bigW:



Plz I av a very disturbin issue bt I dnt want to paste it hia,can u send ur mail addy to me,so I can send my prob to u,nd u advice me thru dat medium,thank u

Hey there,

Sure. You can email me at askhisrib@gmail.com or you can submit your question through my blog http://askhisrib.weebly.com/ask-his-rib.html

Barryp: This reminds me of my situation (posted here). I av decided to travel to my state nxt month because of that girl. My mission is to 'disvirgin' her and then break up wit her! This myt sound nasty, bt I feel am on the loosin side, havin maintained d sexless relatnshp wit her for 2 yrs. Ops, wats ur take plz? Besides, I'v deleted her contacts

Hi There,

I don't think that is a good idea. The best thing to do is to move on and learn from this situation. Next time you find yourself in a relationship don't allow your partner to trick you. Before you get committed to anyone, take your time and make sure you really know the person you're dating. Don't just jump into things because you are very attracted to her. Find out if her feelings for you are real.

Move on with your life. You will find a better woman. Don't worry.

Fkforyou: Hy,I've known dis girl since I was in JSS 3..back in 2006,she started showin me signs dat she was into me since but I ignored her,wen were in SS 1 my friends use to tell me she was into me and dat made me angry dat I was very cold to her infact I hated her back then,fast forward to early dis year when she got admission (am in 300 lvl while she is in 100lvl)....I started to hang out with her as per former class mate..one day,when were discussing about life in sec.skul she opened up to me about how I was mean to her and how miserable I made her feel and to make matter worse I was hanging out with one other of my other female classmate(we even use to walk home together with 2 of my best friends but seriously my friendship with her was just platonic cos we were living in thesame area).....I appologised cos I realy felt guilty,we became closed friends that I even began to have feelings for her,when I told her abt it she was happy but expressed regret that I was late,she has waited for me for so long and now she was in a relationship(although it's not that stable) we still became friends but with time I began to realise that I had all those feelings for her out of pity,then abt a month a month ago I asked her if she has made up with her former boyfriend after their previous break up,her answer was no,I felt pity for her and encouraged her to even get into another relationship cos I only wanted to be friends with her,she felt betrayed and disappointed and ever since I've felt guilty and to be honest she is a good girl but I know deep down I don't love her as much as she do...although she is not all dat beautiful(am sowi for beign shallow) she is a very nice person and I feel she deserves a good guy.pls how do I make dis feeling of guilt go? I've even reduce the frequency of calling her just to make it go away... I just want to be friends with her, I don't want to be in a relationship with her out of pity of how long she has bin there for me..Can you love someone out of pity and guilt?
Am sowi for my long post I gave details so that u'll be able to understand where am coming from...thanx in advance.

Hi Dear,

Never get into a relationship with someone because you pity them. That's a very bad idea. There's nothing wrong if you don't like the girl. You should never force love, let it happen naturally.

You have absolutely no reason to feel guilty. If you feel guilty everytime you talk to her or hang out with her, I suggest you withdraw from her a little bit. You need to give yourself some space.

If this girl is in love with you and you know very well you don't want to be with her, you need to stop hanging around her/calling her too much. By calling and hanging out with her, you are not helping her or the situation.

Don't be too available. By always being there, you're sending her the wrong message.

If you want the feeling of guilt to go away, you need to give yourself some space. Don't be around her too much. Don't call her too much. By being with her too much, you're only digging a hole for yourself.

Thr feeling of guilt has nothing to do with the girl. It's you. You need to forget the past and move on. Give this girl some space so she can move on with her life as well.

drake99: no girl wants 2 date me,even wen i offerd money,am nt ugly,som1 said its spiritual wife problem,could it be true?

No girl wants to date you?

How do you ask them out?

I'm not a pastor. I can't tell you if it's a spiritual wife problem. Have you talked to your pastor about this?

Ashlamzee: Why is it that men do use me and dump, they always cheat on me i dn't have man of my own why op?

Do they use you sexually?

It could be that you are dating bad guys. When you meet a guy, take time to know him. I keep telling women that. Don't be too quick to become his girlfriend. Get to know him first. Go on a few dates & see what type of guy he is.

Questions for you:

Do you have sex with men quickly after you meet them?

What is the longest relaionship you've been in?

What reasons have your past bf given for dumping you?

joechima: Do I have a problem??am a guy of 29 am always falling for girls that am Ten Years older,and feel I want to get married to that range later on.

There is nothing wrong. But, if you want children, this may not be a good option for you. Unless maybe you already have children elsewhere. If a woman 10 years your senior is really what you love & prefer, go for it.

Well done@ op

joechima: Do I have a problem??am a guy of 29 am always falling for girls that am Ten Years older,and feel I want to get married to that range later on.

@relationship expert

Niz one.

Here is mine own questn
I have a gf, but I met her friend of recent. I must confess she fine die! But didn't show it. Before I knew she wan commending me and whenever she sees me she smiles giving me green light. I got her number then decided to play a trick.

I called her one night but unfortunately she was wit my gf so when she knew I was d one she hung up.

The next time I went to check on my gf, she was busy so she sent her friend to me. So we walked along we were chatting normal convo. When it got to a stage she said I'm not for her dat I'm for my gf. I was like what do u mean? I end d convo and left.

I sent her a txt sha wasn't like that bla bla bla - format tins, inside d txt I told her I love ma girl so much

D next day she sent insultive txt to me lol. I replied to wit insultive msg

Before ds girl was xe txt wit me, she sent me upto 20 msgs until I got tired and stopped responding even thou my txt was abusive but nasty and eroooooticcc lol,

Thou my gf knew later cos she told her but didn't show d msg. Lool was expecting troubles thou but just wanted to ve fun, she started to posion by gf mind towards me thou my gf still came back to me.

What does she really want?

faakay: @relationship expert

Niz one.

Here is mine own questn
I have a gf, but I met her friend of recent. I must confess she fine die! But didn't show it. Before I knew she wan commending me and whenever she sees me she smiles giving me green light. I got her number then decided to play a trick.

I called her one night but unfortunately she was wit my gf so when she knew I was d one she hung up.

The next time I went to check on my gf, she was busy so she sent her friend to me. So we walked along we were chatting normal convo. When it got to a stage she said I'm not for her dat I'm for my gf. I was like what do u mean? I end d convo and left.

I sent her a txt sha wasn't like that bla bla bla - format tins, inside d txt I told her I love ma girl so much

D next day she sent insultive txt to me lol. I replied to wit insultive msg

Before ds girl was xe txt wit me, she sent me upto 20 msgs until I got tired and stopped responding even thou my txt was abusive but nasty and eroooooticcc lol,

Thou my gf knew later cos she told her but didn't show d msg. Lool was expecting troubles thou but just wanted to ve fun, she started to posion by gf mind towards me thou my gf still came back to me.

What does she really want?

Okay, before I go ahead and answer your question I must tell you what you did was not good. You shouldn't play such games especially with a person that is friends with your girlfriend. It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt.

As for you, I don't think you are a good boyfriend. I sincerely hope you won't do this again. If you do it again, I hope your gf will smarten up and leave you for a man who will treat her better.

As for that girl, clearly she wants something from you. You know it as well as I know it. Stay away from her and advise your friend to be very careful with her. Why is she texting her friend's man? I could never give any of my bf's friends my phone number. For what?

All of you need to smarten up.

Good evening Hisrib, hope you are doing great?

Please,there's this girl I've known for four years now,she's 29 and I am 26. I have always liked her but I know I can't date her because one she is my elder sister's colleague and everybody keeps saying she attaches no meaning to sex. My elder sister detests it when I even talk with her,yet in their office she's the girl that goes out of her way to make everybody hapy!

On wednesday,I went to her house(planned by us) I spent two nights there and the sex was superb. We clearly know we are not dating or planning to because she has a bf and we can't be. She also loves dating men that are stinkingly rich.

Yet,right from when I left her house I've been feeling empty,to be honest with you I am liking her awhole lot more. Her cooking is heavenly,she is very nice and caring (at least while you are with her)

This is not the first time I am having this kind of relationship,but something doesn't feel right. Any advice please

GeneralShepherd: Good evening Hisrib, hope you are doing great?

Please,there's this girl I've known for four years now,she's 29 and I am 26. I have always liked her but I know I can't date her because one she is my elder sister's colleague and everybody keeps saying she attaches no meaning to sex. My elder sister detests it when I even talk with her,yet in their office she's the girl that goes out of her way to make everybody hapy!

On wednesday,I went to her house(planned by us) I spent two nights there and the sex was superb. We clearly know we are not dating or planning to because she has a bf and we can't be. She also loves dating men that are stinkingly rich.

Yet,right from when I left her house I've been feeling empty,to be honest with you I am liking her awhole lot more. Her cooking is heavenly,she is very nice and caring (at least while you are with her)

This is not the first time I am having this kind of relationship,but something doesn't feel right. Any advice please

Hi There,

So this woman has a bf, yet she's sleeping with you and is having sleepovers with you at her place?

If she can do this to her current bf, what makes you think she won't cheat on you as well? Especially since sex means nothing to her.

Is this is the type of woman you want to date & eventually marry? You're willingly throwing yourself into the lion's den.

Here's my advice:

You either go against you sister's wishes & make her your girlfriend or stop sleeping with her! If you choose to make her your girl, make sure you discuss her sex life. You don't want her sleeping with other men while she's dating you just like she's doing to her current bf.

Listen, you're only 26. Don't worry, you have time to find the right woman. You can't be acting desperate like this. If she refuses to date you & you two can't be "just friends", avoid her in all ways possible. Move on with your life.

joechima: Do I have a problem??am a guy of 29 am always falling for girls that am Ten Years older,and feel I want to get married to that range later on.

you are suffering from Yerimaculosis

HisRib:

Okay, before I go ahead and answer your question I must tell you what you did was not good. You shouldn't play such games especially with a person that is friends with your girlfriend. It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt.

As for you, I don't think you are a good boyfriend. I sincerely hope you won't do this again. If you do it again, I hope your gf will smarten up and leave you for a man who will treat her better.

As for that girl, clearly she wants something from you. You know it as well as I know it. Stay away from her and advise your friend to be very careful with her. Why is she texting her friend's man? I could never give any of my bf's friends my phone number. For what?

All of you need to smarten up.

OK noted. I know I created the chance jst trying to ve fun thou I knew it was wrong. To be honest been normal friend wit her but she jst divertied everytin.

Even when we havin convo she wanted me to buy her sometin on d way, I was like what? I declined lol.

I have stayed away from her, she wanna put sand for my garri.

I will also warn my gf about her, I ve even 4gotten.

Thanks

snadguy007:
Thanks ma'am. The last thing i want to do is to call her (eventhough i'v been tempted to do so several times). I'v tried and will still try and forgive her cos i know she is not feeling the pains i'm feeling here....so i need to start making myself happy again. I guess it was a lesson worth learning.
Thanks very much ma'am. Have a blissful day ahead

That is the thing to do. I have been in such condition once. The solution is to forget her and go out on date ALOT with other gurls, then you will see wot u av been missing..you will be grateful that she turned you down. She aint worth it. You deserve better man!

There is this girl I like. When I toasted her, she fell for me after 2 weeks and started being nice. One morning, she cried on phone that she might be jilted after developing feelings for me. from that day she started being very cold towards me. I know she wants marriage.. but I don't like this approach.

I want marriage too but i hate a rush. Direct me.

I know from past experience that feelings grow and are meant to develop to maturity. Girls of today will ask you under one week of meeting them ''what do you want from me''? When you say, ''marriage''. she goes ahead to say, ''is that a proposal''? to tag along, you say ''yes''. Only to realize later that you never loved such a girl...

HisRib:

Hi There,

So this woman has a bf, yet she's sleeping with you and is having sleepovers with you at her place?

If she can do this to her current bf, what makes you think she won't cheat on you as well? Especially since sex means nothing to her.

Is this is the type of woman you want to date & eventually marry? You're willingly throwing yourself into the lion's den.

Here's my advice:

You either go against you sister's wishes & make her your girlfriend or stop sleeping with her! If you choose to make her your girl, make sure you discuss her sex life. You don't want her sleeping with other men while she's dating you just like she's doing to her current bf.

Listen, you're only 26. Don't worry, you have time to find the right woman. You can't be acting desperate like this. If she refuses to date you & you two can't be "just friends", avoid her in all ways possible. Move on with your life.

Thanks. Dear

okpara ugo: There is this girl I like. When I toasted her, she fell for me after 2 weeks and started being nice. One morning, she cried on phone that she might be jilted after developing feelings for me. from that day she started being very cold towards me. I know she wants marriage.. but I don't like this approach.

I want marriage too but i hate a rush. Direct me.

I know from past experience that feelings grow and are meant to develop to maturity. Girls of today will ask you under one week of meeting them ''what do you want from me''? When you say, ''marriage''. she goes ahead to say, ''is that a proposal''? to tag along, you say ''yes''. Only to realize later that you never loved such a girl...

Hi Dear,

I understand your frustration. As you beautifully stated, feelings are meant to grow and develop to maturity. The average African woman doesn't quite understand the concept of dating. In her mind if you are dating her that means you are now forced to marry her.

If you've explained this to her and she still doesn't understand, there's nothing much I can advise you to do. She simply needs to be patient and allow things to develop naturally.

I would never ever advise anyone to rush into marriage. I have seen many people do it and regret it after. I have men in their 50s calling me for counseling and crying about wishing they had taken their time to pick a wife. Can you imagine waking up with that feeling every morning? Please take your time.

If this girl still continues to give you a hard time, you're going to have to decide whether you want to propose and just marry her, or let her go.

Hi,pls my 1st nd only gf lies nd cheat.i met her 3yrs ago, bt discovered dat 9mnths later.so i became careful wit her by nt showin her hw much i care fully even tho i luv her so much.she jst agreed 4mnths ago abt her lies nd cheatin nd beggin 2 get back my luv fully.d problem nw is dat, i dnt trust her to have change 4 real.pls advise

I cannot remember the last time I posted in this section...

Nice thread, good topic, beautiful replies from the op.

Is it normal for someone to date for over three years without any single quarrel

Hello. I couldn't share my comments here, so I sent u a message on ur email @ hisrib.

Bryt B: Hi,pls my 1st nd only gf lies nd cheat.i met her 3yrs ago, bt discovered dat 9mnths later.so i became careful wit her by nt showin her hw much i care fully even tho i luv her so much.she jst agreed 4mnths ago abt her lies nd cheatin nd beggin 2 get back my luv fully.d problem nw is dat, i dnt trust her to have change 4 real.pls advise

Dear,

Ask yourself if this is the kind of woman you want to be with and potentially marry? Do you want such a woman to be the mother of your children? Do you think you will be able to be build a stable/happy home with her?

I'm a big believer in second chances. Sometimes people genuinely make mistakes and deserve another chance, but it seems like this woman has cheated on you multiple times and will probably continue to do so. I know you love her, but You really need to take some time to think about everything.

My advice to you: tell her you want to take a break from the relationship. During this break, give yourself some space to think this whole thing through. Don't call/message/see her. This is your time to reflect. Additionally, take this time to enjoy some time with your friends. I also recommend you go on a few dates with other girls. Just take a chance to see what else is out there.

I'm asking you to do this because it will help you regain your confidence.

A man who is cheated on by his woman loses his confidence and becomes insecure. You're probably at a very low point in your life right now because of what this girl has done to you, so you need to regain your self esteem.

After your break. You will be at a better state, emotionally and mentally, to decided whether you want to continue with the relationship or not.

P.S: you sound like a great guy. Please don't allow this woman to abuse you this way. You can do so much better and you deserve better.

I hope you will follow my advice!

Melaku-chikala:
Hello. I couldn't share my comments here, so I sent u a message on ur email @ hisrib.

I have replied to your email.

Hi,
here's my story:
1st, the longest i've ever been in a relationship is 7months(dunno if i'm d problem or no)
2nd, i recently met this guy on my way from work. He's an architect and runs his own company. He's pretty boisterous and was a little 2 mch 4 me to take at first. D second time we met, i felt a lil more at ease with him and his hyper state. We haven't had a real date yet and ds 2nd time we met, he askd if i'd be his gf. I told him let's see what happens after our first date and he said ok. My concern is: i dnt feel any attraction to him at all so my 1st tot would be to say no, but, i gues d attraction cn come with time ryt? Also, since i've never hd a long lasting relationship, i'm wary of entering 1 i feel may nt last at least a yr.
What do u advise pls?

Hi please i have sumtin to ask. My friend has bn dating her g.f for 1yr now when the girl broke up with his ex,my guy and the g.f love eachother so much which i know but my guy told me that her G.F ex b.f started calling her g.f on phone since this month telling her that he want her back.he also told me that he allow the girl to pick ex call whenever he called her G.F not minding that both of them spend upto 45mins talking on phone.the guy has bn asking me if it is good to allow that?

Isk: Hi,
here's my story:
1st, the longest i've ever been in a relationship is 7months(dunno if i'm d problem or no)
2nd, i recently met this guy on my way from work. He's an architect and runs his own company. He's pretty boisterous and was a little 2 mch 4 me to take at first. D second time we met, i felt a lil more at ease with him and his hyper state. We haven't had a real date yet and ds 2nd time we met, he askd if i'd be his gf. I told him let's see what happens after our first date and he said ok. My concern is: i dnt feel any attraction to him at all so my 1st tot would be to say no, but, i gues d attraction cn come with time ryt? Also, since i've never hd a long lasting relationship, i'm wary of entering 1 i feel may nt last at least a yr.
What do u advise pls?

Hi Dear,

You mentioned you are not attracted to this man. Do you find him physically attractive, even just a little bit? Is there anything about him that you may find attractive?

If the answer is no, I am intrigued as to why you accepted his offer to a date.

My assumption is, you are accepted his offer because he has a decent job and is probably stable financially. That's what made you gravitate towards him. Am I correct?

A lady I counseled last year had a similar story, she married a man she wasn't attracted to and even going into the marriage was unsure of her decision, she too believed things will work themselves out with time. The man was very successful and when his business crumbled, her love for him started to go away.

When she came to see me last year, she came seeking for advice because she wanted a divorce. When I asked her why, she told me her story. Till this day I continue to counsel her because she says she can't forgive herself for what she did. She says if she didn't marry the man, he would've found the right woman and have lived a happy life. Also, she's upset because she has ruined her own life.

If nothing excites you about this man, just let him be. The right man for you will come. In 2013, a lot marriages end in divorce. Marriages are not what they once used to be. That is why taking your time and making the right decision has become a lot more crucial. That is why these days people date for a while before marriage. That is why these days women don't get married early like they used to.

Please don't rush into anything. Take your time and Mr. right will come and make you a very happy woman.

HisRib:

Hi Dear,

You mentioned you are not attracted to this man. Do you find him physically attractive, even just a little bit? Is there anything about him that you may find attractive?

If the answer is no, I am intrigued as to why you accepted his offer to a date.

My assumption is, you are accepted his offer because he has a decent job and is probably stable financially. That's what made you gravitate towards him. Am I correct?

i honestly wasn't turned on by d fact that he runs a biz cos i dnt really consider that steady income. I agreed to the date(casual date) just to see if something'l spark my attraction-sense. Also, some frnds say i'm too picky so i wanted to see......*shrug* if i really am unnecessarily being picky.
To ans ur oda Q, whn i'm approached by some1, i judge on a scale of 1-10, if i won't mind kissing d person(vain right?). On dt scale, i'm a 4 with him, i.e dnt really find much abt him attractive. He's nt bad looking tho and I am attracted to the fact that he's learned and is down to earth. Sorry if i'm nt making much sense, but this is how best i cn explain myself. Pls help

Energito: Hi please i have sumtin to ask. My friend has bn dating her g.f for 1yr now when the girl broke up with his ex,my guy and the g.f love eachother so much which i know but my guy told me that her G.F ex b.f started calling her g.f on phone since this month telling her that he want her back.he also told me that he allow the girl to pick ex call whenever he called her G.F not minding that both of them spend upto 45mins talking on phone.the guy has bn asking me if it is good to allow that?

Not a good idea. Not a good idea at all. I don't think I even need to explain why this is not a good idea.

As a woman, I respect my man enough to know talking to my ex all the time & having 45 mins conversations is extremely disrespectful to our relationship. If it bothers your friend, he needs to tell her to stop doing that.

A woman who behaves this way has no respect for her man or their relationship.

The only advice I can give here is -- find women who respect you. Leave disrespectful women alone.

Isk:
i honestly wasn't turned on by d fact that he runs a biz cos i dnt really consider that steady income. I agreed to the date(casual date) just to see if something'l spark my attraction-sense. Also, some frnds say i'm too picky so i wanted to see......*shrug* if i really am unnecessarily being picky.
To ans ur oda Q, whn i'm approached by some1, i judge on a scale of 1-10, if i won't mind kissing d person(vain right?). On dt scale, i'm a 4 with him, i.e dnt really find much abt him attractive. He's nt bad looking tho and I am attracted to the fact that he's learned and is down to earth. Sorry if i'm nt making much sense, but this is how best i cn explain myself. Pls help

Attraction is not just a physical thing. If you say you're attracted to the fact that he's learned and is down to earth that means there's attraction. So, I am not quite understanding what is the problem.

I guess what you're trying to say is that there's no spark. There's no excitement. Am I correct?

I suggest that you give yourself time to get to know him. Sometimes one date is not enough. Spend some time with him and see what happens. That's all I can tell you.

The spark doesn't come right away from everyone. For some people it really takes time before they start building that spark/excitement. If in a couple months you still don't feel the spark, this man is not for you.

I have been dating this guy 4 two years,he doesn't keep to his promises always promise and fail...whn it comes to money same thing.now we have done our first and second marriage introduction.he still doesn't keep his promises in terms of gift n money.should I contiune d marriage or not.or will he change after our traditional and white wedding?
I'm so worried

Cynluv: I have been dating this guy 4 two years,he doesn't keep to his promises always promise and fail...whn it comes to money same thing.now we have done our first and second marriage introduction.he still doesn't keep his promises in terms of gift n money.should I contiune d marriage or not.or will he change after our traditional and white wedding?
I'm so worried

Hi,

I have a few questions for you:

1) If you accepted this throughout the 4 years you two were dating, why does it bother you all of a sudden?

2) Have you ever talked to him about this? Is he even aware of the fact that this bothers you?

3) I'm thinking, Maybe he hasn't kept his promises in terms of gifts & money because he doesn't have the money at the moment. Are you aware of his financial status?

I need more information.

HisRib:

Not a good idea. Not a good idea at all. I don't think I even need to explain why this is not a good idea.

As a woman, I respect my man enough to know talking to my ex all the time & having 45 mins conversations is extremely disrespectful to our relationship. If it bothers your friend, he needs to tell her to stop doing that.

A woman who behaves this way has no respect for her man or their relationship.

The only advice I can give here is -- find women who respect you. Leave disrespectful women alone.

the problem the guy have with the girl is that the is hot temper type which made the guy to always be afraid of talkin to her about that.but to say the gal love my guy so much