Yo, again we have a guy and a girl in trouble - though this one is external to their relationship.

The guy and girl are both currently college age students with at least 4 more years of schooling to go (they're both 21).

The guy is of say tribe A and the girl, tribe B. The girl and her family are based in Nigeria though the girl is now at school in the US. The guy's family has lived (for about 2/3) of the guy's life in the US. Surprising to the girl and guy, this is how stuff played out. When both sets of parents found out about the relationship, the girl's was generally supportive and the guy's. . .well totally against it. Here are some sample . . . ahh. . . somethings from the guy's parents

both:
You are too young to be in a serious relationship, You should focus on completing school, getting a job, working for a few years before you start dating.

dad: You should get to know other girls (specifically of your tribe). At this age, an exclusive relationship is an unhealthy relationship, You are young, don't have a serious plan for your future and don't know what you are doing, You should consider your family, extended family, tribe in these kinds of decisions. If you plan on getting married to this person (I guess w/o dating other ppl from the tribe) we will not support you.

So, what do you all think? Does it matter what the tribes actually are?

i don't get the story.

dont get it as well. pls expansiate. tah

sorry i don't understand your tale.

I guess I don't know exactly how to respond since I don't know you well enough but. . .

its not a tale as in a story where you read and then take away some truth or insight. . it is just a question. . . i thought the title was cool as well as a reference to A Tale of Two Cities - I guess it was overkill then. . .

To me i don't feel differences in tribes should be a barrier for such relationship because we are in a modernised age for God sake

You can marry whichever tribe you wanna marry. doesn't neccesarily have to be your tribe. Love is what matters.

xx

well if you are nigerian, you would know that nigerians are a very tribalistic people and they would much rather prefer for their children to marry within their tribes.

how is the guy responding to all of this? in my opinion, the guy shold let his parents know in no uncertain terms that (if tat's the way he feels) that this is the girl he wants to be with and they would have to accept her or risk losing their son and any grandchildren that might come from the relationship. if the guy is only a little bit unsure of what he wants from his relationship from the girl that is all that is needed to wreck the relationship. also what stage of their relationship are they in, are they still boyfriend/girlfriend or has the guy decided that this is the person he wants to marry and taken it a step further by proposing to the girl? he should let his parents no that this is non-negiotable and that they need to get over their prejudices...

This na serious issue and thats the truth !

I am not being trabalistic here. the truth is, its a problem especially if a non -ibo guy is trying to marry an ibo girl ! it happened to me so, i know what i am saying !

I will rather say, we should always give love a chance and where i come from shouldnt necessarily be a problem as tribe is not the problem but how much they love they've got for each other.

Help us to talk to the apostles of tribalism that, they should give love a chance !
Cheers

Like Mickplus said this is a serious issue and no matter how "modern" we try to make ourselves look like, with it comes to the basics, we are Africans and we certainly are tribalistic!!!!

May be am sorry to say this (may be am not) but am very welling and ready to have relationships with like any and every one, but when it comes to marriage, am kindda choosy o, Amongst other things I would greatly favour a lady that can cook very well, especially one that cooks native dishes!!!

Sincerely speaking I have had a few girls prepare dishes and most are only good with the rice etc, It takes a "home" girl to prepare good dishes and it takes a girl of your tribe to make that very dish you desire, I don't think I want to compromise on that!!!

well i feel people who are tribalistic, are just inconsiderate, unreasonable and unlogical
just imagine if everybody in world had to marry fom thier place, aint it crazy

Well, i went out with a muslim girl in uni for more than a year but separated when she said she wanna go back to her strict religious adherence. It sure broke my poor heart!

Reading this thread just makes me feel so bad,i can relate to this very well.i am based in uk and the rest of my family as well.i am in a serious relationship with a guy from another tribe which is no problem to me,  we have decided to spend the rest of our lives together.when i told my parents about this,i was called a disgrace amongst everything else.they threatened not to be involved in it,but i really do not care now,its been a year since i told them and i have made up my mind to marry him regardless of what they say.
it is so sad to know that even parents abroad stil have this perception.

You have made up your mind abi? Fire on. I just sincerely pray you don't run into problem.

Following your heart without a fallback na wa O. Try as much as possible to let them reason with you. Remember, they are your first family. What does your fiancee's family think about the prospective union? Handle it with good caution for it is a sad reality. Don't let youthful exuberance relegate your objectivity.

You have made up your mind abi? Fire on. I just sincerely pray you don't run into problem.

Following your heart without a fallback na wa O. Try as much as possible to let them reason with you. Remember, they are your first family. What does your fiancee's family think about the prospective union? Handle it with good caution for it is a sad reality. Don't let youthful exuberance relegate your objectivity.



thanks kashif for ur reply,its been a year now we are still in the process.at least now they have agreed to meet him.

l dont think marrying some one should go according to their tribe
l am happily in love with a Nigerian guy and l have been to Nigeria to see his parents
and l am happy to say they have acepted me with open arms even though l am a
South African, what matters is that l love the guy and l am willing to accept his culture and so is he ready to accept mine
l

@topic
not a new thing, and would never end.

it use to be a problem but i really think thing are taking different shape especially in igbo land where i come from, girls especially are picking up courage to go where they chose regardless of what they parents say, if have been following the wedding parapizza, alot of igbo girls are wedding outside their tribe which was not so. My own cousin dared the whole family and got married to an ijaw man. the father rejected the bride price and any form of igba nkwu, but after few years with a kid, the father is begging for the ngba nkwu to be done. they have fixed the date officially.

Everyone should just accept that things have changed especially in Nigeria of today.

My street neighbour is an igbo lady with a yoruba husband and very very happy, much more than she would have been if she has married someone else simply because they are from the same tribe.

I use to be tribalistic when it comes to marriage, i have dated my tribe that are no good and some good ones from other tribe, i would i now leave paradise to hell for the rest of my life just because we are from the same tribe? who will be there when the i start roasting?

In this generation love should have no rship with tribe but rather the emphasis should be on the qualities u want in ur ideal man/woman. No tribe has monopoly of good men/women or bad ones.

I think some of the parents that object to their children marrying from other tribes are just being influenced by the presumption that they'll be losing them which is not really so. We cannot always term parents to be right in every of their decision for us mostly when it has to do with such decisions that will affect us for the rest of our lives, in that case if one should choose his/her mate based on parental recommendation of tribe, ultimately the person that will be prejudiced if the union goes odd will be you and not them. The issue of tribe does not really need to be an impediment to a union of two people that have come together to blend and have found themselves compatible to each other. It should be about personal relationship with one and not tribe. My advice to any body that is experiencing such is to stick to your heart, your parents will definitely come looking for you when they finds out how happy you are in your matrimony.

^^Sure, you from weeders tribe

Mr, Cork:

IBO people are very tribalistick in the UK

although there womens are preeety but very masculine. They usualy  have beards & faded mustache

Ogunfe.