Women! I Think We Should Do This. - Family - Nairaland
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My Marriage Is Crashing, I Think I Hate Him...Help / To Women: I Beg You / Married Women I Need Ur Advice (2) (3) (4)
| Women! I Think We Should Do This. by Toyinletstalk(f): 9:30am On Dec 16, 2013 |
So the post in regards to the man who dragged his wife out on the highway and started beating her, got me thinking. All we should do is proffer solutions as much as possible to marriages and relationships at large. Let those women who have been married for 2 to about 40 years give advices to all. So please let us teach one another. Tell us what has worked or is still working for you. Women are usually at the receiving end, i know of a very close friend whose husband just left leaving his 2 kids without looking back all because his wife nagged. And i was so hurt because everyone begged that man, but he had made up his mind completely and even sent a divorce letter to his wife not long. Now the woman advices anyone that nags. If she had known better, it wouldn't have resulted to a very nasty ending. 2014 is around the corner and we need to start off the year strong and end it even stronger with peace and blessings. Someone asked on that post, if violence in marriages can ever end? And i believe it can,what we all need is the right mentality and understanding. For me, what has worked and still working is" patience". Before i got married, what the whole world was telling me was, to be patient. After i got married, i felt as if, "common now, this patient thing will not work for me ooo..lol" and trust that i used to be very tough and stubborn. But you know, God started breaking me down and i learnt that patience by all means. I have also learnt that, your spouse is your mirror, in fact everyone you come across could be your mirror, whatever you think you can't take, look at it carefully and ask what lessons am i supposed to learn from this? Every problem in life has a lesson to be learnt. And the most lesson, is how you can really build yourself more spiritually. Another thing i learnt to do away with is, ego. Oh my!!!! i used to live and swim in ego, most times we think the ego protects us, oh no it doesn't. What it does is complicate matters even more. There is no way you will allow your ego to rule you and you will have a very clear and true answers or solutions. The ego is always that first voice, it is quick to speak and does not think that is why, majority of the times we regret our actions and wished we never did what we did. I started listening more to my inner-mind, my intuition. And doing that, is really helping me, once i have a decision to make or something to say, i wait for it, it will always tell me the "right" thing to say and do. So please, say what is working for you, it will help those who are about getting married and those who are already in it. It will help me more too. God bless. 1 Like |
| Re: Women! I Think We Should Do This. by Nobody: 9:39am On Dec 16, 2013 |
Nice tips OP.... Not married, so can't contribute  |
| Re: Women! I Think We Should Do This. by H0lYSm00shTM: 9:43am On Dec 16, 2013 |
Thanks for sharing. My Mum also nag alot but "Patience and endless Perceiverance" is a very powerful tool. And I've learnt to apply not only when the time comes but at every stage of life. What pains me is how come most people just hear this kind of message and yet still refuse it's blessing. |
| Re: Women! I Think We Should Do This. by Toyinletstalk(f): 9:50am On Dec 16, 2013 |
◐H0lY★Sm00sh™◑: My dear, if i was my former self, i would resist too. But life is all about growing and growing better in all ways. When the level of understanding increases, there is bound to be a change. I am teaching my own mother who is very sensitive to everything, to control herself and anger. And we are seeing changes. Tell your mum politely, she will resist at first but trust that she will listen to you even if she does not admit that she is listening. 1 Like |
| Re: Women! I Think We Should Do This. by greatestluv4all: 9:55am On Dec 16, 2013 |
will think about it. |
| Re: Women! I Think We Should Do This. by Nobody: 4:45pm On Dec 16, 2013 |
Try not to yell while your husband is already doing so,silence can be a very effective tool.i don't speak when am really angry,i rather send a BBM where I can re read before sending.Many marriages have been ruined due to a moment of anger,anger ll make you say things you wish you hadn't,words once spoken can never be taken back. 1 Like |
| Re: Women! I Think We Should Do This. by Mrsmansson(f): 7:49pm On Dec 16, 2013 |
byvan: Try not to yell while your husband is already doing so,silence can be a very effective too.i don't speak when am really angry,i rather send a BBM where I can re read before sending.Many marriages have been ruined due to a moment of anger,anger ll make you say things you wish you hadn't,words once spoken can never be taken back.So true |
| Re: Women! I Think We Should Do This. by Toyinletstalk(f): 9:00pm On Dec 16, 2013 |
Thank you @ Byvan, that is very important. In a moment of anger, take very deep breathes (breathe in and out for as long as you wish) it helps you feel a lot better, imagine breathing in peace and breathing out the anger and confusion, it works so much for me. |
| Re: Women! I Think We Should Do This. by Toyinletstalk(f): 11:20pm On Dec 17, 2013 |
Where are the women, mothers and wives? I guess it is because of the season.....  Feel free to tell us what works oooo when you are done shopping. |
| Re: Women! I Think We Should Do This. by Nobody: 11:37pm On Dec 17, 2013 |
Things we should do. Spa. Start one now, lock your self in bath for I hr and let the kids wrestle with their father, after take a trip to groceries and don't forget to branch at those elegant hills and tights shops. It's called bonding and moment . Sunday lunch with you and hubby in an exclusive restaurant, send the kids to grand ma or get a nanny. Saturday night, order some pizza, while kids are sleeping. stay in front of tv watching walking dead, game of throne or any correct tv show. More to come. Above all, make some money, most times na money dey cos all this beatings and yellings |
| Re: Women! I Think We Should Do This. by Toyinletstalk(f): 11:41pm On Dec 17, 2013 |
 ^^^^ @ Chillisauce. Thanks, you know, i need that "run away time" myself. I was telling my husband, i needed time alone for me, just me, it helps with one's sanity and the moment we take to relax and just rest from noise, also reduces stress. I realized being too stressed can cause anger. |
| Re: Women! I Think We Should Do This. by Nobody: 12:54am On Dec 18, 2013 |
Chillisauce: Things we should do. I can't laugh Abeg chilli Lock yourself in the bathroom bawo,wetin happen I agree with me time and movie night concept.I agree without your last point, every other plan are pointless and daydreaming . @OP , chilli kinda already summarized my forethought input , taking care of oneself ( take up a hobby and follow through with it, it helps and also therapeutic especially when you have to work long hours during the week) and alone time with him on day offs.( and kids too but seems OP is focused on couples only) My other take: Pray together as a family, it knits family firmly and make God your foundation , it's never too late even if it wasn't the case for your relationship, except God lays the foundation, all bricklayers are just doing it in vein. Eat together as a family if doable, try, train your kids to wait till daddy/ mummy comes back from work... Be back for more |
| Re: Women! I Think We Should Do This. by Nobody: 2:19am On Dec 18, 2013 |
"Do I want to be right or do I want to be happy?" Babyosisi, God bless you for the above statement! Just saved me some st*pid trouble and argument I was going to put myself in tonight again!   Op, i'm nt married but the above quote is a life-saver! |
| Re: Women! I Think We Should Do This. by greatgod2012(f): 3:32am On Dec 18, 2013 |
alutacontinua: "Do I want to be right or do I want to be happy?" who is babyosisi here? Kindly jamisi. @post, when i'm annoyed or angry, i don't talk, especially when the kids are around, what i do is that i go into the room and use either my phone to invite him over into the room, or i send a text message to invite him or BBM message, then, i say my mind, we trash everything out there calmly and thoroughly, then, we apologise to each other and everyone is happy. 2 Likes |
| Re: Women! I Think We Should Do This. by Toyinletstalk(f): 8:16am On Dec 18, 2013 |
Ewuro707: Prayer is the key ooooo. Without God, we can achieve absolutely nothing. |
| Re: Women! I Think We Should Do This. by Toyinletstalk(f): 8:17am On Dec 18, 2013 |
alutacontinua: "Do I want to be right or do I want to be happy?" I like that quote "do i want to be right or do i want to be happy?" Happiness all the way. |
| Re: Women! I Think We Should Do This. by Toyinletstalk(f): 8:31am On Dec 18, 2013 |
greatgod2012: Very great tips. I like that idea too. As long as we do not burst out when angry. There is no way we can fully eliminate disagreements, but as long as they are healthy. For example, today, my husband was angry at me because we just moved into a new house and he wants us to watch our son as that little boy just likes to write on the walls instead of his books. I was on the phone with my younger sister in a separate room, he was in the other room on his computer, i assumed our boy was with him, all of a sudden, he stormed into my room and started yelling that o!!! Toyin, you left Ola to make a mess blablablabla....i stood up, went to see the extent of the mess and said it was washable and went back to my room still chatting away with my sister, when i was done chatting, i took a sponge and washed off the stain. Then i stood in front of his door and asked him what he was doing in the first place that he could not also put an eye on the boy since he knew i was on the phone? and the responsibility of watching our son lies on both of us.... blablablabla also from me. He said he did not want to hear it and stood up and closed the door out of anger. You know if it was my former self, i would have hit hard on the door and changed the whole topic to something else, i said my peace with the doors locked and left. After 10-15 minutes, he came out and came over to where i was, on sighting each other, we busted out laughing, and he apologized for closing the door that something else was on his mind blablabla and bla. Story ended. We would be surprised how something that little can escalate to something else and big if we termed every reaction as rude. 1 Like |
| Re: Women! I Think We Should Do This. by Nobody: 8:55am On Dec 18, 2013 |
At Ewuro, which one is daydreaming .My dear, you don't know what stress can cause. You enter the kids room and everything is upside down .Clean, trying to fix good food and trying to make them eat..ny dear, sometimes just lock yourself away. Let them scream , cry. The time they finish crying you are done with the hair and nails. Just come out sing, and in less than 5min, they sleep.If you are stressed up, so much anger abd you keep apologizing. |
| Re: Women! I Think We Should Do This. by Nobody: 9:01am On Dec 18, 2013 |
Lol @ toyin, writings on the wall, abeg let him perfect his writing skills not. How else do you think he will learn how to draw. Of course they prefer the large wall. |
| Re: Women! I Think We Should Do This. by Ruq: 9:17am On Dec 18, 2013 |
God bless you OP |
| Re: Women! I Think We Should Do This. by Nobody: 9:47am On Dec 18, 2013 |
Chilli don kolo I'm laughing so hard. I can't sleep. |
| Re: Women! I Think We Should Do This. by b4jesus: 4:36pm On Dec 18, 2013 |
And please our married men, who said it will make you a lesser man if you help this stressed up woman with the children and some chores once in a while, we remember the saying 'do it once and it becomes your job'. It makes us feel loved you know, may God give us the grace to be calm in situations of anger, it is difficult I tell you, but it sure calms the raging storm, let's also learn not to talk back when he is angry and screaming, even if we have all the right answers, let him finish, men cannot match our speed when it comes to arguments, this has led to violence in so many cases |
| Re: Women! I Think We Should Do This. by ufobabe(f): 5:30pm On Dec 18, 2013 |
.. Call him a thousand times a day and update him how u are doing 2. Correct him when his anger is gone and he will apologise. Preferrably on whatsapp or facebook msg. 3. Watch his clothes and iron instead of him taking them to dry cleaner. 4. Cook egusi soup wit my money. He wil pay for d soup 10times on his own without me asking 5. I love u baby wit a gentle touch on his head and i wil hav his ears to urself 6. Wear a jeans ring and pass him during 9pm news. Dat is d end of d news for d nite. He wil come to bed wit me. And so ooon |
| Re: Women! I Think We Should Do This. by Toyinletstalk(f): 6:04pm On Dec 18, 2013 |
Chillisauce: Lol @ toyin, writings on the wall, abeg let him perfect his writing skills not. How else do you think he will learn how to draw. Of course they prefer the large wall. My dear, i don clean wall tire..... |
| Re: Women! I Think We Should Do This. by Toyinletstalk(f): 6:08pm On Dec 18, 2013 |
b4jesus: And please our married men, who said it will make you a lesser man if you help this stressed up woman with the children and some chores once in a while, we remember the saying 'do it once and it becomes your job'. It makes us feel loved you know, may God give us the grace to be calm in situations of anger, it is difficult I tell you, but it sure calms the raging storm, let's also learn not to talk back when he is angry and screaming, even if we have all the right answers, let him finish, men cannot match our speed when it comes to arguments, this has led to violence in so many cases They really can't match our speed oooo. The best is to to just let them vent. Thanks dear. |
| Re: Women! I Think We Should Do This. by Toyinletstalk(f): 6:09pm On Dec 18, 2013 |
ufobabe: .. Call him a thousand times a day and update him how u are doing Nice tips. Thanks. |
| Re: Women! I Think We Should Do This. by Nomski0(f): 6:15pm On Dec 18, 2013 |
greatgod2012: My parents do this alot. When I was little, I used to think they just wanted to be alone, but as I got older, I realized that they lock the doors to their rooms and argue in secret so we, the kids won't hear a thing. Its very effective. And a nice way of keeping the children oblivious to marital problems. |
| Re: Women! I Think We Should Do This. by Toyinletstalk(f): 6:26pm On Dec 18, 2013 |
Nomski0: Very effective way. Screaming in front of the kids just sends around very negative energies. |
| Re: Women! I Think We Should Do This. by Ruq: 9:35pm On Dec 18, 2013 |
b4jesus: And please our married men, who said it will make you a lesser man if you help this stressed up woman with the children and some chores once in a while, we remember the saying 'do it once and it becomes your job'. It makes us feel loved you know, may God give us the grace to be calm in situations of anger, it is difficult I tell you, but it sure calms the raging storm, let's also learn not to talk back when he is angry and screaming, even if we have all the right answers, let him finish, men cannot match our speed when it comes to arguments, this has led to violence in so many cases Then it should be encouraged not to take a mile when offered an inch. Sure, men cannot catch up when it comes to arguing with women but when it becomes an everyday thing, something else plants in his mind 'distancing'. It is something I've witnessed and it is something I'll do if faced with such, and you know when arguing like that automatically it is nagging. The Poster has made a vital contribution by stating ego as one of the problems, it is what needs to be talked too in both parties all the time. |
| Re: Women! I Think We Should Do This. by Ruq: 9:42pm On Dec 18, 2013 |
greatgod2012: I pray it goes on like that. |
| Re: Women! I Think We Should Do This. by Toyinletstalk(f): 5:48am On Dec 19, 2013 |
Ruq: If we only know what 'ego' does to us, we would not give it a mi-nute chance to rule our thoughts. It brings nothing but hatred, anger resentment, pride, envy, harsh judgments and so on. It is what the christian Bible call the 'old self, old things". |
| Re: Women! I Think We Should Do This. by SammyT95(m): 9:59am On Dec 19, 2013 |
With all this commnt..i feel like getting married I dnt tink i can lay my hand on my future wife 'cos i grew with three older female cousin so most times i jx keep mute to woteva is going 1 Like |
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