My hubby & I dated a few months before getting married last month. While we were dating, one of his 'ex' he said to have dated a year ago,but couldn't take the relationship further,because she is not ready for marriage till 2015 when she would be 23. They kip close tabs that my hubby calls her in my presence while we were courting before he goes to bed,but doesn't do same to me while am away. He told me that he can't let her go,that she is just a friend & a drama queen because she likes attention. I saw no harm in that,months went by he didn't stop chatting wit her. I was away in lagos preparing for our wedding,my hubby was always chatting her up calling her names he never called me or romantic words he wld never said to me. I almost called the wedding off but my Mum told me he wld learn to be romantic. My hubby was busy lavishing the romance on his 'Ex'. During our wedding she called him,was asking what was happening,I was so pissed I had to control myself. During the honeymoon too she was chatting & calling. 2weeks ago I saw the chat between him & d lady I was so heart broken. Things he never said to me,I was so angry we quarreled. My parents had to sought it out. The painful thing is that he still keep tabs with her,not minding the damage on our marriage. Whenever her issue comes up he keeps malice with me I have to start begging. I am so confused

one word....dnt be angry, your hubby is nt mature,he still loves his ex

m sorry but it seems he's taking u for a ride. he knows he got u already but don't have the other lady. you guys are already married but the other one still got his heart in a way and time too.

solution I'll suggest: bring up the issue again, if he picks offence don't beg him this time around cos if you do it'll continue.
but it seems you love the guy too much and you've shown him that.

You should have sorted this out while courting
U just av to deal with it now, probably look d oda way cos d bad news is he's emotionally attached to dt babe nd dt is nt ending anytime soon!!!

You have to learn to console yourself and live with it!

We just talked about it. He threatened me that he will go back to her & that I can't be rubbing shoulders with him. He is not even remorseful about it even the chat I saw on his phone with the girl.

Sister ,if you want to get permanent solution to this crisis you are facing right now, Then I will suggest you move this thread to the family section. Let people like, baby mama and the rest assist you and am sure at the end of the day you will laugh the best laugh, trust me.

How can u marry someone who is in love with another person? What do you expect?

mimi237: We just talked about it. He threatened me that he will go back to her & that I can't be rubbing shoulders with him. He is not even remorseful about it even the chat I saw on his phone with the girl.

Trust me, it's destabilizing!
I've been there before, the only difference is that she isn't an ex, they're 'just friends' but the kind of emotional attachment he had with her is beyond description! Another difference is that I ran for my sanity when he started talking marriage!
Yes, he'll not show remorse, he can't show remorse, he's in love with her, if he's pushed too much, he'll pick her over you! This is one situation where you cannot change him, you have to find a way to either live with it or leave the stage for them! Sometimes, you'll get to wonder why he came for you in the first instance, i've asked myself dt question a million times too but I still don't av an answer for it! If by any chance dey're seeing each other physically, trust me, u don't wanna imagine the kind of mind-blowing sex that they're having!

mimi237: We just talked about it. He threatened me that he will go back to her & that I can't be rubbing shoulders with him. He is not even remorseful about it even the chat I saw on his phone with the girl.

to be honest with you , you are to be blame . How? Good, you notice some of this things before you got married to him but rather for you to quit ,you went ahead all because your mum told you ur husband will change. While your mum can not be blame ,because she was just playing her role as a mother. Now the heat has become too mush for you to bear,tell me is your mum available to feel the heat just the way you are feeling now?Hell no!!!

He told me because he loves me that is why he married me,his words & actions are different. In the chat the girl told him to stop! Does he want me to start calling her or send her text?

Dear Mimi, I'm sorry to read about your predicament. But first of all, you ought to have known that a man is hardly more romantic in marriage than he was when courting. So then you really shouldn't expect more.

Second, you were aware of the insanely close relationship between your fiancé (husband) and his lady friend, didn't that raise any red flags in your mind before you went to the altar? I mean this issue should have been cleared long before now. You make it apparent to see that your husband still has feelings for the other woman.

Third, it's quite alarming that a newly weded husband is not bothered that his wife gets upset because of a bothersome relationship he has with another woman. Though we've only heard one part of the story, so I want to believe there's more than you let us know.

I would advise you to put the other woman out of your mind. Try to avoid checking his calls and messages so you don't further upset yourself and get into a fight with him.

He proposed to you, took you to the altar, exchanged vows with you, he must have seen something beautiful and real in you that made him do all these. So be willing to fight for your marriage. Do those things that please him, cook for him, clean for him, chat with him, show him more love. Avoid complaints, murmurings, quarrels. If he's not bringing home the romance, then YOU bring home the romance. Fight for your marriage.

And if you're a Christain, prayers never hurt.

So you haven't realized that you married a stranger? you dated for a few months strike one, he calls his ex in front of you strike two, he calls her romantic pet names strike three. you knew all of these but still went on with the marriage. Now you are complaining.

Women always choose to be blind to things in front of them and they constantly hope they can change a man who wasn't even trying to hide what he was doing. Sorry to say but you guys have work to do. counselling, pastor's intervention, parent's intervention etc. Better yet call that B!tch and tell her to back the F up because she is ruining your home.

Thanks for the advice, I cook, I clean the house which he likes so much. Even while he is away, I send him Sms or try to chat him up he would never reply. Even when I know he does to his 'Ex'. While driving if he sees a lady he would look & say fine girl. I don't have a problem with that but he doesn't tell me I am beautiful,we have been thru this issue severally, I tell him how handsome he is & be romantic. I pray for him, he calls me his spiritual strength, sometimes I just wonder if it was love.

25omega: So you haven't realized that you married a stranger? you dated for a few months strike one, he calls his ex in front of you strike two, he calls her romantic pet names strike three. you knew all of these but still went on with the marriage. Now you are complaining.

Women always choose to be blind to things in front of them and they constantly hope they can change a man who wasn't even trying to hide what he was doing. Sorry to say but you guys have work to do. counselling, pastor's intervention, parent's intervention etc. Better yet call that B!tch and tell her to back the F up because she is ruining your home.

u couldn't have said it better dearie xcept for d part of him calling d bytch!, dis is so like my ex-boyfriend of two years, Thank God am out of it, @mimi I don't envy u my sis, ur husband is so gullible and maybe he doesn't really know how to tell d lady to back off judging from ur explaination dat she is a drama queen, I won't be suprised if ur husband creates a sleeping timetable btween her house and ur home. Sorry babe but u saw it coming, u were just wishing in ur heart dat he will change for d better

@op.....ur husband will stil come back to u, it is just a matter of time, trust me, he doesn't luv that lady, wat he feels for her is lust, am sure he just wants real-hot-mad sex from her (which is wrong for a married man).

mimi237: Thanks for the advice, I cook, I clean the house which he likes so much. Even while he is away, I send him Sms or try to chat him up he would never reply. Even when I know he does to his 'Ex'. While driving if he sees a lady he would look & say fine girl. I don't have a problem with that but he doesn't tell me I am beautiful,we have been thru this issue severally, I tell him how handsome he is & be romantic. I pray for him, he calls me his spiritual strength, sometimes I just wonder if it was love.

Na wa. Honestly, the signs were there from the start.... And these females sef who won't leave other people's husbands. It's either your husband is immature and insensitive or.... hope he isn't bewitched o?

What kind of love is that for you to still beg him after seeing him doing a wrong thing? Which kind of blind luv is that. You saw the danger and still went into the relationship. Maybe you were desperate.
Which kind you love your husband when he does not love you?

I believe you are not in Nigeria

God Help Me.

Why did'nt you nip this in the bud at the early stage? You're supposed to air your grievances or is he a mind reader? In addition, I hate previous relationships that don't end 'correctly'.They tend to linger long after. Well tho, He's immature. Simple

mimi237: My hubby & I dated a few months before getting married last month. While we were dating, one of his 'ex' he said to have dated a year ago,but couldn't take the relationship further,because she is not ready for marriage till 2015 when she would be 23. They kip close tabs that my hubby calls her in my presence while we were courting before he goes to bed,but doesn't do same to me while am away. He told me that he can't let her go,that she is just a friend & a drama queen because she likes attention. I saw no harm in that,months went by he didn't stop chatting wit her. I was away in lagos preparing for our wedding,my hubby was always chatting her up calling her names he never called me or romantic words he wld never said to me. I almost called the wedding off but my Mum told me he wld learn to be romantic. My hubby was busy lavishing the romance on his 'Ex'. During our wedding she called him,was asking what was happening,I was so pissed I had to control myself. During the honeymoon too she was chatting & calling. 2weeks ago I saw the chat between him & d lady I was so heart broken. Things he never said to me,I was so angry we quarreled. My parents had to sought it out. The painful thing is that he still keep tabs with her,not minding the damage on our marriage. Whenever her issue comes up he keeps malice with me I have to start begging. I am so confused

Dated him for a few months n rushed into marriage.... And your wondering why it isn't working...

ARareGem: Dear Mimi, I'm sorry to read about your predicament. But first of all, you ought to have known that a man is hardly more romantic in marriage than he was when courting. So then you really shouldn't expect more.

Second, you were aware of the insanely close relationship between your fiancé (husband) and his lady friend, didn't that raise any red flags in your mind before you went to the altar? I mean this issue should have been cleared long before now. You make it apparent to see that your husband still has feelings for the other woman.

Third, it's quite alarming that a newly weded husband is not bothered that his wife gets upset because of a bothersome relationship he has with another woman. Though we've only heard one part of the story, so I want to believe there's more than you let us know.

I would advise you to put the other woman out of your mind. Try to avoid checking his calls and messages so you don't further upset yourself and get into a fight with him.

He proposed to you, took you to the altar, exchanged vows with you, he must have seen something beautiful and real in you that made him do all these. So be willing to fight for your marriage. Do those things that please him, cook for him, clean for him, chat with him, show him more love. Avoid complaints, murmurings, quarrels. If he's not bringing home the romance, then YOU bring home the romance. Fight for your marriage.

And if you're a Christain, prayers never hurt.

The only thing he saw was that she was willing to marry him b4 2015..... The husband even told her why he didn't marry the other woman....

He might divorce her in 2015 and marry the 23yr old.... or better still keep both

Op


That man just isn't yours


They belong together

Ma binu...Suru LERE...

mimi237: We just talked about it. He threatened me that he will go back to her & that I can't be rubbing shoulders with him. He is not even remorseful about it even the chat I saw on his phone with the girl.

oh men!
But you saw this coming, didnt you?
You should ve given him an ultimanum betterstill you should ve called that wedding off, and let him choose between you and his ex!
Anyway, no need crying over spilt milk right now....the best thing you could do right now is to find happiness and peace within yourself! How do you do that? Ignore your hubby nd his ex, focus on other things, get busy but dont stop acting like a good wife...and please dont Nag! Pray frequently to God, trust me someday, that ex wil fall in-love with som1 else, and your hubby will be forced to let her go for good...tick tick...
Its just a matter of time, but make it worth it!

@ OP.

The truth: You don't interest your husband enough.

One reason: You are too prudish. Make yourself interesting, men love it.

one lesson....always settle your issues while still dating and not postpone till u are married.

o.p i advice you seek d help of a marriage expert.

@Op, seems u wia desperate to ans Mrs (no offence). its so painful to hear wat u did! hw cd u allow ur mum talk u into continuing wt d wedding plans wen u saw his attitude towards his ex? u v to sit up n get ur hubby al to urself, its too early to share him. pray hard dere is nutin God can't do n if u ain't d romantic type better up ur game.

Matildachinyere: u couldn't have said it better dearie xcept for d part of him calling d bytch!, dis is so like my ex-boyfriend of two years, Thank God am out of it, @mimi I don't envy u my sis, ur husband is so gullible and maybe he doesn't really know how to tell d lady to back off judging from ur explaination dat she is a drama queen, I won't be suprised if ur husband creates a sleeping timetable btween her house and ur home. Sorry babe but u saw it coming, u were just wishing in ur heart dat he will change for d better

@ op
I strongly think calling the other woman won't do you any good. It might even worsen things since it looks like 'your man' is already tight with the girl. Anyway be strong girl

Stop RANTING,you saw everything,yet you jumped into it,truth be said,you are a second fiddle..get ready to welcome a new bride to your home legally,or illegally..... He loves her than he does to you,probably he married you out of desperation,cos he couldn't wait till 2015 for the lady....

mimi237: During the honeymoon too she was chatting & calling. I am so confused

omo see disrespect!!!!even in your honeymoon he has the guts to be chatting with her
but are u also 100% sure that they have something going on becos he calls her in ur presence. well sha, maybe he takes you for granted
some women cant stand their husband's female friends for no reason

Yet another compelling plight...

OP Congratulations. The fact that you're have put this up means you've taken one giant step closer to solution.

Soliloquizing...

Did OP see this hazard coming even before marriage? Sure

Now who is to blame? OP, husband and the naughty one who is disrespecting the holy estate of marriage

Does husband understand the part "forsaking all others" in the marital vow? I don't think so

Will husband ever get over his EX at this momentum? I seriously doubt. He will always wonder about miss EX like some do about their first car

What if he does get over the EX after a long time? Yea, that is a possibility but he might also have long gotten over this marriage or battered your trust

Is husband still in love with EX? No, he is only lusting and that's why he is stubborn. Lust's passion demands, it militates, it tyrannizes

Is husband in love with OP? Yes, though OP may seem like his rebound girl but there is something about you that his EX doesn't have. You have a special place in his heart and that the reason he took you to the altar and not the EX

Is there a way out? Absolutely

And what is my advise? Like my village proverb, If you want the child to leave the palm kernels alone, you have to make a strong face (literally). Starting with the regular, give husband some good food and every other thing that makes a man's head correct, , then pour your heart to him, let him give you his word. This, he will most likely do. Take his word for it and give him the benefit of a doubt...no hounding. If things eases out, good for you but if it doesn't, it is time to give him a wake up call. At this point, what he needs is an electroconvulsive therapy to wake him up from the phantom world of fantasy where people don't eat their cake and have it. Issue him a warning (I think threat is too hard a word) and make sure you carry out your "warning". The warning might be anything from reporting him to the people he respects or even a direct call to the naughty one. I wouldn't know what works best for you but make sure you give a warning, carry it out and ensure the needed impact/drama is created. He might tell you that your threat doesn't bother him, no issues, carry it out, his reputation is about to be tainted and he is concerned. Yes, this process will scar and will not be comfortable but know that peace is costly but it is worth the expense. What he needs is a wake up call. He should know that food gained by fraud tastes sweet, but he ends up with gravel in his mouth. You need to be taken seriously!

Did I make any assumptions? Yes, 1. You are committing the issue in prayers and 2. Your claims are based on sound judgment and hard evidences 3. You can maturely handle the fall-outs

Any lessons to intending couples? Always do your reality check


“Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.” ― Albert Einstein