Have come to realise that good,respectful ladies change in character after childbirth,becoming selfish and not wanting to see the same inlaws who gave their blessing and approval for her marriage to their son? It like hidding a devil within? Is this okay or someone has a better explanation? The 3rd incidence just happen recently in my family.

kado: Have come to realise that good,respectful ladies change in character after childbirth,becoming selfish and not wanting to see the same inlaws who gave their blessing and approval for her marriage to their son? It like hidding a devil within? Is this okay or someone has a better explanation? The 3rd incidence just happen recently in my family.

talk about your family and be specific. Not all ladies do that.
Thank you.

My family is the perfect family that love and respect everyone. My mum is a northern and dad is a south-south part of nigeria. We were brought in the south west. Am not condeming anyone but a trend i see around that is making marriage scaring to me

This mostly happens when in laws ll not let the married couple enjoy the marriage. If in laws are busy with their own lives they ll barely have enough contact with the lady that ll prompt them to criticize her the way you are doing.Thank God for my in laws jare,nobody get your time.

Inlaws should stay in their homes and stop disturbing and distracting their Son's Matrimonial Home !!

Hmmmmmmm

Lerin: What do u say in a situation where a MIL refuse to accept her grand daughter simply because I refuse my daughter to be circumcised after enlightening her,saying am in control of her son and my home and my hubby younger brothers feel I should always be a slave to them. Don't always blame the woman,there are some in laws that have vowed there will be no peace in ur home,they still want to be in control,my BIL always have this saying "THIS IS MY BROTHERS HOUSE,YOU ARE THE STRANGER AMONG US". My dear,I can go on and on but I always tell myself IT IS WELL

God have mercy!! Did you say circumcise? A female? People are seeing things in this country o! You are within your rights to stand your ground my dear. If you don't mind me asking, what part of the country are they from?

The best yet to come

Lerin: From the west-Ekiti state,infact it really brought serious problem in my marriage,when I gave birth to my second child-a boy,my MIL refuse to go with me for his circumcision refering to my daughter's case,infact she refuse to take care of me or the baby,her daughter staying with me got admission as I gave birth,immediately she left for school,my MIL told me I should prepare myself to do the cooking as she does not know how to make pap and other foods for me to eat,this was barely a wk after I put to bed,I used to sleep 1am-2am where am tydying up the house and wake up 6am so I can get breakfast ready on time for her to eat,the day I was so weak to cook,there was bread in d house,my MIL left d house after bathing d baby in d morning to their village pple house around my area,came back 9pm,told me if I have settled myself cos she has eaten b4 coming back,hubby was not around,when he came back I revoked and out of annoyance told him if his mother want me dead,my dear this caused serious war.that was Jan.2011,after that I apologised,called my family members,pastors and church members to beg. Went to d village in March 2013,stayed in her house,ate her food,it is just of recent that I know she still harbours anger in her,told her younger brother that she is covinced I use charm for her son,that after insulting her,he still keeps me in d house. The truth is that I found out she and her siblings her in control of their children's marriage and since I refused that in my own home I became the bad wife,and she has warned her son not to marry an abeokuta woman.I told myself my marriage has come to stay.

e le yi gidi gan!!!

Lerin: From the west-Ekiti state

Pele. Good for you for standing your ground though. Wish you all the best.

Lerin: What do u say in a situation where a MIL refuse to accept her grand daughter simply because I refuse my daughter to be circumcised after enlightening her,saying am in control of her son and my home and my hubby younger brothers feel I should always be a slave to them. Don't always blame the woman,there are some in laws that have vowed there will be no peace in ur home,they still want to be in control,my BIL always have this saying "THIS IS MY BROTHERS HOUSE,YOU ARE THE STRANGER AMONG US". My dear,I can go on and on but I always tell myself IT IS WELL

Whatever you do please so not ever leave that child with your in laws. This happened here in the US. They were south Africans I think. The mother in law circumcised the grand child against both the wishes of her daughter in law and her own son. Please protect that child at all cost

Lerin: From the west-Ekiti state,infact it really brought serious problem in my marriage,when I gave birth to my second child-a boy,my MIL refuse to go with me for his circumcision refering to my daughter's case,infact she refuse to take care of me or the baby,her daughter staying with me got admission as I gave birth,immediately she left for school,my MIL told me I should prepare myself to do the cooking as she does not know how to make pap and other foods for me to eat,this was barely a wk after I put to bed,I used to sleep 1am-2am where am tydying up the house and wake up 6am so I can get breakfast ready on time for her to eat,the day I was so weak to cook,there was bread in d house,my MIL left d house after bathing d baby in d morning to their village pple house around my area,came back 9pm,told me if I have settled myself cos she has eaten b4 coming back,hubby was not around,when he came back I revoked and out of annoyance told him if his mother want me dead,my dear this caused serious war.that was Jan.2011,after that I apologised,called my family members,pastors and church members to beg. Went to d village in March 2013,stayed in her house,ate her food,it is just of recent that I know she still harbours anger in her,told her younger brother that she is covinced I use charm for her son,that after insulting her,he still keeps me in d house. The truth is that I found out she and her siblings her in control of their children's marriage and since I refused that in my own home I became the bad wife,and she has warned her son not to marry an abeokuta woman.I told myself my marriage has come to stay.

Absolutely. Be cordial to all but stand your ground. This is why people look older than 50 when they are only in their 30's in Nigeria. You are forced to worry and stress over issues that you should not bother about.

Lerin, sorry dear.
What can I say.
Its u pple that condone the stwpid idea of MIL coming to stay with u when u must hv put to bed what a useless cultural practice if I may say.
What happened to ur mum, friends,sisters and just anybody that will help u from ur own side. Had it been ur pple, u wouldn't hv been all true this.
At times I still believe what some pple say that wives r glorified slaves in some places.
I'm just very angry.
As long as u don't disrespect her, maintain ur ground. She will eventually get d message.
What nansense!

People should learn not to expect much,your mother in law is not your babysitter, if there is no one to make food and you can't make it yourself,your hubby should buy take out.Its not her duty to make sure you are fed,its yours and your husband's.

So because they gave their blessings, they will choke me in my marriage abi
Ppl should respect themselves, learn to stay out when uninvited. Let the new marriage flourish.

I got nothing against inlaws, they should know that there is something called boundaries and should respect that.

Lerin: What do u say in a situation where a MIL refuse to accept her grand daughter simply because I refuse my daughter to be circumcised

Lerin: infact it
really brought serious problem in my marriage,when I gave birth to my second child-a boy,my MIL refuse to go with me for his circumcision refering to my daughter's case

Pure bunkum!

Whatever happened to the gender equality some herbs keep harping about?

This is criminal discrimination!

Byvan, if u r in my house the very time I put to bed, it is xpected u help me out or why r u there in d first place. To watch and monitor me?
If I don't hv anybody with me, I will know I'm alone.
U need to c these pple.
My friend said she will bath baby, cook, do everything. The only thing mil does is to carry baby. If baby poopoo she will call u to come and change d nappie.
What kind of rubbish is that?
Glorified slavery.
This one dey try sef.

The bigger problem is even that the MIL expected this poor new mother to wake up at 6am every morning to prepare her breakfast for her and the day she didn't, she went out all day to go outside to eat in annoyance. Yeah, if you're not going to help, at least don't be a burden.

yellowpawpaw: Byvan, if u r in my house the very time I put to bed, it is xpected u help me out or why r u there in d first place. To watch and monitor me?
If I don't hv anybody with me, I will know I'm alone.
U need to c these pple.
My friend said she will bath baby, cook, do everything. The only thing mil does is to carry baby. If baby poopoo she will call u to come and change d nappie.
What kind of rubbish is that?
Glorified slavery.
This one dey try sef.

It's her baby, it's not slavery.

Why is this food issue always causing problems in marriages? What is hard in buying takeouts?

Yellowpawpaw,anyone that can't handle her baby alone, is not yet fit to be a mum, a mother in law must not help if she doesn't want to.The part I have a problem with is expecting me to wake and serve you after the usual night vigil associated with a new baby.My mother in-law ll always complain that I make her feel useless around the house . I prefer doing things myself,my way,i can't blame my MIL if am having a hard time coordinating my home front.


In the exception of a woman with ailing health,your baby,your cross.If you are too tired to cook,then take beverages and hold your tummy,better still,ask for take out.

In yorubaland, the MIL is expected to come and take kia of the DIL when she gives birth. But a lot of MILs don't want to do that and they expect the DiL to pamper them?

How would u expect a woman who just gave birth to cook for u? When she should be resting and regaining her strenght? And u think her creator will pray and bless that mother in law?

The part of expecting the DIL to cook for you is really rubbish.The new mother should be looking out for herself and her baby,not worrying about MIL's feeding arrangement.

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[quote author=byvan]People should learn not to expect much,your mother in law is not your babysitter, if there is no one to make food and you can't make it yourself,your hubby should buy take out.Its not her duty to make sure you are fed,its yours and your hus true talk

Lerin I have learnt not to expect much from anyone,if the help comes,fine!if it doesn't,i won't have to feel the hurt of disappointment .In an ideal world, she is supposed to care but since she didn't, let it be.

When I read stories of wicked MIL, I just thank God for the one He has blessed me with. I still think it's better for a woman to have her mother around than her MIL cos you tend to be so free with your mother. You can always tell your mother to do something for you unlike your MIL where you'll have to think twice before telling her to help you cos you don't know if she might take offence to that.
@derin, pls when next you put to bed, tell ur mum to come for the omugor. You'll feel so happy and relaxed that when it's even time for your mum to go back, you'll not want her to go.

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Wickedness Chai!

kado:
Have come to realise that good,respectful ladies change in character after childbirth,becoming selfish and not wanting to see the same inlaws who gave their blessing and approval for her marriage to their son? It like hidding a devil within? Is this okay or someone has a better explanation? The 3rd incidence just happen recently in my family.

I know this is long however if there are no specifics, then your OP has no basis.

Actually I think you're perspective is wrong. It's usually the in-laws faults. It's very rare that u see a lady who's crazy enough to look for trouble with her inlaws.