Nrlanders, found this on the internet, think its so funny. Have a nice day!


1.Grandma & Grandpa

Grandpa and Grandma were visiting the kids overnight when Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son's medicine cabinet. He asked the son about using one of the pills and the son said, "I don't think you should take one. They're very strong and very expensive."

"How much?" asked Grandpa.

"$10.00 a pill", answered the son.

"I don't care" said Grandpa, "I'd like to try one and I'll leave the money under your pillow as soon as I break this $50.00 bill."

The next morning the son found $110.00 under his pillow. He said to Grandpa "I told you each pill was $10.00, not $110.00."

"I know" said Grandpa, "the extra hundred is from Grandma."



2. Confession

Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have not been to confession for six months. On top of that, I've been with a loose woman."

The priest sighs. "Is that you, little Tommy O'Shaughnessy?"

"Yes, Father, 'tis I."

"And who might be the woman you were with?"

"I shan't be tellin' you, Father. It would ruin her reputation."

"Well, Tommy, I'm bound to find out sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Brenda O'Malley?"

"I cannot say."

"Was it Patricia Fitzgerald?"

"I'll never tell."

"Was it Bridget O'Shanter?"

"I'm sorry, but I'll not name her."

The priest sighs in frustration. "You're a steadfast lad, Tommy O'Shaughnessy, and I admire that. But, you've sinned, and you must atone. Be off with you now."

Tommy walks back to his pew. His friend, Sean, slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"

"Three more good leads."



3. Near Death Experience

A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked, "Is my time up?" God said, "No you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."

Upon hearing this, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have liposuction and a tummy tuck. She even had someone change her hair color. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.

She was released from the hospital, and while crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by a car.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 43 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the car?"

God replied, "I didn't recognize you."

dis are boring jokes

@Adekennis

sorry for that, but I got my laugh though,

, by the way, how come you're that bored, ? Well, what about this, ?


4. Beloved Mother-In-Law

George went on a vacation to the Middle East with his Family including his mother-in-law. During their vacation in Jerusalem George's Mother-in-law died.

With the death certificate in his hand, George went to the American Consulate Office to make arrangements to send the body back to the United States for a proper burial.

The Consul told George that to send the body back to the United States for burial is very, very expensive. It could cost,him as much as $5,000.00.

The Consul also told him, in most cases the person responsible for the remains normally decides to bury the body here in Jerusalem. This would only cost him $150.00.

George thinks for some time and answers, "I don't care how much it will cost to send the body back; that's what I want to do."

The Consul says "You must have loved your Mother-in-law very much considering the difference in price."

"No, it's not that," says George. "You see, I know of a case many, many years ago of a man that was buried here in Jerusalem. On the third day he arose from the dead. I just can't take that chance!

lame

guy, where do u get these sh*t from i cant get a drop of humor from em.

@mykail,

i bet u ain't got no thread to your credit
true or false?

@mykali

sorry o!, lol, seems you must be having a bad day, ? don't mean to attack, just wondering aloud. Anyway I am doing a research, and while looking for info online, I try to take it easy by googling a bit, and that's where I get the (sh, t? )from.

hey, have an idea,

why don't u teach us, what's your idea of a good joke, we all can learn you know.

@kraft sweety
it's no crime spitting out the truth u know ?

@studio 43

no its not, but at least one (good/bad) turn deserves another, oya, gif me ya own joke.

i dey wait,

posted already sweety,
check it out!

@shopkraft
hey gurl
some of the jokes have been posted here before but they are still funny.
nice one

@studio43

where did u post, can u send a link,

kind of bored myself, all these work, what can a woman do huh?

I want to see if your own joke will do the magic

iwolomo  

@shop,
sorry to hear your bored somehow,
but i cant guarantee your request mehn.
i'm sorry

@abbygal

thanks jare my sister,

tes men no sabi say no be easy thing to make person laugh, especially someone wey nepa don panel-beat his/her sense of humor beyond redemption,

hey @mykali and @studio43, I'm not implying you o! make I clear that b/4 u begin throw stone for my window, just dey talk my own!

Ok I found another one.

If the joke no funny, na you sabi,




5. Annual Checkup

An 85-year old man is having his annual checkup. The Doctor asks him how he is feeling. "I've got an 18 year old bride who's pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"

The Doctor considers this for a moment, and then says, "Well, let me tell you a story. I know a guy who's an avid hunter. He never misses a season. But one day he's in a bit of hurry and he accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his gun. So he's walking in the woods near a creek and suddenly spots a beaver in some brush in front of him! He raises his umbrella, points it at the beaver and squeezed the handle. BAM!!!! The beaver drops dead in front of him."

"That's impossible." says the old man in disbelief, "Someone else must have shot that beaver."

The Doctor says, "My point exactly."

ok o,
atleast nobody perfect for anything.
but when it comes to copywrite, i'm always strict.    

@studi43

who is copywriting, ? I said I googled the jokes didn't I?

where is your own jare? Or u're still thinking of something funny?

6.Social Security

A man, reaching the age of 65 plus a few months, went to apply for social security. After waiting in line a long time, he got to the counter. The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry but seemed to have left his wallet at home, and that he would have to go home and come back later."

The woman said to him, "Unbutton your shirt." So he opened his shirt revealing lots of curly silver hair. She said, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me," and processed the social security application.

When he got home, he couldn't wait to tell his wife about the experience at the social security office. She said, "You should have dropped your pants, you might have gotten disability too."

7.Would You Remarry

"Dear," said the wife. "What would you do if I died?"

"Why, dear, I would be extremely upset," said the husband. "Why do you ask such a question?"

"Would you remarry?" persevered the wife. "No, of couse not, dear" said the husband.

"Don't you like being married?" said the wife. "Of course I do, dear" he said.

"Then why wouldn't you remarry?"

"Alright," said the husband, "I'd remarry."

"You would?" said the wife, looking vaguely hurt. "Yes" said the husband.

"Would you sleep with her in our bed?" said the wife after a long pause.

"Well yes, I suppose I would." replied the husband.

"I see," said the wife indignantly." And would you let her wear my old clothes?"

"I suppose, if she wanted to" said the husband.

"Really," said the wife icily. "And would you take down the pictures of me and replace them with pictures of her?"

"Yes. I think that would be the correct thing to do."

"Is that so?" said the wife, leaping to her feet. "And I suppose you'd let her play with my golf clubs, too."

"Of course not, dear," said the husband. "She's left-handed."

i dont wanna turn u to a laughing jackass cuz my conscience will judge me

really? But I can handle the laughing jackass stuff, what I may not be able to handle is the fact that you are totally devoid of any sense of humour, or are u?

anyway, got to go now,

heheh, i like your fighting spirit, well, sorry for not making u laugh
try go clubbing tonight i bet it would help

shopkraft:

6.Social Security

A man, reaching the age of 65 plus a few months, went to apply for social security. After waiting in line a long time, he got to the counter. The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry but seemed to have left his wallet at home, and that he would have to go home and come back later."

The woman said to him, "Unbutton your shirt." So he opened his shirt revealing lots of curly silver hair. She said, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me," and processed the social security application.

When he got home, he couldn't wait to tell his wife about the experience at the social security office. She said,
"You should have dropped your pants, you might have gotten disability too."

~LMAO

A pretty blonde woman is driving down a country
road in her new sports car when something goes
wrong and it breaks down. Luckily, she happens
to be near a farmhouse.

She goes up to the farmhouse and knocks on the
door. When the farmer answers, she says to him,
"It's Sunday night and my car broke down! I don't
know what to do! Can I stay here for the night
until tomorrow when I can get some help?"

"Well," drawls the farmer, "you can stay here, but
I don't want you messing with my sons Jed and
Luke."

She looks through the screen door and sees two men
standing behind the farmer. She judges them to be
in the early twenties. "Okay," she says.

After they have gone to bed for the night the
woman begins to get a little Hot just thinking
about the two boys in the room next to her. So she
quietly goes into their room and says,

"Boys, how would you like for me to teach you the
ways of the world?"

They say, "Huh?"

She says, "The only thing is, I don't want to get
pregnant, so you have to wear these rubbers."

She puts them on the boys, and the three of them
go it all night long.

Forty years later, Jed and Luke are sitting on the
front porch, rocking back and forth.

Jed says, "You remember that blonde woman that
came by here about forty years ago and showed us
the ways of the world?"

"Yeah", says Luke, "I remember."

"Well, do you care if she gets pregnant?"

"Nope," says Luke, "I reckon not."

"Me neither" says Jed, "Let's take these
things off!"

A guy goes over to his friends house, rings the
bell, the wife answers.

'Hi is Tony home?'

'No he went to the store.'

'Well, you mind if I wait?'

'No come in.'

They sit down and the friend says 'You know Nora,
you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen.
I'd give you a hundred bucks if I could just see
one.'

Nora thinks about this for a second an figures
what the hell - a hundred bucks.

She opens her robe and shows one. He promptly
thanks her and throws a 100 bucks on the table.
They sit there a while longer and Chris says
'They are so beautiful I got to see the both of
them. I'll give you another 100 bucks if I could
just see the both of them together.'

Nora thinks about this and says what the hell,
opens her robe and gives Chris a nice long look.
Chris thanks her and throws another 100 bucks on
the table then says he can't wait any longer for
Tony and leaves. A while later Tony arrives home
and his wife says 'You know your weird friend
Chris came over.'

Tony thinks about this for a second and says
'Well did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?'

ds43, i dont have to own a thread to make my self known. what do u do on ur N.E. ways

Sometimes , singing ,

kay$, whats the basis for your intrusion?