"Ouch!" I yelped as soon as my rear made contact with the seat.

"What's the problem?" Sola, our Branch Manager asked, peering over her headmistress glasses at me where I sat, desperately trying not to rub my stinging behind.

"Nothing", I replied, through teeth clenched so tight, light couldn't escape. "I think a nail just poked me in the......y'know....."

There were quite a few possibilities as to what she should know but when she cast a glance in the general direction of my crotch, I realized she had picked exactly the wrong thing.

"No...." I stuttered. "Not....."

She kept on peering at me for five more seconds as if expecting me to suddenly break down and confess before returning to the sheaf of papers before her. I felt sexually molested.

"The quarterly board meeting is holding this month, as you already know. As the most successful branch for this quarter, we will have to send a representative to present our quarterly report to the board. As our Agent Of The Month for last month, you have the honour of presenting the report to the board."

Now, while I'm sure my brain isn't running on two short planks and a stone on a piece of thread, it took me nearly a full minute before what she said made it's way to my consciousness.

Mainly because it was still processing the pain coming from my, er, posterior region.

What?!!!!! I yelled in my head.

"What?" My lips echoed, completely of their own will.

"You heard me," Sola snapped. "I won't be attending as I have an important meeting with a potential client. Since we are the closest branch to head office, I suggest you take an okada to beat any traffic.

I winced at the mention of the word okada. I had taken one this morning when running late to work and promptly regretted it. The Okada man decided to take the most circuitous route with as many potholes as the pimples on Sola's face. By the time I got to work, I realized I would have been earlier if I had walked.

But being late wasn't my problem with the okada idea.

I squirmed in my seat and sat on it again. This time I screamed like a woman undergoing deliverance.

"What is it?" Sola yelled.

"Nothing!" I threw back instantly in a voice barely louder than a whisper and panting lightly.

"See, whatever your problem is, don't go and embarass this branch at the board meeting."

I nodded painfully.

She peered over her glasses again at me, apparently trying to figure out if I was either high or exhibiting early signs of the onset of madness. At the end, having decided it was neither, she waved me out of her office.

"Better set out now so you can get there on time. Before I get another report that my staff are fond of being tardy."

I packed the stack of papers that was our branch quarterly report and waddled to my office where I deposited the papers on the table and was about to settle into my seat when a trumpet went off in my head and I changed my mind, grabbed the papers and fled.

By the time I got to the head office, tears were running down the sides of my face to the point that the okada man decided I was a frustrated job seeker and asked me not to pay out of pity. I wiped my tears and waddled into the office where, apparently, I was being expected.

"The chairman of the board is yet to arrive," the front desk receptionist informed me. "You made good time".

I nodded quietly and headed off in the direction of the elevators.

"Mr Segun!" She called from behind me. "The elevators are under maintenance. You'll have to take the stairs."

The board meeting always held at the top floor.

Which also happened to be the twentieth storey.

I sniffed back a tear and headed for the stairs instead.

By the time I got to the meeting room, I was ready to throw myself off a balcony. I made my way to my allocated seat, a position of honour, two seats down from where the chairman of the board would sit. I instantly began to wish I hadn't been staff of the month.

It was one of those modern chairs with a wooden seat. I gingerly sat down and winced as my rump made contact with the hard wood.

At which point the chairman's Secretary walked in to inform us that that the meeting would be held at the office conference room instead.

Which was on the second storey.

"Mr Segun, is there any problem" the regional manager asked on spotting the new cascade of tears down my face.

"No!" I replied instantly, like he had just accused me of raping his wife. "I'm fine. Just have something in my eyes, that's all."

He looked at me for a few seconds before saying "well, let's get going then."

I gingerly got up from my seat and made my way to the door. I was only a few paces away from the door when I tripped.

Fell.

And sat heavily on the boil on my butt.

Nyama!!! Eeeeeeew!!! Extra Gross!!

Mosquito again?

Lol

Lol. Butt boil.

Dirty man, didn't wash his pant/boxers! LoL!

hehehe * dials 911; man down*

That's gonna hurt

ITbomb: Mosquito again?

??

teeheehee.....hope didn't gross you guys out too much!

Mynd_44: That's gonna hurt

I guess the thing never do u bfr especially that of the armpit!
u go turn to person wey dey dance one hand up!

Dayyyyuuum!!!!! pain of life!!!!

Intense

Eeyah...sorry....you should ave rubbed palm oil in the boil before leaving for work..lol...just kidding...CLICK LIKE, for me jor

Lmao!....employee boil of the month....so what happened next

OMG that thing hurt like ................

Bookmarked.

This time around he's gonna make a baby cry in 3D

Funny

Thought this was going to be a full story. Anyways funny.

Well d tin go don burst na, lucky u

Wait... Sooo this long story is about a boil

Is there also going to be a feature film titled BUTT HURT the story of the boil?

I'll b bark soon

I hate it

.

adebayo201:
I guess the thing never do u bfr especially that of the armpit!
u go turn to person wey dey dance one hand up!

if you have experienced it before you must be dirty. These are the causes of things likes this. 1. wearing a dirty boxer or pant for days. 2. deficating without properly washing yourself. 3. In the case of the armpit dirtyness is also one of the causes another one is using a fake rollon.

senbonzakura_kageyoshi means: VIBRANT DISPLAY of 1000 cherry blosoms. @OP ur name iz cool.

Eyah, that really hurt

Lol gud one