coolchimex thanks alot invite ur pals to my facebook page

After a french man finished having sex
with a prostitute,
He gave her some money..
So the prostitute escorted him to the
airport so that he takes his flight,
When the french man was about to take
his flight,
He gave the prostitute a naughty smile
and said
`LA MONEY LA FAKE'
The prostitute also gave him a naughty
smile and said
`LA ME LA AIDS'.
*The french man fainted*
www.facebook.com/loveandlaff

OSOGONO DON DELETE?……
admin on March 15th, 2012
I called a shildhood friend who lives in
Warri to ask after a common friend of
ours, Osogono, and asked “if e full
ground?”
Shildhood Friend: Shuo! You no aware?
Me: Wetin? Wetin? Osogono don delete?
Shildhood Friend: Abeg clear! Na so
person dey quick die? Na fawol?
ME: Oya no vex. Detail me the gist?
Shildhood Friend: Not to hin. No be
Sogogbish dey do first-to-die with one
kpomushele for Bendel Estate…
ME: I dey hear.
Shildhood Friend: Not to small thing o. No
do no do, na so Sogogbish preg the babe.
ME: How that one come be new edition?
Shildhood Friend: I go quench the gist if u
shook mouth put again o!
ME: No provoke. Dey relate the gist.
Shildhood Friend: Last month na hin yawa
gas o! All this while wey Sogogbish dey
comb the babe, our guy no fit decode say
she… The babe… Na second verse for one
Rear Admiral anthem!
ME: YAWA!
Shildhood Friend: Na so I dey toilet dey
kaka for Sogogbish bink I just hear
Gboaaa!!! 5 naval guys just matching
matching the door. Before I say make I
clean kaka… Gbooaaah again!! Them don
enter Sogogbish room.
ME: Where Sogogbish come dey?
Shildhood Friend: Aiiiiiiii, if you see the
beat them beat me? Me wey I no see the
babe kpekus… If u see the kpokporing. I
for no kuku clean yansh na… I kaka for
body na!
ME: Wia Sogo..?
Shildhood Friend: Sogogbish dislink
through ceiling. And I warn am… I warn
am say this Admiral babe wey you dey
RETWEET anyhow…

An Hausa man goes into a library to ask
for a book on suicide, an Ibo man is the
Librarian…
Hausa man: Pls do you have a book on
suicide ??
Ibo man: Wetin u wan read that kind
book for ??
Hausa Man: I wan commit suicide!
The Ibo man stares at him and says, abeg
comot for here… Who go come return
the book?

CHIEF LUCKY
admin on March 15th, 2012
Chief Lucky: Henno is that Nondon?
Phone Operator: Yes.
Chief Lucky: Can I speak to Selator
Nawrence Dafilole?
Phone Operator: Senator Lawrence
Dafinone is out.
Chief Lucky: Can I message you?
Phone Operator: Sure!
Chief Lucky: Tell him Chief Nucky from
Nagos called.
Phone Operator: Please spell your name!
Chief Lucky: Are you ready? Oya…
L for Elephant
U for Europe
C for Scissors
K for Chemist
Y for Wire………

A man looses everything because of his
drinking habit, one morning he sees
empty bottles on the bar table, he
smashes one bottle swearing “Because of
you my wife run leave me” smashes 2nd
bottle “Because of you I nor get pickin”
smashes the 3rd bottle “Because of you I
nor get work”, but the fourth bottle was
sealed and full of beer, so he said stand
aside, “You nor dey involved”!!!

love&laff

Okoro the houseboy entered Madam’s
room without knocking.
MADAM: Okoro, this is wrong, what if I
was naked or dressing up?
OKORO: That can never happen Madam. I
always peep first and if you are naked, I
go just wait small, dey look until you
dress finish before I enter.
love&laff

A guy on a DATE in a brand new Range
Rover Sport car full option with a Warri
babe, the following ensued…
GUY: I have been hiding a secret from
you & I think you’ll break this relationship
if I tell you… the secret.
GIRL: What is that my love?
GUY: Am already married.
GIRL: (Hitting him on his lap and hissing)
you scared me. I thought you wanted to
say the Range Rover Sport is not yours….

WHO YOU BE?
admin on March 5th, 2012
A Nigerian Soldier was re-deployed to
Borno from Warri. While the soldier was
in Borno, he received a letter from his
girlfriend, Rukewe. She explained that
while he was away, she had slept with 2
guys and she wanted to break up with
him and she wanted her pictures in his
possession back. So the soldier did what
any Waffi boy would do. He went around
and collected unwanted photos of women
he could find. He sent them through ABC
transport, about 25 pictures of women to
Rukewe with the following note: I no
remember which one you be, remove
your picture and send the rest back….

A BOY WANTS TO BE A MEDICAL
DOCTOR
admin on March 5th, 2012
Boy: Uncle, I learnt its difficult to get
admission into University these days,
except you are well connected…
Uncle: Yes thats true.
…
Boy: Since you are connected, I
came to ask you to help me get
admission into university after
my jamb.
Uncle: Ya that’s true…am connected
and I will help you.
Boy: Thank you uncle.
Uncle: You are welcome, so how is your
result, is it Waec or Neco and how many
credits did you get?
Boy: Uncle, its waec, I had only 2 credits
in Agricultural science and Yoruba
language, but I failed the rest.
Uncle: Well, that’s not bad,you can still be
a doctor, not a medical doctor really, but
native doctor (babalawo)..you will use
your credit in Agric in collecting herbs
from forest, and Yoruba language for
incantations.

CHEATING DURING BIOLOGY EXAM
admin on March 5th, 2012
During a Biology exam, the first question
was:
“Draw the female reproductive organ.”
As the exam was progressing, Ehis saw
Obehi bending down to look between her
legs,
so Ehis raised his hands and shouted at
the top of his lungs, “Sir, Obehi is copying
from the original!”

During a Biology exam, the first question
was:
“Draw the female reproductive organ.”
As the exam was progressing, Ehis saw
Obehi bending down to look between her
legs,
so Ehis raised his hands and shouted at
the top of his lungs, “Sir, Obehi is copying
from the original!”

Boy: Uncle, I learnt its difficult to get
admission into University these days,
except you are well connected…
Uncle: Yes thats true.
…
Boy: Since you are connected, I
came to ask you to help me get
admission into university after
my jamb.
Uncle: Ya that’s true…am connected
and I will help you.
Boy: Thank you uncle.
Uncle: You are welcome, so how is your
result, is it Waec or Neco and how many
credits did you get?
Boy: Uncle, its waec, I had only 2 credits
in Agricultural science and Yoruba
language, but I failed the rest.
Uncle: Well, that’s not bad,you can still be
a doctor, not a medical doctor really, but
native doctor (babalawo)..you will use
your credit in Agric in collecting herbs
from forest, and Yoruba language for
incantations.

A Nigerian Soldier was re-deployed to
Borno from Warri. While the soldier was
in Borno, he received a letter from his
girlfriend, Rukewe. She explained that
while he was away, she had slept with 2
guys and she wanted to break up with
him and she wanted her pictures in his
possession back. So the soldier did what
any Waffi boy would do. He went around
and collected unwanted photos of women
he could find. He sent them through ABC
transport, about 25 pictures of women to
Rukewe with the following note: I no
remember which one you be, remove
your picture and send the rest back….

From: The Boyfriends Association Of
Nigeria To Girlfriends
With regards to the meeting held today,
the Boyfriend Association of Nigeria
decided to go on a two months strike
starting from 1st December, 2013. This
strike is not to cause any riot or any form
of breakup with our beloved girlfriends.
We plan to use this strike period as a time
for appraisal and re-dedication in our
supposed relationship. During this period,
all forms of communication (formal or
otherwise) is allowed but all form of
FINANCIAL ASSISTANCE will be put to
rest. We assure our girlfriends that this
supposed strike period, our commitment
will be 100% and won’t be questioned,
also, this period will not, WE REPEAT, will
not pose a threat to the relationship.
Full boyfriend responsibility will resume
on the 1st of February, 2014 to enable
both parties plan for the upcoming
valentine(14th February, 2014).
We thank our girlfriends for their
anticipated
“Good Behavior” during this period.
Signed; Publicity secretary BAN
With regards to the meeting held today,
the Boyfriend Association of Nigeria
decided to go on a two months strike
starting from 1st December, 2013. This
strike is not to cause any riot or any form
of breakup with our beloved girlfriends.
We plan to use this strike period as a time
for appraisal and re-dedication in our
supposed relationship. During this period,
all forms of communication (formal or
otherwise) is allowed but all form of
FINANCIAL ASSISTANCE will be put to
rest. We assure our girlfriends that this
supposed strike period, our commitment
will be 100% and won’t be questioned,
also, this period will not, WE REPEAT, will
not pose a threat to the relationship.
Full boyfriend responsibility will resume
on the 1st of February, 2014 to enable
both parties plan for the upcoming
valentine(14th February, 2014).
We thank our girlfriends for their
anticipated
“Good Behavior” during this period.
Signed; Publicity secretary BAN

A man entered a mosque carrying a brand
new smooth machette and asked “Who is
a muslim here?”
The whole mosque went as silent as a
grave yard. The man asked again, “How
can a full mosque have no muslim?”. No
one replied.
The man then grabs the nearby young
man and goes out with him and tells him,
“son come help me slaughter my goat for
I don’t know how to do it”.
After the young man had slaughtered the
goat, he tells the man that he doesn’t
know how to skin it and that the man
would have to go back to the mosque and
get someone else to help him on
that.The man returns to the mosque with
a machete dripping with blood.
When the Imam saw this, he immediately
shouts “Praise the Looooooooord! The
whole mosque responds,”halleluyaaaah!!!”

A group of men gathered at a church
conference on how to live in a loving
relationship with their wives. The men
were
asked, “How many of you love your
wife ?” All
the men raised their hands. Then they
were
asked, “When was the last time you told
your
wife you love her ?” Some men answered
today, some yesterday, majority didn’t
remember. The men were then told to
take
their cell phones and send the following
text
to their respective wives: I love you,
sweetheart…
Then the men were told to exchange their
phones so one can read the other wife’s
reply
to the love message.
Here are some of the replies:
1. Have you impregnated someone again
2. That was then, not now
3. You wan borrow money abi?
4. What did you do again? I won’t forgive
you
this time.
5. Meaning?
6. Is that a new song?
7. Am I dreaming?
8. If you don’t tell me who this message
is
actually for, you will die today!
9. U dis man!! I asked you to stop
drinking.
10. Abeg na who be this?

Are you a widow?
you ready to be insulted by a governor?
and paid 2million naira,
If yes then send "Oshiomhole" to 33345.

somebody jez say more!!!! and im goin to pour it out......

More more more
i can't stop laughing

More more more pls

very funny...

the one dancing azonto

Love&laff
I LOVE NIGERIA BECAUSE
(1) Where a man Happily meet a lady and when she
goes back to her friends, their only question was "Is
the guy loaded?
(2) Where leaders pretend to be patriotic when they
are in office, out of office, they will turn to ethnic
tigers.
(3) Where a blind beggar will reject a fake naira note.
(4) Where Groundnuts are sold in Bottles & Waters
sold in Satchets.
(5) Where parents claim they always came first
position in school.
(6) Where You Can Be A Driver For Years Without A
'DRIVER's LICENCE'
(7) Where Presidents and other government officials
don't know the national anthem.
(Where the Police on a road block makes more
money a day than motorist and their owners.
(9) Where Gala and Lacasera is the best option when
stuck in traffic jams (hold up).
(10) Where you are jailed for stealing Maggi and yam
and others given a chieftancy title for stealing billions
and Front row seat in churches.
(11) Where we fight for everything. To gain admission
to university, to get a job and to enter a bus!
(12) Where you are robbed of your phone and the
robbers come back for your Pin code and the
charger.
(13) Where politicians use big unnecessary grammar
to scam people.
(14) Where your type of GENERATOR shows how
RICH you are.
(15) Where you can easily blame your
unsuccessfulnes
on family members in the village.
(16) Where rich men must have a pot belly, and a
healthy looking, slim Man is despised in the street as
a
pauper.
(17) Where if you where do anyhow you see anyhow.
(18) Where generator is a social amenity.
(19) Where people dey collect change for beggar
hand.
(20) Where People produce Toyota Camry jeans and
Dr. Dre slippers
(21) Where the man who had no shoes becomes the
president.
(22) Where a 60-yr-old grandpa is a National youth
leader of a party (PDP).
(23) Where citizens are more afraid of Police than
Armed robbers.
(24) Where a civil servant saves $544,000 in her bank
from Pure Water business in just 2 years.
We are always proud to be called Nigerians despite
all
these odds.
Naija For Life.

Check more photos here, twitter: @ngreports247

Kai those days when were still learners...now money dey pursue us

Omg! How time flies, I started this thread over 6years ago