Hey guys. I'm new to the game of posting, just as Ozil is new to EPL, but I've been observing for a while (Like Ozil with the hawk eyes) and I think I'm ready. I'll be posting here. Your criticisms and comments would be greatly appreciated. Thanks..

[b][/b][b][/b]RATS NIGHT OUT -- CHAPTER 1
{Hello, I know it may shock you to find out that a rat
wrote this blogpost. I’ve been genetically engineered,
scientifically modified, biologically disposed, personally —
erm, you get the idea already. Lemme share an experience
with you before the owner of this blog catches me on his
dashboard}
*sips Larry’s wine* *puts ‘Skelewu’ on
repeat******************************************
The room was filled to the brim with our species of different
kinds and from different walks of life («– by that, I mean the
animal kingdom). The white rats, the ‘ewuju’, ‘ekute’, ‘emo’,
brown rats, black rats et al were all present. The room was
also stuffy. There was noise everywhere, murmurs, cries of
the ratlings and also foul odour everywhere (I know the white
rats with big anal cavities can’t be trusted on that).
Everyone also shared a common trait in there — hunger. Its
been months since anyone of us went out to feed since ‘The
Battle of the Chefs’, which took place at Sweet Sensation,
when we lost some of our brothers to the merciless humans
with white hats in a clean kitchen («- kitchen or arsenal?)
The head of the colony had imposed strict rules that no one
must leave the pack since then, for fear of losing others, since
a new potent killer known as ‘ota pia pia’ has been invented
by the ‘Federal Ministry For Rats Annihilation Programme’.
Whew! The war humans wage against us though.
Tonight, we all received messages on our BlackBerry
smartphones (yeah, Blackberry. You never thought we rats
had swaggs abi?) and the rest who didn’t have got a ping on
their torchlight-nokias. We were all summoned to a meeting
where we were going to decide our fate by the head of the
clan (the shameless leader ate my dead grandpa. I’ll never
forgive him).
“O ye does and gentlerats”, the rat leader paused for silence to
dwell, “I have summoned ye all here today to express thine
minds concerning the issue on ground, so that we may proffer
a lasting solution” (you think he speaks good English? You
better go look for your KJV bible. He stole it!!!)
Everyone gave him their rapt attention now. Mouths had
started salivating and stomachs rumbling. Their days of
hunger-spells and eating of family members (oops! I wasn’t
supposed to tell you guys that) were about to come to an end.
The much desired effect had dawned on the congregation and
the beard of the head-mouse twitched at that. Something
mischievous was about to come out of those lips, I know.
“So I have decided” he began. This generated murmurs from
the congregation. This wasn’t the first time the headrat would
do this. He would ask for opinions on things he was already
decided on. “That tonight”, he continued, without minding the
murmurs, “we attack the Intercontinental Suites. There is a
presidential party going on there, and guess what that means?
Yeah, you guessed right, lots of food for us”
At this, even those of us that were unhappy that he didn’t
inlclude us in his plans were happy. We all jumped and yelled
for joy. We were going to have the feeding session (naïve
humans call it infestation) of our lives. I looked in the
direction of the council of elders, their look didn’t show me
they wanted us to go, but the head had spoken. Each rat
returned to his own home, me to my own castle (I live in an
engineer’s cupboard *shines teeth*) and prepared for the
escapade, later in the night.
Thanks for reading. Don’t forget to comment and share. Stay
tuned for Chapter II

CHAPTER II
*****************************************
Everyone went to their various houses, cleaned up, changed
their set of teeth and came back to the meeting area (I lifted
some weight myself *wink*. Did I hear the ladies say ‘oooh’).
Anyways, when we got back, the headrat summoned us all
once again and silence fell upon us.
“Welcome, does and gentlerats, welcome. Today will be a
great day in all our lives. The human race has tried all their
possible best to eradicate us, but all to no avail. Their fore-
fathers used ‘panpe’, catapults and even guns to stop us, but
still, we didn’t die. The ‘War Against Ekute’ group also came
up, making ‘soole’ and ‘gbeku’, yet we didn’t budge. Tonight,
we conquer them. Tonight, we give them a taste of their own
bitter medicine. Tonight, we eat all they’ve prepared. Never
fear, vermins, vicccctory, is ours!!”
The whole rat population gave shouts of joy at this sweet-
mouthed motivation. We were very happy. The last time we
were this happy was when Nigeria nearly won a match like
that, before Yakubu missed the goal (Did I mention that we
ate his jersey in revenge?) and when Skelewu was released
(although we do not know what the song is about). We were
all very ecstatic about the feeding session of that night. The
stores had also been made ready for extra food.
“That’s enough”, the headrat said heartily, after some minutes
of joy, “let the master strategist give us our modus operandi”
In case I forgot to mention, we also have professionals among
the rats. The master strategist for all operations we go for is
Mr. Ratata (you know that name that R2Bees always call
now). The rat mounted the podium with a big map in hand,
spectacle resting on his scrawny little pink yellow nose, his
stupid shaky legs holding the floor and his devil eyes set upon
us all (don’t mind the description. He cheated me to get the
job). He laid the big map in his hand on the wall for all to
see, and began explanations.
“Right here, here and here are the main entrances to the suite,
but only here and here have direct links to the kitchen.
Observers (by observers, he means Linda Ikeji’s Blog) have
said that the chefs perform routine walks to this entrance, and
so have reason to believe its the toilet area. From that point,
we proceed to a giant cabbage crate. There, we lay in wait for
the chefs to all go out and serve”
Everyone hailed Ratata’s plan, everyone except me(I’m still
angry at the dude. I could crush his balls). Shawty, a female,
sexy and hot rat, raised a question after the noise died down.
“Mr. Ratatzy (she seduces everyone with a nickname. That
she-devil!), any downside to this plan?”. Ratata melted at this
and I noticed some activity in the shameless thing’s groins as
he replied,”I’m afraid the answer is yes. I must warn you, that
the new Skelewu song and the shameless songs by Tonto Dike
will be highly hazardours to our healths. You all remember
the ‘Alanta Fever Season’ when our brothers took it too far by
setting themselves on fire. We might be looking at another
Skelewu Fever. So be careful, when you hear the song, block
out your ears. And might I add, the First Lady is capable of
spewing bombs from her mouth, grammar-wise. Do not stay
near her when she’s about to speak”. At this, even I was
envious of the job well done by this strategist.
He left the podium amidst claps and the headrat once again
mounted to give us the closing prayer, so that we might begin
the attack.
“O ye gods of the vermins! We, thine be-teethed servants
have come before ye once again, give us the stomach to hold
the food of the sapiens, give our teeth the extra power to chew
the food, give our legs the same power ye gave Guy
Dangerous to escape any predators, and bring us back here
into our cave from where we can always come to listen and
groove to the song thine son, David O, just released. Let the
attack begin”. At this, we all hooted and ran out of the cave,
headed under the grassess and cover of darkness to the
Intercontinental Suites.
Just tell me, what do you think would happen next? Gotta go,
I think Larry’s coming. Stay connected for Chapter III. Don’t
forget to comment.