Night$hift:
My family is totally against a broken marriage because of the kids and that is why a lot of my wife's excesses have been tolerated this far. But at this point, opinions are divided as more and more are beginning to fear for my safety in all of this.

Bros your safety is the most important. These your in laws get as e be. I dont know you but I dont want any form of harm to befall you. Abeg separate o for now.

pickabeau1:

Once abuse is physical. i do not hesitate in advocating seperation for a period

So, in your opinion, he should wait for it to become physical? I see the man can't seperate now because he has no right to peace of mind.

Ujujoan:

The problem with your home is you . . . 100%

A man is supposed to be strong and firm and take charge of his home. Your wife clearly has no atom of respect for you. She and her family see you as someone they can walk all over and get away with it.

If they call you, ignore their calls.

A home where the man is weak is a bound to have issues like these.

Uju, this is such an unfair comment to make, seriously. If this man had broken her head, we would all insult him more. This is a man that is being civil and trying to make things work, please lets not crucify him. He is not being weak, he is only being sane.

Chilli dear,
Leave matter for mathias when it comes to married couple. There is always too sides to a coin. This according to poster is 7yrs union and I honestly don't think d woman suddenly developed wings. Something led to something. We don't know and poster don't wanna tell us. Instead he has painted a holier than thou look of himself and I'm not gonna buy that.
Like I initially said, poster what hv u been doing or bring ur wife to tell us how bad she is.
We r all imperfect humans, u seek for advice, let us know ur shortfalls and we sincerely wanna help cos nobody loves a dysfunctional home.
Or better still,let's hear from ur wife on what makes her behave d way she does since u don't know.

jumzzy448: Is this for real......smh.
Some women sha....my advice is this, sit her down and have a heart to heart talk with her. tell her how sad you always feel whenever she calls her family to interfere in your family problem. If after the talking she doesn't change, before having any argument, make sure her phone is already with you so she doesn't have access to it not to talk of calling her people.


Some mother in laws sha.....is she helping her daughter in building or breaking her home.

To the MIL, guess she acts that way cos she doesn't want any man to 'trample' on her daughter, not knowing she's setting herself up for more ridicule when the 'scales' eventually fall off the daughter's eyes.

Married folks should always make it a point of duty to always keep their affairs private except its gotten out of hand like physical abuse and the likes.

@OP, I salute ur patience. My neighbors had the same issue. His wife's fada n brodas come to beat him up once the wife calls to report. He had to totally ban them from his house. They'd knock but he wouldn't open. Now they've gotten the message n have let them be.

God give you wisdom in handling this.

fresh_dude: So, in your opinion, he should wait for it to become physical? I see the man can't seperate now because he has no right to peace of mind.

I am saying they should submit to counselling before seperation

Things can go south if seperation is not well managed too .. promiscuity, etc

Night$hift aka 2nd chance, can we meet your wife? We have read too much from you already and it is only fair 2 read your wife's view. I find it difficult 2 believe that a woman above 35years would suddenly want to destroy what took her years 2 build in just a day. Even if there's another man by the corner giving her false hope of marrying her, the second marriage can and will never be like the first.

They want to meet Mrs. Night$hift. But they don't ask for the husbands of the multitude of women who spam the family section with tales of woe abourt their husbands and in-laws.

fresh_dude: They want to meet Mrs. Night$hift. But they don't ask for the husbands of the multitude of women who spam the family section with tales of woe abourt their husbands and in-laws.

hahahahha.. u are officially a funny guy.. but i stil think this situation is salvageable

Nashville:

Uju, this is such an unfair comment to make, seriously. If this man had broken her head, we would all insult him more. This is a man that is being civil and trying to make things work, please lets not crucify him. He is not being weak, he is only being sane.

A man who needs to resort to violence to take charge of his home is sadly not a man . . .

One question to you, would you wife act in this manner? Do you hit her

Ujujoan:

A man who needs to resort to violence to take charge of his home is sadly not a man . . .

One question to you, would you wife act in this manner? Do you hit her

I would not hit anyone and I have advised him earlier to remain composed. However, this is a serious problem that he has and anyman would be worried. In all honestly, if I were in his shoes, I will be as confused as he is. In my opinion, he has done well and he comes from a very decent family who have encouraged him to tolerate his wife's excesses.

I believe a man should be judged by his actions and not the actions of his wife!

Night$hift:
There was a night we had a heated argument and in annoynace, I went to my room and locked myself up ready to sleep. But 5 mins later, I heard a knock on my door and felt perhaps my children wanted to come and play in my room like they usually do when they don't find their cartoons interesting sometimes. But as I was not in the mood, I ignored the knock. But it persisted and so I enquired who was by the door and was shocked when my daughter informed me there was a visitor in the living room waiting to see me. I had to ask that she pleads with the visitor to give me a little time to dress up as I was already in my pyjamas. When I got to the living room, behold it was a popular human right advocate that she had invited to the house unknown to me. The man was shocked to notice everywhere was calm and I was already in bed contrary to what he was told over the phone before coming. If I was the violent type, perhaps I would have been in jail by now courtesy of my wife.

pickabeau1:

hahahahha.. u are officially a funny guy.. but i stil think this situation is salvageable

Lol. Thanks for the compliment.
However, I don't share your optimism, that is not to say it's not salvageable o.
The way I see it, I find it strange that this woman has been this way has been this way for years and my guy has been enduring because of his values and their child. Now, wifey has come into the big time and all of a sudden it's no longer her usual tantrums and drama, she's threatened divorce and has almost made good on it.
Now, people say she's being instigated, I agree. But I also know that she could be instigated to include one powder or concoction in Night$hift's food one day(apparrntly, her family thinks for her). It has been known to happen, who's to say it can't happen to OP? And that would be that. She may or may not be caught, and if she is nko? Will that bring OP back from yonder?
And that's just one likely-death scenario. Who's to say OP won't die prematurely from excess stress? Do we know the condition of his heart, does he, himself, even know?
It's noble to want to save a marriage/home but, at what cost!
It takes two people to have a marriage and one of them is already one-and-a-half leg outside. He should cut his losses and move on.

hmm... incidentally he had a NDE according to him so you may not be far from the truth,,,...

I believe we should look at all sides and try to get the root cause of the actions of people...

To help his heart, he should be calm...but i still think that divorce shd be last resort

fresh_dude: Lol. Thanks for the compliment.
However, I don't share your optimism, that is not to say it's not salvageable o.
The way I see it, I find it strange that this woman has been this way has been this way for years and my guy has been enduring because of his values and their child. Now, wifey has come into the big time and all of a sudden it's no longer her usual tantrums and drama, she's threatened divorce and has almost made good on it.
Now, people say she's being instigated, I agree. But I also know that she could be instigated to include one powder or concoction in Night$hift's food one day(apparrntly, her family thinks for her). It has been known to happen, who's to say it can't happen to OP? And that would be that. She may or may not be caught, and if she is nko? Will that bring OP back from yonder?
And that's just one likely-death scenario. Who's to say OP won't die prematurely from excess stress? Do we know the condition of his heart, does he, himself, even know?
It's noble to want to save a marriage/home but, at what cost!
It takes two people to have a marriage and one of them is already one-and-a-half leg outside. He should cut his losses and move on.

pickabeau1:
I believe we should look at all sides and try to get the root cause of the actions of people...

Absence of respect sounds like a huge root cause, so also is absence of love. Perhaps, Night$hift has a portion of the blame in terms of the lack of respect that does not give wifey the right to be a nuisance.
But as some have said he must have caused his wife's behaviour. I advise him to change his ways and stop provoking his wife to anger.

Nashville:

I would not hit anyone and I have advised him earlier to remain composed. However, this is a serious problem that he has and anyman would be worried. In all honestly, if I were in his shoes, I will be as confused as he is. In my opinion, he has done well and he comes from a very decent family who have encouraged him to tolerate his wife's excesses.

I believe a man should be judged by his actions and not the actions of his wife!

A problem that has remained for seven years is now a way of life.

He didn't handle it seven years ago when they first got married . . . he let her get used to it. That's lax IMO.

The same family members who made him tolerate it is the same one asking him to send her packing. Nobody should tell him how to run his home.

In his other thread, where he complained she built a house behind his back, I told him the lady has no respect for him. This is just a confirmation of that.

The actions of people around you is a direct reflection of who you are.

Nashville:

Uju, this is such an unfair comment to make, seriously. If this man had broken her head, we would all insult him more. This is a man that is being civil and trying to make things work, please lets not crucify him. He is not being weak, he is only being sane.

Agree 100%

fresh_dude: Absence of respect sounds like a huge root cause, so also is absence of love. Perhaps, Night$hift has a portion of the blame in terms of the lack of respect that does not give wifey the right to be a nuisance.
But as some have said he must have caused his wife's behaviour. I advise him to change his ways and stop provoking his wife to anger.

hmmm.. May God help us

@Niteshift, I think you should check Urself too. There is obviously a way you take up issues with her that she can't handle. Check your approach to handling issues with her, discuss it with her and you will discover her fears in handling issues with you. Then encourage her to be bold enough to discuss the issues with you rather than outsiders. I also think there is more to this than you have told us. I strongly feel her actions are reactions to your ways.

Everyone who has been follwoing these events in my marriage kept questioning the rationale behind my wife's actions but all to no avail. It might interest you to note that one of the uncles she told she wanted the divorce used to be her staunch supporters, always believing that married women must be supported no matter their actions. But when she called him to say she wanted divorce without any justifiable reason against me whatever, it is the same uncle that is championing the course to ensure the issue is not swept under the carpet like all others before it now.
Let me also re-emphasize that everything started about 3 years ago and wasn't so from the beginning. If she was behaving like this from the onset, I would have walked out of the marriage long ago even before we started having children. And of course you all can guess why she hid her true character till now.
For those calling for my wife's side of the story, please continue to call for it hoping she will oblige you all and speak up.

Wallade: @Niteshift, I think you should check Urself too. There is obviously a way you take up issues with her that she can't handle. Check your approach to handling issues with her, discuss it with her and you will discover her fears in handling issues with you. Then encourage her to be bold enough to discuss the issues with you rather than outsiders. I also think there is more to this than you have told us. I strongly feel her actions are reactions to your ways.

My brother, I don hala, I don shout, I don talk softly, I don preach, I don beg, I don cry(sic), I don kneel down sef. I no know wetin una want make I do again yet she won't give any reason for her actions. Na only to craze remain , and everyday she keeps graduating from one seemingly wicked act to another.
I have examined myself and my only offense in all sincerity is that I am making less money than her at the moment.

Night$hift:

My brother, I don hala, I don shout, I don talk softly, I don preach, I don beg, I don cry(sic), I don kneel down sef. I no know wetin una want make I do again yet she won't give any reason for her actions. Na only to craze remain , and everyday she keeps graduating from one seemingly wicked act to another.
I have examined myself and my only offense in all sincerity is that I am making less money than her at the moment.

If this is true,,, she may have someone outside or in the wings

Ujujoan:

A problem that has remained for seven years is now a way of life.

He didn't handle it seven years ago when they first got married . . . he let her get used to it. That's lax IMO.

The same family members who made him tolerate it is the same one asking him to send her packing. Nobody should tell him how to run his home.

In his other thread, where he complained she built a house behind his back, I told him the lady has no respect for him. This is just a confirmation of that.

The actions of people around you is a direct reflection of who you are.

He has just answered you. It all started three years ago, when the wife started making more money than he was. The truth is that the wife has problems with her background and that is very difficult to change. You cant blame the husband for the wife's background.

On his own family advising him, there is nothing wrong in seeking advise from family members as long as the final decision is his. Nobody is telling him how to run his house, he is only seeking advise because what he is facing is unusual.

I agree with you his wife does not respect him. She seems like someone that only respects money. I can assure you that if the poster gets a $100mm contract today and becomes very rich, she would suddenly become very respectful again. A woman like this is very difficult to manage. As long as she is listening to her family members, there will never be peace.

pickabeau1:

If this is true,,, she may have someone outside or in the wings

I hate when I give the story of my life on a faceless forum like this, people still question the authenticity. What will I gain telling lies and wishing this present predicament on myself if not that I find myslef in it?

Night$hift:

I hate when I give the story of my life on a faceless forum like this, people still question the authenticity. What will I gain telling lies and wishing this present predicament on myself if not that I find myslef in the situation?

Dear Sir, i dont doubt you but im giving your spous some benefit of doubt...dazall
No one can be totally innocent

Nashville:

He has just answered you. It all started three years ago, when the wife started making more money than he was. The truth is that the wife has problems with her background and that is very difficult to change. You cant blame the husband for the wife's background.

On his own family advising him, there is nothing wrong in seeking advise from family members as long as the final decision is his. Nobody is telling him how to run his house, he is only seeking advise because what he is facing is unusual.

I agree with you his wife does not respect him. She seems like someone that only respects money. I can assure you that if the poster gets a $100mm contract today and becomes very rich, she would suddenly become very respectful again. A woman like this is very difficult to manage. As long as she is listening to her family members, there will never be peace.

You're very correct. Everybody worships money in her family contrary to the way I was brought up. One of her brother's wife openly made this accusation when my wife's family had problems with her family last year. I am beginning to think it runs in their blood but unfortunately, you won't notice it when you are more financially bouyant than them which was the case when I married her.

Your wife is not in love with you. She is miserable in the marriage and she is looking for an avenue out, without being the bad guy.

@steph7
Thank you. Comments like yours above will go a long way in helping to make an informed decision.

Night$hift:
@steph7
Thank you. Comments like yours above will go a long way in helping to make an informed decision.

Just admit you came here looking for comments like steph7 comment.
You got it, now go make the decision.

Chillisauce:

Just admit you came here looking for comments like steph7 comment.
You got it, now go make the decision.

Are you saying steph7's comments does not depict the true situation of things (I pray it's not though)? If it doesn't, then kindly describe the situation in all sincerity in your own opinion because I will be much happier to get a contrary view. But let me remind you that the decision is even my wife's to make now because she is the one who has jumped the gun by calling for divorce. So, it's either she convinces the elders she had told she wanted divorce earlier that she did not mean it or she will call their bluffs and stick to her ealrier call. And knowing how erratic she has been of late, I won't be surprised if she sticks to her earlier call.

Night$hift:

Are you saying steph7's comments does not depict the true situation of things (I pray it's not though)? If it doesn't, then kindly describe the situation in all sincerity in your own opinion because I will be much happier to get a contrary view. But let me remind you that the decision is even my wife's to make now because she is the one who has jumped the gun by calling for divorce. So, it's either she convinces the elders she had told she wanted divorce earlier that she did not mean it or she will call their bluffs and stick to her ealrier call. And knowing how erratic she has been of late, I won't be surprised if she sticks to her earlier call.

My question still remains, why is she suddenly erratic even at the expense of loosing her home.

I don't wanna believe it's just the money.
I hope is not psychological.

Are you still working?