:d

Well, as for me I think growing up abroad has done me good and opened my eyes to alot of things,

I was born and brought up in the UK - London/Kent area,
I am the eldest of 3 girls and both of my parents had done A-levels and furthered education at 'red brick' universities in the UK,
Both my parents had very good jobs and my Dad was a buisness man and frequented Nigeria alot (he now lives there permanently) will get to that later

My Dad was a consultant working in the Government, he studied law and politics as his major and my mother is a Project Manager in the Social sector, she studied business admin as her major.

I have always felt and still feel I was a blessed person to have parents like mine, my dad is a very well informed person who knew the system in the UK well and the Nigerian system like the back of his hand and he made sure he installed this into all 3 of us growing up,

When i say well informed, i mean with regard to education, culture, the british attitude etc, 
So no silly teacher could tell me or advise me NOT to apply for UCL but go the South bank or kingston university!!!
Rather I would advise them to stick their silly advise if I felt they were talking garbage or trying to deceive me,  Racism is not in your face in the UK as Germany is,  They are much more cunning and subtle if your not careful, 
In particular in school I noticed how teachers would encourage the not so bright caucasians to go for the prestigious rec brick universities e.g. UCL, Manchester Uni, Edinburgh Uni, Aston, Bristol but when it came to the few Ethnic minorities  they would advise for the old polytechnics e.g. hertfordshire, kingston, south bank,  the list goes on, 

So in this respect I was well prepared and never easily influenced by so called 'teachers advice'.

My mother ensured we all were in the kitchen when she was cooking from a young age and when she felt we were of age would designate us to cook things and supervise, 

So from a young age I was cooking both Western Dishes and Naija dishes,  I always took pride and loved cooking so their was never any need in forcing us to the kitchen

We entertain alot due to the nature of my dads work then and now,  so my mother has never been restricted to cooking on nigerian dishes since when she came to the Uk she has english parents who taught her alot of the english dishes, italian and some asian dishes,
There was always variety in what we cooked and we learnt how to do it for the future,

I am a daddy's girl and from a young age travelled back with him alot when he went on his business trips so this gave me the opportunity to know where I was from, my family and culture,
I started travelling from a very young age, and over the years started travelling back home on my own,

My parents had been in the UK for over 20 years and my father has reached a point he felt he needed to pave the way for us to have the opportunity if we wanted to come home whenever we wanted,  He also felt he had reached his peak in his career and people didnt want him to go any further.  As a black man he had already gone too far for their liking, 

I have never had an interest in dating or even thought of ever marrying anyone that was NOT Nigerian, 
It was always inevitable that I would marry a Nigerian, so my dad never worrieed about that,  My sisters on the other hand are not as exposed as i am so are a bit more liberal, 

I ended up marrying an Igbo Nigerian guy who happened to study here and I wanted to go back home desperatly PERMANENTLY and he also wanted the same because i feel the UK has not as many opportunities as people think,
I went to a good private school I studied at a Very Good University and got a Good job in a Known worldwide Pharma Company but I am not satisfied and never have been, 


Theres only so much u can do in the UK before you realise  you have hit  a plateau and you WILL not go any further here, i speak from experience,  The society will NOT allow you because you are not like them,

If ive learnt anything it would have to be there are opportunities but they are limited for 'foreigners',
I know where I am from, who my people are in Igboland, understand it and can speak a little  , i know our customs and traditions and couldnt be more proud of it, 

THIS is what my parents hammered into us from birth,  So I dont see any of us being a lost person in the society, 
So I dont think being raised abroad has done any of us harm,

lady dee - love ur story and have to say u are so right about how teachers here push the black kids to lower unis or degree subjects.

my example being when we had a careers day way back in the 90's when i was 16 (man i feel old) i picked up the law and accounting sheets to see what GCSE's and A levels i would need to study these courses - u will not believe what i am about to tell you but the sheets were taken from my hands and i was given the sheets about hospitality and the care industry. I will never forget, and to top off the insult i was in the top set for all my subjects so its not like i was in the bottom group with the foundation maths dumbos.

anyway i grew up in the UK and was sent to naija after my GCSE's i have to say it was an experience and maybe did me good but i hated it there - the jealousy i got from people was terrible. My feelings towards my stay in nigeria could be down to where i was but i have to say that i would not wish what i went thru on my worse enemy. Hard to adjust from growing up in the suburbs in north london with a mix of friends from different backgrounds and then having to live in the eastern part of nigeria - lets not start on how till this day i just don't get the mentality of my own people at times.

I think it is very important to instil our culture in our children but then the good aspects and not the borderline stupid ones. I personally would not like my child to spend any aspect of their education in Nigeria for various reasons that i don't have time to mention here but i feel it is important they visit home often. Children brought up outside Nigeria can also be well behaved and cultured.

but i'm loving the stories here

Nice stories, Mutter, Lady Dee, and Ada.

ada24:

I think it is very important to instil our culture in our children but then the good aspects and not the borderline silly ones. I personally would not like my child to spend any aspect of their education in Nigeria for various reasons that i don't have time to mention here but i feel it is important they visit home often. Children brought up outside Nigeria can also be well behaved and cultured.

I totally agree.

ada24:

lady dee - love your story and have to say u are so right about how teachers here push the black kids to lower unis or degree subjects.

my example being when we had a careers day way back in the 90's when i was 16 (man i feel old) i picked up the law and accounting sheets to see what GCSE's and A levels i would need to study these courses - u will not believe what i am about to tell you but the sheets were taken from my hands and i was given the sheets about hospitality and the care industry. I will never forget, and to top off the insult i was in the top set for all my subjects so its not like i was in the bottom group with the foundation maths dumbos.

anyway i grew up in the UK and was sent to naija after my GCSE's i have to say it was an experience and maybe did me good but i hated it there - the jealousy i got from people was terrible. My feelings towards my stay in nigeria could be down to where i was but i have to say that i would not wish what i went thru on my worse enemy. Hard to adjust from growing up in the suburbs in north london with a mix of friends from different backgrounds and then having to live in the eastern part of nigeria - lets not start on how till this day i just don't get the mentality of my own people at times.

I think it is very important to instil our culture in our children but then the good aspects and not the borderline silly ones. I personally would not like my child to spend any aspect of their education in Nigeria for various reasons that i don't have time to mention here but i feel it is important they visit home often. Children brought up outside Nigeria can also be well behaved and cultured.

but i'm loving the stories here

My dear, i hear you,
Those that didnt understand the underlying statement teachers were really trying to say would nodd and follow,
I knew better and would tell my dad sharp sharp, We would laugh about it and rubbish the teacher!,

I thank god for my parents,

@ ada im not sure what exactly your situation was when you scholled in 9ja, but i hope it doesnt have this negative effect on your future generation,
Personally I will NOT allow any of my future children i may have do secondary school in the UK,
I may be among that generation where things went completly wrong and downhill with gangs, shooting and stabbings, but fortunatly, i had parents i feared so would NEVER try anything stupid else na die be dat!
So i wasnt among the bad crowd, But it seems today things are going from bad to worse I dont advise anyone send their kids to the UK for secondary school, I think going to school in 9ja (a good one of course) would benefit them in so many ways,

Lady dee I seriously understand what you are saying about schooling in the UK but remember we grew up here and turned out well, i can speak the same for my siblings. I personally do not want my child that i am carrying now to grow up in London maybe a nice area outside London in one of the surrounding counties but definitely not London.

Like you said the rot in the society in this country is so bad that i am scared that no matter how good my parenting skills might be the rif raf they meet at school will have a negative effect on their education and behaviour. If my child was to spend anytime in Nigeria (which will probably happen as my husband lives there and has so far been a bit too adamant on this topic for my liking - anyway different topic) they would def not be a boarding school pupil and i must be in Nigeria with them.

I would love to emigrate to another country not quite sure were thou - that promotes the family more than the individual.

ah my school days - i remember being very good at sport and my PE teacher always putting me forward to represent the school - trust typical Nigerian parents - they actually wrote a letter to the teacher saying that the time i will use to run is meant for studying and they didn't send me to school to run and throw a netball in a hoop - LOL.

the careers one was just too funny cos i was actually smart enough to see thru the nonsense - my parents always instilled in me "u gotta work twice as hard as oyinbo to get to the same level as them". When I was picking my degree course it had to be either one of the good old naija parents standard, law, engineering or accounting for me. (They knew I was too lazy for medicine!!)

only the future can tell if my stay will have a negative effect - but my experience was not pleasant and have no idea why people were so jealous especially the girls.

ada24:

Lady dee I seriously understand what you are saying about schooling in the UK but remember we grew up here and turned out well, i can speak the same for my siblings. I personally do not want my child that i am carrying now to grow up in London maybe a nice area outside London in one of the surrounding counties but definitely not London.

Like you said the rot in the society in this country is so bad that i am scared that no matter how good my parenting skills might be the rif raf they meet at school will have a negative effect on their education and behaviour. If my child was to spend anytime in Nigeria (which will probably happen as my husband lives there and has so far been a bit too adamant on this topic for my liking - anyway different topic) they would def not be a boarding school pupil and i must be in Nigeria with them.

I would love to emigrate to another country not quite sure were thou - that promotes the family more than the individual.

ah my school days - i remember being very good at sport and my PE teacher always putting me forward to represent the school - trust typical Nigerian parents - they actually wrote a letter to the teacher saying that the time i will use to run is meant for studying and they didn't send me to school to run and throw a netball in a hoop - LOL.

the careers one was just too funny cos i was actually smart enough to see thru the nonsense - my parents always instilled in me "u gotta work twice as hard as oyinbo to get to the same level as them". When I was picking my degree course it had to be either one of the good old naija parents standard, law, engineering or accounting for me. (They knew I was too lazy for medicine!!)

only the future can tell if my stay will have a negative effect - but my experience was not pleasant and have no idea why people were so jealous especially the girls.

I completely understand ooo, trust,
I think the idea of outside london and outskirts such as kent surrey etc would be good,  I lived in Kent borderline London most of my life and as bad as at is, it was my dad's personal choice to live in a predominantly 'white middle class' area, 
I love it there no headache, no police sirens, just peace, 
Kai! You reminded me of my secondary school days, my dad advocated to get high grades in everything but PE was play time as he called it, 
As for the jealous tendancies you said girls back home had for you, it happens anywhere and everywhere,
Yes, i experienced the same thing with even my cousins,
But i always kept my comments to myself when remarks were made to my face,

Till one day my aunt made the most nonesense comment I ever heard to my cousins in front of ALOT of people,

quote, ', ehhhn, ekwy (my igbo name) you will dash your cousin something now since your staying with her on the univeristy campus for sometime, dont you know your better than her!!'

My cousin is 3 years MY SENIOR!! I was on holiday and wanted to spend time with her at her uni in enugu at the time,  
I immediatly saw RED and put it to her in what way was i better? Its only timid illitrates with inferiority complex that think that way!
She didnt take it lightly after my insult,  long story short My dad sided me and everyone looked at me different from then on, im no longer the British cousin to be jealous off,

Its intimidation, so you have to show your also up to par and have the balls to reciprocate that intimidation, 
They think your naive and not so exposed because of how u may have lived in the UK, you show them u get sense pass dem sef,
They will respect you for it,  and realise your not so different,

reflecting

reflecting

@all our naija miss road africans make una dey show una real names and identity unless una go regret ever growin up abroad

This is such an interesting thread. Glad that I found it

Remarkable thread. Very moving stories @ lindabong and mutter.

mutter:
It is terrible what children have to go through just for being different. Linda I think what made it so bad for you was that your parent`s couldnt stand up for you.
I had a real hard time growing up in Nigeria because I looked different. all the kids had short halr then and I had this long tail of curly hair. The kids pulled my hair from the back and when I fell down they all started laughing. This used to hurt me real bad. One day the teacher called me a bat, said I didn`t belong anywhere, was neither black nor white. At school the kids beat me up to give them the things my mum bought for me. I feel my parents did not handle the situation well. I recall one Christmas, we all went to the club and you had to pay some money to see father Christmas. All the girls got this doll that had no hair and a very cheap dress, no shoes. When I was called up I got this lovely doll. My mum had given it to the father Christmas to give to me. I wanted to have a doll like all the other kids and no one wanted to play with me again. They abused me and hit me. It hurt so bad.
Even more painful for me is dealing with this problem with my kids who are growing up in Germany. I have had endless battles at school etc. But I never give up. I am ready to go to the limit. My son faced a lot of racial discrimination at his new school when he was about 12. They beat him often and called him nigger. It was so bad, the teachers pretended not to know about it and always tried to turn it round on my kid. Once the school said my soon had ejaculated on a pillow, when they went on a trip and expelled him from school. The children made up the story, they admitted it but the school suspended him. They said he had an abnormal high sexual drive The day he went back to school I dressed him in rags, tore the cloths and shoes and wrote the word nigger big on his T-shirt. When his classmates and teacher saw it, many of them burst into tears they felt I was so mean. They called the welfare on me but I explained to them that I would send my son to school like that everyday. I only wanted him to learn how to be a nigger so that he could cope with them. They had to really bed me not to do that, because they agreed that I had a case. Anyway my son came home and told me all the kids were so nice to him, like they had never been. Some of them went home crying to their parents. After that day everything changed for the better. It was a desperate move on my part but desperate situations need desperate solutions.
I forgot to mention, those kids threw my son on the floor and kicked him and put the pictures in the internet. The principal wanted the matter settled in the school but I still went on to inform the police. The father of the kid that put the pictures in actually wrote me through his lawyers to withdraw the case or he would sue me I did`nt even bother answering.
When another son got into the school last year he came back crying too. The school is a good school so hardly any blacks. This tie I stopped it at once. He was so scared to mention names but I got it out of him and I called the parents. One of those bitches actually had the nerves to tell me her son had been beaten by immigrants in his old school. So she felt it was payback time. I warned them, in no unclear words. I even told them I was ready to die for my kids and I would leave no stone untouched. SO they better call their kids off my son because I could not guarantee their safety. that really scared them.
Sometimes it is so funny, when I see how scared they are of me, the parents. I can`t count how many times I have threatened to beat them up and throw sand in their mouth . You just need to behave like a jungle cat and you have them running- cowards Well just as well. it makes things easier.

the strenght is strong in you. Plus u fascinating.


The things u ladies had to go tru though.
Especially linda. A white couterpart would ve end it all with suicide.