How does a loving, caring, humble servant of Christ metamorphosize into a P.imp Preacher? We have heard so many times from disillusioned members that their pastor didn’t start out that way, but the bigger he became, the more the mission of their church became about money.

The last thing I would want to accomplish with this post is to add to the Body of Christ one more P.imp Preacher, we already have enough to last us 30 years even if every seminary shutdown today. At the same time, I must address the origins of P.imping a congregation by discussing the dangerous ingredients found in many of these Pastors, in hopes of preventing any further food poisoning.

As someone who was once in the fraternity of love-vendor Preaching, it is my goal to help current members identify when they’re part of a Christian Ponzi Scheme – and take the vital steps to emancipate themselves immediately. Without further ado – Ingredients Of A love-vendor Preacher – please examine the all of the following.

Laziness – P.imp Preachers are lazy in ever sense of the word, this is the only reason that they became preachers. This type of Pastor has convinced those around him that at one time in life he was running from God, and didn’t want to be a pastor, but in all actuality a pastor is all he ever wanted to be. He knew that if he could just get a church, and about 200 good tithing members, then he would never have to work again in his life. So he sets out to find that small church with 200 members, and he molds them into tithers.

It is through his laziness that he creates many of his false teachings, and spiritual fabrications. Every week he concocts some new cliché or “Name it Claim it” phrase to transplant into minds of his members, which guarantees him more donations. He doesn’t want to work a real job, and sells the congregation on the idea that he has to be in full-time ministry in order to meet all of their needs as a pastor. He is allergic to a 9 to 5 job. The members are actually enablers for his laziness, because they remove any need for him to gain financial independence from the church - and he becomes a Kept Man.

Ambitious – P.imp Preachers are ambitious despite the fact that they’re lazy. All of them have visions of being Bishop T.D. Jakes, and he is the climatic ending to all of their wet dreams. In many cases their ambitions sparks the beginning of the Building Fund, and the many sermons on Tithing. His ambition is also the reason why you start to see him on billboards around your town – and featured on posters for church conferences.

Your pastors’ ambition is what led to the lie he told the congregation when he said that God has ordered him “to possess the land.” To possess the land always ends in a construction project of some sort – and soon after that. your church has its own Family Life Center. As you have already experienced, the Family Life Center was only the movie trailer for the featured presentation – The Second Church Location.

Disbelief – P.imp Preachers don’t believe in God, and most of them have never truly had an encounter with Jesus. The majority of them are simply copying and executing the infamous Mega Church Formula NC+M(B)=$, which has always equated to New Church, plus Members, times Branding=Money. An Atheist could work this formula, because unfortunately it works regardless if the Pastor believes in Jesus or not.

This is the real reason I feel so many Pastors are starting to commit suicide – because the success of the NC+M(B)=$ isn’t proof that Jesus is real in the life of the pastor. If your pastor was courageous enough to be honest, he would admit today that God has never called him, but the next ingredient would never allow that to happen.

Greed – Greed is extremely important if you desire to be a successful P.imp Preacher. You have to care about money, more than the people you’re receiving the money from. You have to have a heart of stone, and the ability to place all of your needs and concerns before the needs and concerns of the people. You have to convince your members that the way they receive from God is to bless you, despite the fact that you already have more resources than all of the members combined. You have to convince your members that preaching is actually work, and they should pay you for your opinion of God.

To be effective as a P.imp Preacher you have to sculpt your members into tithing machines, and discipline them with fear so they believe that if they withhold from you, then they’re withholding from God. Even though you have never seen a harvest of sugarcane in real life – you must teach your members constantly about sowing and reaping. This part of your strategy is not completely implemented until that day when you buy your first Bentley, and all of the members celebrate as if they will ride in it every day.

Lust – All of the women belong to the Pastor and in some cases even their daughters. No matter married or single, he targets all of them for his own good pleasure. Sure the Pastor has a wife, but he also has access to all of the other groupies in his harem – which only feeds his lust. Out of all of his attributes it is his lust that lands the love-vendor Preacher in the most trouble. It is his lust that causes him to cheat on his wife- and it is his lust that causes him to send a picture of his penis to a 16 year old girl.

His lust is not just sexual – he also has a lust for the possessions of other Pastors he deems successful. If a pastor he knows has a 10,000 square foot home – then he will build one that’s 12,000 square feet. Within his lust he is never satisfied for long or at all – but he hides it behind the tagline “walking in the favor of God.” His lust also leads to his possessiveness – and territorial personality. Everything he pursued as a result of his lust is henceforth and forever his own. His lust also leads to his jealously – so if another pastor has a wife prettier than his current wife, he will then trade her in for a newer model.

All of the above qualities are found in Pastors all across this country – but they’re represented in different levels and quantities. The love-vendor Preacher Ingredients are the reason that so many churches appear to be clones of other churches, and also explains why we’re not seeing a real move of God in our communities.

If you are reading this article and you are currently a pastor of a church, I ask that you place each one of these ingredients up to your face like a mirror, and examine yourself as a leader. I also invite you to watch this video about the late Pastor Zachary Tims. Examine how his wife gives a brilliant account of how the Church Culture of Pimping congregations destroyed her husband. I ask that you take this opportunity to change your life while you still have time.

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