smartchoice: Send her outta your life immediately!

You better be smart!!

M

Waaarrrraaaahheeelllllll


Waaaarrrraaaaaaheelllllllll

A woman who can build a house without your knowledge can do a lot of unspeakable things to you. The best advice is not to chase the mother of your children out of the home rather distance her from the people causing the problems.
Step 1-She must leave that church. That priest is an agent sent to destroy your home. A priest is supposed to foster unity in a home not build another separate home for your wife.
Step 2-Limit her contacts with her friends and mother. She must chose between her mother and you. I am not saying all communication should be discontinued but it should not be as before.
Step 3-Protect your kids. Don't allow this to affect your kids lives.
I have discovered that Marital problems usually result because of Sex,Money or Relatives. Try to overcome this storm and keep your family standing after everything.

Come on...
It is a surprise....
It was supposed to be your birthday gift

2ndChance: @Ujujoan
I have been very open to her from the beginning till date to the extent that I plan every single penny that I earn with her. And in those days when I was earning more than her, she was very open too. But the moment she got an upgrade, everything changed. As I type now, I do not know how much she earns again. The last time I stumbled on her payslip was 2 yrs ago.
From my observation, the priest is only fleecing her and making money out of the whole project. Although I have not seen the documents, she told me they were prepared in her name contrary to the family tradition of Mr & Mrs in all our other properties.
She's not acting out any revenge, I think she's being influenced by bad friends. Most of her friends are women who are yet to have children in their marriages and are having running battles with their husbands. I have tried to dissuade her from listening to advices from such friends but all to no avail.

It's time to put your feet down and take control of your home . . .

I'm dissapointed that your wife who should be building your family is the one scattering it . . . If she's not wise enough to know who her true friends are then you need to teach her . . .

You should set an ultimatum for her, don't just sweep this under the carpet or roll over and let her do what she wants. You need to think about your future. Whatever is going on in your family now, your young children and taking in and learning from.

You need to set a good example, not just for the sake of your children, but for the sake of your wife. It will be sad if she lets 'friends' destroy her home out of their own wickedness and jealousy . . . she needs to be wise!

I'll give you an instance, when I first got married, I confided in a 'friend' of mine about a habit of hubby's I detested. She pushed me into doing something I never would have done, something that almost crumbled my young marriage but for the love of God. What opened my eyes (and I think that was God's way of helping me out of that dilemma) was when I saw this 'friend's husband doing the same thing I complained to her about, even worse than my husband.

This so-called 'friend' who was advising me on how to 'handle' my husband was doing absolutely nothing about her own husband.

At that point I did a 360 degree turn . . . I apologized to my husband about the way I was handling it and today, by God's grace, he has completely dropped that habit . . . . not for anything I did, but out of his own personal resolve to stop it because it made me unhappy.

I thanks God I learnt such an important lesson so early in my marriage and till date, it guides everything I do. I have friends, but I never talk to them about my husband or my family problems.

You need to show your wife that those friend's she's listening to will be the same ones laughing at her when she loses the most important thing in her life . . . her family.

smartchoice: Send her outta your life immediately!

Sounds so easy ?

She has begged for ur forgiveness! What more do you want?? Don't let some disgruntled Nldrs sow devilish seeds in your marriage o! Some are asking u if those kids are yours? Now if that thought has never crossed your mind am sure now it is right? Pls let it goo!! Who knows maybe they wanted it to be a surprise to you. And about the whole ish about your wife acting up since she now earns more than you, are you sure you are not being paranoid?

I think u need 2 sit her down n ask her exactly what caused her misbehaviour and also she shd open up n tell u any other plans she has because if u find out again on ur own it wnt b the same way,bt I feel u shd forgive her if nt 4 any other thing,for the sake of the children n remain prayerful,God will see u through.

smartchoice: Send her outta your life immediately!

Very daft.. You dont resolve issues like that!

Op,forgive your wife.Please don't send her away.I believe her wealth got into her head.

Coldfeet: She has begged for ur forgiveness! What more do you want?? Don't let some disgruntled Nldrs sow devilish seeds in your marriage o! Some are asking u if those kids are yours? Now if that thought has never crossed your mind am sure now it is right? Pls let it goo!! Who knows maybe they wanted it to be a surprise to you. And about the whole ish about your wife acting up since she now earns more than you, are you sure you are not being paranoid?

Yes..because begging solves everything. Offer better solutions jare.

op,please keep your cool , dont take any rash decisions always think about ur children , women are dumb at times . but watch very carefully , i am sure your wife and her mother still have many surprises to give you , if you react rashly now they wont show it any more , behave like a foool and watch them carefully before taking your actions

For give her. when you took the vow before God and the congregation, it was for better or worse. this is the worse you promised. or may be you took the modern vow.

I might be wrong in this but go and tell the Reverend father what you thought of him. do not do it as a open confrontation. just let him know that you are highly disappointed in him. let him know that he was supposed to gather the flock of Christ together and not to scatter them

man you really need wisdom to handle this,
may GOD grant you that.

Ujujoan:

It's time to put your feet down and take control of your home . . .

I'm dissapointed that your wife who should be building your family is the one scattering it . . . If she's not wise enough to know who her true friends are then you need to teach her . . .

You should set an ultimatum for her, don't just sweep this under the carpet or roll over and let her do what she wants. You need to think about your future. Whatever is going on in your family now, your young children and taking in and learning from.

You need to set a good example, not just for the sake of your children, but for the sake of your wife. It will be sad if she lets 'friends' destroy her home out of their own wickedness and jealousy . . . she needs to be wise!

I'll give you an instance, when I first got married, I confided in a 'friend' of mine about a habit of hubby's I detested. She pushed me into doing something I never would have done, something that almost crumbled my young marriage but for the love of God. What opened my eyes (and I think that was God's way of helping me out of that dilemma) was when I saw this 'friend's husband doing the same thing I complained to her about, even worse than my husband.

This so-called 'friend' who was advising me on how to 'handle' my husband was doing absolutely nothing about her own husband.

At that point I did a 360 degree turn . . . I apologized to my husband about the way I was handling it and today, by God's grace, he has completely dropped that habit . . . . not for anything I did, but out of his own personal resolve to stop it because it made me unhappy.

I thanks God I learnt such an important lesson so early in my marriage and till date, it guides everything I do. I have friends, but I never talk to them about my husband or my family problems.

You need to show your wife that those friend's she's listening to will be the same ones laughing at her when she loses the most important thing in her life . . . her family.

Well said!
Marriage should be between the man and the wife with God at the centre.
When a third person is involved, that marriage is heading for the rock.

Sorry Bro, this is disheartening.
After 10 years? i feel your pains even though you sound stronger than most men would be.
The truth is, if you cant trust her, you cant love her, and if you don't love her you can never be happy being with her.
Your wife should be someone you grow old with, your confidant. Children would come, stay and leave later, but your wife remains. So if you feel you cant forgive and "forget" the you should start early looking for someone else, there a a whole lot good and responsible ones out there. IMO.

Women are liars.Why will she build a house without her husband knowing.Also that priest is a big thief.Why should my wife not tell me if she is building a house.Women are terrible people

smartchoice: Send her outta your life immediately!

You must be out of your mind to think the way you do. How can you offer such a useless advice. We have only heard from the OP. We must need to hear from the wife too. For all I know there's no smoke without fire.

Nashville: My brother, my advice is that you forgive her. Sounds silly but forgive her. From your story, you have alot to thank God for, a beautiful family, good health, properties all over and you have been a great husband. If your wife decides to betray you, it is not your fault but hers alone. As hard as it is, look around you and thank God. Sit her down and tell her you know she has built the house. Tell her how disappointed you are but let her know you have already forgiven her.

Life is too short. I know you are disappointed but please let it go. I can bet you she may have serious background issues or she is moving with the wrong friends. That is the only thing that can explain her behaviour. Her background is outta whack (broken or polygamous home) or her advisers are just plain stupid. But I will tell you to change churches fast. You cannot be confessing to that traitor of a priest amd please make sure nothing more than the ordinary is going on between the two. God bless you.

I agree with you Nashville in all except that he should change church. You see, that is why bad things continue to escalate (ie, when we cannot confront our challenges rather than running away from it). I prefer he take the matter to their church's highest body for settlement (if he is sure of the priest's involvement so that other people will confront the priest on his behalf instead of handling it by himself or running away from the whole issue unsettled. Good-luck!

The whole thing looks like superstory. Wish Mike Adenuga could get a grip on this .
Back to the topic:
I admire your courage and steadfastness in the Lord, may God increase you in all ramification. You wife really messed up but as the others have rightly advised you, you need to forgive her for the sake of your marriage. One thing that you really need is to try as much as possible either by hook or crook to distant your family completely from your Mother-in-law if possible, your wife's friends and a change of parish will help you in no small measure. I wish you the best!

Op,what are your people doing about the problem? Does it mean they haven't said anything yet? Before you take any decision,let your people know and also consider the kids.

why do i need my man's permission before i build a house

of course i will inform him before i start but that does not constitute seeking his permission.

its my hard earned money and i can spend it however it pleases me as long as I do not put my finances or the family in jeopardy

Yoruba_Jesus: Be thankful the guy on the other end is a priest. At least you are sure he didnt do IT with your wifey.

who can tell

You have received very good advice from most contributors to this thread.

FORGIVENESS IS KEY.

But you should also find out WHY she feels so insecure about sharing critical information with you.

Could it be that she cannot trust your judgment, or is not quite comfortable at your reaction?

Have you in the past abused the privileged information she shared with you?

Many here have blamed the priest. Perhaps dialogue with him in the presence of your wife would clarify things. Could he have acted with the understanding that you were aware of the project?

Please give your wife even more love during this critical period of your relationship. She will not respond well to bullying from you. Genuinely try to LISTEN to her fears and concerns, and address them calmly and maturely. You can actually turn this round into something very positive.

I wish you and your wife the very best.

FG

Do not send her out.But do not ever trust her any more.Some women are so callous to the extent that they can do anything to hurt you.The reason being that they are weak-minded species, they do not think deeply before doing anything, they are more emotional than being logical.All the children she has for you, may not all be yours.If a woman have children for you and have been in a marriage for many years, she can still poison you.I read recently a married pregnant woman having a sexual relationship with her in an hotel.How do you explain that.

funkybaby: why do i need my man's permission before i build a house

of course i will inform him before i start but that does not constitute seeking his permission.

its my hard earned money and i can spend it however it pleases me as long as I do not put my finances or the family in jeopardy

then be ready to marry as many men as possible , because no sensible man will take that from you , except he is banging somebody else outside and doesn't care a hoot about you or what you do

U may wish to change your parish not the chuch. Meanwhile u must be freer than you were before, ensure your heart is @ rest and peaceful. When one dies he doesn't take along his wife or children. Live a good life pray you die a holy death and secure everlasting happiness in heaven. That's the end you should keep in mind. If these issues escalate I fear depression.

St Joseph pray for us.

Lilimax: God will intervene in this matter cos it's complex

You've confronted her already and she went down on her kneels begging for forgiveness immediately
showing that she's remorseful.

It may be difficult but just forgive her .
Ending the marriage may not be the best option...

See, this is complicated and not about forgiveness but discipline. Your wife exchanged gifts with a priest and a different priest helped her build a house without your knowledge! Begging for forgiveness after the deed is done is useless, time for you to stamp your authority as a man. And are you sure you didn't maltreat her when you earned more than her? Also, you don't have to sell her house, maybe you guys guy turn it to a family investment and manage it together
You seem to be too religious, you need to stop believing too much in these priests. Its time for you to change some things about yourself, start going to other places to have fun besides the church (don't fornicate!). You've been a good guy for too long and like they say good guys always come last!

This thread is basically for entertainment and traffic; believe it, you can believe anything.