Ok. Seems I have the Ill luck of falling in love and later being told it cannot go on cause I'm from another tribe... Recently, We had it going, or so I thought. We seem so I love, everyone around us knew that. And then, after another simple misunderstanding, she honestly tells me her family wouldn't accept me cause I'm not from her tribe. Lord... Somebody please tell me there are different people with other school of thought?

If the bigotry and petty tribalism will end, it will have to start from our generation.

Let her know it doesn't bother you, but if it bothers her, then there might not be a point as it takes 2 to tango in that paticular battle.
From "petty misunderstanding" it sounds like she is already trying to sabotage the relationship.

2buff: If the bigotry and petty tribalism will end, it will have to start from our generation.

Let her know it doesn't bother you, but if it bothers her, then there might not be a point as it takes 2 to tango in that paticular battle.
From "petty misunderstanding" it sounds like she is already trying to sabotage the relationship.

Thanks bro. What's most hurtful is the ease with which she could tell me that... Like we never shared anything.

More comments please. I actually need them now

Have you met the family yet? What are your tribes?
What reaction did you get if you met them?

Enough babes dey everywhere now,why u dey bother urself ?.... Na wa for u o!

2buff: Have you met the family yet? What are your tribes?
What reaction did you get if you met them?

Actually I've not. But in accordance with how her elder ones went... Its not even an option to them. I'm south south, she's south west.

born_to_be_gr8t: Enough babes dey everywhere now,why u dey bother urself ?.... Na wa for u o!

Bro don't be like that o. I've had my fair share of la. Trust me on that. But some people you meet are just special from the start. They challenge you to get more from life and see the brighter side. Not just flings. That's her kinda.

It shouldn't be a barrier..also goin thru dat tho..

coffeey: It shouldn't be a barrier..also goin thru dat tho..

Oh. Seriously? What's your story then? I'll like to know.

I think whatever it is you both need to do, it has to be done together.

The only people that would need to be convinced are the families. If SHE TOO is also crossing her arms and tapping her feet waiting for you to convince her too i.e. thinking it's all on your head, then she herself is not serious about it happening and so it just won't take off.

2buff: I think whatever it is you both need to do, it has to be done together.

The only people that would need to be convinced are the families. If SHE TOO is also crossing her arms and tapping her feet waiting for you to convince her too i.e. thinking it's all on your head, then she herself is not serious about it happening and so it just won't take off.

Ok. The thing is... Well she feels like, she told me about that factor even before we started out, and I chose to see the positive and bright side. I chose to go on with it..Now she's being realistic. Imagine!

What is the (backward) rationale behind your tribes not coming together?
What are the tribes first?

Actually d guy is igbo too buh didn't accept is proposal den cause cos f his tribe,he has all the qualities I want in a Man buh d tribe was a barrier..I jus realised God aint gona give me a Perfect Man..Am dating him now and if it evntually leads to marriage,I am marryn him and not his tribe..
If she truely loves u,she will stick with you!

2buff: What is the (backward) rationale behind your tribes not coming together?
What are the tribes first?

I'm south south. Thing is, her family won't settle for anything outside the south west.

coffeey: Actually d guy is igbo too buh didn't accept is proposal den cause cos f his tribe,he has all the qualities I want in a Man buh d tribe was a barrier..I jus realised God aint gona give me a Perfect Man..Am dating him now and if it evntually leads to marriage,I am marryn him and not his tribe..
If she truely loves u,she will stick with you!

Well.. Then I'm to believe she doesn't love me then. Hard to come to terms with though. Maybe yours is different. Her family has so much influence on their everything... Dad and mum especially.

You can either abort mission, or train and pump her full of boldness and bravery.

Because if she can't stand up to them now, who do you think will be running your marriage if the thing happens?...and that is if she wants it to happen. She is the only one who can boldly introduce you to the fam. No-one else can do this.

The ball is largely in her court. If she doesn't want to play the game, then it is automatic game over and you have wasted your time.

Sit her down and both of you have a non-bulshitty discussion as to what she wants vs what she feels her family wants and what she is ready to do about either. By doing so, you will have her derive some structure from the whole thing so it's not just one abstract "no" in her head.

Dunno if you understand what I'm saying...

Dat tin na issue sha.

My parent also have great influence on me,buh I hv only asked my siblings wat dey feel about it,am patiently waitn for d time to ask my parent abt deir opinion..but for now am in love wiv the man that brings out the best in Me..
Sometimes we jus assume our parents aint gonna accept cos f wat dey say n all,we jus need to make dem undastand.

2buff: You can either abort mission, or train and pump her full of boldness and bravery.

Because if she can't stand up to them now, who do you think will be running your marriage if the thing happens?...and that is if she wants it to happen. She is the only one who can boldly introduce you to the fam. No-one else can do this.

The ball is largely in her court. If she doesn't want to play the game, then it is automatic game over and you have wasted your time.

Sit her down and both of you have a non-bulshitty discussion as to what she wants vs what she feels her family wants and what she is ready to do about either. By doing so, you will have her derive some structure from the whole thing so it's not just one abstract "no" in her head.

Dunno if you understand what I'm saying...

Thanks man. Think I'll do that sitting down tomorrow. Right from the close of work. I appreciate. Actually, I'm hurt though. Can't still believe she said it that easily...

coffeey: My parent also have great influence on me,buh I hv only asked my siblings wat dey feel about it,am patiently waitn for d time to ask my parent abt deir opinion..but for now am in love wiv the man that brings out the best in Me..
Sometimes we jus assume our parents aint gonna accept cos f wat dey say n all,we jus need to make dem undastand.

Wish she could read this...

zeevin:

Wish she could read this...

I agree with 2buff..you two need to really talk about it..it might not be a serious issue to you,but it looks like it is too her..

I'm igbo dating a yoruba guy,we are both working towards marriage,I see nothing wrong in dating and getting married to someone from another tribe.What matters here is if both of you are in agreement and believe your love will conquer all things.Yes we are from different tribes but we are all one in the sight of God...Cheers

coffeey:
I agree with 2buff..you two need to really talk about it..it might not be a serious issue to you,but it looks like it is too her..

Dunno... Got a call from her this morning. I can't pretend I wasn't hurt she could tell me all that. I just acted so distant from her h... What do you think?

zeevin:

Dunno... Got a call from her this morning. I can't pretend I wasn't hurt she could tell me all that. I just acted so distant from her h... What do you think?

Don't distance yourself frm her,u guys need to see and talk about it..and ask her if she really meant wat she said!
Actually she mite b in a confuse state...

coffeey:
Don't distance yourself frm her,u guys need to see and talk about it..and ask her if she really meant wat she said!
Actually she mite b in a confuse state...

Ok coffeey, was thinking of calling her up and talking later today, but can't come to terms with her saying we could be close friends, good friends... I felt betrayed and deceived. That's why I acted non challant when she called. I don't know if I should talk to her and tell her we should just be friends or just ask her If she meant what she said?

zeevin:

Ok coffeey, was thinking of calling her up and talking later today, but can't come to terms with her saying we could be close friends, good friends... I felt betrayed and deceived. That's why I acted non challant when she called. I don't know if I should talk to her and tell her we should just be friends or just ask her If she meant what she said?

Wre you two dating or u r still chasing her??jus ask her if she meant wat she said..then u knw wat to do nxt!

coffeey:
Wre you two dating or u r still chasing her??jus ask her if she meant wat she said..then u knw wat to do nxt!

Actually. More like I'm still chasing her... I'm off to the galleria. That's where we planned the date today. Just pray it doesn't go aury... I'm really deep into her now.

So she never was your official girlfriend?
Then stop assuming she's your girl. And ofcourse she doesn't love you in that sense, you're just one guy out of many who are chasing her. And by Galerria I'm assuming youre in Houston.
Guy no dull yourself, plenty single naija babes with correct head and compatible background dey that city.

Though if everything click sha it will make a good love story, which is what women like to narrate to their friends to make them jealous

2buff: So she never was your official girlfriend?
Then stop assuming she's your girl. And ofcourse she doesn't love you in that sense, you're just one guy out of many who are chasing her. And by Galerria I'm assuming youre in Houston.
Guy no dull yourself, plenty single naija babes with correct head and compatible background dey that city.

Though if everything click sha it will make a good love story, which is what women like to narrate to their friends to make them jealous

Thanks man. We talked. Like you guys advised. Said she said most of those things out of anger though they were facts to her. But she kinda eased up too... Not too bad. I'm just trying to make her allow things flow 1st. Then when we get to the bridge... Right? She says its better its resolved now instead of the bridge thing... Whatcha think?
NB: Silverbird Galleria o, not in houston.

Jaygrl:
I'm igbo dating a yoruba guy,we are both working towards marriage,I see nothing wrong in dating and getting married to someone from another tribe.What matters here is if both of you are in agreement and believe your love will conquer all things.Yes we are from different tribes but we are all one in the sight of God...Cheers

Chai! I just came across this post o.... Got married to that my Yoruba bobo may this year(2016)... By God's grace it's been heaven on earth.