I am a young wife and a mother of two,right from time I find it quite difficult to fit in to crowd,dnt get my wrong,I am not an introvert,am just not vast enough with current affairs,so I listen more when issues come up rather than talk,and in my home I have brothers' in-law who are far my elder by age n class,so I mostly respect myself when they are around,talk a little,and try to be good natured,
Just this morning,I had an argument with my hubby about how he tends to make me feel sad whenever his brothers are around,sincerely he has a way of trying to pass a message that he is d head of the home and whatever he says stands,if I am the nagging wife I would have understood that line of him,but now am not a nagging or difficult wife,after the argument this morning,he ended up telling me my problem is inferiority complex,I have not felt this hurt for a long time,
Please friends,how do I improve myself,and feel free to speak when his people are around,
I am a graduate though incase u are wondering

waz like dat 2 but my only advice for you is 2knw little abt everything,..wen topics comes up u could contribute..

there's nothing or little you can do. inferiority is inborn something. its the spirit and character inside a person. everybody is not the same. there is very little you can do trust me. no matter are you try to the spirit inside is still strongly with you. except you learn to live a life like you don't care what people think about you. and try to be confident and you really don't interested what others feel before you know you mastered it. but it still don't change the person inside you

Aww. Mayb he just said dat 2 hurt u cz he was angry. Do u feel inferior? Do u tink others are beter than u?inwat way anyways....or do u feel ur husband did u a favour by marrying u. Bt if ur ansa is NO to al dis qstn then I dnt tink u feel inferior,mayb u r just uptight.....wen u wit ur frnds nd family memebers u tink of every litl word b4 u say it,u dnt dnt want 2 annoy anyone,so u tink nd tink b4 u even say hello. Anyways just flow,dnt tink of notin,jst flow nd laff nd talk. I dnt tink anyone feels u are inferior tho. D inferiority thing shldnt get 2 u

The link below contains a PDF document of sermon delivered by Martin Luther King, Jnr on overcoming inferiority complex. It is full of practical and real life solutions. Find time to read the article and it will help you a lot.

http://mlk-kpp01.stanford.edu/primarydocuments/Vol6/14July1957OvercominganInferiorityComplex.pdf

Shalom

Obviously, you can't fit in as a WOMAN! It is obvious you are dealing with MALE chauvinists. You can never fit in such a primitive clan of BROTHERS who feel women should be seen and not heard! I bet you have fulfilled your JOB as a woman, aka "open your nyansh, PHOCk and BORN! You did not have any recognition prior to getting married, why should you expect that now?

With all due respect, YOU SOUND LIKE AN MGBEKE who married an OKONGWU all to ESCAPE POVERTY!!! You guys do not sound a tad 'exposed' at all!

It is obvious you feel like someone did you a HUGE favor by getting married to you!
You don't sound like you were happy as a SINGLE INDIVIDUAL!!!!

If you were smart, you would find your own friends and limit your associations with such PRIMITIVE ENTITIES BY AVOIDING THEM!!!!!
Please, work on your self-esteem! To earn respect, YOU NEED TO RESPECT YOURSELF FIRST!!!!

The last place you will find me is in the company of MY HUSBAND'S family OR FRIENDS! I avoid them!

You have opted to live like a prisoner in you OWN home!
Good luck GOVERNESS CLARA SSSSHIME!!!! Please EMANCIPATE YAASELF FROM MENTAL SLAVERY!!!!!

Joel.:
there's nothing or little you can do. inferiority is inborn something. its the spirit and character inside a person. everybody is not the same. there is very little you can do trust me. no matter are you try to the spirit inside is still strongly with you. except you learn to live a life like you don't care what people think about you. and try to be confident and you really don't interested what others feel before you know you mastered it. but it still don't change the person inside you

You might have a point there.

Kanwulia: Obviously, you can't fit in as a WOMAN! It is obvious you are dealing with MALE chauvinists. You can never fit in such a primitive clan of BROTHERS who feel women should be seen and not heard! I bet you have fulfilled your JOB as a woman, aka "open your nyansh, PHOCk and BORN! You did not have any recognition prior to getting married, why should you expect that now?
It is obvious you feel like someone did you a HUGE favor by getting married to you!
You don't sound like you were happy as a SINGLE INDIVIDUAL!!!!

If you were smart, you would find your own friends and limit your associations with such PRIMITIVE BY AVOIDING THEM!!!!!
Please, work on your self-esteem! To earn respect, YOU NEED TO RESPECT YOURSELF FIRST!!!!

The last place you will find me is in the company of MY HUSBAND'S family OR FRIENDS! I avoid them!

No other better to help a hurting wife against "MALE chauvinists" than a FEMALE chauvinist like you.
Read the OP's post well again. The issue is not that the men are shutting her up,it is that she is not able to contribute...

Kanwulia: Obviously, you can't fit in as a WOMAN! It is obvious you are dealing with MALE chauvinists. You can never fit in such a primitive clan of BROTHERS who feel women should be seen and not heard! I bet you have fulfilled your JOB as a woman, aka "open your nyansh, PHOCk and BORN! You did not have any recognition prior to getting married, why should you expect that now?
It is obvious you feel like someone did you a HUGE favor by getting married to you!
You don't sound like you were happy as a SINGLE INDIVIDUAL!!!!

If you were smart, you would find your own friends and limit your associations with such PRIMITIVE BY AVOIDING THEM!!!!!
Please, work on your self-esteem! To earn respect, YOU NEED TO RESPECT YOURSELF FIRST!!!!

The last place you will find me is in the company of MY HUSBAND'S family OR FRIENDS! I avoid them!

Your personality is really something...you greet them......right!!!!! I mean when they visit ...then boom you're gone from the vicinity.....is that it. Cos I am kinda in ops shoes now...I'd rather spend my time on internet and books than listening to people 20 years my senior. Op, you're only hurt cos your husband said it but you're feeling it already. Dust yourself up please. When you're with your friends, do you feel like that too?

Joel.:
there's nothing or little you can do. inferiority is inborn something. its the spirit and character inside a person. everybody is not the same. there is very little you can do trust me. no matter are you try to the spirit inside is still strongly with you. except you learn to live a life like you don't care what people think about you. and try to be confident and you really don't interested what others feel before you know you mastered it. but it still don't change the person inside you

You are quite right but it isnt true that there is little or nothing that can be done about it.

@ OP there is nothing you can do about it, but there is something your creator can do about it. I dont believe He created you with an inferiority complex. Work on your personal relationship with Him 'cos you cant spend quality time with Him consistently and still have this complex in you. It isnt possible.

Mrs Awesome: Your personality is really something...you greet them......right!!!!! I mean when they visit ...then boom you're gone from the vicinity.....is that it. Cos I am kinda in ops shoes now...I'd rather spend my time on internet and books than listening to people 20 years my senior. Op, you're only hurt cos your husband said it but you're feeling it already. Dust yourself up please. When you're with your friends, do you feel like that too?

No,I don't feel inferior been with my friends,just around my brothers inlaw,sincerely I prefere clinging to nairaland whenever they are around

swtcharissa:

No,I don't feel inferior been with my friends,just around my brothers inlaw,sincerely I prefere clinging to nairaland whenever they are around

Most certainly you don't have inferiority complex...you just don't have anything in common with them. Not your fault..for crying out loud. Dont let them even your hubby get to you, do the needful and chill with nairaland abeg...it's more lively than talking about the type of cars, buildings they are playing to purchase and babes. Tell them about Beyonce and Kim Kardashian and the rest ...and they will also feel inferior too. Come on girl, sometimes things goes both ways.

Many a time the inferiority complex intensifies from the surroundings. Your friends, family members, relations and and so on.
Check your friends. When you're in groups,if they usually find a scape goat and start making fun which demoralises, that's where the inferiority complex creeps in. Same goes with the family members and your BILs too.

Change your friends circle who talk positively and give constructive criticism that's good for progress.

When it comes to relations, see if you could change the topic and bring in some positive thoughts that motivates everyone. If not move away from that place when such conversations take place.

Remember all these people who make fun of you, criticise and who contribute to this inferiority complex are worth nothing.
They're not going to help you when you're in trouble. They are only trouble makers. So please check your friends and surroundings and change for good.
As for your husband, communicate with him humbly and extensively by letting him know how displeased you are when he talks to you in such manner, especially when other parties are there.
May God help you.

op this is for you
NO ONE SHOULD MAKE YOU FEEL INFERIOR WITHOUT YOUR PERMISSION start by building up your confidence,and stop feeling inferior yourself,you will see no one can get to dash your self esteem

Mrs Awesome: Your personality is really something...you greet them......right!!!!! I mean when they visit ...then boom you're gone from the vicinity.....is that it. Cos I am kinda in ops shoes now...I'd rather spend my time on internet and books than listening to people 20 years my senior. Op, you're only hurt cos your husband said it but you're feeling it already. Dust yourself up please. When you're with your friends, do you feel like that too?

After greeting them I disappear or I will SHOW MY TRUE COLOR AS AN EDO-DELTA AMAZON! I will not be proud of myself after EMASCULATING AND MENTALLY-CASTRATING them all WITH HUMILIATING PUBLIC DISGRACE!!!!!. . . Including my darling husband!!!!
I will NEVER put up with emotional or physical abuse from ANYONE. . . . Dead or alive. . . . .Human or spirit!!!!
Especially IN MY OWN HOME!!!
Dem nefa BORN THAT MAN OR WOMAN O!
I dey LAUGH!!!

Mu Che Che Che Che che

@OP, knowledge is power and with power comes loads of self-confidence in one's ability and increased self-esteem.

Read books, journals, newspaper articles and many more to feed your quest for knowledge. With time, you'll improve and will be able to make meaningful contributions - to topics that interest you.

In the meantime, learn to love yourself.

Kanwulia: Obviously, you can't fit in as a WOMAN! It is obvious you are dealing with MALE chauvinists. You can never fit in such a primitive clan of BROTHERS who feel women should be seen and not heard! I bet you have fulfilled your JOB as a woman, aka "open your nyansh, PHOCk and BORN! You did not have any recognition prior to getting married, why should you expect that now?

With all due respect, YOU SOUND LIKE AN MGBEKE who married an OKONGWU all to ESCAPE POVERTY!!! You guys do not sound a tad 'exposed' at all!

It is obvious you feel like someone did you a HUGE favor by getting married to you!
You don't sound like you were happy as a SINGLE INDIVIDUAL!!!!

If you were smart, you would find your own friends and limit your associations with such PRIMITIVE BY AVOIDING THEM!!!!!
Please, work on your self-esteem! To earn respect, YOU NEED TO RESPECT YOURSELF FIRST!!!!

The last place you will find me is in the company of MY HUSBAND'S family OR FRIENDS! I avoid them!

You have opted to live like a prisoner in you OWN home!
Good luck GOVERNESS CLARA SSSSHIME!!!! Please EMANCIPATE YAASELF FROM MENTAL SLAVERY!!!!!

Seriously, you sound very somehow. Are you naturally a sadist? If you have nothing to contribute, why don't you keep quiet. It is people like you who are the reasons why people cannot get reprieve online.

anukulapo:
No other better to help a hurting wife against "MALE chauvinists" than a FEMALE chauvinist like you.
Read the OP's post well again. The issue is not that the men are shutting her up,it is that she is not able to contribute...

I'd rather be a FEMALE CHAUVANIST! I can't STAND weak women who decide to get married only to BREEEEED MORE 'DISH-RAGS" with RECYCLED, DOUCHE-BAGS like YOU!
Please, address your class of BUSHMEATS!
Thanks!

He told you such, you opened a thread about it saying how do you stop feeling inferior. That either means you never developed a sense of self and believe anything you are told about yourself or what he said is true. I want to ask if you know yourself? Have you ever had the chance to know who you are without apologies to anyone else? Think about it. When you know yourself and are sure of yourself, trust me you will be more comfortable with your silence in such situations. Because if such discussions don't impress or concern you, you will know and your husband will know and understand your silence

Teespice:

Seriously, you sound very somehow. Are you naturally a sadist? If you have nothing to contribute, why don't you keep quiet. It is people like you who are the reasons why people cannot get reprieve online.

Game ova!

11:45AM.

*time to check out of my hotel room. . . . after an EXCITING ROMANTIC WEEKEND WITH MY DARLING HUSBAND*

logging off. . . .ALL THREADS UNFOLLOWED AND ERASED FROM MY PROFILE PAGE*

@OP, learn to love yourself 200%
Find out who you are.
Get a life,independent of your husband and his folks and live it to the fullest.
No one should get away with dis-respecting you especially in your own home even if you are the dumbest woman in the block. If your husband can't stop them,stand up for yourself- you can only do this if you love yourself,know that you are priceless and a princess.

Kanwulia: Obviously, you can't fit in as a WOMAN! It is obvious you are dealing with MALE chauvinists. You can never fit in such a primitive clan of BROTHERS who feel women should be seen and not heard! I bet you have fulfilled your JOB as a woman, aka "open your nyansh, PHOCk and BORN! You did not have any recognition prior to getting married, why should you expect that now?

With all due respect, YOU SOUND LIKE AN MGBEKE who married an OKONGWU all to ESCAPE POVERTY!!! You guys do not sound a tad 'exposed' at all!

It is obvious you feel like someone did you a HUGE favor by getting married to you!
You don't sound like you were happy as a SINGLE INDIVIDUAL!!!!

If you were smart, you would find your own friends and limit your associations with such PRIMITIVE ENTITIES BY AVOIDING THEM!!!!!
Please, work on your self-esteem! To earn respect, YOU NEED TO RESPECT YOURSELF FIRST!!!!

The last place you will find me is in the company of MY HUSBAND'S family OR FRIENDS! I avoid them!

You have opted to live like a prisoner in you OWN home!
Good luck GOVERNESS CLARA SSSSHIME!!!! Please EMANCIPATE YAASELF FROM MENTAL SLAVERY!!!!!

I actually laffed out loud

My dear, read! read! read!!!! widen your horizon by reading, what topics do they really like to talk about? Dig into it, look for answers and interesting questions that you know the answers to and throw it at them. Listen to news (I am not a news person, because it is so depressing).

Read books, inspirational, motivational, current affairs, read blogs. Know what is going on around you. I started reading not too long and it is now my newest found love.

Not only will you be knowledge to be able to hold a very good conversation, you will learn a lot from them to better your own life. So many secrets to life are hidden in books.

Is it just me overthinking this?

Some people ( whoever they may be) come into your own home to oppress you with some rubbish ish you're clueless about and now you're being advised/ told by fellow NLrs to start reading novels , self help books & Time magazines to meet their standard? how bout you ? Do you matter here. Or they copay your rent/mortgage

Talk about mashing one's self esteem further - adding salt to injury.

OP Nobody should oppress you in your own home regardless of your IQ, it's rude and not acceptable. Get some nerves and put a stop to it. Ijo taba ribi loma wole.

As for your man,put his own punishment in the warmer/cooler till bedtime when he's all jerked up , delay the action wella with talks and express your worries bout his behaviour to you in presence of his people and see what he'll say. Silly boy feeling funky ( sorry OP, it was meant as a joke)

swtcharissa: I am a young wife and a mother of two,right from time I find it quite difficult to fit in to crowd,dnt get my wrong,I am not an introvert,am just not vast enough with current affairs,so I listen more when issues come up rather than talk,and in my home I have brothers' in-law who are far my elder by age n class,so I mostly respect myself when they are around,talk a little,and try to be good natured,
Just this morning,I had an argument with my hubby about how he tends to make me feel sad whenever his brothers are around,sincerely he has a way of trying to pass a message that he is d head of the home and whatever he says stands,if I am the nagging wife I would have understood that line of him,but now am not a nagging or difficult wife,after the argument this morning,he ended up telling me my problem is inferiority complex,I have not felt this hurt for a long time,
Please friends,how do I improve myself,and feel free to speak when his people are around,
I am a graduate though incase u are wondering

The only advice to you is to be a voracious reader, if you have a blackberry, you can read a lot on the go. That helped me. And that will help you too.

PocketEconomist: The only advice to you is to be a voracious reader, if you have a blackberry, you can read a lot on the go. That helped me. And that will help you too.

Is this really a solution

She should read,only if she feels like or want to not forced(indirectly or otherwise) to read just so she can impress her in-laws or anyone. Omo,no one should make you feel incompetent or inferior in your own house. Its just sad because the husband is not on her side else those brothers would be shown the other side of the door.

All the best OP.

greatgod2012: Many a time the inferiority complex intensifies from the surroundings. Your friends, family members, relations and and so on.
Check your friends. When you're in groups,if they usually find a scape goat and start making fun which demoralises, that's where the inferiority complex creeps in. Same goes with the family members and your BILs too.

Change your friends circle who talk positively and give constructive criticism that's good for progress.

When it comes to relations, see if you could change the topic and bring in some positive thoughts that motivates everyone. If not move away from that place when such conversations take place.

Remember all these people who make fun of you, criticise and who contribute to this inferiority complex are worth nothing.
They're not going to help you when you're in trouble. They are only trouble makers. So please check your friends and surroundings and change for good.
As for your husband, communicate with him humbly and extensively by letting him know how displeased you are when he talks to you in such manner, especially when other parties are there.
May God help you.

Very good advice, I am helping my wife to overcome this inferiority complex because I believe so much in her wellbeing. I've made her part ways with my best friend's wife who knows nothing other than to gossip and joke about other people's life. This decision is affecting my normal relationship with my friend but I don't care, his wife is just a useless nonentity and an opportunist because without him she is hopeless. Sometimes I'm inclined to believe that she even jazzed him because she didn't complement him at all in any manner. Ironically, it is this same woman that talk down on others, curse them and say all sort of negative stuffs about people.
As soon as I noticed that she's getting hold of my wife and dragging her to her level I banned my wife from speaking to her without my consent. Today, my wife is very grateful that I stepped in on time, so OP, be careful with the kind of friends you keep.

@Op you are wonderfully and perfectly made. God made you perfect for yourself so dont think you lack anything.
Lemme tell you, there are many people with the same make up as you and they dont feel inferior. If your inlaws and husband feel they know more current affairs than you do, do they know more biology and human anatomy or children psychology than you?
Do they know more financial management than you? Do they know more home and kitchen management than you?
Whenever they are having an argument please stay away. Just mind your own business so that your big mouthed egoist of a husband wont have the opportunity to call you names or insult you.

God bless

Ewuro707: Is it just me overthinking this?

Some people ( whoever they may be) come into your own home to oppress you with some rubbish ish you're clueless about and now you're being advised/ told by fellow NLrs to start reading novels , self help books & Time magazines to meet their standard? how bout you ? Do you matter here. Or they copay your rent/mortgage

Talk about mashing one's self esteem further - adding salt to injury.

OP Nobody should oppress you in your own home regardless of your IQ, it's rude and not acceptable. Get some nerves and put a stop to it. Ijo taba ribi loma wole.

As for your man,put his own punishment in the warmer/cooler till bedtime when he's all jerked up , delay the action wella with talks and express your worries bout his behaviour to you in presence of his people and see what he'll say. Silly boy feeling funky ( sorry OP, it was meant as a joke)

ifyalways: Is this really a solution

She should read,only if she feels like or want to not forced(indirectly or otherwise) to read just so she can impress her in-laws or anyone. Omo,no one should make you feel incompetent or inferior in your own house. Its just sad because the husband is not on her side else those brothers would be shown the other side of the door.

All the best OP.

baby_123: He told you such, you opened a thread about it saying how do you stop feeling inferior. That either means you never developed a sense of self and believe anything you are told about yourself or what he said is true. I want to ask if you know yourself? Have you ever had the chance to know who you are without apologies to anyone else? Think about it. When you know yourself and are sure of yourself, trust me you will be more comfortable with your silence in such situations. Because if such discussions don't impress or concern you, you will know and your husband will know and understand your silence

OP go read tire.

funnyx:

Very good advice, I am helping my wife to overcome this inferiority complex because I believe so much in her wellbeing. I've made her part ways with my best friend's wife who knows nothing other than to gossip and joke about other people's life. This decision is affecting my normal relationship with my friend but I don't care, his wife is just a useless nonentity and an opportunist because without him she is hopeless. Sometimes I'm inclined to believe that she even jazzed him because she didn't complement him at all in any manner. Ironically, it is this same woman that talk down on others, curse them and say all sort of negative stuffs about people.
As soon as I noticed that she's getting hold of my wife and dragging her to her level I banned my wife from speaking to her without my consent. Today, my wife is very grateful that I stepped in on time, so OP, be careful with the kind of friends you keep.

Otio! See another one.

Clicks back button

Kanwulia:

I'd rather be a FEMALE CHAUVANIST! I can't STAND weak women who decide to get married only to BREEEEED MORE 'DISH-RAGS" with RECYCLED, DOUCHE-BAGS like YOU!
Please, address your class of BUSHMEATS!
Thanks!

I understand your condition. Don't worry,help is on the way and I'll keep praying for you.