I know this is not the right place to post romance issue but I believe I will get a very good advice here. I am a 29 years old business lady, I'm in a relationship with a 34 years old man, we have been going out for one year and eight months now, everybody assumes we are getting married, we also discuss the future together about family and children, but he has NEVER asked me to marry him, I made it known to him that if I don't travel with him this Xmas that it will be the end of the relationship, he kept on laughing and told his friends that I want to leave him, recently he has been having financial challenge and I'm not sure if he will travel for Xmas.
My question is should I go ahead with my plan of leaving him if he eventually travel or should I wait till he is stable then I will know what is on his mind?
By the way,he likes surprising someone, so I don't know what to do, please advise me. Please no yabbing, no one is too old to learn.

Have you tried finding out from him why he has not proposed?Is it because of the financial challenges?
If he is going to travel,ask him why he won't take you along?
I know if a man is having financial challenges,he will slow down on marriage plans but he should let you know where the relationship is heading and you should meet his family too.

One question for you,is he getting the milk for free?Remember,there is no need to buy the cow if the milk is gotten free.

Babes its better you take your time than rush into what you'll letter regret. Don't ever pressure him to do something he doesn't want to do. If the signs are not there, its best you withdraw from the relationship for the main time.
You need to ask urself if he has the quality you are looking for in a husband & if he does, then you need to talk with God one-on-one no pastor involve. He listens to our heart desires, & try to be patient.

Have a discussion with him on where the relationship is heading to.

You should also know that no sane man will think of marriage if he is facing financial challenges. Nevertheless, he should be able to tell you his plans for the future. So, I will say discuss it with him and let it be a frank talk, not emotional taunt.

Both of you should sit down and have a very matured conversation. 34years and 29 years are no longer babies, ask him questions in a polite way but be assertive. you need to know what his plans are for the immediate future. Do not be afraid to talk to him and make sure you listen to what he has to say.

This is not an easy issue dat comes wit a yes or no!
Hmmm!
U both need to
1.pray wel,wel
2.understand exactly wether the relationship is for marriage or just long time lovers.
To achieve this requires u to be tactful.(already he has a notion about u leaving in his present conditiön).
My advice pray to God that things turn out for gud!its a tough call!

I think he should do something that shows his commitment even if he is low on funds. If he's not ready to do anything at ll, it may be wise to take a break from him. But you should prolly make it clear that you're taking a break because you two are not on the same page. You want to start the marriage process and he doesn't so there's little reason to remain together, that's what you can say.

But it depends on how bad the financial situation is. If it immobilizes him completely, give him time to pull together. If it allows some commitment on his part, lay your terms down.

Why are you forcing him to propose to you?

If you are threatening him to leave if he doesn't take you "wherever" during Xmas he just might be reluctant to propose to u the more.

I for one don't like to be arm twisted into doing anything I don't wanna do.
If I was him I will call your bluff.

A man who is financially down will never think of marriage till he is back in charge.

Think of better and more matured way of hinting him rather than this blatant and desperate ultimatum you giving him.
I won't marry a woman who threatened to leave me if I didn't commit to her. She can sure use the exit button.

Royal Roy: Why are you forcing him to propose to you?

If you are threatening him to leave if he doesn't take you "wherever" during Xmas he just might be reluctant to propose to u the more.

I for one don't like to be arm twisted into doing anything I don't wanna do.
If I was him I will call your bluff.

A man who is financially down will never think of marriage till he is back in charge.

Think of better and more matured way of hinting him rather than this blatant and desperate ultimatum you giving him.
I won't marry a woman who threatened to leave me if I didn't commit to her. She can sure use the exit button.

So you think it's wrong of her to want commitment from this man?

They've been dating for almost a year and IMO that's enough time for him to clearly state his intentions. Nobody is asking him to go and pay bride price, but he needs to show a certain commitment so that the lady won't feel like she is wasting her time.

I've seen this happen a lot of times before . . . The dude can decide to marry the next girl that comes his way anc claim he never proposed to her. And he'll be right.

This lady is smart to want some assurances. If she's waiting, it should be for the right reasons . . . She's 29 for God's sakes. The clock is tixking!

fromusa: I know this is not the right place to post romance issue but I believe I will get a very good advice here. I am a 29 years old business lady, I'm in a relationship with a 34 years old man, we have been going out for one year and eight months now, everybody assumes we are getting married, we also discuss the future together about family and children, but he has NEVER asked me to marry him, I made it known to him that if I don't travel with him this Xmas that it will be the end of the relationship, he kept on laughing and told his friends that I want to leave him, recently he has been having financial challenge and I'm not sure if he will travel for Xmas.
My question is should I go ahead with my plan of leaving him if he eventually travel or should I wait till he is stable then I will know what is on his mind?
By the way,he likes surprising someone, so I don't know what to do, please advise me. Please no yabbing, no one is too old to learn.

You are doing the right thing my sister . . Most men I know, 34 will be dying to tie the knot. Financial constraint or not. My husband was in his 20s when we met and he didn't waste any time to declare his true intentions. Even though I refused to date him down cos I was in love with someone else, he still declared his intention to marry me. So when I eventually got into a relationship with him, I knew where it was going.

He wasn't ready for marriage financially when he took me to meet his family and asked to meet mine.

When a man wants to spend the rest of his life with a woman, it doesn't take long for him to realize that.

If you bf needs time to 'think' then maybe you should give him a break.

Don't let anybody tell you otherwise . . This is your life and your have the right to demand from commitment from this man!

^^^^^^^^^^
Sure the clock is ticking.

They have been talking marriage and future together till the man had some financial set backs.
Now does the time seem right to arm twist him into committing? No!!

Maybe she should find better ways of passing across her message than giving ultimatums.

Some men.....like me don't react well to ultimatums except its
coming from my boss.

Be patient with him. Do not put pressure on him.
If he's having financial difficulties, then it won't
be reasonable for him to propose to you now.
Don't be in a rush to get married and don't
give him an ultimatum either. I'm sure he's
going through enough with trying to get
his finances together. As his woman,
you should be supporting and
encouraging him at this time,
not rushing him to propose
when he ain't prepared.

Royal Roy: ^^^^^^^^^^
Sure the clock is ticking.

They have been talking marriage and future together till the man had some financial set backs.
Now does the time seem right to arm twist him into committing? No!!

Maybe she should find better ways of passing across her message than giving ultimatums.

Some men.....like me don't react well to ultimatums except its
coming from my boss.

I agree that giving ultimatums is not the best way to go about it. Infact she doesn't need to say much. She should just make up her mind and act on it . . . No long story!

The truth is that OP knows her man and knows why she's worried and needs a concrete commitment from him . . Even though he's not ready to get married now!

Men are tricky and this man can insist he never proposed to her in the future. The truth is that, it's all a risk. If op is willing to take that risk then that's cool . . If not, I think she needs that commitment now. So she knows exactly what she's waitng for!

Ihedinobi: I think he should do something that shows his commitment even if he is low on funds. If he's not ready to do anything at ll, it may be wise to take a break from him. But you should prolly make it clear that you're taking a break because you two are not on the same page. You want to start the marriage process and he doesn't so there's little reason to remain together, that's what you can say.

But it depends on how bad the financial situation is. If it immobilizes him completely, give him time to pull together. If it allows some commitment on his part, lay your terms down.

I approve this message. And coming from a man. Please he can even buy you a cheap engagement ring and buy a better one later. If you are the kind of woman willing to plan and weather the storm with him, I dont see what the problem is. If he is still laughing Abeg shift and start looking at other serious people let him keep deceiving himself

#If you call am woman, NL feminists no go gree

OP what's wrong with you proposing? Just go for it, you've got nothing to lose, Oh my bad

#She go say I be lady oh.

Poster u fu*ck up big time.
U don't, I repeat don't give a man an ultimatum to marry u. Its never done.
If eventually he marries u and heaven forbids one day quarrel sets in, I tell u with 100% assurance he will bring that up.
More complications when u start justifying why u had to give him and ultimatum.

U r an adult. Some men don marry after one year of dating.
With ur mindset, u r gonna be scaring them away cos what is in ur mind when saying yes to any man is marriage, marriage,marriage. So any guy u meet u will start the marriage and children topic and some not to hurt u and still be collecting their free kpekus will flow along with u.

That guy is already gone from what u wrote up there. Maturely disentangle urself and start over again with another person but pls,let d r/ship shapen itself.

Don't pressurize again. No be dem say make u be 29 yrs and by d way why d rush?
Enjoy d r/ship and thread with ur mind.
There r ways to know if ur r/ship is heading to something positive.
This kind of thing has kept many ladies single that at d end of the day, they now wanna buy a man's lv 2.

All d best.

RR, u r on spot!

I hv repeatedly talked about it here.
Lots of ladies that give ultimatum end up being old maids. It depends on ur vicinity, cos it will quickly circulate. Any other man that comes ur way will even come with I want to marry u song.
Also that a man proposes after an ultimatun does not translate he will eventually marry u.

Enjoy ur r/ship. Even if u desire him for marriage, use ur sixth sense. When what u seek is not forthcoming, go ur way. If he finally gat to his senses after u must hv gone, he will find u. Cos some don't really know what they hv until they lose it.
We just don't wanna get married, but we also want to hv a happy home at d end of d day. D way we started matters a lot.
Also some men will see u as pushy if u start this ultimatum thing and even though they had wanted to tie the knot with u, will stylishly walk away.
Many hv done it.

Ujujoan:

You are doing the right thing my sister . . Most men I know, 34 will be dying to tie the knot. Financial constraint or not. My husband was in his 20s when we met and he didn't waste any time to declare his true intentions. Even though I refused to date him down cos I was in love with someone else, he still declared his intention to marry me. So when I eventually got into a relationship with him, I knew where it was going.

He wasn't ready for marriage financially when he took me to meet his family and asked to meet mine.

When a man wants to spend the rest of his life with a woman, it doesn't take long for him to realize that.

If you bf needs time to 'think' then maybe you should give him a break.

Don't let anybody tell you otherwise . . This is your life and your have the right to demand from commitment from this man!

Uju, that urs went that way does not mean others will follow suit.
At 34, some men r just starting life!
U will be suprised at how many 30 something yrs men we hv that r yet to settle down even with a stable income.
Marriage is also a psychological thing.
Also some men will actually lose u b4 they will realise they wanna spend their lives with u.

That man obviously don't wanna marry her. Now he has shifted the blame to her by saying she wanna leave.
Maybe he had no intention of marrying her b4 but was just following bc of free kpekus.
A man can say or promise anything once down below is concerned.
And of course some still propose without courtship 2.

Bia, nwanne m, happy ekeresimesi!
A ma m na unu di mma?

@yellopawpaw, I understand your position. I'm a man and I know that some of us don't like being pressured. But I can never understand a man who says he cares about a woman and will do nothing about it. Some things don't cost that much. To introduce a girl to your family as the woman you want to marry can hardly break the bank for you, can it? To get introduced to hers as well will not spoil your financial plans too, will it?

Love involves accepting the beloved's concerns as yours as well. If I meet a 28-yr-old lady and start dating her, I should automatically be thinking about bringing her home if I love her. Whu should I act like it's not my problem? When she talls about settling down it should be most important to me to allay her fears of wasting her time with me. Whatever I can do with what I have toward marriage I must do without feeling pressured. It's not fair to her to have any ability to do anything toward settling her in your home and not doing it because you don't want to be pressured. How is that love?

On the lady's part, all I advice is that she be considerate of his financial abilities and help in every way she can. But she's not wrong to want him to show some commitment to a future with her.

U guyz dont understand what backyard activity is going on!
Op pray!pray!pray!

34yrs old is no longer a baby,you should have known by now if he is interested in marrying you or not. Make your deductions from what Ihedinobi and Ujujoan said , time waits for no man.

yellowpawpaw:
Uju, that urs went that way does not mean others will follow suit.
At 34, some men r just starting life!
U will be suprised at how many 30 something yrs men we hv that r yet to settle down even with a stable income.
Marriage is also a psychological thing.
Also some men will actually lose u b4 they will realise they wanna spend their lives with u.

That man obviously don't wanna marry her. Now he has shifted the blame to her by saying she wanna leave.
Maybe he had no intention of marrying her b4 but was just following bc of free kpekus.
A man can say or promise anything once down below is concerned.
And of course some still propose without courtship 2.

Bia, nwanne m, happy ekeresimesi!
A ma m na unu di mma?

That's my fear for her oh . . . The man is not a serious minded person.

So he has mouth to be talking about how many kids he wants to have and yet doesn't think he should put a ring on his lady. Ye . . . Ye!

You are right, giving him and ultimatum was a bad move. She should just go ahead and dump him!

Nne anyi na akwado na ike na ike oh. Kee maka ndi be gi? Un aga nata uno christmas?

Giving him an ultimatum is not a good move.However she can give herself an ultimatum.
If the guy is not forthcoming in his commitment and at least meets her parents and introduces her to his family then she should take a walk.If at 34yrs,he can't show commitment then she should take a walk.
The things he has to do don't cost dat much money,so it's not about financial challenges.

Ihedinobi, as if u don't know, anybody can give out ring or take u to their house just for free kpekus. The hewart of man is very wicked.
That man don't wanna marry her. She should hv let d r/ship flow well abd in some months will deduct where they r going and made her exit if it is not what she had desired.

I've seen gals wearing engagement ring for yrs. What for. It will even restrict ur searching for mr right.
I won't even wear the damn thing more than three weeks and free myself abegi.

So pls forget the ring and intro thing.
When dating, d signs r mostly there for us to see but we mostly close our eyes to them.

Lady, pls move on.
Man that is even telling friends u wanna leave is not a good candidate to me. What manner of man is that

yellowpawpaw: Ihedinobi, as if u don't know, anybody can give out ring or take u to their house just for free kpekus. The hewart of man is very wicked.
That man don't wanna marry her. She should hv let d r/ship flow well abd in some months will deduct where they r going and made her exit if it is not what she had desired.

I've seen gals wearing engagement ring for yrs. What for. It will even restrict ur searching for mr right.
I won't even wear the damn thing more than three weeks and free myself abegi.

So pls forget the ring and intro thing.
When dating, d signs r mostly there for us to see but we mostly close our eyes to them.

Lady, pls move on.
Man that is even telling friends u wanna leave is not a good candidate to me. What manner of man is that

I see. You make sense. I just was not assuming that they were having sexx. I also don't want to take for granted the fact that I'm not in the situation myself.

Ihedinobi:
I see. You make sense. I just was not assuming that they were having sexx. I also don't want to take for granted the fact that I'm not in the situation myself.

Bro, r u from another planet?
Most do.
Ur type r rare.
I will marry u is a very common statement made by guys to ladies they feel is up to a marriageable age just to continually get access to down below.
Fear guys o!
I get u sha.

Ujujoan:

That's my fear for her oh . . . The man is not a serious minded person.

So he has mouth to be talking about how many kids he wants to have and yet doesn't think he should put a ring on his lady. Ye . . . Ye!

You are right, giving him and ultimatum was a bad move. She should just go ahead and dump him!

Nne anyi na akwado na ike na ike oh. Kee maka ndi be gi? Un aga nata uno christmas?

Uju, no leave no transfer.
Di m bu onye onicha and be anyi di nso na upper iweka. Noise di too much so ha adi aga ulo oge ekeresimesi. Ugbu a ulo m juru eju. Ha no na ulo mu ugbu a.

Unu ga nke oma, nwanne.

Thanks all for this great advice, I have heard all you said, financial challenge won't stop him from taking me to his village if he travels, so if he travels without me this Xmas then come January I will call it quits, BUT if he didn't travel I will give him till Easter then call it quits if I didn't see any action from him.

you are 29. Ask him to marry you straight forward and discuss the prospects.

He'll chicken out if he does not want it..and you can be free to find someone else or let someone else find you.

RoyalRoy:
Why are you forcing him to propose to you?

If you are threatening him to leave if he doesn't take you "wherever" during Xmas he just might be reluctant to propose to u the more.

I for one don't like to be arm twisted into doing anything I don't wanna do.
If I was him I will call your bluff.

A man who is financially down will never think of marriage till he is back in charge.

Think of better and more matured way of hinting him rather than this blatant and desperate ultimatum you giving him.
I won't marry a woman who threatened to leave me if I didn't commit to her. She can sure use the exit button.

This post is exactly Four Years Old today...... Lol.

RoyalRoy:

This post is exactly Four Years Old today...... Lol.

They should be enjoying their happily ever after by now.