I decided to post this topic here because I know I'll get mature responses.
I have a high school 'girlfriend' who is engaged and about getting married to her fiance of a year and half in a couple of months, precisely April, next year. She is 25 years old. The problem, however, is that the guy hits and slaps her at the slightest provocation and she is really getting worked up and pondering on calling off the wedding. Though, she says the guy is generous and highly caring but his bad temper is the only turn-off in him. She really loves him. She also doesn't have the guts to tell her parents about the constant slapping and hitting from the guy as it is apparent that they will support calling off the marriage. Her aunt, however, is encouraging her to go into the marriage since the guy is caring and generous. The aunt says the guy might change after the wedding, especially if the lady(my friend) can get pregnant as early as possible. Moreso, they have spent a whole lot of money on the wedding preparation and other miscellaneous. Please, Family section married folks, what advise should I give her? Does she call off the wedding or go ahead and marry the guy with the hope that he'll change? Would a fiancee beater not turn to a wife beater at the end of the day?

straight forward reply: He won't change.... dats his character and it is like trying bleach the leopard of its spot

Let her call of the wedding..... enduring it is dangerous and will eventually lead to something painful: the seed is sown already..... when in marriage it will transform into a tree.

Sister: her sister is Mephistopheles(messenger of satan) .. she gave her that advice because the husband to be is generous.... .d 1+1 here is she has been benefitting frm it

Bride to be: Flee for your life.....wat happen when u get married and experience those mood swings in pregnancy? He will definitely use you do Jackie Chan kung fu...sledge hammer blow. Then it will be IT IS A PITY(Reapers waiting 4 u)

just my two cowries......

What a joy wrenching and destiny killing advice from the sister...

My brother, if he is beating her now, nothing will make him change but will rather become more terrible. However, the guy will change if he encounters God in his life which no one can bank on how ready he is for such encounter..

If she were my sister, my advice will be, the guy will not change. The decision is for her to make, if she goes ahead, whatever she faces in the union is for her to carry.

Hmmm.very obvious.A man då̝̅† beats up his fiancee,why won't he beat her up after payin her bride price.Ƅŭţ dere's nothin prayer can't do.if she goes ahead with the weddin,she shud be prepared to amend her ways so as not to offend the guy to warrant beating,then add prayers.he will even beat the pregnancy out

maureeno: Hmmm.very obvious.A man då̝̅† beats up his fiancee,why won't he beat her up after payin her bride price.Ƅŭţ dere's nothin prayer can't do.if she goes ahead with the weddin,she shud be prepared to amend her ways so as not to offend the guy to warrant beating,then add prayers.

What is there to pray about? That God should change him or what? My sister God cannot be mocked. Every man will live with the consequences of his/her choice. With all the glaring evidences prior to the wedding, she shook her head and expecting God to perform magic?

There is a reason God did not create robots but Humans with BRAIN

No,obviously! A guy who beats a lady during the wooing or courtship stage can never change when he finally marries her.
Why?
That's because once married,he's got more authority and power over her,he ''owns'' her,and he knows it'll not be easy for her to walk out of a marriage.
But if the lady is comfortable wif the beating at this stage,who are we to interfere? She cld easily walk out,but has chosen not to. So.....

It can only take the grace of God for these type of men to change:
Wife beaters
Drunks
Selfish men
Womanizers
Mummy's boys

Change? He would rather improve in his beating

Yes/NO it all depends on the wife cos i believe the woman holds the ultimate key to her husband behavior,you know ur husband is aggresive and hes fond of beating you but anytime theres a lil quarrel u go locking his shirt or doing the u wil- -kill-me-today kinda attitude,We all know some men are temperamental but if a woman can easily tame a lion,doing that to a man is a easy task,the wife can easily avoid if hes angry but the Most bizarre part is some women actually enjoy been beaten

He might change and he might not change. She should think about it and be wise in her decision making.

Divorce is never an option for me so she has to be carefull. A broken engagement is better than a broken marriage.

Once a wife/lady beater! Always a wife/lady beater

Very gulliable lady. So bc of material things she is risking her life?
Assuming that guy is not spoiling her with such, I bet she would hv ran for her dear life!
Pls encourage her to stay. He will change of course. Afterall we r good at suffering and smiling.
Good trademark for naija ladies.

Abegi which section will I go and catch my fun this nite b4 some ish will spoil my mood.

Her Aunty is her enemy. As in those type of enemies they describe are doing people in the village. Please see your Aunty and run. Not everyone in your family wishes you well. God give you the spirit of discernment to identify evil doers and enemies with their sick advices always looking for who to destroy. That money that has been wasted on this possible failure of a wedding is far less than the future cost to you if you marry him. In future the cost will be emotional, physical, financial, health-wise and generational ( your kids). Please flee from the devils in your life. Boyfriend and Aunty

fijiano202: Yes/NO it all depends on the wife cos i believe the woman holds the ultimate key to her husband behavior,you know ur husband is aggresive and hes fond of beating you but anytime theres a lil quarrel u go locking his shirt or doing the u wil- -kill-me-today kinda attitude,We all know some men are temperamental but if a woman can easily tame a lion,doing that to a man is a easy task,the wife can easily avoid if hes angry but the Most bizarre part is some women actually enjoy been beaten

So, are you indirectly supporting wife battering?

baby_123: Her Aunty is her enemy. As in those type of enemies they describe are doing people in the village. Please see your Aunty and run. Not everyone in your family wishes you well. God give you the spirit of discernment to identify evil doers and enemies with their sick advices always looking for who to destroy. That money that has been wasted on this possible failure of a wedding is far less than the future cost to you if you marry him. In future the cost will be emotional, physical, financial, health-wise and generational ( your kids). Please flee from the devils in your life. Boyfriend and Aunty

Thanks, ma'am. The saddest part is that the aunt is even from the maternal part; she is her mum's younger sister.

Tell your friend to run for her life while she still has the chance. She can recover from a broken engagement, but there is no recovery from being beaten to death.

sapien: So, are you indirectly supporting wife battering?

am not in support of wife battering,its easy to advice her before marriage but if shes already married like the aforementioned all you can do is to give her tips on how to make her marriage work

pls n pls tell her to flee.he wont change.there s more to her life than goodies/battering. someone better will come her way
#my 2 cents

I wonder why ladies enjoy setting themselves up.. Women hitters don't change,infact it worsens, I don't think she needs any advise, wit wat we've all been hearing and seeing abt how men hit dre wives till the point they got her killed,it dint start in marriage, it started during courtship.. she shld call of d damn tin else her life is at stake..

YES THEY CAN CHANGE, because as ur fiancée he was beating only u, but wen u guys get married he will change into beating u and any of your family member that dares complain. Sheyb allof dem follow chop bride price moni.

I don't think hr will change

The assault is continuous

YES, they change.

They GRADUATE to become WIFE BEATERS.

At this age and time, a full grown ass 25 year old lady is considering monetary expenses as against the safety and security of her life and her own joy/ happiness.

She needs to be flogged 12 strokes of the cane

Yes! When he gets tired!
Or he gets the BEATING of his life!

Of course he will change.

He will change after he beats her to death!

macklef: YES THEY CAN CHANGE, because as ur fiancée he was beating only u, but wen u guys get married he will change into beating u and any of your family member that dares complain. Sheyb allof dem follow chop bride price moni.

Clown!

Since you're sure that this lady's parents have correct head on their neck, could you please ANONYMOUSLY tip them off dt dey're abt to give their daughter out to a beater?
As CC said, no matter what you say, she'll nit listen. Best thing is to come up with a plan that would not implicate you and let her parents know the situation of tinz.


I know you might wonder why you'll go that far, but trust me, if d man kills her orlands her in hospital, as a friend, u'll also bear some of it!

He will change of course after he has murdered her, he will become a darling to his new wife. Because it takes killing their partner or maiming them for life for such people to Recognize a need for change.

So many silly replies here I bet.

IMO:
In one way or d other 90% men has laid hands on their woman but get prone to remorse and penitence. According to Aristotle "to decide means to kill every other option"
Most of these men decide and say "I'm girding up the loins in my heart to say I'll NEVER hit my woman again" and it benchmarks forever in their heart.
Only men without principles and discipline goes back to hit their woman again and again. Such men I call them "non-men in a numb and reduced lumpish state"
Tell your friend to eschew the caring and loving side of this man and focus on his principles in entirety. The possibility of him promising never to err again and remain stick to his words is infinite.
For those saying he'll never Change, u're all wrong because u're only talking while seating on the fence. Kudos goes to only a man in an arena who strives valiantly with face masked with blood and sand, who errs over and over again and later gets up and embrace positive change.
That man is possibly in the arena right now

The only thing that is constant in life is CHANGE....

Either he changes for the better or worse... The decision now lies with the other partner if he/she's got an armoured heart/body to take the beating and heartbreaks from him/her whenever the eventuality happens.