Nancyij37:
All over the world, Gender equality have become a raging issue. The agitation that women take an increased role in all spheres of life. But there is an important but usually neglected dimension to this agitation. The Family dimension.

A lot of women tend to be “all about him” in a relationship or marriage. something that the Denver based clinical psychologist, Susan Heitler, PhD, author of Power of Two, a marriage skills-building course calls “appendage-itis,” a situation where the wife is basically being an accessory to the husband.

Now i wonder how we are gonna achieve the much talked about gender equality when there is so much gender inequality in the family which is the nucleus of the society.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that a woman should not respect his husband or be a little submissive once in awhile. My point is that some wives are too willing to give up on what they want which is a sharp contrast to the ‘all about me” attitude of men.

“Usually, many wives are afraid it could make a fight or some unpleasantness, or they just think somehow, on a subconscious level, in order to preserve the relationship, they have to diminish what they themselves want,” Heitler says.

The truth is that most women underestimate their worth. In their quest to make the marriage work, they give up on their dreams and things they really want. and most times, the marriage ends up breaking up anyway. This is because the feeling of hopelessness will turn to anger soon enough and eventually boils over.

Heitler went ahead to prefer a solution to this problem. And her solution is to Express your concerns about issues (be it housework, parenting duties or not having enough time for your husband or for yourself) rationally. As far as your husband loves you (which am sure he does), he will give your concerns a thought and make the necessary adjustment.

A woman  was created to be a man’s companion and support and not to be an accessory to him. A woman has the right to live her dreams, have what she wants while building a happy family with the man she loves

Efemena_xy: @ Poster source pls.

That aside, I agree with the content of this article. Many women, especially Nigerian women are prone to thinking that way. It's actually engrained in them to such a point where they see being submissive = being subordinate, which I daresay, is at odds with their education.

I mean, why bother educating your daughters if she'll end up being nothing better than a glorified househelp in her own home, both physically and emotionally? Yes, I know many ladies who went through tertiary education have put their education to good use - but how many of these same women have done things for themselves? I mean personal goals they've always wanted to achieve pre-marriage? Or achieving their dreams?

There's a rankling thread in this section about a man who:

~ Earned eight times more than his wife
~ Owned various property and assets, etc.

It was all about him, him, him and no mention of what his wife probably went through those 10 years of marriage without a dime to her name. Eventually the tables turned and she landed herself a well-paying job and built just one house for herself and guess what? The miffed husband sprinted off to nland soliciting 'advice' on how much he felt betrayed by his wife! Of course the teenagers and other mumpties here encouraged him to ditch her (never mind her silent suffering for 10years), she must have been having an affair with her priest (she never saw fit to do that before o! Only when she got working now, abi?)

https://www.nairaland.com/1496529/priest-aids-wife-build-without

What am I getting at here? In a society where marriage is seen as the greatest milestone and achievement in one's life (moreso if you're a female), you aren't expected to do anything for yourself, think independently for yourself or dare have dreams and aspirations, all in the name of two-becoming-one, which incidentally, always works out well for the menfolk.

If anyone dares rebutt what I've written up there, then:

For the men folk - how many of your properties are in both your names and your wife's name? Is her name on the title deed of your houses??

For the married women folk - how many of you, despite your education and careers have built a house - just one single house - in your own right? And even if you have, in whose name is it in? Yours or your husband's?

And for the married women who despite their careers and education haven't yet done that, may I ask how come? And pls don't come at me with the same old story of having to look after the kids (who afterall, don't bear your maiden names! but your husbands' names!)

Nonso23:
I agree with most parts of your argument but the bolded
Should the last name a child bears determine if a mother should care for it or not I mean, are children now downgraded to the level which properties and assets belong due to extreme feminists' propositions? What happened to motherly love? Or is that another value that extreme feminism considers a weakness?

xynerise:
A woman whose career job allows her to come home late at night always have problems in her home.

chymystique:


U r right sha buh if d kids are adults and the hubby supports her et won't b a prob.

Nancyij37:


Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that a woman should not respect her husband or be a little submissive once in awhile.

Nancyij37:
Heitler went ahead to prefer a solution to this problem. And her solution is to Express your concerns about issues (be it housework, parenting duties or not having enough time for your husband or for yourself) rationally. As far as your husband loves you (which am sure he does), he will give your concerns a thought and make the necessary adjustment.

Efemena_xy: @ Poster source pls.

That aside, I agree with the content of this article. Many women, especially Nigerian women are prone to thinking that way. It's actually engrained in them to such a point where they see being submissive = being subordinate, which I daresay, is at odds with their education.

I mean, why bother educating your daughters if she'll end up being nothing better than a glorified househelp in her own home, both physically and emotionally? Yes, I know many ladies who went through tertiary education have put their education to good use - but how many of these same women have done things for themselves? I mean personal goals they've always wanted to achieve pre-marriage? Or achieving their dreams?

There's a rankling thread in this section about a man who:

~ Earned eight times more than his wife
~ Owned various property and assets, etc.

It was all about him, him, him and no mention of what his wife probably went through those 10 years of marriage without a dime to her name. Eventually the tables turned and she landed herself a well-paying job and built just one house for herself and guess what? The miffed husband sprinted off to nland soliciting 'advice' on how much he felt betrayed by his wife! Of course the teenagers and other mumpties here encouraged him to ditch her (never mind her silent suffering for 10years), she must have been having an affair with her priest (she never saw fit to do that before o! Only when she got working now, abi?)

https://www.nairaland.com/1496529/priest-aids-wife-build-without

What am I getting at here? In a society where marriage is seen as the greatest milestone and achievement in one's life (moreso if you're a female), you aren't expected to do anything for yourself, think independently for yourself or dare have dreams and aspirations, all in the name of two-becoming-one, which incidentally, always works out well for the menfolk.

If anyone dares rebutt what I've written up there, then:

For the men folk - how many of your properties are in both your names and your wife's name? Is her name on the title deed of your houses??

For the married women folk - how many of you, despite your education and careers have built a house - just one single house - in your own right? And even if you have, in whose name is it in? Yours or your husband's?

And for the married women who despite their careers and education haven't yet done that, may I ask how come? And pls don't come at me with the same old story of having to look after the kids (who afterall, don't bear your maiden names! but your husbands' names!)

chymystique:


U r right sha buh if d kids are adults and the hubby supports her et won't b a prob.

chymystique: That's one of d things u need to discuss with ur spouse before marriage.. The most annoyin thing about this issue is that most men might agree that u can pursue ur dreams buh wen u u both bcom legally married he tends to change his mind.. For example; A lady Studied Engineering and wanted to bcome a professional in et and d hubby asked d lady to quit her job, suggestin d woman shld go into Rental business. His reason was that he wants d wife to ve time for thr kids and look after d home.


Well, For now I cnt tell cos am nt married yet buh I dnt fink I can sacrifice my dream for my marriage esp wen ai knw et aint gonna affect me lookin after my home..

Some Men can b very selfish tho..

Miss Frankie: My greatest fear in life is getting married to sum1 who will kill my dreams, dats why I've made it an important point to share my dreams and idea with my partner.

Dygeasy: A Pregnant Woman Gives Birth To A Young Child Not An Adult, Right?

Nancyij37:
All over the world, Gender equality have become a raging issue. The agitation that women take an increased role in all spheres of life. But there is an important but usually neglected dimension to this agitation. The Family dimension.

A lot of women tend to be “all about him” in a relationship or marriage. something that the Denver based clinical psychologist, Susan Heitler, PhD, author of Power of Two, a marriage skills-building course calls “appendage-itis,” a situation where the wife is basically being an accessory to the husband.

Now i wonder how we are gonna achieve the much talked about gender equality when there is so much gender inequality in the family which is the nucleus of the society.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that a woman should not respect his husband or be a little submissive once in awhile. My point is that some wives are too willing to give up on what they want which is a sharp contrast to the ‘all about me” attitude of men.

“Usually, many wives are afraid it could make a fight or some unpleasantness, or they just think somehow, on a subconscious level, in order to preserve the relationship, they have to diminish what they themselves want,” Heitler says.

The truth is that most women underestimate their worth. In their quest to make the marriage work, they give up on their dreams and things they really want. and most times, the marriage ends up breaking up anyway. This is because the feeling of hopelessness will turn to anger soon enough and eventually boils over.

Heitler went ahead to prefer a solution to this problem. And her solution is to Express your concerns about issues (be it housework, parenting duties or not having enough time for your husband or for yourself) rationally. As far as your husband loves you (which am sure he does), he will give your concerns a thought and make the necessary adjustment.

A woman  was created to be a man’s companion and support and not to be an accessory to him. A woman has the right to live her dreams, have what she wants while building a happy family with the man she loves

Efemena_xy: @ Poster source pls.

That aside, I agree with the content of this article. Many women, especially Nigerian women are prone to thinking that way. It's actually engrained in them to such a point where they see being submissive = being subordinate, which I daresay, is at odds with their education.

I mean, why bother educating your daughters if she'll end up being nothing better than a glorified househelp in her own home, both physically and emotionally? Yes, I know many ladies who went through tertiary education have put their education to good use - but how many of these same women have done things for themselves? I mean personal goals they've always wanted to achieve pre-marriage? Or achieving their dreams?

There's a rankling thread in this section about a man who:

~ Earned eight times more than his wife
~ Owned various property and assets, etc.

It was all about him, him, him and no mention of what his wife probably went through those 10 years of marriage without a dime to her name. Eventually the tables turned and she landed herself a well-paying job and built just one house for herself and guess what? The miffed husband sprinted off to nland soliciting 'advice' on how much he felt betrayed by his wife! Of course the teenagers and other mumpties here encouraged him to ditch her (never mind her silent suffering for 10years), she must have been having an affair with her priest (she never saw fit to do that before o! Only when she got working now, abi?)

https://www.nairaland.com/1496529/priest-aids-wife-build-without

What am I getting at here? In a society where marriage is seen as the greatest milestone and achievement in one's life (moreso if you're a female), you aren't expected to do anything for yourself, think independently for yourself or dare have dreams and aspirations, all in the name of two-becoming-one, which incidentally, always works out well for the menfolk.

If anyone dares rebutt what I've written up there, then:

For the men folk - how many of your properties are in both your names and your wife's name? Is her name on the title deed of your houses??

For the married women folk - how many of you, despite your education and careers have built a house - just one single house - in your own right? And even if you have, in whose name is it in? Yours or your husband's?

And for the married women who despite their careers and education haven't yet done that, may I ask how come? And pls don't come at me with the same old story of having to look after the kids (who afterall, don't bear your maiden names! but your husbands' names!)

Efemena_xy:

Pls don't try taking the cheap and tacky route of sidelining the important issues I've raised here by bringing feminism into this!

My reference the children here is simply that women shouldn't use their kids as an excuse for underachieving or selling themselves short of their aspired dreams and goals in life! The fact that the kids take on their father's surname simply buttresses the point I'm making that it's a man's world! And yet despite that, the woman dare not do anything for herself. Many so-called housewives are infact intelligent graduates but have been forced to give up their careers and stay at home looking after their kids, all on the man's say-so.

Why should the woman be the one to give up her career? Yet, even if she does manage to stick to her guns and continues working, she's forced to 'contribute' to the family purse to the extent she hasn't got anything left for herself, while the man on the other hand, acquires numerous properties like our brother in the aformentioned thread boasting about earning 8 times his wife! Na competition??

Fact: Majority of married Nigerian women live subdued lives guised as submissiveness in marriage, while the man uses her as an appendage or extra limb to reach for the stars.

Fact: Majority of married Nigerian men see it as a slight on their ego for a wife to own property in her name, much less building one from scratch.

I dare you to prove me wrong!