So many women hav jobs&ar paid good salaries but refuse 2support d man.They'l rather buy brazilian hair,sleek/marykay make ups,Mac powder,gold,dresses/laces&irrelevant thngs;competin amongst their co-workers&tryin 2measure up within their click.

A reasonable man who's wife behaves dat way,y won't he change? He has 2work extra hard 2fruit d bills so he comes home exhausted.He might not hav d stamina 2hav s*x 4days cos he's zapped.Abroad,d man might take up 2/3 jobs just 2meet up so dats wot brings abt changes atimes.That's my analysis though

Mehn the op did not lie about are username though

Chiscomax: please, how can i open a new nairaland account? what is the website of nairaland?





before we got married, she lost her virginity because of curve2, now bb10 don show, wetin we go do?

guy u er finished.

socrateez: I have been married for over twenty six years so I can share my experience as to why spouses attitude to each other change after the razzmatazz of the wedding.

Firstly, in many relationships start with the wrong denominator: beauty, money, connection, lust, pity(yes, I've counselled couples who started their relationship out of pity and even had to advise them to discontinue the relationship).

Secondly, the inebriation of being in love does not allow each partner notice tell-tale signs of cruelty, selfishness, high-handedness, etc which are usually clearly discernible during courtship.

Thirdly, relationships are filled with irrationally high expectations which looks as if the other party is an angel. A classic example is a man who discovered that his wife does not know how to cook(except indomine) and they courted for three years before wedding. He was drunk with the wine of love throughout their courtship.

If you are already married and facing this challenge, there is hope and the changes can only come from you. Be the change you expect to see in your spouse. For instance, if your spouse is becoming less romantic or less considerate of you in the home, show him /her how to be display affection. I won't advise you to scold him or become violent or even try to retaliate, it won't work, I promise you.

If you are single, open your eyes; open your eyes. Be wise and sensitive. Attitudes are the smoke- they cannot be suppressed completely. if he/she does not call you as often as necessary or he does not return your calls for two days without a justifiable reason, it's a sign you should not ignore. Watch his/her attitude to his/her parents and siblings, you can anticipate what to expect in the relationship.

Finally, there is what I call "negotiables" and "non-negotiables" in any relationship. Negotiables are attitudes that, though they may not be good enough but you can live with them, overlook them and you can easily forgive them while no-negotables are those you can never live with and would need and angel to instruct you to forgive them. Know your negotiables. If you have too many non-negotiables in a relationship....save yourself from hypertension and early death.......RUN AWAY.

I came here to read changes noticed in your spouse, not WHY it happens. If yoi cant share yours, go look for a thread where couples are seeking for advice

bigass: He became bossy and hardly apologizes for his mistakes in short he became kind-of unreasonable in many area especially,my needs

tit for tat nah!

Ennyhollar: That is men for us

Sharrap dia! Women no dey change??

leave dis place 4 me, I'll cm bk 2 comment wen I don marry.
meanwhile, wit all dis una comments, I dey fear marriage oh

kingthreat: She now uses dildos when I'm away

which is better?
the real thing when you are out, or the stuff she uses?

Eve62:

guy u er finished.

this is a serious matter...

She has become Carol.

The WHY is the crux of any problem. BTW, do learn some decorum; rudeness is so immature!

nutty_hnic:

I came here to read changes noticed in your spouse, not WHY it happens. If yoi cant share yours, go look for a thread where couples are seeking for advice

kovak: Her azz got bigger

Enjoy yourself, but take it easy b4 you bury yourself inside.

esbjay@gmail.co:
most ppl actually married because of s3x and other things to benefit from their partner, If you are going into relationship because of sex u better think twice if not by the time you have the sex twice with your so-called partner you will get tired of the whole thing and even blame yourself for going into the relationship (common among guys). on the other hand, if your own is what you will benefit from ur partner, by the time those things which you are looking up to are no longer there, hmmmmm, wahala. problems will definitely burst out if he can no longer meet your end needs(common among ladies). my advice for the singles is to think twice b4 they say i do.don't force yourself to love let the love come naturally and don't love because the guy/lady is rich, You may not like the end result. good aftrnoon

@Bolded

So true and that describes 99% of Nigerian-bred married people. Many of them are sex addicts and once the sex is gone, their eyes begin to wander about like a torchlight looking for the next available fresh, young private part that they can pound like pounded yam in a mortar. Why do you think that most married folks in Nigeria - especially the males - cheat on their wives once they have been married for long? Because the female private part can never be the same again after babies have passed through it along with several rounds of pounding from the male private part.

@Post

You are in it already so discussing the behavioral changes in your spouse does not change the fact that you are now stuck with this individual for life. Many people pretend during courtship but once they have acquired you, they are now free to show you their true colors. When all those lovey dovey moments are over, reality sets in, lol.

Jade William: So many women hav jobs&ar paid good salaries but refuse 2support d man.They'l rather buy brazilian hair,sleek/marykay make ups,Mac powder,gold,dresses/laces&irrelevant thngs;competin amongst their co-workers&tryin 2measure up within their click.

A reasonable man who's wife behaves dat way,y won't he change? He has 2work extra hard 2fruit d bills so he comes home exhausted.He might not hav d stamina 2hav s*x 4days cos he's zapped.Abroad,d man might take up 2/3 jobs just 2meet up so dats wot brings abt changes atimes.That's my analysis though

@Bolded

Forget that thing and give your fellow women a break Jade William. Is it not the African culture that says that the man should be the provider while the woman takes care of the domestic work while at the same time turning herself into a baby breeding machine? So why are you complaining when the woman allows the man who is her husband to pay all the bills? How many Nigerian-bred husbands support their wives by helping them with domestic work in the home and actively assist the wife with the rearing of the children? Very few. It is no wonder that Nigerian society is now crawling with paedophiles, r8pists, cultists, kidnappers and the likes. It is because Nigerian-bred fathers have abandoned their child rearing roles to their wives and we are seeing the outcome now. A society filled with adult males who molest every female in sight irrespective of how young or old she is.

I HAD GREAT DREAMS, TO BE TO HER THE BEST HUSBAND. BUT HOW CAN I DO THAT NOW WHEN AM STILL HOPING TO BE FINANCIALLY OKAY. I just feel like I have failed her

sagaciousone:
Maybe its because you were too proud too wen he was chasing you... Now that he has gotten you expect da ATTITUDES gangan

I hope mine learn this fast because she owns the relationship while I own the marriage

bigass: He became bossy and hardly apologizes for his mistakes in short he became kind-of unreasonable in many area especially,my needs

He became bossy, abi! What do you expect, your houseboy you never see anythin.

Trvlla'c:
He became bossy, abi! What do you expect, your houseboy you never see anythin.

Don't mind her,e never clear for her eyes yet . When the man remembers the amount he has spent for Traditional and church wedding which might be over a million naira if the lady is from the east then his true colours must surface and love will be pocketed

Chiscomax:

u married too? I doubt

Why?

@ dasparrow

I love you!! Pls marry me!! You have hit the nail on the head so well

All these things are happening because Nigerians see marriage as a rank you're promoted to rather than a certified friendship between 2 people. Every day you'd be hearing crap like "your mates are all married & you're still here forming sexy.", "you're 28 & you're still single? Ah I pity you." ,"you better go & marry before we see you with any iota of respect. " Well dumb people get dumb results. You all should not complain about How your spouses have changed o. Stay & enjoy your "responsible" marriages while the smart ones are settling down with their friends.

pretty_boi: All these things are happening because Nigerians see marriage as a rank you're promoted to rather than a certified friendship between 2 people. Every day you'd be hearing crap like "your mates are all married & you're still here forming sexy.", "you're 28 & you're still single? Ah I pity you." ,"you better go & marry before we see you with any iota of respect. " Well dumb people get dumb results. You all should not complain about How your spouses have changed o. Stay & enjoy your "responsible" marriages while the smart ones are settling down with their friends.

A very valid point you have made. Our society has caused marriage to be an Upgrade instead of a friendship! I wish people will understand that the first reason (biblically ) for marriage is companionship (friendship) . To avoid fornication is second and childbearing comes a distant third! This days, pple are married to their enemies which is rather sad. A married couple should LEARN to be each others BEST FRIENDS!

Infact its get out hands now, she always not in the mood. & after begin her into the mood is only one round. I'm almost fed up,& not want to cheat;(

The key to all this is for a man to have a minimum of THREE standard partners he can fall back on whenever the wife is trying to mess him up. Then she stops being a problem. The problem starts when you abandon all your female friends and stop chatting with the ladies....in the name of being married..... eventually she becomes the only thing going in your life and that can lead to problems.. Anything 'bad' she does disturbs you a lot more than it should. You forget she's just another bitc.h out of many......... Don't get into that hole of your life revolving around her, and you should be fine.

dasparrow:

@Bolded

Forget that thing and give your fellow women a break Jade William. Is it not the African culture that says that the man should be the provider while the woman takes care of the domestic work while at the same time turning herself into a baby breeding machine? So why are you complaining when the woman allows the man who is her husband to pay all the bills? How many Nigerian-bred husbands support their wives by helping them with domestic work in the home and actively assist the wife with the rearing of the children? Very few. It is no wonder that Nigerian society is now crawling with paedophiles, r8pists, cultists, kidnappers and the likes. It is because Nigerian-bred fathers have abandoned their child rearing roles to their wives and we are seeing the outcome now. A society filled with adult males who molest every female in sight irrespective of how young or old she is.

I agree with your insight on the way kids turn out cos their fathers have not been responsible but on your other points note this
-The African context that you were referring to did not take into cognisnace that the woman would be working woman. If she is working then she is not the house wife that the saying envisioned so she should contribute o! The man should do the lionshare and the woman add small but the essence of the home is joint effort. The man should do a lot of child rearing/bonding activities too. If she is cooking he should be watching the kids/giving them bathes etc....shared effort. Thats the game.As for that contribution to the family purse......omo she suppose contribute o!

ROSSIKE: The key to all this is for a man to have a minimum of THREE standard partners he can fall back on whenever the wife is trying to mess him up. Then she stops being a problem. The problem starts when you abandon all your female friends and stop chatting with the ladies....in the name of being married..... eventually she becomes the only thing going in your life and that can lead to problems.. Anything 'bad' she does disturbs you a lot more than it should. You forget she's just another bitc.h out of
many......... Don't get into that hole of your life revolving around her, and you should be fine.

Oh my! Ur wife? Another bitc.h out of many. Too bad.

Haba this aint fair I only came on this post cos I was hoping on reading good quality changes dat can encourage me to marry sharp sharp, but it aint looking good so far. If all uz are dis miserable in the marriage then y remain in it? People make mistakes in life, even in dere love life but still staying in d same mistake and hoping for the best is absurd! Or is dere a great side to all these changes? abeg tell me.

Gpattern: guys sorry for not sticking to the question... Plz i need advice, am about getting married in january but just notice that there is this guy on bbm that is flirting with my babe up to the point of sending her love song via bbm, what should i do... Because am angry about it.

Dont be distracted, focus on what u want and dont stop loving ur babe. The devil has a way of stealing people's joy, he knows d benefit or blessings that is attached to ur marriage, dont let him steal ur joy.

ROSSIKE: The key to all this is for a man to have a minimum of THREE standard partners he can fall back on whenever the wife is trying to mess him up. Then she stops being a problem. The problem starts when you abandon all your female friends and stop chatting with the ladies....in the name of being married..... eventually she becomes the only thing going in your life and that can lead to problems.. Anything 'bad' she does disturbs you a lot more than it should. You forget she's just another bitc.h out of many......... Don't get into that hole of your life revolving around her, and you should be fine.

Ah ah! who brought this lost sheep here?

Lol! @ all the men that commented and were complaining...
1. If your wife changes, and you don't like the change, what happened to discussing it?

Having children & chores aren that easy, infact its difficult. Sometimes it's not easy adapting to the new life (hubby, CHORES, babies)
Sometimes you should understand to the men

@ topic:
My hubby became more concerned about me, esp my needs. He helps out at home.

krystal101: Lol! @ all the men that commented and were complaining...
1. If your wife changes, and you don't like the change, what happened to discussing it?

Having children & chores aren that easy, infact its difficult. Sometimes it's not easy adapting to the new life (hubby, CHORES, babies)
Sometimes you should understand to the men

@ topic:
My hubby became more concerned about me, esp my needs. He helps out at home.

lucky you!

I am head over hills in love with my Nigerian king