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Problems With Sex Is Ruining My Marriage - Family (6) - Nairaland

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Re: Problems With Sex Is Ruining My Marriage by Melahou(m): 3:29am On Dec 20, 2013
Let him try using sex lubricant,it rily helps ease penetration.u may feel slight pain but after awhile you are good to go.
Re: Problems With Sex Is Ruining My Marriage by Melahou(m): 3:29am On Dec 20, 2013
.
Re: Problems With Sex Is Ruining My Marriage by Melahou(m): 3:29am On Dec 20, 2013
I'll b rite bak
Re: Problems With Sex Is Ruining My Marriage by josite: 5:51am On Dec 20, 2013
Mary_John247: @Oluafolabi, Funny enough, I went to see one in Lagos. Its in one of this famous private hospitals and the guy told me to try and relax. That it all in my head, and If I continue this way I will loose my husband. I never went back. The experience put off seeing anyone in Nigeria. But if you have any recommendation I will gladly consider it. I plan on going to the UK to see one but also not certain if thats the best solution as well.
@Bumdish, yes we use lubricant sometimes and it helps alot.
@All, I also think it might be Vaginismus but I dont want to conclude until I see a specialist.
Its not like I dont get the urge for sex. I get easily aroused and I know how to pleasure him in all areas, but as a wife I am not delivering and thats a fact. I have a great husband and I don't blame him one bit. I know how important sex is to the marriage. He supported me through out but also believes its in my head. I think he is trying to be stern to see if it can produce a different result.
.ur hubby and d doctor told u it is ur head and u ignore both of them cos u hav a closed mindset on ur issue,that it could be anywhere but ur head.i support ur hubby and d dr who told u to relax dat its in ur head.d way u are intellectualising d issue will make ur hubby looks elsewhere eventually.get hold of ur mind .d mind is d real sexual organ.d demands of marriage is putting too much presuure on u and u may have to solve dis issue withou being married.u girls shuld state ur condition to wold b husband.now u see d result of being clever by half.
Re: Problems With Sex Is Ruining My Marriage by Beey(f): 7:25am On Dec 20, 2013
Am Kenyan by nationality.We have a popular sexologist in Kenya who has TV shows & has some clips on YouTube as well .Her name is Gertrude Mungai.Find her on Facebook & am sure she'd be in a position to give you counsel on this issue.
Re: Problems With Sex Is Ruining My Marriage by joecooper(m): 8:24am On Dec 20, 2013
nice
Re: Problems With Sex Is Ruining My Marriage by babsomotde(m): 8:31am On Dec 20, 2013
Bellong, I can read in between lines of your comment. What has Christianity has to do with this? You may say Churches but not Christianity

@op.
See a medical experts on Sex stuffs, you know. I think pre-intimacy should be involved.


bellong:

This is one of the reasons why Christianity and churches have become something else in the country today. Maybe I should ask you the question Philip asked the Ethiopian Eunuch "Understandest thou what thou readest?.."

Why not proffer a probable solution than dribbling backwards?

@Op,

You have seen a medical specialist who told you your problem is psychological. Have you ever experienced a painful sexual encounter in the past that created this fear?

Meanwhile, I will say that you both devote more time on pre-intimacy so that you can be naturally lubricated well before penetration. You may need to work on your fear of pain. Once, its in, it doesn't pain that much.

Do not let anybody tell you that the problem is because you never did it prior to tying the knot. Sexual intercourse in marriage involves patience, understanding, willingness, education and communication. It doesn't matter whether a man has experience or not, what matters is his willingness to learn, explore and understand the right buttons to press in his wife.
Re: Problems With Sex Is Ruining My Marriage by atundeola2020: 9:14am On Dec 20, 2013
Moshkom: Lobatan!!!
You just have to relax your mind is not really an issue you will soon get over it but try to play more romans with ur hubby and get lubricated and tell ur hubby to dig it with constant digging ur vigina will open and you will enjoy sex and save your home but if this doesnt work consult your Doctor
Re: Problems With Sex Is Ruining My Marriage by Bmahn: 9:36am On Dec 20, 2013
[quote author=dayokanu]Try lubricants like Aboniki[/quote
grin
Re: Problems With Sex Is Ruining My Marriage by drbunmi(f): 10:12am On Dec 20, 2013
i will help u w a sexiologist send me a mail contactdrbunmi@gmail.com
Re: Problems With Sex Is Ruining My Marriage by OILOFGLADNESS: 10:34am On Dec 20, 2013
Effiwizzi: IF YOUR HUSBAND HAD INSISTED YOU BOTH HAD SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE, YOU WOULD HAVE TOLD HIM NOOOO!
ITS NOT DECENT BLA BLA BLA, DON T WORRY WHEN WE ARE MARRIED , I WILL GIVE IT TO YOU ANYTIME , ANYWHERE AND AS MANY TIMES TIMES AS YOU WANT IT AND JUST MAY BE YOU SAID IT IF YOU WANT TO BE SINCERE TO YOUR SELF ND NOW LOOK WHAT IS HAPPENING.
THAT MIGHT MAN MIGHT BE REGRETING NOW. BUT TOO LATE. i HAVE HAD A SIMILAR ISSUE HENCE MY COMMENT AND I M SO THANKFUL THAT I ENDED THE RELATIONSHIP AND DATED ANOTHER WHOM I FINALY MARRIED AND HAPPILY MARRIED TILL DATE.
BABES ALLOW PERSON TEST HIM SHOE SIZE B4 HIM BUY AM PLSSSS.


PLSSSS, I ADVISE YOU, WHENEVER YOU DONT HAVE ANY THING OR DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY PLW, KEEP YOUR MOUTH, ITS NEVER COMPULSORY TO COMMENT.

SOMEONE IS ASKINF FOR AND ADVISE, ALL YOU DO IS TO BLAME HER, AND THE WORST PART IS THAT YOU BLAME BLINDLY AND IGNORANTLY.

2 Likes

Re: Problems With Sex Is Ruining My Marriage by teemy(m): 12:24pm On Dec 20, 2013
@op get a vaginismus set from zeevirtualmedia.com or to save costs insert objects and work your way up to his penis size or extend pre-intimacy with inserted finger and use oil for lubrication till muscles can take him in. with time it will relax more.
Re: Problems With Sex Is Ruining My Marriage by Kerilyyz(m): 1:15pm On Dec 20, 2013
oh no!!
Re: Problems With Sex Is Ruining My Marriage by tolukem(f): 3:28pm On Dec 20, 2013
liloelawwal: A female friend of mine had d same problem when she got married,she got married as a virgin too n pased tru same tin u ar pasing tru now bt she eventually got pregnant n after delivery d whole pain went away.
She now enjoy her marriage n sex life.
I totally get u, happened to me too got married as a virgin, but since I had my baby, sex life as been better even menstrual,pain, @ OP try to see a specialist,plus I also believe twould be better after child birth, cos after pushing a whole human being up, surely a d*** (pardon my french) shld be routine
Re: Problems With Sex Is Ruining My Marriage by efficiencie(m): 2:12pm On Jan 11, 2015
MaryJohn247:
I have been a follower of the family section for a couple of years. I have a serious issue that is threatening my marriage, I have no one to talk to as I am abit conscious about discussing my marriage with others even family. I am hoping to get some advice or ideas from here.

I have been married for a year now, my husband and I dated for a while before tying the knot. We never had sex before marriage, though we did alot of other things, I was just never ready to take it to the next level. After the wedding, trying to have sex was very difficult. I was very tight and it was extremely painful (unfortunately, pain is one thing I have never been able to tolerate). What did we not try, getting drunk, taking drugs. Long story short we finally had sex about 5months into the marriage. I have to say that my husband was very understanding and I will forever love him for this.

The problem now is that sex is extremely uncomfortable for me. It is always a battle for him to penetrate, because for me the pain always feels like the first time. Just imagine that everytime we want to get down there is always a struggle before he finally enters. My husband is tired and has told me that i need to find a way of solving this issue. Infact he said I should not speak to him until I am ready to open my legs and stay put for him to penetrate. He says he is loosing all the desire he has for me at the moment. I dont know what to do, I am so distraught. I feel like a failure as a wife, I mean who has ever heard of a new wife running from sex because of the fear of pain.
I dont know if its psychological or if there is something wrong with me down there physically. All I know is that I need help, because I cannot imagine loosing my best friend and soul mate. Pls is there anyone who has gone through this, can anyone help with suggestions on how I can learn to open up, relax and deal with the discomfort. Because I believe that if I can do this, then I can be able to let go and then it will be pleasurable for him and myself as well.

God created you, created those genitals and joined you in Holy Matrimony...that God has the manufacturer's manual for your bodies...go to that God in Jesus' name and you'll unearth many treasures of marriage!
Re: Problems With Sex Is Ruining My Marriage by aspirebig: 11:41pm On Jan 11, 2015
Op, pray about it and it will become history. Have faith.

Put God first before seeking medical solution.

1 Like

Re: Problems With Sex Is Ruining My Marriage by Juzzybabe(f): 3:04pm On Jan 12, 2015
Unless there's more to it,but I think as a normal woman once aroused,u are naturally lubricated as your 'honey hole' gets wet which makes it easier for a 'rod' of moderate size to slips in. If u don't get wet before penetration,your stated complain would be the result. Try serious pre-intimacy including oral,and make sure your mind is at it. Love making works smoothly when the mind is fully involved.

1 Like

Re: Problems With Sex Is Ruining My Marriage by IDERAWOLE(m): 8:04pm On Aug 10, 2015
I don't envy either you or your husband.
Your husband will be highly frustrated,coupled with the fact that we are really patient to talk it through.

However, please take time to read my post below on another topic.

The recommended product there will turn around both your sexual like life & marriage

https://www.nairaland.com/2002182/how-vagina-odor-fought/8#36820238
Re: Problems With Sex Is Ruining My Marriage by hottadiva(f): 5:22pm On Aug 26, 2015
naijathings:
[size=16pt]wait a minute...
your husband had sex with you for the first time after 5 whole months of being married and 2 years of dating? MY GOD!!![/size]
i spend my time being patient in the courtship and still have to wait 5 whole months to furck? Nightmare, God forbid. Scam.
if i was him, i will simply give you three days to make up your mind or I take it outside...
most guys like me get easily turned off when a woman reacts saying it is too painful every time we try to get IT in

put yourself in his shoes..
you want to furk your husband and he keeps making excuses for 5 months.. thats when you start saying he has used his dieck for rituals.
i swear... you are lucky he is not someone like me, i would never disturb you for sex till you cry and beg and angry call all your village people. which kain rubbish 419 be that?


tell your husband to finger you properly.. starting with one finger, then two, then three, then he slide it in with enough KY Jelly or Olive oil or
groundnut oil so that your pusiy can be ready for the bigger one. i really feel sad for the guy oh sad . No sex before marriage my foot. angry
COW angry
Re: Problems With Sex Is Ruining My Marriage by IDERAWOLE(m): 11:57am On Sep 16, 2015
aaronson:
I know it sounds immoral but sex with your spouse to be is definately needed just so you know your partner's sexuality appetite and other problem because marriage is a life time investment with child bearing as profit to the blissful matrimony,some people are just so religious to know the technical truth even Jesus had to tell Abraham to lie to a king that sarah was his sister and The Same God still told Samuel to tell saul that he was just passing by to go to the mountain for prayers when truthfully he was going to the house of jesse to anoint david as king,so would you say God has made these people lied or that's simply WISDOM

Big time lies filled your post here. You should have just stayed with your advice than quoting scriptures. Imagine; God asking a man to lie just to evade punishment from a fellow mere mortal- BLASPHEMY.

if they had sex before marriage; would that have solved the virgina problem? Just by having sex? It sounds dumb.

In addition to other advice; see a good female gynaecologist or a reliable male gynaecologist, for physical examination. There is a solution to your problem. After the examination; & knowing the actual problem, give a shout, many fantastic food supplements are available in Nigeria for use; though Malaysian products. See the picture of two of such products.

The first one is called PERMATAR SURI- For all gynaecological issues.
The second is called- ROYAL JELLY; Popularly described as Queen Bee's food. Does a lot of corrective works in the body system; it's also anti-ageing. Many other powerful benefits also included.

Re: Problems With Sex Is Ruining My Marriage by cbravo2: 4:40pm On Sep 02, 2016
There has been a lot of issues relating to sexual immorality, failed marriages and destroyed families in the global world using the FCT Abuja Nigeria as a case study and if not for moral theology. In the society as a whole, sexual immorality, failed marriages and destroyed family life would have been a rare panacea but western civilization in Nigeria has broaden demands for moral standards in the youth class, through this research work which is crystal clear the Theological Subjectivism to Sex, Marriage and the Family. The research adopts primary meanson the issue of moral standards. The study recommends for the religious, educational and parental bodies to achieve further progress in their quest to alleviate such distortions from the Biblical views of such institutions and to take Christians back to the true definitions of these institutions and God’s original sayings and permissions.


http://www.bravoprojecthelp.com/philosophy/theological-subjectivism-sex-marriage-family/
Re: Problems With Sex Is Ruining My Marriage by jabojafa(m): 9:41pm On Sep 02, 2016
liloelawwal:
A female friend of mine had d same problem when she got married,she got married as a virgin too n pased tru same tin u ar pasing tru now bt she eventually got pregnant n after delivery d whole pain went away.
She now enjoy her marriage n sex life.
a married lady telling u a man abt her sexual problems with her husband.... She try ooh.
Re: Problems With Sex Is Ruining My Marriage by sulealabi: 1:20am On Sep 07, 2016
The way couple handle marriage nowadays cause for alarm. Well, just go to http://savethemarriagesystemreviews.com/
Re: Problems With Sex Is Ruining My Marriage by cbravo(m): 8:50am On May 29, 2017
Re: Problems With Sex Is Ruining My Marriage by cbravo(m): 8:16pm On Jan 23, 2018
This study will examine the Biblical view of sex, marriage and family in comparison to the worldly view of these institutions and guide Christians to what is morally right In God’s

this is an incomplete article, it’s a product of a high quality project researched work.Click on the link bellow to get the complete work

THEOLOGICAL SUBJECTIVISM TO SEX, MARRIAGE AND THE FAMILY
Re: Problems With Sex Is Ruining My Marriage by frozen70(f): 9:13pm On Jan 24, 2018
MaryJohn247:
I have been a follower of the family section for a couple of years. I have a serious issue that is threatening my marriage, I have no one to talk to as I am abit conscious about discussing my marriage with others even family. I am hoping to get some advice or ideas from here.

I have been married for a year now, my husband and I dated for a while before tying the knot. We never had sex before marriage, though we did alot of other things, I was just never ready to take it to the next level. After the wedding, trying to have sex was very difficult. I was very tight and it was extremely painful (unfortunately, pain is one thing I have never been able to tolerate). What did we not try, getting drunk, taking drugs. Long story short we finally had sex about 5months into the marriage. I have to say that my husband was very understanding and I will forever love him for this.

The problem now is that sex is extremely uncomfortable for me. It is always a battle for him to penetrate, because for me the pain always feels like the first time. Just imagine that everytime we want to get down there is always a struggle before he finally enters. My husband is tired and has told me that i need to find a way of solving this issue. Infact he said I should not speak to him until I am ready to open my legs and stay put for him to penetrate. He says he is loosing all the desire he has for me at the moment. I dont know what to do, I am so distraught. I feel like a failure as a wife, I mean who has ever heard of a new wife running from sex because of the fear of pain.
I dont know if its psychological or if there is something wrong with me down there physically. All I know is that I need help, because I cannot imagine loosing my best friend and soul mate. Pls is there anyone who has gone through this, can anyone help with suggestions on how I can learn to open up, relax and deal with the discomfort. Because I believe that if I can do this, then I can be able to let go and then it will be pleasurable for him and myself as well.

Hmm, well let me ask you a question are you a virgin if yes with time you will come over it, if not a virgin, you better talk to your self and relax yourself so that those muscles will relax too and cooperate with you before you loose your treasure.

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