StephenP:

Though Seun, I wrote something a while ago about high school so you and those who want to write something can take a look at it and add it to your script(s) if you want to free of charge

I've decided to review that story as a submission to give people an idea of what I'm looking for when I say the short story must be "cinematic" or "filmable".

Paragraph 1:

“Give me all your food!” He yelled at me and my roommates

Nice.  Dramatic.  Implies a confrontation.  Will look good on screen.

"Original":
This was the fourth night in a row a damned senior had come into our room to “obtain” us. We constantly reported to the school administrators but they said they wanted solid evidence as if the finger and belt prints on our chests and back, our cut lips and swollen faces on those of us who did not submit themselves were not enough.  We knew they were afraid to punish the seniors because of what they might do. But who wasn’t? It seemed like we would rather do as they wished than fight for what is rightfully ours, yet no matter how hard we try, we just cannot do enough to please them instead it only became worse.

Not filmable.  (1) You're talking about the past, and (2) You're not being specific enough.  What would work: at the beginning of the story, before this paragraph, write about what happened last night.  Write about how the students attempted to report it.  Let the students tell the principal "this is the third night in a row they have demanded something from us".  Let the principal reply "where is your evidence?".  Let the students point to their cut lips, swollen faces, and belt prints.  And let the principal respond by saying, "that doesn't prove anything".  Or something like that.

For example, 3 nights ago I was woken up by a senior at about 2 am and he wanted me to wash his clothes (boxers included) and make sure they were dry before breakfast time, 7 am. I unconsciously thought out loud, “How the hell am I supposed to do this at night? There is no freakin’ sun!” and I got three hard slaps across the face. I saw his lips moving but I could not hear a word of what he was saying; all I could hear was what seemed like static and that is the last I remember because I blacked out.

When I saw "for example", I was very happy.  This is precisely how to do it.  Images, dialog, and sounds.

Now this bastard has come to make sure we die of hunger again tonight.  I would have felt a lot better if they actually ate the food they took from us rather than throw it away or leave it out to rot like they did.

Unfilmable in this form.  The first sentence won't be necessary.  The second could be shown elsewhere.

I saw him go from locker to locker collecting food and any other thing that he fancied while the owner of the locker just stood beside him…watching…looking like he did not know that he was being robbed. The closer he got to my locker, the faster my heart beat.  [s]Even though I had been through this many times before, every time felt like the first time except now[/s] I was angry

Lovely.  Actions, words, images, sounds, feelings that an actor can portray.

.  Angry that none of the seniors could control themselves and treat us like their brothers not slaves, that the fucking school will not listen to us and come to our aid, that my parents brought me to this fucking school in fact this bleeped up country to suffer when I wanted to stay with them and the rest of my family in the US.

Unfilmable.

But now was not yet the time to get angry so I calmed down and put my camera in the pockets of my boxers that I had recently sewn in Home Economics class and walked up past the senior to a boy who had already been obtained and passed the camera to him and told him the signal.

100% Filmable.

Eventually, the senior got to me and said, “Oya comot all the food for your locker.” “No” I replied and looked at him defiantly in the eyes. He looked at me and backed up, “O boy, se you dey craze? My own slap no go be like that other senior’s own o, if I wooze you, you go land ICU fast fast. Now move!” “No,” I yelled walking closer to him, “you are going to have to either push and/or beat me first.” He dropped all the food and was about to hit me then there was a flash. He froze and turned his head to the side and saw the boy holding my camera and turned back at me and I smiled. I grabbed the camera and pulled out the memory stick. I yelled for someone to lock both exits, then, I pulled out my belt and to join me in beating him with no reservations. He begged so helplessly that one would think we were the evil ones

Interesting.  100% Filmable.

but we know his pride would not let him report us. Ain’t so tough now, huh?

Unfilmable.

I think the best way to write a cinematic story is to first write the story as it comes to you and then go through it a second time, rewriting the unfilmable parts of your story to make them filmable.  It's easy.  The principle to follow is "show, don't tell" and it applies to every kinds of writing.

I hope to start getting official entries in about a week.  Technically, StephenP is winning this competition right now since his entry is the only entry so far.  Note that you can submit as many entries as you like, and I'm going to send a private review of each one to the writer.

Seun has clearly stated he's simply looking for original ideas to use as a basis for a script.

I'm not looking for a script, and I'm not looking for ideas.  I'm looking for a self-contained and complete story.

I wish i could help cos i cant venture myself into these meager change after cracking my head.

Oga Seun, Haba, u wan dey use our head do money ritual, u want a good story for just 25000, or are we talking about $25,000?

Please let me know cos I've got a suitable script for you

i hv got something to write but i dont think it will be up to 7500 words. i gojust write am sha make u add am to wating u get because i know say o won do film but u know get enough idea.

PurestBoy:

Oga Seun, Haba, u wan dey use our head do money ritual, u want a good story for just 25000, or are we talking about $25,000?

Please let me know because I've got a suitable script for you

If you have any contribute to the richness of our Admin,he's worth the deal.

i hv got something to write but i don't think it will be up to 7500 words.

If the best entry I get is 75 words long, that person will still get the prize. Please let it be a complete story.

Here are some threads to help you in your quest:
https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-16091.0.html << best!
https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-17906.0.html
https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-79863.0.html

Chaoga:

@Sisikill
You've done a great job, so you wrote all that for me? Probably you will be the winner of that 25,000 Naira if you start writing now

You really think I have a chance of winning? Do you? Really? Awwww, honestly, you are too kind! I'll get right on it and if Seun allows, I'll dedicate it to none other than YOU, mon ami. My Inspiration, my muse, the ink in my pen, the paper in my book, the. . . the erasing stuff in my eraser!

Thanks Luv.

alex406:

If you have any contribute to the richness of our Admin,he's worth the deal.

Oya write out your story and let's read it. I will personally give you 50K if it worths it.

Hi seun,
if you do say u are a filmmaker, then you don't need a complete story. What you need is apremise and you build plot points around it and further develop it. Telling people to give you a complete story is rather too much.

Seun:


I hope to start getting official entries in about a week. Technically, StephenP is winning this competition right now since his entry is the only entry so far. Note that you can submit as many entries as you like, and I'm going to send a private review of each one to the writer.
I'm not looking for a script, and I'm not looking for ideas. I'm looking for a self-contained and complete story.

Thanks but like I said before, I don't want no money for the story. . . it's free. You can go ahead and use the story if no one else writes anything (highly unlikely though).

guy men, how am i sure that, if i virtually win the competition, i would be given the money!
At least we should'nt be a sacred cow again after all this lessons learnt from obj administration

StephenP:

Thanks but like I said before, I don't want no money for the story. . . it's free. You can go ahead and use the story if no one else writes anything (highly unlikely though).

Thank you for restoring my faith.

Honestly, thank you. Don't worry if you don't understand.

I'm in. I love to write.Secondary school a bit boring but i'd try.
I'm currently doing research for my first book. I need co-authors. If ure interested, u can contact me through ssumpta@yahoo.com
D topic's secret. Just know that its non-fiction and its a hot idea.

I would like to know if the following people are already working on their short stories:
ice_zik, UNLEASHED, joyblinks, adekennis, Sisikill, Moyola, StephenP, mactao, Anuli ph.

Oh my I feel at a disadvantage because I am genuinely interested ( I love competitions) however, I only had up to the primary school experience in Nigeria, maybe this will have to be purely fictional then, if I do write, it may be a joke to some readers - meh.

Surely seun most movies are exaggerated events, but one of your requirements state that the story must be true. I have already stated that I did not go to high school in naija but grew up 'til primary school there. Now, can I submit an attempt at creating something real? Or am I already restricted from entering the competition?

This is illegal.

I study Rhetoric and Journalism and i must tell you this is illegal. This is a dubious way to steal other people's ideas and stories.

smile4kenn:

This is illegal.

I study Rhetoric and Journalism and i must tell you this is illegal. This is a dubious way to steal other people's ideas and stories.

How so? Anyone who turns their work in is doing so consentingly.

Seun:

I would like to know if the following people are already working on their short stories:
ice_zik, UNLEASHED, joyblinks, adekennis, Sisikill, Moyola, StephenP, mactao, Anuli ph.

My daily schedules are really tight, but i'm working on it,
P S: Not for the money really though.

Yea! Good to hear about this, but sounds like a modernized scam to me…… not that I don’t write or I don’t have passion for writing but I don’t really feel good when I found myself been cheated.

I can’t afford to accept offer like this in a country that is as lawless as Nigeria, where law of plagiarism doesn’t exist or taken so serious. You can take coca cola as my example. a multinational company of that caliber bringing out a promo that is full of puffery. I guess you do read paper! If not
Read PUNCH OF TUESDAY 5th of AUGUST, 2008.

If you wanted a script and you want people to help you out. why can’t you write yours and place it in here for people who you think can write better that you to edit and give you better trend on out to go about it at least by so doing they have made a contribution to your work and you can thereafter call on people who you think have better idea on what you opt to do.

Meanwhile, if you think there are some people who can go on publishing your story Idea, don’t worry! They could be sue and get convicted with the law of copy right.

If you can answer the below question then you 80% accepted!

“Good innovation from you Seun but i still think you didnt define the competition in such a way that will make people to embrace it.
Like- who owns the right to the movie, what percentage commission will be given to the writer after all. I believe there are good script writer out there
but you need to redefine the competition and make it worthwhile.
Just an an advice,”

why dont you write your own scripts and allow us to edit,

let the competition begins.
In or Out?

Dear Seun,
As much as I hate to be one of those who rub other people’s mistakes in their faces, I can not pass up this opportunity because yours is waaaaay to big for me not to do any rubbing. Seun, my friend. . . You went about this contest in a wrong way, you see you did it the way a Good, Honest Guy will. Wrong! Wrong! Huge Mistake!. Don't feel bad though, this is called a beginner's Mistake and to ensure you don't fall into that pithole again, I am here to help you. 

Next time you decide to do a contest like this apply the following

1) All Participants MUST pay an entry fee – Now you are thinking “What? Is she in Sane?”.  Ah but I am not, my movie making friend, I am not . . . at least not this morning.  According to the [b]“Scammer’s Guide for Dummies”, [/b]this works wonders. It’s all psychology really, you see deep down, we all want to be part of something and the exlusivier it is the more our inner peacock feathers spread. ENRTY FEE gives the illusion that they are part of something special, people who can afford the fee now can look down at those who can’t and say “Hmphhh” and before you can say “Hells Bells”, your inbox will be flooded with Script and let’s not even talk about your bank account. . . I’ll just say “Kaaaaching! .

Your mistake, which I won’t really fault you for was making this a free for all, come Tom, come Dick, Come Harry and make sure you all bring your friends, their friends, and their friends friends kinda thing. ^{*Shakes head sadly*} This has got people going  “What the. . . me? A whole of me Unilag English graduate will be submitting something with some Shukuranatu from Ilu okoko weere, who barely made it out of Primary school? This guy is not serious, it must be a scam”. Everybody wants to feel special Seun, why won’t you make ‘em feel special? Why?!! 



2) All Participant must Pay a Reading Fee – "Whooooo, now she’s pushing it” That’s what you are thinking abi? I hope not oh because it means you did not digest rule #1. . . yep, this rule also ties into the “Special Feeling”. Participants see this and think “Reading fee, ke? Ah it must be a some extra-ordinary reader who will be reading my script” and then they feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I won’t go much into this because it is basically the same psyche as #1 at work here.



3) All Participants must submit HARD COPIES, Soft Copies will not be accepted – You don’t need to give a reason why soft copies won’t be accepted. . . quite frankly, there isn’t really a reason but they don’t know that. What they think instead is this all the hard work they have to do to submit a Hard Copy – Print, Bind, stuff into envelope, go to post office, stand in line, buy stamp, lick stamp, stamp envelop, mail envelope, walk back home. . . all this wahala instead of a simple click of the button helps them reconcile their Mental “Good Things Come from Hard Work” Account. . . do you get?


4) Make up a Mysterious Production Company – People know you! That’s it for this rule. Okay, Okay I will explain further, you know that Yoruba Proverb. . . .the one where they say something about it is at home people don’t respect person and outside something, something, yep that one. People read your contest and they go “This Seun? Abeg forget that one. When is the next Kola nut man coming by?” See, no respect for what you can do because they know you. Next Time, form a Company and if formation isn’t your forte, I’m here, I’ll help so sai so sai. Right off the top of my head. . . IMPOSTURE VITUAL STUDIOS, DE CEIT MEGA PRODUCTIONS, something with a good ring. What you are in this case is a liason between the company and the people. . . nothing more, nothing less. Don’t ever act like you are gaining from this, Nigerians don’t like that, some would forfeit a 2million contract if they know you are gonna get 10% of that. Don’t ask me why, it’s people tend to focus more on what someone else will gain from something instead of what they will gain.

Anyhoo, seeing as [b]“Scammers Guide For Dummies” [/b]isn’t a real book and I’m just making things on fly, I gotta stop now because the more I think about it, the more I believe I can actually turn to this into a real book and I don’t wanna give it all away. I ain’t no dummy.

Oh I forgot, just for the heck of it, add a few nonsensical rules like –

Scripts must be written on plain white paper (Duh!),
Scripts must be numbered (Double Duh),
Scripts must be written in English (Triple Duh!).

Since you are a good guy, I’m sure you are thinking “This is not right, I can’t do this, it’s almost fraudlike!” but Seun you gotta, that’s the only way to save yourself the hassle of being called a scammer, this is the only way people will take you seriously and seriously, don’t worry about being a lone ranger, you will be in good company.

Here’s a link to websites for Screenplay contests

http://www.google.com/Top/Arts/Writers_Resources/Contests/Screenwriting/

Please don't thank me, why are we here if we can't help one another? However if you insist, I've been trying to get my hands on The X-Files DVD for awhile now, so you can . . .  you know.

Sincerely,
Sisikill. 

ayobase:

let the competition begins.
In or Out?

I am sooo in, I fear It's gonna lead me out.

Next time you decide to do a contest like this apply the following: ,

Very humorous and very very true.  I hope you win. You and UNLEASHED.

guy men, how am i sure that, if i virtually win the competition, i would be given the money!
At least we shouldn't be a sacred cow again after all this lessons learnt from obj administration

Win first and complain latter.  My reputation is worth more than the amount I'm offering.

Good innovation from you Seun but i still think you didn't define the competition in such a way that will make people to embrace it.
Like- who owns the right to the movie, what percentage commission will be given to the writer after all.

The winner will have to give me sole adaptation rights to her/his story.  We'll sign a contract.

why don't you write your own scripts and allow us to edit,

1) Because I need a story, not a script.  2) I do write, but I'm not a writer.  Not really.

I hope the following people change their minds and choose to participate: kedukc, Chaoga, Beline, s.ibrahim, desertboom, mactao, olukunle, femzy, Ruby_pearl, ukukaegbu, alex406, PurestBoy, badex, taju4ac, lekki01.

I also hope the following people are also working on their stories already:  Gamine, topup, ola4, Tasma, kzac83, newdeal, smile4kenn, ayobase.

Tip of the moment: a short story doesn't have to be a small story.  It can be about life-changing events.

Mr Seun,

anyways, i will conclude its a good idea but not in the right procedures, I am a writer and i can boast about it because i have many published work, but am sorry to say i cant participate in this because its below my credibility.


Wish u da best

@smile4kenn, that's it?? What happened to the illegal idea? Aren't you going to explain it further since you've had years studying Rhetoric and Journalism?

@all the scam paranoids who have posted, you ain't being forced to write!! So don't come up saying "Oh I can write but this looks like a scam." This is someone who is somewhat new to the film industry and all he is asking is for a story at least 75 words that best encompasses all the stuff he listed and the writer of that story will get N25,000.

If you don't believe it, shut up and simply go to another thread,
if you do but you can't write, shut up and go to another thread,
if you do and you can write, shut up and write.

It's really not that hard and frankly I'm tired of all this self righteous scam threads.

@all the scam paranoid who are yet to post, please I suggest you back away from this thread. I understand times are hard and you want him to increase the money so what do you do? Try to harass him of course and call him out as a scammer. WTF? It's either you write or you don't but if you do, don't end up turning in a pathetic story and expect to win.

Hehehehehe

oga seun na wa for u o. 7500 words for a just 25k. let us make a deal, a 500 words for 10k and i will send the story to you in an hour.

oloto:

oga seun na wa for u o. 7500 words for a just 25k. let us make a deal, a 500 words for 10k and i will send the story to you in an hour.

Please read. You can write only 75 words.

Kini big deal? nawa for some people

they no even fit help a brotha