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Our Families Are Against Our Marriage - Family - Nairaland

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Our Families Are Against Our Marriage by bjprodint(f): 8:41am On Nov 08, 2013
we av been dating for three years,and we want to get married,am pregnant for him.his family hate me and my family hate him,what should we do

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Re: Our Families Are Against Our Marriage by pickabeau1: 8:42am On Nov 08, 2013
do you love him..

Hope you are employed and have a source of income for yourself first

Are you ready mentally for the isolation and fighty fighty which will occur at the marriage ceremonies

Are you ready if your MIL or mum does not come round for omugwo

Are you ready if your husband starts abusing you and their is no one to caution him

if you are, please do a court marriage and start your life

They may come around.. if not love and money conquers all.. take solace in that

You do not marry a spose but the family too

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Re: Our Families Are Against Our Marriage by Afrocatalyst: 9:03am On Nov 08, 2013
They will support and love you both if you know what you want and believe in the love you both share. It might take a little time,bt they will. Sure. Talking from experience. Been there before,but I've conquered.

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Re: Our Families Are Against Our Marriage by bjprodint(f): 9:45am On Nov 08, 2013
i av sugested court marriage and he is insisting on family blessing
Re: Our Families Are Against Our Marriage by pickabeau1: 11:09am On Nov 08, 2013
bjprodint: i av sugested court marriage and he is insisting on family blessing

You have not answered the q
Re: Our Families Are Against Our Marriage by bjprodint(f): 11:39am On Nov 08, 2013
pickabeau1:

You have not answered the q
of course am ready to face d challenges becos i love him
Re: Our Families Are Against Our Marriage by shiftmarket(m): 12:53pm On Nov 08, 2013
One word of advise, thread with caution. Its easy to talk about love now before you enter, but when the marriage pressure starts coming in, you will have no base to fall on. Your mind will start playing tricks on you telling you that this was what each of your family saw.

You both need to talk to both sides of the family not confront. Marriage is theoretically 2 people but in practice not only are families involved but even your friend, enemies and neighbors if you know what I mean.
Re: Our Families Are Against Our Marriage by pickabeau1: 1:24pm On Nov 08, 2013
Ok.. lastly do you have a source of income

bjprodint: of course am ready to face d challenges becos i love him
Re: Our Families Are Against Our Marriage by Nobody: 3:09pm On Nov 08, 2013
Why all the hating@op. Is the relationship inter- tribal?
Re: Our Families Are Against Our Marriage by Kanwulia: 11:11pm On Nov 08, 2013
You are already pregnant. . . .YOU NEED TO START WORRYING ABOUT BRINGING A CHILD INTO A WORLD OF HATE. You only prerogative is to make sure the child is LOVED. . . BY YOU! So, you must REMOVE yourself from ANY negative influences. . . .Hopefully, time will heal all wounds. . . .If not. . . .YOU HAVE TO TOTALLY FORGET ABOUT YOUR BABY-DADDY'S OR HUSBAND'S FAMILY ENTIRELY.

Love is not by force. kiss

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Re: Our Families Are Against Our Marriage by sooplova(m): 12:09am On Nov 09, 2013
Read Romeo & Juliet.
Re: Our Families Are Against Our Marriage by Nobody: 4:32am On Nov 09, 2013
bjprodint: we av been dating for three years,and we want to get married,am pregnant for him.his family hate me and my family hate him,what should we do
Each family,in your case, hate their siblings !!! Else, they woulda love what their son/daughter love !!!


I would suggest both of you should start lobbying/convincing the soft hearts among your folks who shall help convinced the rest Unless, the families has strong Issues among One another it would work out !!!


Have u asked your folks, why they hate your man , Let your man ask his folks samething !!
Re: Our Families Are Against Our Marriage by EfemenaXY: 5:49am On Nov 09, 2013
bjprodint: we av been dating for three years,and we want to get married,am pregnant for him.his family hate me and my family hate him,what should we do

Tut, tut...

You're shutting the door after the horse's bolted. Did you deliberately get pregnant just to make a point to your warring families? If so, then big mistake girl.

There is so much more to married life than Love, love, love. What you ought to have done was to find out (or maybe you can tell us, since you dated him for three years) why both your families hate each other? Ideally, it's best to have both sides get on well with each other, so that when eventually you do experience hiccups, you'll have them back you all the way. Even if you don't have all of them onboard, at least having a few members 'jell' well with you helps as you'll need their support later on. But to want to go in knowing they all hate themselves so much??

Have you also discussed how you and your hubby would handle important issues like finance, religion, social stuff, childcare, career(s) etc? Because, if you and your fiancee have very opposing views with no reconciliatory grounds in sight, then you're in for a tough ride - especially when the euphoria dies down.

I'm not sure what advice you want to get on here as you've already taken a major step (getting pregnant) before laying the groundwork. Well, best of luck, whatever decisions you both decide to make - and congratulations mami on the soon-to-be new entrant into the world. smiley

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Re: Our Families Are Against Our Marriage by Nobody: 5:57am On Nov 09, 2013
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Re: Our Families Are Against Our Marriage by greatgod2012(f): 7:21am On Nov 09, 2013
Why do the families hate each other so much like that?
Is it because of cultural, tribal or religiously differences?
Or because of a major dispute between them, that is not easy to forgo?

Why did you decide to get pregnant before marriage, knowing fully well that both families are against you both?
Why didnt you both try and resolve the issues between the two families before going the family way?

I would have suggested that you tread with caution and ammend all the ammendables before walking down the aisle, but really dont know what to say now that you are already pregnant.
Sometimes, our parents' voices are voice of God, so, i dont normally advise people to ignore parental consent in a sensitive issues like marriage, because, marriage is like a black market, you hardly know what is in it until you enter, and if and when you enter and things do not work out as expected, who do you call on, when both families are not in supportive of your marriage.
Another area is the area of bringing a child into a family where there is no love, it's not good for such a child's psychology, lest the child grow up and believe no good can come from any family member. It may also affect the child's self concept and esteem.

And finally, something is really wrong with you and your fiance not agreeing on the type of wedding to go for, your both families are not in support, yet you both dont one voice. Is your fiance not aware that your both families are against your coming together, if he does and yet insist on family blessing,(not a bad idea if things are right between you two) then, something is fishy Something is definitely wrong. I will advise that you both go and meet your respective families and work out things from there, if they insist after that, im sorry to say, in marriage, love alone is not enough o.
A word is enough for the wise. I pray God give you the wisdom to go about this rightly. Amen.

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Re: Our Families Are Against Our Marriage by juman(m): 7:44am On Nov 09, 2013
bjprodint: i av sugested court marriage and he is insisting on family blessing

Family blessing is important. Both of you should try more to get that.
Re: Our Families Are Against Our Marriage by ireneidiva(f): 9:52am On Nov 09, 2013
You knew your parents and his are against your getting married, you still got pg and now you need advice. Are you serious
Re: Our Families Are Against Our Marriage by baralatie(m): 2:54pm On Nov 09, 2013
bjprodint: we av been dating for three years,and we want to get married,am pregnant for him.his family hate me and my family hate him,what should we do
work through ur mom.let her now u are pregnant.then they take it from there bt expect a lot of tongue lashing!
Re: Our Families Are Against Our Marriage by bjprodint(f): 5:16pm On Nov 09, 2013
banega: Why all the hating@op. Is the relationship inter- tribal?
am from imo state while he is from ondo state
Re: Our Families Are Against Our Marriage by baralatie(m): 5:20pm On Nov 09, 2013
bjprodint: am from imo state while he is from ondo state
wooow!are u the 1st daughter!
Re: Our Families Are Against Our Marriage by bjprodint(f): 5:23pm On Nov 09, 2013
am d last child
baralatie:
wooow!are u the 1st daughter!
Re: Our Families Are Against Our Marriage by baralatie(m): 5:31pm On Nov 09, 2013
bjprodint: am d last child
of how girlz!and are they al married..
Re: Our Families Are Against Our Marriage by Nobody: 5:31pm On Nov 09, 2013
OP, I don't care about what you adult decide to do.

Whatever it is, make sure you give that child the best.
Married or not!
Re: Our Families Are Against Our Marriage by baralatie(m): 5:43pm On Nov 09, 2013
Chillisauce: OP, I don't care about what you adult decide to do.

Whatever it is, make sure you give that child the best.
Married or not!
understand from where she hails be rest assured the child wil be given 200% luv & care.
When it comes to marriage they are strickler for rules and they dnt tak NONSENSE esp if their is educated!
Re: Our Families Are Against Our Marriage by baralatie(m): 5:45pm On Nov 09, 2013
bjprodint: am d last child
let me rephrase the questn.do u av older sibling who are women!
Re: Our Families Are Against Our Marriage by bjprodint(f): 6:04pm On Nov 09, 2013
baralatie:
let me rephrase the questn.do u av older sibling who are women!
i av two elder sisters who are v.ripe for marriage but av not even brought home any boyfrnd or fiance
Re: Our Families Are Against Our Marriage by bjprodint(f): 6:08pm On Nov 09, 2013
baralatie:
let me rephrase the questn.do u av older sibling who are women!
i av two elder sisters dat ar ripe for marriage but av not brought home any boyfrnd or fiance
Re: Our Families Are Against Our Marriage by baralatie(m): 9:02pm On Nov 09, 2013
bjprodint: i av two elder sisters dat ar ripe for marriage but av not brought home any boyfrnd or fiance
okay i can see where ur folks are coming from on ur side.
(If i gues correctly ur bf must either be a 1st boy or only or a very dominating mother)

rit now,it is not goin 2 be easy for ur folks to give consent becoz accdng to marital/courtship rule he was suppose to app ur fath/moth 1st to signify intentn b4 ur been pregnant(.it is not d same as knocking of door)so rit now lets' just say he has "query to answer" and he has to come wit his but it is not as easy as u tink.
The best thing now is to
+slow down on the marriage idea 1st
+meet ur mom 1st,plead wit her.if need be "beg"win her support for u and the baby(dnt include marriage mata)
+get ur sistas as wel to support u and d baby.
+after this let ur mother get ur local church involved
at least u side and family are resolved.it usualy takes time.
Now for realy big problem.how to get ur bf and his entire family to approach ur dad ,apologise,do what is required.this is up to hin.he puls it off!.....
Re: Our Families Are Against Our Marriage by obowunmi(m): 2:35am On Nov 10, 2013
If you're not a strong person, the marriage won't work.

If you are in Nigeria, they will frustrate your efforts to simply love your husband, unless you both stay strong, stand your ground, and keep your families out .
Re: Our Families Are Against Our Marriage by EfemenaXY: 5:36am On Nov 10, 2013
obowunmi: If you're not a strong person, the marriage won't work.

If you are in Nigeria, they will frustrate your efforts to simply love your husband, unless you both stay strong, stand your ground, and keep your families out .

So true.

The bolded bit also applies to the man too - his family will do the same to him, seeing as both parties are already at each other's throats.

If their antagonism towards each other is based simply on tribal differences and nothing else, then it really is a shame - especially in this day and age.
Re: Our Families Are Against Our Marriage by baralatie(m): 9:41am On Nov 10, 2013
@op!dont mind the negative comments.remember i told u expect tongue lashing!
There are couples who went thru worse than and stil came out victorious.
Keep ur mind of negative comments like i said rally the women behind u & the baby.get ur church elders,deacons involved.
But dnt lej anytin happen to u & ur baby.
These type of always solve at d end of the day.
Re: Our Families Are Against Our Marriage by bjprodint(f): 11:42am On Nov 10, 2013
baralatie: @op!dont mind the negative comments.remember i told u expect tongue lashing!
There are couples who went thru worse than and stil came out victorious.
Keep ur mind of negative comments like i said rally the women behind u & the baby.get ur church elders,deacons involved.
But dnt lej anytin happen to u & ur baby.
These type of always solve at d end of the day.
thanks

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