to be able to tell her husband that XYZ needs doing in the home or Mama lagbaja needs money knowing that her husband will be able to deal with it without her having to stress about it.

Can I get a link to the highlighted?? I just want to know where you got your "facts" from??
Thunder fire Patriarchal society!

There's nothing wrong with a woman bearing most of the financial burden. The op is not complaining that her financial responsibility is too much and hence needs help from her husband. She is complaining because of selfish, shallow and "I want to be among" reasons.

I have a problem with women like these- shaping your real life through the eyes of other people. If anything happens, is it her new friends or the people she's trying to impress that will be there for her or her husband??
She now has new friends who are in the same position as hers at work but have husbands doing bigger things. She doesn't want to feel inferior to her colleagues and also want to feel among.

This is not an attitude or desire to be encouraged. If she isn't proud of her husband that invested so much into her because he believed in her dream, then shame on her!

I hope she finds her happiness with those people she's trying to impress, rubbish!

@op: You are not doing anything wrong by encouraging your man to start something. Time waits for no one and everything big starts little.
Just keep encouraging him and you guys can work through his fears. I just need you to make sure you're doing it for the right reasons.

He is a man and does not need ANY encouragement ! You are the DOMINANT half of the relationship! DO NOT PUSH HIM!!! Leave him alone!!!

Do your part!!!! Perhaps, he is the BEST he can ever be!
That should be good enough for you!
Unless you are competing with your NL fake pals who are sleeping online with legisLOOTIVE fathers and siblings to pose for you!

That would be VERY-VERY unfortunate madam!
Be content with WHAT YOU HAVE!!!
Never compete with FAKE AZZZZES on or offline!!!!