wifee: Its not like he doesnt see I am good to him.He talks good about me and how I show him my love to people on telephone..He even gave that girl example of how I am showing him love...

hello infact u are a good woman with a good hrt, just conront him politely and prayerful. Based on the wisdom u are using to mange ur home, ur are such a woman i wil like to have as a wife

Guys dont u think this thread is a setup? I dont belive this story. The lady in ? May used this 2 knw the minds of nigerians. Afteral,she's n't the only white lady who marrid a blck man that cheats on her and wil requst the service of NL'S to advice her. If going by what she said that she's is rich,ehn! Let her employ the service of femi falana 4 legal advice, as the case of the Enugu state gov's wife. She go pay una?

And here they come again.

Perfect bright: hello infact u are a good woman with a good hrt, just conront him politely and prayerful. Based on the wisdom u are using to mange ur home, ur are such a woman i wil like to have as a wife

wifee: Its not like he doesnt see I am good to him.He talks good about me and how I show him my love to people on telephone..He even gave that girl example of how I am showing him love...

I will give an arm and a leg to find a woman like you!

As per your husband? Get a divorce

... but Miss Swiss the truth of the matter is and this does not just apply to you as a foreigner but also to us Nigerian's and that is an IBO(male/female) always have a motive for everything they do. Its not their fault, its just that God created them with too much SENSE and INTELLIGENCE and that is why other Nigerian's are afraid of them so should you.

Be that as it may, I have always said that truth be told, marriages between Foreigners and Nigerian's are usually destined for failure( in rare cases some do stand the test of time)and the chief culprit of why it will never work is because of the cultural differences, but there are others too.

You said he had his permit before he married you? a renewable permit right? And it was just convenient that he married you for love right? Once upon a time in Europe and elsewhere it is to be the IN thing to get married to a White Woman so as to have the BRAGGING rights to say I have slept with one, but with White Prostitutes everywhere, that is not necessary anymore, so unless a Nigerian man needs something from you, don't be deceived he loves you.

Oh did I forget to tell you I lived in Europe for many years and have seen the same scenario played and replayed thousands of times?

So Miss Swiss, back to the cultural thing we talked about. All Nigerians I know married to foreigners who eventually have babies for them share ONE particular problem.

And that problem is that of their FOREIGN wives never ever allowing their Children stay in Nigeria, even if their dad wants them to. My friend battled his American wife for 10 years before she allowed the kids their first time visit, he too has just secretly brought a Nigeria girl to the US where he hopes to start a second life afresh.

Was at Walmart some months back and the lady at the counter was all abusive about Nigerians, and how the dad of her 3 kids ran away to Nigeria in 1984 after schooling, so I asked why? She said he told her they should move back home and her reply? I AIN'T TAKING MY KIDS TO NO JUNGLE. She called his name, a Yoruba name. That was 1984 and he never came back.

Other factors why it will not work.

Cooking. No matter how they teach you how to cook our food, you will lack the Nigerian touch of the cooking, and an average Nigerian man loves his Nigerian food.

Language barrier. This is very big in the African culture as parents usually teaches their kids their tribal dialect, in your case that's not happening.

Acceptability. Even amongst ourselves, we have problems accepting each other, the Yorubas have problems accepting ibos for marriages, Ijaw/ itsekiri, Christian/ Muslim, let alone you a foreigner, so you get the picture.

Pressure from family: if he is a first child from a certain house hold or tribe in Nigeria, there will be increased pressure for him to marry his kind, so where does this leave you?

The other day I saw some women on TV in South Africa married to Nigerians protesting on how they are being treated, I nearly died laughing. In Another 5 to 6 years at most all those men will be with their Nigerian wives.

Miss Swiss and others thinking they can hold on to Nigerian men in their lands, not saying there are some that don't work but usually, and I repeat Usually Nigerian men will marry you for whatever he can get from you. Before he met you, he was in love with somebody else.

So my advice to you? Enjoy him while you still have him as he will not be sticking around for long.

One thing is certain, things are no longer the way they used to be. Usually at this point in a relationship the first thing is to evaluate ur Assets, wat are truly ur's, the huz in the village belongs to him. If ur fears comes alive and u decide to end the marriage what n what do u legally own. If it ends 2day what do u walk away with (legally)? Second step, having acertain what n what is urs d next step wud be 2 either have a 1 on 1 with him 2 clear d air or puts all ur fears down, well written, stating specifics and ending with d fact dat u wud not share him with a second wife. Be articute wen u write n be precise. If ur story is completely true then u have 2 act fast, judging from the fact that the ideal for second wife in the new year might just look perfect 2 him. The outcome of stept 1 n 2 wud determine if u need a step 3 n 4 Brb.

lafflaff123: Ibo man again? Hmmmm. Make I quiet before them say I be tribalist, but Miss Swiss the truth of the matter is and this does not just apply to you as a foreigner but also to us Nigerian's and that is an IBO(male/female) always have a motive for everything they do. Its not their fault, its just that God created them with too much SENSE and INTELLIGENCE and that is why other Nigerian's are afraid of them so should you.

Be that as it may, I have always said that truth be told, marriages between Foreigners and Nigerian's are usually destined for failure( in rare cases some do stand the test of time)and the chief culprit of why it will never work is because of the cultural differences, but there are others too.

You said he had his permit before he married you? a renewable permit right? And it was just convenient that he married you for love right? Once upon a time in Europe and elsewhere it is to be the IN thing to get married to a White Woman so as to have the BRAGGING rights to say I have slept with one, but with White Prostitutes everywhere, that is not necessary anymore, so unless a Nigerian man needs something from you, don't be deceived he loves you.

Oh did I forget to tell you I lived in Europe for many years and have seen the same scenario played and replayed thousands of times?

So Miss Swiss, back to the cultural thing we talked about. All Nigerians I know married to foreigners who eventually have babies for them share ONE particular problem.

And that problem is that of their FOREIGN wives never ever allowing their Children stay in Nigeria, even if their dad wants them to. My friend battled his American wife for 10 years before she allowed the kids their first time visit, he too has just secretly brought a Nigeria girl to the US where he hopes to start a second life afresh.

Was at Walmart some months back and the lady at the counter was all abusive about Nigerians, and how the dad of her 3 kids ran away to Nigeria in 1984 after schooling, so I asked why? She said he told her they should move back home and her reply? I AIN'T TAKING MY KIDS TO NO JUNGLE. She called his name, a Yoruba name. That was 1984 and he never came back.

Other factors why it will not work.

Cooking. No matter how they teach you how to cook our food, you will lack the Nigerian touch of the cooking, and an average Nigerian man loves his Nigerian food.

Language barrier. This is very big in the African culture as parents usually teaches their kids their tribal dialect, in your case that's not happening.

Acceptability. Even amongst ourselves, we have problems accepting each other, the Yorubas have problems accepting ibos for marriages, Ijaw/ itsekiri, Christian/ Muslim, let alone you a foreigner, so you get the picture.

Pressure from family: if he is a first child from a certain house hold or tribe in Nigeria, there will be increased pressure for him to marry his kind, so where does this leave you?

The other day I saw some women on TV in South Africa married to Nigerians protesting on how they are being treated, I nearly died laughing. In Another 5 to 6 years at most all those men will be with their Nigerian wives.

Miss Swiss and others thinking they can hold on to Nigerian men in their lands, not saying there are some that don't work but usually, and I repeat Usually Nigerian men will marry you for whatever he can get from you. Before he met you, he was in love with somebody else.

So my advice to you? Enjoy him while you still have him as he will not be sticking around for long.

I don't know who you are but from your reasoning I will define you

You are an over 45 years old man

You dont have a master's degree

You are traditional and still expects your wife To serve you food on the table.

Her Cooking it and excepting you to dish it when hungry wouldnt suffice.


Things has well changed Mr, you said igbo are bla bla bla, go back to that europe and take a stock of how
many interracial marriage still going are of igbo mix. I will tell you the far majority.

In fact many young men of igbo in europe are choicing to marry oyibo and live with them and have kids and genuinely stay married.

Its easier for igbos becos as an adult, once you stop demanding money from your parents, and can pay your bills yourself, then you get your freedom, and the family respects your decision/ at worst tolerate your decisions.

That cant be said for MOST yorubas where their family, even after marriage thinks their adult children should still adhere to everything the say.

There is no trust in your marriage. Once there is no trust, it is extremely difficult to maintain a relationship.
I don't know what to tell you. Something seems to be fishy. Instead of playing the good wife now, you should seek confrontation. Harmony is not possible at this time. Confronting your husband will show if he is willing to work on your marriage or whether he is indifferent. If he is indifferent, I strongly recommend that you take good care of yourself and your life and most of all the innocent child.

I know you are going through a lot right now and it must be very painful. I wish you a lot of strength and wisdom.

Normally,most Igbo man that married a foreigner will surely marry another woman who mostly will be an Igbo woman. the cause is that fear that most foreign woman or children born in such family,will hardly consider nigeria as permanent home and such mean that the man is gonna be the loser at last.

Your attempt in drafting this script is not bad but there is still room for improvement.
Many things you said here are surreal.....going to live in his village, making calls in his car till 4am....etc
Good luck all the same.

Madame, does he have permit B or C? If he had a permit before marraige, how did he get it? Or was it permit F?

Most single ladies or divorcees here will rather have you confront or divorce your husband. You will heed their advice at your peril. Patient they said is a virtue. If you are the good wife you claim to be then, relax, work on being happy, be quiet, stop being suspecious, be prayerful and things will work out itself. Your man can be that foolish to abandone you after everything you meant to him to another woman. @babymama, your advice stinks and embarrasing. Don't come here and destroy a fellow woman's home. Any woman who encourages divorce outside of physical abuse is acting ungodily.

Well, I'm certain you've read lots of advice and there's a good chance you are getting more confused on what to do. From the tone of your writing, you desperately need to salvage this marriage. VERY IMPORTANT TIPS THAT CAN HELP.

- Were you ever close to any of his family members?? That alone is like having a man's spare-key in your purse. It helps a lot mor if that's the parent or siblings.

If you are, VERY GOOD. Call them and explain to them (passionately like you did to us) your fears and what you are going through and how much you love him and don't want to lose him.

- If you are not close to any of the family members, you can start by sending something for xmas (don't make this a habit though else it'll turn to a rite) then call them twice before breaking the story to them....IN TEARS.

- You must also learn to start operating calculatively and smartly with him rather than all this cry cry baby parole wey you dey.

If at the end of the day you couldn't get any of his family to support you, then you've lost the war. Start preparing for the after-effect. Make sure you RUTHLESSLY get ALL the investment you can from him.

macjive01: My take on the issue.

First, nowadays, many Nigeria's especially igbo tend to
Stick with their white wives. And never remarry.

How old is your man? If he is over 40 then there might be an issue, most older folks are more traditional than the younger , devil-may-care- attitude igbo/ Nigerians. ( though yorubas still have a strong family influence over their choice)

Has he any education ? ( this will help gauge his reasoning and outlook).

He got his resident permit before he married you;
If he got it through a marriage union with another white girl then I would say his married with you must be geniune, cos the traditional approch would be :

marry a white girl , get ur papers, then start searchjng for women back home;, do traditional wedding; then divorce the white girl; then marry the black wife and then bring her over.

However, you said he gets heart attack; that might be another angle, his people might have told him that with such a condition, if he dies, that might be the wnd of his linage as rhe white girl will ( stereotypically) elude with his child.
So it could be he is now listening to them and their archaic reasoning.


Now, before I proceed,; are you a wifee material ?

Do you really think a man would want to spend the rest of his life with you? -

I know its a bit harsh, but sincerely some girls are as fat as a jumbo plane, stink as high as hindu onions and garlic mixture, and ugly as a motherfuxker .
Such women, whom has been rejected and dejected by their own, only to be sweep up by this desperate immigrants, ( though many blacks geniunely like big white girls). Such girl should be rest assured that if they dont make effort to improve themselves; lose weight, clean out , and learn to ride the D, and improve their finances , THE MAN WILL LEAVE HER AT A POINT. Child/children /no children .

Hopefully, you are not in that class, right?

Now, looking at the issue on another lens , his side, his defence.

Very good point on the extinction of his lineage if he dies.. I had to get in a "fight"with someone - a friend of a friend who told me that my lineage would be over if I had only girls, I told him I rather have girls like Okonjo Iweala/Shola Borha/Akunyili than a male like him. He got angry and wanted leave.

macjive01: My take on the issue.

First, nowadays, many Nigeria's especially igbo tend to
Stick with their white wives. And never remarry.

How old is your man? If he is over 40 then there might be an issue, most older folks are more traditional than the younger , devil-may-care- attitude igbo/ Nigerians. ( though yorubas still have a strong family influence over their choice)

Has he any education ? ( this will help gauge his reasoning and outlook).

He got his resident permit before he married you;
If he got it through a marriage union with another white girl then I would say his married with you must be geniune, cos the traditional approch would be :

marry a white girl , get ur papers, then start searchjng for women back home;, do traditional wedding; then divorce the white girl; then marry the black wife and then bring her over.

However, you said he gets heart attack; that might be another angle, his people might have told him that with such a condition, if he dies, that might be the wnd of his linage as rhe white girl will ( stereotypically) elude with his child.
So it could be he is now listening to them and their archaic reasoning.


Now, before I proceed,; are you a wifee material ?

Do you really think a man would want to spend the rest of his life with you? -

I know its a bit harsh, but sincerely some girls are as fat as a jumbo plane, stink as high as hindu onions and garlic mixture, and ugly as a motherfuxker .
Such women, whom has been rejected and dejected by their own, only to be sweep up by this desperate immigrants, ( though many blacks geniunely like big white girls). Such girl should be rest assured that if they dont make effort to improve themselves; lose weight, clean out , and learn to ride the D, and improve their finances , THE MAN WILL LEAVE HER AT A POINT. Child/children /no children .

Hopefully, you are not in that class, right?

Now, looking at the issue on another lens , his side, his defence.

Very good point on the extinction of his lineage if he dies.. I had to get in a "fight"with someone - a friend of a friend who told me that my lineage would be over if I had only girls, I told him I rather have girls like Okonjo Iweala/Shola Borha/Akunyili than a male like him. He got angry and wanted leave.

Have you folks noticed the woman hasn't returned after her initial torrential posts
I believe this is an insecure woman in a bad marriage that had a melt down that lasted a 12 hr period and logged in to vent out her frustrations.
She is probably being serviced by the man on a daily basis since her initial posts so all is normal in her world again
Keep your words of advice to yourselves folks,she is not interested

It has been a while...
I wasnt wrong with my fears, he indeed had a traditional marriage organised... He even took me to their family (of course she wasnt around), thinking I wouldn't know who they are... Well, after all this and much more I finally made the decision to leave. It was the best decision ever made...Thanks for all your answers. Have a great time.

wifee:
It has been a while...
I wasnt wrong with my fears, he indeed had a traditional marriage organised... He even took me to their family (of course she wasnt around), thinking I wouldn't know who they are... Well, after all this and much more I finally made the decision to leave. It was the best decision ever made...Thanks for all your answers. Have a great time.

I just saw story for the 1st time and reading through I knew your fears were right. It always painful to love someone wholeheartedly who wants another becos of difference in race,tribe or religion.

I wish and hope you have found happiness in another.

Stay blessed

So sorry @ wifee. You met an opportunist who preyed on your good nature. I do hope you got custody of your kids. You will survive this.

Glad u av moved on.

Many men are like that, they spite the hand that feed them. This isn't because you're a foreigner , it could happen to anyone. I'm just seeing your post for the first time. It's a good thing that you were observant and detected on time his deceits. Happy for you that you have since moved on. I wish you and your baby the best.

Wow.

This is so wrong on many grounds, wifee. If only you knew him well enough before marrying him back then, you'd have noticed the red flags.

Glad you moved on, girl. It's the best decision you could've make.

Forge ahead and be happy

wifee:
It has been a while...
I wasnt wrong with my fears, he indeed had a traditional marriage organised... He even took me to their family (of course she wasnt around), thinking I wouldn't know who they are... Well, after all this and much more I finally made the decision to leave. It was the best decision ever made...Thanks for all your answers. Have a great time.

I am happy for you.

As for the new wife, she will loose him exactly the same way she won him.

Keep your head high and trust the universe to take care of everything.

Good luck deary.

I know this is an old post but here are some options

1. Change your name to "Door Mat" and let him walk all over you like he has been doing.

2. Give him a taste of his own medicine. Go to your car and chat it up on the phone with random men in Swedish. Then leave for weeks at a time with no explanation where you have been and act like he is crazy for ask you what you are up to!!!

3.Cut him off financially. Clearly this is the only thing that he loves besides himself. Then leave him to his own demise.

4.Trade him in for a new husband. One with a job, pays bills, and one who is faithful.

I really feel for u dearie
No matter the kind of love I don't see myself going through all this for a man .
It might just get me depressed and suicidal .

Nne just keep praying

But

Confront him
No man has the right to treat u that way ,u deserve better

The story here just like mine, but I am not paying the bills like you did.
I love my man and I understand him why he did that, as long as he love you and he still with you, you should not worry.
just live your life and be happy.

nanidee:
Baby mama, you have said it all!

Indeed, from the OP's write-up, it seems to me like she is underage . That has to be the only logical explanation for all this rambling. Need I say more?

Hey. I see you’ve not commented since 2013. You alright?