cococandy:
Any Man below 5 years older than I am is too young for me.
I knew that right from when I still dey belle.

I can do 2 or 3 years younger, anything short of that will feel like we are from different world and time, but I do know that this can depend on individuals sha, just on a general level, this is the lowest I can go.

I also don't like older men, if you are 5 years older than me, I'm not sure how that will make me feel, I just really love men in my age range, I believe we will connect better that way.

^^^^ I think the important deciding factor is what stage of marriage the couple are in.
For a newly wed (aka below 5-8 yrs of marriage. that's my newly wed number), it is so not ideal. I don't see myself agreeing to that. I'd feel like of that time passes, we will never get it back until our twilight year when our bones ache and are too stiff to enjoy each other as much as we should.

But after the honeymoon and post honeymoon phases are over, then I won't mind being more practical about what kind of sacrifices to make to ensure we get to our goals sooner.
2-3 yrs at a time is much IMO. Things can happen within that long window of time.
I may agree to a few months out of the year. It doesn't seems so bad. After all apart from me, the kids also need to bond with their father. They can't do that if he's abroad chasing paper years at a stretch.

Cc damiso.

Ladies please i know we women love gist but we need to organized a bit.

Are we talking about older men?Long distance marriages?little misunderstanding which one?

I think we need to cover a topic before moving to the next and try expand on it accurately.

It will be a bit confusing and not interesting.Just trying to keep us in order.

Yipee BABE3 is here, how can I forget to mention you?

Kandikane
Damiso
And many more, make all of una land here.

freecocoa:
I can do 2 or 3 years younger, anything short of that will feel like we are from different world and time, but I do know that this can depend on individuals sha, just on a general level, this is the lowest I can go.

I also don't like older men, if you are 5 years older than me, I'm not sure how that will make me feel, I just really love men in my age range, I believe we will connect better that way.

different strokes I guess.

Lol.

As the spirit leads.

edwife:
Ladies please i know we women love gist but we need to organized a bit.

Are we talking about older men?Long distance marriages?little misunderstanding which one?

I think we need to cover a topic before moving to the next and try expand on it accurately.

It will be a bit confusing and not interesting.Just trying to keep us in order.

freecocoa:


Do you think those things are too trivial a thing to look out for in a man and hold onto? Or is she stuck in lalaland?

...stuck in lalaland/hollywood/disneyworld/Aruba.

Babe3. How are you?

cococandy:
Lol.

As the spirit leads.

Lol i know we women...plenty to say...

edwife:
Ladies please i know we women love gist but we need to organized a bit.

Are we talking about older men?Long distance marriages?little misunderstanding which one?

I think we need to cover a topic before moving to the next and try expand on it accurately.

It will be a bit confusing and not interesting.Just trying to keep us in order.

You are right though, maybe we should pick a topic and decide how long we can stay on it, before picking another.

But thing is, how do we do that? It's obvious everyone can't be on the thread at the same time and new people may join in at any point, which may make it a bit difficult to achieve our aim.

Still observing

@freecocoa
If you are dead certain of the sincerity of his love then surely the only noticeable gap in the relationship is the issue of flexibility as far as opinion and positions are concerned.

These may appear trivial at the minute but they can be huge in the wider scheme of things. It appears that both of you are strong opinionated and the only way to counter two strong personality is by ensuring there is constant consistent communication between you two. You both have to keep reassuring one another about respecting each other's views and sometimes even go extra length to see the other person's point of view when taking informed decisions

You both have to learn to listen and accommodate each other's differences where possible

Find common ground some times and see how the relationship changes course.

BABE3:


...stuck in lalaland/hollywood/disneyworld/Aruba.

Lol, I trust you to drop it as it's hot.

I hope i ain't intruding una sacred space ooooo

If i am make una just tell me so i can vamoose pronto

cococandy:
Babe3. How are you?

I'm fine, thank you. You?

Oh For those that care to know, I'm no more a vegan. A couple of months into the journey, I realized it isn't my calling.

cococandy:
different strokes I guess.

Yea.

BABE3:


I'm fine, thank you. You?

Oh For those that care to know, I'm no more a vegan. A couple of months into the journey, I realized it isn't my calling.

I just take one eye dey look you, as you be like agbani, you come still decide say na grass sure pass, that na die na.

BABE3:


I'm fine, thank you. You?

Oh For those that care to know, I'm no more a vegan. A couple of months into the journey, I realized it isn't my calling.

Bwahahahahhahahahhahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahhahahahahahahahhaha!

Sweetheart, not laughing at you, laughing with you

How are you?

Sorry for not mentioning you earlier.

jaybee3:
Still observing

@freecocoa
If you are dead certain of the sincerity of his love then surely the only noticeable gap in the relationship is the issue of flexibility as far as opinion and positions are concerned.

These may appear trivial at the minute but they can be huge in the wider scheme of things. It appears that both of you are strong opinionated and the only way to counter two strong personality is by ensuring there is constant consistent communication between you two. You both have to keep reassuring one another about respecting each other's views and sometimes even go extra length to see the other person's point of view when taking informed decisions

You both have to learn to listen and accommodate each other's differences where possible

Find common ground some times and see how the relationship changes course.

Albright, I will tell the lady.

Freecocoa.

If you're the one in question, pls don't lose a man that adores you. Those are hard to come by.

I've not even seen any much faults you listed there except the getting angry part. If he doesn't get violent when angry, what's the big deal? Just that he sulks longer? Everyone is not the same.

Wish for Taller, funnier? pfft. inconsequential in the long run as you will find out.

Him not giving second chances may be harsh but it could also mean that he's disciplined. Does it reflect in his character? If it does, then you know you've gat yourself a keeper who won't stray on you because he doesn't believe in second chances.
Hopefully it's not one sided. That's the part you might want look into very well. But that's what courtships are for.

tollu:
between you people and I, his age wasn't a problem at all. His "something" was unbelievably small, almost like a child's. I couldn't understand why a fine strapping guy like that had a kini that couldn't belleful me

Taste is everything.

Freecocoa thanks for bringing me here

@damiso,im a 100% practical and realist fella.
I will agree. Konji won't kill me.
And him either.
A cheating man will always cheat under ur nose.
If it's for the good of d family,why not?
Unless we r ttcing.
But if not,he has my support.

Even in obodo naija here, me and hubby r miles apart.
Very hard decision for me considering the fact that I just put to bed and in a new place but I have since adapted. Wasn't easy but d advantage out ways d dis.
Not for a long time though

I hv also conditioned my mind for d inevitable cos his work always take him miles away most times so even when we were together, he was o no nso eru aka(lol)

BABE3:


I'm fine, thank you. You?

Oh For those that care to know, I'm no more a vegan. A couple of months into the journey, I realized it isn't my calling.

i'm fine too.

Good. I was almost feeling sorry for you that time.
Like 'how will she manage without meat'?

edwife:
Ladies please i know we women love gist but we need to organized a bit.

Are we talking about older men? Long distance marriages? little misunderstanding which one?

I think we need to cover a topic before moving to the next and try expand on it accurately.

It will be a bit confusing and not interesting. Just trying to keep us in order.

I agree.

Seems we are done with managing time (even though you did not drop yours as you promised to do so ) and moved to age difference of couples...

So

Anything above 5yrs is 'old' for me

As per younger, wouldn't mind 1 -2yrs younger.

edwife:


Lol i know we women...plenty to say...

I guess you're right anyway.

freecocoa:
Okay ladies, so when does it become "expecting too much" in a man?

I should give a synopsis for better understanding.

Ok so you were in a relationship for say 2 years or more and it was okay, you both were in love but usually argue about things, not like in a quarrelsome way, just tend to see things differently a lot and are both very passionate about your views which kinda makes it get personal most times, but along the line, you noticed he's tilted a whole lot to your side, while still holding unto some of his.

It is okay for a couple to see things differently,after all we are different.A relationship is based on two individuals with different background,what you need to do is to learn to accommodate your partner thoughts and views.Whenever i see that we are not on the same page,i usually let go and change subject.If you are the type of always wanting to have the last say or win an argument then it will be difficult if you meet such partner.

He tends to get really angry when he gets angry and doesn't really give people second chances and that's something you don't like, as you on the other hand can give chances die and you wish he was taller than he is, funnier and act in what you believe is a "more civilised" way, he's not bush or anything, you just believe there's still room for refinement.

This is a problem,it is either you live with it or you don't.If he is not hiding the fact that he does't give a second chance and you know that you are also bent on your way,you need to rethink darling.

But are you sure this guy loves you? You can say a resounding yes and he does it with a passion that can literally be felt, sometimes you even fear if this is just love, he is extremely proud of you, all his friends place you on a pedestal, you are sure he'd defend you even if they say something not pleasant about you, in plain word he adores you. Yet somehow, you can't get to look past the things listed, as you keep feeling like if he doesn't meet up to those expectations, you'd never really be happy with him, you realise you love him but just can't seem to admire him.

Do you think those things are too trivial a thing to look out for in a man and hold onto? Or is she stuck in lalaland?

Sweetheart if you feel it within you that the guy loves you,try to always compromise.There is no perfect man out there who is gonna tick all your criteria,it looks to me as trivial but to you i don't know.

You need to see what is important in this relationship,make a list of things you think you can live with and things you can't live with,weight them and answer them.

Freecocoa,stop living in wonderland
U won't kill me with that post of urs
(sorry o u might be very serious but... )

On a more serious note,if u don't feel it, pls take the dreaded walk away.

U must hv peace of mind with whomever u r dealing with(d most important).

U sound resigned.

If ur temperament falls among d melancholic type,abeg,run!

@post cc Freecocoa

Tell the lady that height or whatever never really matter if she is truly in love. From your narration, she seem to be feeding off the man's love (while thinking that she is also in love with him)
If the man doesn't meet up to her expectations, even when she knows/feels that he loves and adores her, then IMO, she should just leave him be and look for a man that fits her specs; instead of letting her feeling of resentment/irritation for him grow.

cococandy:
i'm fine too.

Good. I was almost feeling sorry for you that time.
Like 'how will she manage without meat'?

Chei! Bad mouth
How can u feel sorry for her?
U! Eeh!

edwife no vex I guess me and Freecocoa were typing at the same time..

Ok lets debate matters of the heart first then more practical stuff.

Cococandy nice perspective.


freecocoa I believe a couple will have common interests and goals BUT definitely almost always have tons of issues that they disagree. The key thing is learning to agree to disagree. Me and husband have so many things that we disagree we still had an argument last night about 'benefit scroungers' as he calls them. The description you gave about not giving people second chances/ and the other person giving chances is like me and my husband. Me , i can make excuses for people ehn. But my husband once you mess up twice (ok maybe he gives 3rd chance ) that's its. I still got burnt last week by a tailor that has repeatedly always never sewn my fabrics when needed. I was just trying to help cos i know she needs that money but to my husband she has done it twice so he cant understand why i would use her again just because of sentiments( papers etc ). If she needed the money she would be more efficient is his argument( which is sorta true).These days though he gives people more chances( guess my influence) and I also can see when i am being taken for granted a bit more. If my husband tells you he will be somewhere at 8pm he will be there at 8pm. and kinda holds people to his owns standards which I try to tell him is not possible. He cant stand deceit,ineffiency,pretense etc.

If those are the only issue you just need to learn how to communicate with each other.

BABE3:


I'm fine, thank you. You?

Oh For those that care to know, I'm no more a vegan. A couple of months into the journey, I realized it isn't my calling.

I knew it,was just a matter of time.I didn't start this journey today....

BABE3:


I'm fine, thank you. You?

Oh For those that care to know, I'm no more a vegan. A couple of months into the journey, I realized it isn't my calling.

The train has obviously moved.

Over to freecocoa