Hello all,

The Family Section debate kicked off officially yesterday. We had a swell time during the Elimination Round. Out of the 9 Contestants, 8 succesfully moved to the next round. Details can be found here:

https://www.nairaland.com/1518814/family-section-debate-elimination-round

For this round we are going with Plan B.


Backup Plan.

- In a situation where we do not have equal nos of opposing views on the different topics from the Elimination round, a new topic will be sent to debaters.

- Debaters are required to take a position on a first come first serve basis.

- Each debater will make an opening presentation not more than 500 words. This presentation should be emailed to Tgirl4real before the set time, who in turn posts it on behalf of the debaters.

- Once the presentations are posted, we move to the rebuttal stage.

- Debaters are to take on their opponent with not more than 3 queries. And are expected to follow the rebuttal guidelines listed below.

- After this stage, judges are to collate their result and announce the top 4.

- If there is no clear top 4 to move to the semi-finals then we can have a mini penalty shoot-out on the rear debaters (assuming we have a top 1 or 2). This mini penalty shoot-out would be dependent on a set of questions/rebuttals from the judges relating to their argument for them to expatiate on.

- This is a ONE day round. Results will be released immediately.

A list of topics for the semi-final and final is sent to the top 4 by email and they are asked for a “disagree” or “agree” response sent to Tgirl4real. This would help us decide who to place against each other in the following rounds.


Guideline for Rebuttals

- For the Rebuttals, each debater is allowed to take on his opponent with not more than 5 queries.

- Queries could be a puncture on your opponent’s initial presentation or it could be a question, but the question must be centred on his debate topic/position.

- When querying your opponent’s point, you are required to quote the point in question.

- When responding to a query, you are also required to quote the query you are responding to.

- The queried MUST address all rebuttals.

Each debater is expected to identify himself by indicating his number during rebuttals.

Each debater will be judged using the following criteria;

Style: writing style, use of grammar, punctuation, spacing, paragraphs.

Delivery: Structure of argument. Does the argument have brief intro and as well as meaningful summary

Content: how relevant is the argument, persuasive skills

Evidence: Statements supported by facts/Stats?

GENERAL RULES GUIDING THE DEBATE

-All Nairaland Forum rules should be strictly adhered to.

-Debaters should not incite their fellow debaters in any manner or use profane languages.

-Members SHOULD address the argument and not the poster.

- All the debating guideline should be adhered to strictly.


DEBATE TIME-TABLE

Elimination Round

15th November, 2013
Time: 7 – 10pm
Results will be announced on the 16th of November.

Rebuttals - This is the current round.

17th of November, 2013
Time: 8pm – 12am

Semi-final

23rd & 24th of November, 2013
Time: 7-10pm each day

Final

30th November
Time: 7pm

Judges

Jaybee, Debosky, Sagamite, Ileobatojo, Sisikill, Coogar

Our judges’ selection is a mix of both male and female (seasoned) Nairalanders who are known for their intelligent and unbiased contributions to the NL community. Some of them have participated on NL debates in one capacity or the other. And you can be sure that they will be fair and unbiased in their judgement.


Coordinators:
Family Section Moderators – Tgirl4real and RoyalRoy

Thread will be officially opened by 8pm Sunday, 17th of November 2013.

Topic of Debate

[size=14pt]Sex before Marriage: Right or Wrong?[/size]

Please have in mind that this topic should be discussed in the context of sex between couples planning to get married or engaged to be married.


Thanks.

So far, 2 contestants have indicated interest to oppose.

I will update from time to time.

Feedback thread:


https://www.nairaland.com/1496463/family-section-debate-2013-make

Update

Contestant 1 - Wrong: TV01

Contestant 2 - Wrong : Teeo

Contestant 3 - Right : Lerrie John

Contestant 4 - Right : Efemena XY

Contestant 5 - Right : Obinoscopy

Contestant 6 - Right : Xynerise

Contestant 7 - Wrong : Ayobase

Contestant 8 - Wrong : Quivah 1X


Results

Contestants Totals Position

Contestant 4 114.5 1st - Efemena_XY
Contestant 3 113 2nd - Lerrie John
Contestant 1 109 3rd - TV01
Contestant 5 102 4th - Obinoscopy
Contestant 6 96 5th
Contestant 7 95 6th

PAIRING FOR REBUTTAL

A - Contestant 1 will take on 4

B - Contestant 2 will take on 5

C - Contestant 3 will take on 7

D - Contestant 6 will take on 8

Programme Rundown

8pm - thread opens

8 - 8.30pm posting of arguments by Tgirl4real

8.30 - 8.40pm Judges and audience take time to read.

~~ Tgirl4real declares the stage open for rebuttals~~

Each group have 20/25 mins to tackle each other.

Not more than 3 queries are aloowed for each contestant. All query must be answered by the queried.

If you have no questions for your partner, kindly say so and your partner can use the slot to butress his points.

Rebuttals run from 8.40 - 10.40

- Questions from the judges

- Audience participation.

- Announcement of results

- closing

Contestant 1
Sex before marriage: Right or wrong? Wrong.

As a preamble I will briefly describe what I believe marriage is. Not least to ensure my submission is read in the correct context. “A monogamous lifelong union between one man and one woman”.

We know that religious stricture and cultural tradition have mostly been in close agreement on this. Especially with reference to the faiths and traditional morés that prevail in the African context. Sex before marriage vows is “haram”, intercourse before marital rites is taboo.
A case based on a sound religious exegesis and a deep knowledge of our cultural heritage is practically open and shut against sex before marriage. And whilst I acknowledge that it informs my personal position and submit it as supporting evidence, I will not make it the mainstay of my argument. Not least because it is self-evident and would not really lend new insight or progress the wider discussion on this issue.
As societies move away from religious instruction and long held cultural norms, towards an era of autonomous self expression, with personal desires and preference informing choices, are there any other reasons for abstaining from sex before marriage if one simply desires it?
I believe there are sensible and practical reasons for doing so.

The essence of courtship is too really appreciate the person one is potentially going to spend the rest of one’ life with. Sex has a binding effect and engaging in it prior to marriage is pre-emptive in that regard. Potentially beclouding one’ judgement to character flaws that should spell the end or at least mean serious consideration is given to continuing the relationship.

Where one party has ulterior motives (not behavioural issues as above) such as marrying for status, wealth, papers etc. Sex can be used to fast-forward the level of commitment and may make one lose the requisite focus to spot the danger.
A norm of sex before marriage would be pay-dirt for players. The mere promise could cause some to drop their guard. Apart from the humiliation of being used, there are other concerns – with women being particularly vulnerable – including disease and unplanned pregnancies.
Abstaining would serve to keep the conjugal aspect of marriage pure and obviate many issues that arise from past liaisons, including those that can manifest much later. Think heightened risk of serious illnesses like infertility and cancer as a result of contraception to avoid unplanned pregnancies, having abortions or using abortifacients.

I also believe abuse is more likely in non-chaste relationships and easier to escape in chaste ones as bonding is less and judgement clearer.
It would also have ramifications for society as a whole. It would serve to loosen morality and have a “trickle-down” effect. Sex before marriage for intendeds, would soon become sex before marriage for committed couples. It would then follow for serious couples, then for close couples, onto any couples, then any two that really fancy each other and finally to casual hook-ups. Indeed, is it not with us already? Eighteen with a denied pregnancy anyone?
I rest.

[size=18pt]Hello all,

Contestant 2 is pulling out due to unforseen circumstances and Contestant 8 haven't responded since yesterday.

[s]So, Contestant 5 will take on Contestant 6.[/s]

Thanks.

P.S. I just realised that Contestant 5 and 6 are on the same side. The judges will have to ask them questions for their rebuttals.[/size]

Contestant 3

SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE: RIGHT OR WRONG? RIGHT

Good evening Judges, co-debaters and to you the audience.

Should sex be practised before marriage? My answer is Yes. Before I go further, I would like to define the word sex.

SEX is a private, profound, physical and intimate act, that should be practised between two CONSENTING ADULTS. CONSENTING because anything outside of that is considered rape, and ADULTS because of the mental and physical risk ( STDs, pregnancy, or heart breaks) associated with sex.

In the African society, sex is highly frowned upon and considered "taboo", if practised before marriage. Not only is the notion of sex influenced by our traditional and cultural beliefs, it is also highly influenced by religious beliefs as well - where sex is considered to be a dirty and unclean act, a sin, and a thing to be shameful about. Notwithstanding these beliefs, statistics have shown that 85% of individuals between the ages of 15 - 45 practise sex before marriage. Why ignore the obvious? This brings me to defend my notion on why premarital sex, with a person with whom you are considering marriage or engaged to, is very important, and beneficial for both parties in the long run.

Marriage is a life long commitment; and one of its fundamentals is absolute fidelity. This is because sex, plays an important role in determining marital longevity. How can one buy a car without test driving first?

Premarital sex is absolutely advisable because of the following reasons:
• It is an effective way to determine sexual compatibility.
• It creates room for intimacy and builds trust.
• Reduces sexual exploration ( infidelity) after marriage because there would be an understanding of both partner's sexual expectations.
• It reduces the risk of one getting into marriage, especially at a very young age, solely for the purpose of satisfying the biological urge to have intercourse.
• Waiting to have sex won't protect you from STDs, unwanted pregnancy, or heartache.
• Not everyone is going to, or can get married. Waiting forever to experience a fundamental human pleasure is pointless and cruel.
• Sexual satisfaction is just as important as financial security in a marriage, therefore, safe sex prior to marriage.

Reasons why premarital sex is advisable are many. But because our cultural view of premarital sex is morally tainted, it makes it harder for couples to engage in real talks about their sexual needs/desires before marrying, the same way they would talk about their religious values, how many kids they want or when to wed. All these because purity pedlars construct a false universe where there are "pure virgins" who wait until marriage, and then there are "prostitutes" who go home with different men every night, who will never get married.

My point isn't that everyone should have sex before marriage – people should determine for themselves when they're ready to have sex. Statistics and facts have shown that for the vast majority of people, that's going to be before they're married. In my opinion, premarital sex is advisable.

Thank you.



REFERENCE:

- Pros and cons of sex before marriage by rlandia.hubpages.com
- The importance and benefits of having premarital sex. Unknown author. sexualityinart.
- Jill Filipovic. The guardian.com September 2012.
- Ogunsola, M.O. Abstinence from premarital sex: a precursor to quality relationship and marital stability.

Contestant 4

Sex before Marriage: Right or Wrong? - Right
Word Count: 500

Good evening judges, co-debaters, and viewers.

The topic [i]Sex before Marriage: Right or wrong [/i]is one which I would be arguing for and therefore deem as Right.

Irrespective of who or what we are, where we come from, what we believe in or not, sex should be a very private and special moment between us and our chosen partner. It is an act that should be practised only between two consenting adults. I am placing special emphasis on these two words because anything other than consenting sex constitutes rape or child sex abuse. The word ‘adults’ is also used here, because of the emotional and physical risks associated with sex.

Before addressing the question on whether it is right or not for two consenting adults intending to tie the knot to engage in sex before marriage, let us first acknowledge the fact that such ‘intending’ couples have already made an unofficial agreement to commit to each other for life. It becomes official when the necessary documents have been signed on paper and a marriage certificate issued. Marriage is a life-long commitment and not another form of dating. Thus the key word here is commitment. Does it not therefore stand to reason that before undertaking such a lifelong journey with your partner, one should ensure that some groundwork be carried out to ensure compatibility? Especially as this will mean spending the next fifty, sixty, seventy or even eighty years of your life dedicated solely to that person? Based on that premises alone, I earnestly advocate for sex before marriage between intending couples, for the following reasons listed below:

Sexual Compatibility

No Nasty Surprises

Intimacy and Bonding

Chemistry

Sexual Identity

Health Benefits:

• Improved sense of smell [3]
• Stress and blood pressure reduction [4] [5]
• Increased immunity [6]
• Decreased risk of prostate cancer [7] [8] [9]
• Orgasms leading to increased levels of the ‘love hormone’ or Oxytocin, which helps couples bond and trust [10] [11] [12]
• Sexual intercourse and associated activities are aspects of many mood repair strategies, which means they can be used to help dissipate feelings of sadness and depression [13]
• Helps you look 4 – 7 years younger and these benefits are directly related to the benefits of sex – stress reduction, greater contentment and improved sleep – all prompted by sex. [14] [15]

Knowing these, then delay reaping these benefits till after marriage? Why wait?

Conclusion: Sexual morality is not about how long you wait. It is about how you treat people and the people you are with. Instead of deceiving ourselves into thinking that waiting until marriage makes sex ‘good’, we should focus on how to be, and demonstrate ethical and responsible sexual practices, which include taking the necessary precautions to protect the physical and mental well being of ourselves and our partner. Having sex that is consensual, and focused on mutual pleasure, are part of being an ethical and responsible human being.

Thank You.


References:

1. Paige Kouffman. Swamp of Love. The Independent Florida Alligator: The Pros and Cons Of Sex Before Marriage. 2nd Aug, 2013.

2. Jill Filpovic. The Moral Case For Sex Before Marriage. The Guardian.com. 24th Sept, 2012.

3. Wood, H. Sex Cells Nature Reviews Neuroscience 4, 88 (February 2003)

4. Doheny, K. (2008) "10 Surprising Health Benefits of Sex," WebMD (reviewed by Chang, L., M.D.)

5. Light, K.C. et al., "More frequent partner hugs and higher oxytocin levels are linked to lower blood pressure and heart rate in premenopausal women." Biological Psychology, April 2005; vol 69: pp 5–21.

6. Charnetski CJ, Brennan FX (2004). "Sexual frequency and salivary immunoglobulin A (IgA)". Psychological Reports 94 (3): 839–44.

7. Michael F. Leitzmann; Edward Giovannucci. "Frequency of Ejaculation and Risk of Prostate Cancer—Reply. JAMA. (2004);292:329.

8. Leitzmann MF, Platz EA, Stampfer MJ, Willett WC, Giovannucci E (2004). "Ejaculation Frequency and Subsequent Risk of Prostate Cancer". JAMA 291 (13): 1578–1586.

9. Giles , Severi G, English DR, et al. (August 2003). "Sexual factors and prostate cancer".

10. Lee HJ, Macbeth AH, Pagani JH, Young WS (June 2009). "Oxytocin: the great facilitator of life". Prog. Neurobiol. 88 (2): 127–51.

11. Riley AJ. Oxytocin and coitus. Sexual and Relationship Therapy (1988);3:29–36

12 Carter CS. "Oxytocin and sexual behavior. Neuroscience & Biobehavioral Reviews1992;16(2) 131–144

13. Thayer, R. E., Newman, J., & McClain, T. M. (1994). Self-regulation of mood: Strategies for changing a bad mood, raising energy, and reducing tension. Journal Of Personality And Social Psychology, 67(5), 910–925.

14. Thayer, R. E., Newman, J., & McClain, T. M. (1994). Self-regulation of mood: Strategies for changing a bad mood, raising energy, and reducing tension. Journal Of Personality And Social Psychology, 67(5), 910–925.

15. Weeks, David (1999). Secrets of the Superyoung. Berkley. p. 277. ISBN 978-0-425-17258-2.

16. Northrup, Christiane (2010). Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom: Creating Physical and Emotional Health and Healing. Bantam. p. 960. ISBN 978-0-553-80793-6.

Contestant 5

Sex before marriage : Right

“Sex.” The mere mention of the word sex, send shivers down the spine of people around you, as if you just mentioned a proscribed word. This has become so serious that even couples who intend to get married tactfully dodge all sex-related discussions – and acts – until they walk down the aisle; this is so sad. My esteemed Judges, illustrious coordinators, fellow contestants, informed audience, all other protocols duly observed, I wish to give a short presentation on why there should be sex before marriage.

When a man sees a woman he likes, the first thing he does is to approach her for friendship. If the lady consents, they become friends. From friends, the man may decide to take a step further and court the lady. During courtship, it is expected that the intending couples learn much about themselves to ascertain their compatibility. They do all these but fail to ascertain their sexual compatibility to avoid the wrath of their pastor/imam or parents or the entire society. This is very dangerous as their eventual marriage could be strained if the couples finally discover that they were not sexually compatible and thus cannot achieve sexual satisfaction. To avoid this, it is very essential that the intending couple ascertain their sexual compatibility before delving into marriage. This can only be achieved through sex before marriage.

Furthermore, most of our societies have made marriage a very expensive event. They expect the intending couple to invite the whole society to their wedding to eat and drink, at the expense of the groom. This often results in the groom delaying the marriage till when he is financially ready. In this case, the man and woman have consented to getting married but the society is the stumbling block. Since the man will eventually marry the lady when he is financially ready, why should we deny him and his woman their sexual food? The society wants to eat rice and meat before they can allow the two consenting adults eat their sexual food. This is tantamount to putting asunder!

From a physiological point of view, a man and a woman begin to have sexual feelings at the completion of puberty (15-17 years for boys and 16-17 years for girls). This sexual feeling becomes stronger with every passing year and peaks in the mid thirties after which there is a decline. Now, may I ask this rhetorical question: “Why did God or nature put such sexual urge at that age? Why did He or nature not wait until we get married before such sexual feelings become manifested?” You and I know the answer to that question. God or nature gifted us with sex not for procreation only but for pleasure also. Asides procreation and pleasure, science has also provided us with evidence of the healthful benefits of sex. Thus it would be wickedness to deny this intending couples the pleasures and health benefits of sex.^1-4 With this I conclude that the phrase: “Sex before marriage” is right, not wrong.

Reference
1. Doheny K. 10 surprising health benefits of sex. WebMD. Retrieved on November 17, 2013 from www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/guide/sex-and-health?page=1
2. Charnetski CJ, Brennan FX. Sexual frequency and salivary immunoglobulin A (IgA). Psychological Reports 2004;94(3):839-44.
3. Leitzmann MF, Platz EA, Stampfer MJ, et al. Ejaculation frequency and subsequent risk of prostate cancer. JAMA 2004;291(13):1578-86.
4. Riley AJ. Oxytocin and coitus. Sexual and Relationship Therapy 1998;3:29-36.

Please note the changes below.

Tgirl4real: [size=18pt]Hello all,

Contestant 2 is pulling out due to unforseen circumstances and Contestant 8 haven't responded since yesterday.

[s]So, Contestant 5 will take on Contestant 6.[/s]

Thanks.

P.S. I just realised that Contestant 5 and 6 are on the same side. The judges will have to ask them questions for their rebuttals.[/size]

Contestant 6

Sex Before Marriage : Right


''Instead of fooling ourselves into thinking that waiting until marriage makes sex "good", we should focus on how ethical, responsible sexual practices – taking precautions to protect the physical and mental health of yourself and your partner; having sex that is fully consensual and focused on mutual pleasure – are part of being an ethical, responsible human being.
Sexual morality isn't about how long you wait. It's about how you treat yourself and the people you're with.''

These were the words of Filipovic on her view on Pre-marital sex, which has led us to the topic of today which says ''Sex before marriage: Right or Wrong?''

Good evening Judges, co-debaters and our patient viewers. My name is XYZ. I am arguing for ''Sex before marriage''.

Marriage is the process by which two people who love each other make their relationship public, official, and parmanent.

Following the above definition, marriage is not just from the religion perspective.

My co-debaters who will oppose this issue might quote verses from the bible/quran that are against sex before marriage, but let me remind you that marriage is not just from the religion perspective. Marriage can be civil or traditional.

Funny as it may sound, some people have used ''No sex until marriage'' to cover some past secrets in the life. A lot of women who are infertile due to numerous abortions they did before they met the unlucky guy, will use this avenue to escape being thrown out before marriage. In order not to be biased, the men are not left out on this trick. Some men are impotent due to their past sex life and because they dont want to lose their current partner, they use ''No sex until marriage'' to make her believe that he is a very responsible man. These men and women will disguise as born again christians just to deceive their partners to trusting them.

A lot of marriages have failed after the secrets have be unveiled. So who is deceiving who?

I think it is important to know who your partner is sexually and find solution before it is too late

Let me ask, does being a virgin guarantees a vituous wife? I am not trying to be sacarstic but the question seems to make me ponder over the ''No sex before marriage issue''

Thank you

References:

www.psychologytoday.com/basics/marriage

http://m.theatlanticwire.com/entertainment/2012/09/give-premarital-sex-chance/57211/

Judges can also start with their questions.

Contestant 7

Sex Before Marriage : Wrong

If sex creates strong bond between partners, then why do we still have heartbreaks and divorces. Even some married ones want out!

Sex is not, but LOVE!

Do you know that one's sense of judgment about a partner is altered once sex is involved?

There is a question I want to ask, but before then I will like to acknowledge the presence and efforts of the unbiased panel of Judges, efficient and industrious Coordinators, logical co-debaters and inquisitive viewers.

My name is IJK, and I'm here to let you know that sex before marriage is wrong with logical reasons.

Sex before marriage (pre-marital sex) simply means being intimate with a partner one is yet to be legally united with. This makes it illegal. I'm certain not any of us will be proud to see or hear our children involved in premarital sex.

Yes, you can tell me that sex burns calories, enhance the immune system, prevents cancer and the likes. But compared to the era of our ancestors who married as virgins, are people of this generation not still dying prematurely of these same diseases?

The cons of sex before marriage outweigh the pros. It evolves more around the female hood. Here are some;

1. Trust and Jealousy: Having multiple sexual partners before finally marrying could escalate trivial matters. A partner might think he/she is not better than the others in the past.

2. Dignity and respect (Female): One's dignity wears away in respect to number of partners. "I have used and dumped that one jare", a guy would say.

3. Virginity (female): Losing virginity tends to open one's “equipment” to more options. It is like a master key outside marriage.

4 Testimony and Psychology: A source of encouragement. How do you encourage others and your children when you have no good testimony? It reminds of the movie, “ghosts of my ex-girlfriends”

5. STDs and Unwanted Pregnancy: When some married ones are not even faithful, then how sure this one you are not married to will be faithful. You might say you are smart, but remember that due to STDs, some are dead, some are dying, and some will contact soon. Motherless baby homes are getting filled everyday!

6. Regrets: This is bound to happen when one marries. "Had I known I would have....." Why don't you arrest the situation now!

7. Burden: Your past partners could become burden unto you in the future. And you would want to help out being a considerate fellow.

8. Lastly, my body being the temple of God, the Holy book tells me to flee from fornication and adultery. Premarital sex is a sin.

I will like to stop there. Nevertheless, can you say amen to this prayer I wanted asking?

"May others use your daughters just as you used others' daughters?"

Know this having truly answered that question; the bitter end of sex before marriage is terrible even when it seems sweet now.

The female hood has more important role to play to arresting this situation. It takes two to tangle, but the lady holds 99% determining factor of a potential relationship. DON’T GIVE IT OUT!

I hope I have been able to convince you that sex before marriage is wrong from all indications.


Thank you.

When can the audience ask the debaters question,Is that allowed?

ifyalways: When can the audience ask the debaters question,Is that allowed?

After rebuttals and judges are done with theirs.

Thanks.

OK @ Tgirl.
Contestant 1, wait for me . lol

Contestant 6, you spent a lot of time on the complications of sex before marriage and how it could affect the marriage afterwards. That seems contradictory to your position in this debate. Also your attempt to tie it into your position was not quite successful as you ended up speaking more about openness regarding sexual history between couples instead of the topic sex before marriage. Is there some other relevance to the topic that can solidify the case you are trying to make?

Furthermore, most of our societies have made marriage a very expensive event. They expect the intending couple to invite the whole society to their wedding to eat and drink, at the expense of the groom. This often results in the groom delaying the marriage till when he is financially ready. In this case, the man and woman have consented to getting married but the society is the stumbling block. Since the man will eventually marry the lady when he is financially ready, why should we deny him and his woman their sexual food? The society wants to eat rice and meat before they can allow the two consenting adults eat their sexual food. This is tantamount to putting asunder!

Contestant 5, can you please outline for us the problem(s) of denying a financially unprepared man his 'intimate food', specifically in regards to it being 'food'? This information will strengthen your argument in paragraph 3. Thanks.

Waiting for your response to Ileobatojo's question Xynerise.

Please remember to follow the rebuttal rules.

You are to quote any question you are responding to.

Thanks.

ileobatojo: Contestant 6, you spent a lot of time on the complications of sex before marriage and how it could affect the marriage afterwards. That seems contradictory to your position in this debate. Also your attempt to tie it into your position was not quite successful as you ended up speaking more about openness regarding sexual history between couples instead of the topic sex before marriage. Is there some other relevance to the topic that can solidify the case you are trying to make?

A lot of marriages are successful today irrespective of pre-marital sex. I am backing my point with the popular cliche thats says ''All that glitters are not gold''.

There is no guarantee that not having sex before marriage will make a good union or avert STD's. I am trying to justify the risk of staying sexless in a relationship without knowing the kind of partner you have. If she is a hermophrodite or he is impotent

Hello, I'm Contestant No. 4 and my questions are directed to Contestant No. 1:

We know that religious stricture and cultural tradition have mostly been in close agreement on this. Especially with reference to the faiths and traditional morés that prevail in the African context. Sex before marriage vows is “haram”, intercourse before marital rites is taboo.
A case based on a sound religious exegesis and a deep knowledge of our cultural heritage is practically open and shut against sex before marriage. And whilst I acknowledge that it informs my personal position and submit it as supporting evidence, I will not make it the mainstay of my argument. Not least because it is self-evident and would not really lend new insight or progress the wider discussion on this issue.
As societies move away from religious instruction and long held cultural norms, towards an era of autonomous self expression, with personal desires and preference informing choices, are there any other reasons for abstaining from sex before marriage if one simply desires it?
I believe there are sensible and practical reasons for doing so.

Question 1: Based on the excerpt of your first paragraph for which its basis leans heavily on cultural and religious norms of the past, or better still – of a bygone era - how do you reconcile your opinion of sex before marriage for those who do not share your religious beliefs in today’s modern society but are still active, tax-paying, members of society? I’m particularly interested in those who do not yet have marriage as a viable option open to them – such as the GLBTs (Gays, Lesbians, Bi-sexuals and Transexuals). Are they exempted from pre-martial sex because they can’t get married?


The essence of courtship is too really appreciate the person one is potentially going to spend the rest of one’ life with. Sex has a binding effect and engaging in it prior to marriage is pre-emptive in that regard. Potentially beclouding one’ judgement to character flaws that should spell the end or at least mean serious consideration is given to continuing the relationship.

Question 2: If you claim that the essence of courtship is to really appreciate your spouse / person you intend to tie the knot with, how can you really know for sure whether you are sexually compatible or not? Granted, sex is not the be-all-and-end-all of a relationship, but it is an important aspect of marriage, that shouldn’t be left to chance – and if your partner has got sexual issues that aren’t discovered until after the wedding night, such as pre-mature ejaculation, inability to climax, what then? Would you spend the rest of your married life frustrated, unfulfilled with no other choice but to fake org@sms?


Abstaining would serve to keep the conjugal aspect of marriage pure and obviate many issues that arise from past liaisons, including those that can manifest much later. Think heightened risk of serious illnesses like infertility and cancer as a result of contraception to avoid unplanned pregnancies, having abortions or using abortifacients. Indeed, is it not with us already? Eighteen with a denied pregnancy anyone?

Question 3: Do you not think that having a conservative attitude to sex where it’s seen as some dark, nasty act not to be mentioned by ‘chaste’ people, is the root of many of societies sexual ills? You’ve given the example of an eighteen year old with a denied pregnancy. Yet, this same eighteen year old confessed that she had to sneak out of her parents’ home for over a year just to see her boyfriend. She had relationship issues which required the input of a loving, understanding and experienced adult (her mother, for starters), but she obviously didn’t feel comfortable enough to discuss her concerns with her mother.

This is all too typical of issues faced by teenagers and when they fail to get that parental support and guidance, they turn to strangers on the net and peers who know no better and the end result – yes, an unwanted pregnancy. When purity peddlers create a false black and white world of ‘pure virgins’ who wait till until marriage and whorish girls who go home every night of the week with a different man, they fail to address the reality of life, a fact that people WILL still get involved in relationships, despite the ‘taboo’ status linked to them. How we deal with these relationships shape how we as individuals grow and evolve about ourselves. You get to figure out the difference between real love and puppy love / infatuation, which this young teen was unable to discern. Her plight is resounding proof that sexual repression has never worked. EVER.

xynerise:
A lot of marriages are successful today irrespective of pre-marital sex. I am backing my point with the popular cliche thats says ''All that glitters are not gold''.

There is no guarantee that not having sex before marriage will make a good union or avert STD's. I am trying to justify the risk of staying sexless in a relationship without knowing the kind of partner you have. If she is a hermophrodite or he is impotent

Thanks for your response. How does having sex with the partner before marriage guarantee knowledge of all of their past?

Contestant 5, you wrote this

Furthermore, most of our societies have made marriage a very expensive event. They expect the intending couple to invite the whole society to their wedding to eat and drink, at the expense of the groom. This often results in the groom delaying the marriage till when he is financially ready. In this case, the man and woman have consented to getting married but the society is the stumbling block. Since the man will eventually marry the lady when he is financially ready, why should we deny him and his woman their intimate food? The society wants to eat rice and meat before they can allow the two consenting adults eat their intimate food. This is tantamount to putting asunder! In this case, the man and woman have consented to getting married but the society is the stumbling block. Since the man will eventually marry the lady when he is financially ready, why should we deny him and his woman their intimate food? The society wants to eat rice and meat before they can allow the two consenting adults eat their intimate food. This is tantamount to putting asunder!

I am not sure I understand what exactly you are trying to convey here. The two people getting married are adults, right? So the decision on how their wedding should be (big or small). . . rests solely on their shoulder. The "We can't get married now because we don't have enough money for a big wedding" does not hold water....at least not in the context of why premarital sex should be allowed. Is there another way to convey the point you are trying to make here without making it look like Society is holding couples to ransom (Rice and Meat).

ileobatojo: Contestant 5, can you please outline for us the problem(s) of denying a financially unprepared man his 'intimate food', specifically in regards to it being 'food'? This information will strengthen your argument in paragraph 3. Thanks.

Thank you very much my esteemed judge for this question.

Every man has sexual needs just the same way he has spiritual and physical needs. Denying him of such needs could be catastrophic.

One of the possible effects of denying the man of his sexual needs is increased masturbation. The man or the woman need a sexual climax and the only option is via masturbation. Of course, this masturbation will be done in private thereby creating a gulf between the couples.

Secondly, the health benefits of sex such as reduced blood pressure, improved sense of smell, reduced depression, etc. (see reference 1 to 4) will be missed by the couples.

Sisi_Kill: Contestant 5, you wrote this



I am not sure I understand what exactly you are trying to convey here. The two people getting married are adults, right? So the decision on how their wedding should be (big or small). . . rests solely on their shoulder. The "We can't get married now because we don't have enough money for a big wedding" does not hold water....at least not in the context of why premarital sex should be allowed. Is there another way to convey the point you are trying to make here without making it look like Society is holding couples to ransom (Rice and Meat).

My point here is the influence of societal pressure on the groom's decision. Granted, some couples do not care of what the society wants and go ahead to plan a low budget wedding. But we know that most couples would want to play to the gallery of the society. It is this set of couples I am worried about.