Hi,

I have a very strange pain in my heart right now, one I am quite new to really. When I say pain, I do not mean it as a metphor but something literal and real. Please don't mind my rambling too much and I would understand if you decide to stop reading here but I still got to spend some this time to talk with myself with the hope of knowing the peace of mind and heart I used to have.

I have known this lady for quite some time, a bit over two years now, and when we met, I knew something really good has come into my life for I became alive again since her coming to my life. Though our meeting did not have the added advantage of the spark associated with one who just met her knight in shiny armour but all the same, both of us got connected the first day we met.

We spent the next year going out on dates and various occassions. Those days and months had very fun memories for me as I will always treasure them till my dying days. In the course of our outing, I have had cause to ask her for a relationship but each time I did, she always tell me how she suck at relationships. That she is better as a friend than a girl friend but this really did not go down well with me. So, as far as a 'healthy relationship' was concerned, we had it all except for this one small glitch.

At first I was okay with just being with her and enjoy her company but as the year went by, I became a bit impatient because I couldn't understand how we can be like a 'couple' but not be a 'couple'. Don't get me wrong, I never had sexx with her as I promised her but we were really into each other. We confessed love for each other so I thought it silly to feel this much for each other without taking it to the next level.

One day while away at work in Abuja, we had a lengthy phone conversation and I asked her to make a decision on whether she wants me as a boy friend or not. A decision not to want me would mean me moving on with my life and probably start dating again with some other lady. I felt since she has known me for a year, she should be in a good position to decide if I am right for her or not. After letting her know my thoughts, she cried at the thought of probably losing me but after some time she said YES to me. Instead of accepting her YES I gave her another lengthy talk of how I don't want her to accept me because of any pressure but because it is what she wants, as I did not want to be with her when she is not ready to be involved. She assured me that she has had some thought on this and have made her decision because she actually loves me.

I was elated and couldn't wait to get back to Lagos to see my hearthrob. Another month passed before I could go back to Lagos to see the love of my life but on getting there I noticed that she really was not her usual self, as she seemed to get irritated at me for no just reason. This went on for about two weeks and I felt that maybe she was trying to come to terms with the idea of being in a relationship. I decided to be patient but this attitude persisted for another two weeks.

I decided that it was time to talk about it; so I took her out to a Restaurant and asked her what the matter was but she only gave me the "I suck at Relationships" line. This I really cannot understand because before now, we had had a very healthy relationship for a year (though we were not bf's and gf's) without any problems, so having issues bearly two months after she said YES to me was a bit silly. This made me feel like I was forcing her to be in the relationship she never wanted. I felt kinda bad and then I decided to ask her one question to confirm my fears. I asked: Do you love me?

After a while she told me that she loves me but she is not in love with me. This got me very confused for in truth I do not understand what she meant. I pressed her for an explanation and even went ahead to make some suggestions on how her love for me was. I asked her if what she said meant that she loves me like a sister loves a brother, but she said NO, that her love for me is one from a lady to a guy. This still was very confusing because it really did not address my concern. I made her understand that I love her and I am in love with her unlike what she said.

I went home a bit down for two reasons: The fact that she said she is not in love with me and the feel that I might have forced her into what she does not want. Because of this burden, I called her the next day and told her that I want to call off the relationship. She cried and the rest is history. Today we are no longer together but we remained very good friends. As a matter of fact, we are now best of friends and strangely enough we have gone back to the way we used to be: having a healthy relationship without the tag: bf and gf. We have been like this for almost a year now and life seem good again.

But this connection we have is being threatened at the moment. There is this guy she met recently, though she assured me that both of them are not involved but I noticed that she always seem to light up each time they chat on phone. Noticing this, I adviced her to get to know this guy some more since he seem to make her happy. I even encouraged her to go on a date with him. Tomorrow she goes on this date with the guy and despite my good intentions for her, my heart seem to want to force itself off my chest. I really do not know why but I am happy for her and sad at the same time. I love her still and want her to be happy even if it means being with someone else. I love her too much to see her unhappy.

I am a bit better now. I guess what I needed to do was let it off my chest.

Baba... D summary b say u av been friend zoned in short family zoned.. U av become a broda.. And dat wat u will cont to b cos its gonna b a lil difflicult to turn d table around..

But if God wants u guys to b together.. E fit still happen ..

temi4fash: Baba... D summary b say u av been friend zoned in short family zoned.. U av become a broda.. And dat wat u will cont to b cos its gonna b a lil difflicult to turn d table around..

But if God wants u guys to b together.. E fit still happen ..

Okay, thanks!

.

just let her go......move on......bt there is a high probability shld wld come knocking ur door again

I knw dat feeling wella,op jst gv it sum tym u wud be ok wif it,me and my ex bf are best of fwnds nw,reason being dat we both accepted we can't be 2gether....moreso try 2 date anoda babe jare,accept d fact dat u n dis ur fulani babe can't be 2geda..

@op. I Understnd u perfectly cz dis jst happnd 2 me,I met dis guy recently nd we became frnds,really gud friend,we did everytin 2geda,we go out,we cook 4 each oda, u knw jst normal stuff. then d guy startd askin me out,I tld him no dat I was bad at keepin r/ship bt he wldnt listen,he wld plea nd plea nd even kneel down. The truth is I really luv dis guy(nt broda nd sista luv) bt I knw me,I knw I dnt kip r/ship more dan 3months,I knew r/ship wil spoil wat we share. anyways leta I acceptd bt right frm day one,inside me I felt bad cz I knew hw it wil end. The guy did evrytin 2 make me happy bt I pick offense at every litl tin,I broke up 4 tyms nd he was alwys begin,bt sincerely I luved him. Nw we ve finally seperatd 4 gud bt I really miss wen we were frnds,wen we neva quarreld ve we jst flowd. Op jst 4get her 4 nw n date smone else,oneday u guys wil bcome really gud frnds again nd mayb then,u guys might jst date nd up married cz u knw urselvs lik no one else. Pls 4giv my long write up,it cz I still feel sad Tnks

She is just using u like seriously 2 while a way time and have fun.....just leave alone aNd move on,tell her to her face u don't want u guys friendship again,its nT benefittin u in anyway...and zoom off,and weneva u see her or u post sometin on ur fb status,always let her feel d reaction dat u are happy....she thinks she has d heart of stone,truss me she gon miss u

I know it hurts but time is a great healer. At least you were bold enough to tell her what you want. I admire that.

Nice gist

Kaylize76:

Nope. You are sad. Your brain cannot interprete its current feeling so its giving you a good one to keep you calm, keep you from losing it. Ask yourself, is it really worth it? After all, you asked a simple question and she confused the hell out of you. That should be a really big red sign.
Its gonna be a hard thing to do but you need to move on, start concentrating on things that make you happy genuinely. Know it will take a LONG time for the pain to go away, but do it the right way and it will be worth it.

She is worth it! I like your advice though. Thanks!

haitto99: just let her go......move on......bt there is a high probability shld wld come knocking ur door again

It will definitely not be easy but I will try.

Pdizzle: Eeyah bros i feel ur pain, give her some distance, gt involved wt other gud girls n date one, then watch jelousy come to play..I knw hw u feel, buh if she doesnt want to date u fine..U cn gt sum1 beta

The truth is, I am not sure if I would want to start dating again because I don't want to be unfair to some other lady. My heart is somewhere else as it stands. It would be unfair to hang out with someone when I am thinking of another. I may just go solo for the mean time till I find my feet again. Definitely won't be easy.

She said it, u guys are better off as friends and your calling off the relationship is proof. So why not move on. Find a nice girl who loves you and stop being her "body guard". U guys can be friends sure, but u just have to face reality and be with the fact that u guys are not together. It's hard, believe me I know, but still u can't continue to live a miserable life because of her. I say it again stop being her body guard. Advice; try to give the friendship some sort of distance...she's not ur only friend, so give her real space and continue with your life. She prefers friendship probably because as friends u guys are always just as close as even if u guys were bf n gf but without d bf n gf tags...try to be independent of her and move on. U guys can still be friends, but just know the boundaries and MOVE ON.

Harbosede02: I knw dat feeling wella,op jst gv it sum tym u wud be ok wif it,me and my ex bf are best of fwnds nw,reason being dat we both accepted we can't be 2gether....moreso try 2 date anoda babe jare,accept d fact dat u n dis ur fulani babe can't be 2geda..

Will try!

Booty butt chic: She is just using u like seriously 2 while a way time and have fun.....just leave alone aNd move on,tell her to her face u don't want u guys friendship again,its nT benefittin u in anyway...and zoom off,and weneva u see her or u post sometin on ur fb status,always let her feel d reaction dat u are happy....she thinks she has d heart of stone,truss me she gon miss u

Hmmm....

I am one who believes in building relationships. If we can't have a bf and gf relationship, then believe being friends won't be a bad idea. Though we may not get to see each other as we used to.

iamlegend: She said it, u guys are better off as friends and your calling off the relationship is proof. So why not move on. Find a nice girl who loves you and stop being her "body guard". U guys can be friends sure, but u just have to face reality and be with the fact that u guys are not together. It's hard, believe me I know, but still u can't continue to live a miserable life because of her. I say it again stop being her body guard. Advice; try to give the friendship some sort of distance...she's not ur only friend, so give her real space and continue with your life. She prefers friendship probably because as friends u guys are always just as close as even if u guys were bf n gf but without d bf n gf tags...try to be independent of her and move on. U guys can still be friends, but just know the boundaries and MOVE ON.

You probably are right. I do feel like a "body guard".

Ify Angela: I know it hurts but time is a great healer. At least you were bold enough to tell her what you want. I admire that.

Thanks!

zeb04: @op. I Understnd u perfectly cz dis jst happnd 2 me,I met dis guy recently nd we became frnds,really gud friend,we did everytin 2geda,we go out,we cook 4 each oda, u knw jst normal stuff. then d guy startd askin me out,I tld him no dat I was bad at keepin r/ship bt he wldnt listen,he wld plea nd plea nd even kneel down. The truth is I really luv dis guy(nt broda nd sista luv) bt I knw me,I knw I dnt kip r/ship more dan 3months,I knew r/ship wil spoil wat we share. anyways leta I acceptd bt right frm day one,inside me I felt bad cz I knew hw it wil end. The guy did evrytin 2 make me happy bt I pick offense at every litl tin,I broke up 4 tyms nd he was alwys begin,bt sincerely I luved him. Nw we ve finally seperatd 4 gud bt I really miss wen we were frnds,wen we neva quarreld ve we jst flowd. Op jst 4get her 4 nw n date smone else,oneday u guys wil bcome really gud frnds again nd mayb then,u guys might jst date nd up married cz u knw urselvs lik no one else. Pls 4giv my long write up,it cz I still feel sad Tnks

@ zeb04, nice lines here...and good lessons from your own story too...buh am a bit concerned about you..I have some questions for you, does it really bother you that you can't last up2 3months in a relationship? Do you think everything is really ok with you? R u married now? If not how do you intend to keep a marriage if you can't keep a relationship? have been pondering on this questions...would be glad if u could do justice to them.

zeb04: @op. I Understnd u perfectly cz dis jst happnd 2 me,I met dis guy recently nd we became frnds,really gud friend,we did everytin 2geda,we go out,we cook 4 each oda, u knw jst normal stuff. then d guy startd askin me out,I tld him no dat I was bad at keepin r/ship bt he wldnt listen,he wld plea nd plea nd even kneel down. The truth is I really luv dis guy(nt broda nd sista luv) bt I knw me,I knw I dnt kip r/ship more dan 3months,I knew r/ship wil spoil wat we share. anyways leta I acceptd bt right frm day one,inside me I felt bad cz I knew hw it wil end. The guy did evrytin 2 make me happy bt I pick offense at every litl tin,I broke up 4 tyms nd he was alwys begin,bt sincerely I luved him. Nw we ve finally seperatd 4 gud bt I really miss wen we were frnds,wen we neva quarreld ve we jst flowd. Op jst 4get her 4 nw n date smone else,oneday u guys wil bcome really gud frnds again nd mayb then,u guys might jst date nd up married cz u knw urselvs lik no one else. Pls 4giv my long write up,it cz I still feel sad Tnks

@ zeb04, nice lines here...and good lessons from your own story too...buh am a bit concerned about you..I have some questions for you, does it really bother you that you can't last up2 3months in a relationship? Do you think everything is really ok with you? R u married now? If not how do you intend to keep a marriage if you can't keep a relationship? have been pondering on this questions...would be glad if u could do justice to them.

@stil stan yes it bodas me u knw at ist I thot I had a spiritual problm,bt later I felt it jst me nd I've got 2 change,I really want 2 change cz I am planin on keepin my nxt r/ship 4 at least a year. Bt I nid smone who can at least control me,mayb he b d one 2 break up wit me at ist,I dnt nid smone who wld tolerate me breakin up 3tyms in 3months nd stil keep on beggin. I nid smone who wld take charge bt am workin on keepin a v v long r/ship

Sorry I actually meant who won't tolerate me breakin up 3tyms in 3months

What a cruel world. You love someone while someone else loves you in return. If God says you're meant to be,none of you can change it. Don't just try to force yourself on her. Love has to be reciprocated naturally. Maintain the good relationship you still have, give love chance to grow

D'Gafar:
What a cruel world. You love someone while someone else loves you in return. If God says you're meant to be,none of you can change it. Don't just try to force yourself on her. Love has to be reciprocated naturally. Maintain the good relationship you still have, give love chance to grow

Thanks!

Mtcheew