pickabeau1:
This 50-50 again

Women and their unending quest for parity in all

edwife:


Well i can ask for 50-50 doesn't mean that i can't let you make most of the decisions... ,there won't be any need for me to even hang on it [size=18pt] if [/size] i know my man is wise and intelligent.

pickabeau1:


The if again

Why marry someone thatis unwise and unintelligent
Why marry someone unfit to make decisions

Says more about the woman

edwife:


Well for me it's not an option,brain is all i am keen on.

For some,they had no choice-many uncontrollable factors can drive them to such....

pickabeau1:


Then it comes back to the question

Which philosophy do you uphold

Once married you are in.. you have accepted to make that man your head and trust in his decisions and yes for him to consult with you!

You cant back out saying he is not worth it then disrespect him

sikena!

edwife:


I go with your philosophy,but i ain't just talking about me.What about many of my sisters who don't believe in headship?

However picka,there are some men who acknowledge the fact that they have smart women and let them make most of the decisions.

pickabeau1:


The bolded is the issue

I pity the dolt who marries such women. It is better to live on the rooftop alone than with such contentions heifers

I wish such men the best

TV01:
Go young, young man, go young.


Presumes;
1.  You are a mature and responsible man – set on creating a family legacy
2.  You are  a man in good shape,  or who is set on being so - and maintaining it.
3.  Mongamy is your model
4.  I said ATBE, if you meet an outlier in any sense, factor accordingly


Disclaimer
1. I did this and it works

 
TV

^{...please cease and desist with the weave talk !}

This is very practical.

Working for me now!!!


#TeamGoYoungStayHappy.

pickabeau1:


The bolded is the issue

I pity the dolt who marries such women. It is better to live on the rooftop alone than with such contentions heifers

I wish such men the best

tearoses:
Edwife when did you become like this . .. .
Bro Bellong and coach Tv01 have been teaching you how to write epistles abi

I am confused though, cos both you and Tv01 both have good points. I was reading his points and nodding and then read yours and nodded

You know what, after all the discussions and many many posts ive read here on the family section, Ive finally come to realise that maybe theory doesnt work in marriage. Its the practice gan gan and the individuals themselves that make or break it. . . .and it takes both parties.

One person cant do it all. I dont know the least percentage that each contributor needs to input for there to be a decent balance, but I am certain that both must put in a considerable amount. One person cant keep on doing and the other receiving all the time.

Now to the age thing and the looking up to & automatic respect thing. You are right in theory. My husband is 6 years older than me. So before anything as a girl brought up to respect my elders, he has already got my respect there and then and I do respect him.

But if he was an agbaya then that respect will dwindle. So its not age alone. He too has to act his age and show that he is worthy of that respect. . .and this is the point where some people lose it.

Fortunately my husband earns that respect in every area. I see a man who is looked up to by people around him and a man who makes sound descsions. He takes full responsibility for us and puts us all first before he even considers himself. In Nigeria he will insist on jumping cab if I need to go out with the car. If we eat together he insists on leaving the better meat for me. . .like im a kid LOL. Oya bring your passport, let me hold it

A man who when 2 people are fighting he easily douses the flames. Very intelligent man too. Ive seem him tackle very difficult situations and he has a way with words where he will tell you how he feels about something without insulting you but you will know that you have goofed.

Yet today you see older men who dont have brains, so the age difference makes no meaning & so they are not respected. One was at a party telling another man who was with his wife to come and spend weeked with him jooor so they can paint the town red. "Just tell your wife you are going on a weekend course" . . .both wives were sitting beside them o!. Does he have brains? How can the wife respect a man like that

You hear stories of men having dirty conversations with other women on their phones and their wives catch them. How can these men be respected by their wives even if there was a 10 year age gap?

Sex . . .Bro TV you are wrong o! . . .talks from experience
The older you get the more you enjoy it
Maybe becssue one is more relaxed and comfortable in the relationship. .I dont know
Maybe its knowing that no kids will just walk through the door
Maybe its knowing that if you do get pregnant its not the end of the world
Maybe its knowing that you have solid contraception
Lots of maybes LOL

bukatyne:


It is a fallacy to think because everyone doesn't go your way, they are doomed

Some men with wives who 'believe' in headship are also doomed too

Anyways, this is NL

edwife:
I have to say this too:As y'all on the look out for younger and "fresher" women,i think it will also be good to understand this.

Gone are the days when innocence and reservation were the norm.Young women these days "do not look up to you" without your pocket being the prime commender in chief in the relationship.

-They are likely to sleep with twice the number of men the older women have slept with.Sex is no longer a taboo nowadays,a 23 years old today can count up to 10 guys she had sex with.From the first guy who dis-virgin her at 14/15 to the lecturer who did not want to let her pass,the boyfriend at school who was ever willing to help with assignments,the neighbours,the sugar daddy to the 3 suitors who are asking for her hand in marriage.(including you )

-Younger women have as much baggages as older women if not more.Long are the days older women were too sedentary and set in their ways,but be aware that most of 20-somethings are more than capable of being pretty damn lazy and stubborn too.These girls are learning ,they are thirsty,they want to achieve and gain as much as the men.

-Not many girls today want to depend solely on men,they want to take and still make their own.They also have their own rules and are more likely to change or take any advice given outside as long as it goes with what they believe in.Many are naive and easy to convince.

-Older women might not necessarily have been out there,many were so drown in their career or education that they had little or no time for men and when many of you men were running away from them,they concentrated on building their carrier and pleasuring themselves with Love Machine.Whenever they find a man,they hold to that man-all they need at this point in their life is to have kids and a family.

-The mistake many of you men make is that you refuse to believe that women are very smart and manipulative.They will make you believe what they want you to believe.These younger women are not after your willy or sexual prowess but the financial security.There is no more patience.

Just a few posts i took from one of my favourite site,they keep it real over there.







There were a day we were in the village for christmas,my SIL asked her friend:Did you noticed something?most of the man in the village were lonely and almost abandoned by their kids and wives.
Yes in ibo land most men tend to marry young,they have a fulfil time when the women are kept at home taking care of their kids and needs but as time goes on,the kids leave and the women live again.Some pursue their dreams while some leave to live with their kids.I know many who live in Owerri teaching,doing business while their husbands retire quietly in the village.I am talking about 10/15 years gap.

-Just to give you a glimpse of what goes on,how many tales of marital complains we have here on NL everyday with a younger wives.

-Sex sex sex what can i say?Unless you are a woman-you wouldn't really know,would you?

I picked this from the net and was a good enough explanation for me and as a woman i know what this means.



-Women being second wives has nothing to do with sex,sex is the last thing on their minds-financial security is.
-Have you wonder why we have so many tales of women sleeping with their drivers,husband lawyers and younger boys?

So in conclusion,Marriage is above all about 50-50 partnership; differences in ages also mean differences in life experience and cultural reference points.

Nothing beats compatibility.

RoyalRoy:


This is very practical.

Working for me now!!!


#TeamGoYoungStayHappy.

coogar:

so which is which?
to marry an old woman or to marry a young one?

tearoses:
I am confused though, cos both you and Tv01 both have good points. I was reading his points and nodding and then read yours and nodded

tearoses:

Sex . . .Bro TV you are wrong o! . . .talks from experience
The older you get the more you enjoy it
Maybe becssue one is more relaxed and comfortable in the relationship. .I dont know
Maybe its knowing that no kids will just walk through the door
Maybe its knowing that if you do get pregnant its not the end of the world
Maybe its knowing that you have solid contraception
Lots of maybes LOL

naijababe:
Tearoses, the meat of your post is this 'theory does not work in marriage, it is the practice gan gan'.....I believe there is a type for each person. Marry your type and as long as you both remain committed you should have a good marriage.

The rest na turenchi......

tearoses:
Edwife when did you become like this . .. .
Bro Bellong and coach Tv01 have been teaching you how to write epistles abi
I am confused though, cos both you and Tv01 both have good points. I was reading his points and nodding and then read yours and nodded
You know what, after all the discussions and many many posts ive read here on the family section, Ive finally come to realise that maybe theory doesnt work in marriage. Its the practice gan gan and the individuals themselves that make or break it. . . .and it takes both parties.
One person cant do it all. I dont know the least percentage that each contributor needs to input for there to be a decent balance, but I am certain that both must put in a considerable amount. One person cant keep on doing and the other receiving all the time.
Now to the age thing and the looking up to & automatic respect thing. You are right in theory. My husband is 6 years older than me. So before anything as a girl brought up to respect my elders, he has already got my respect there and then and I do respect him.
But if he was an agbaya then that respect will dwindle. So its not age alone. He too has to act his age and show that he is worthy of that respect. . .and this is the point where some people lose it.

. How can these men be respected by their wives even if there was a 10 year age gap?
Sex . . .Bro TV you are wrong o! . . .talks from experience
The older you get the more you enjoy it

Lots of maybes LOL

Mr Peter Ayodele, another lawyer, said that some men and women did not understand that love was the primary basis for workable marriage.
“Some marriages lack love. If a marriage has love as its foundation, as in the Christian and Islamic doctrine; couples would stay together `for better and for not as good as,’’ he said.
Ayodele also explained that the problem was rampant with women because most divorce suit had women as petitioners.
“Most women, especially the career ones, would want to rub shoulders with their husbands; they are not ready to compromise or stoop down for their spouses.
“And men are naturally egoistic, once their wives start giving them such challenges in their marital decisions; there would be conflicts which might lead to divorce.’’
He also cited social pressure as another major cause of divorce, saying that most girls go into marriages because of money and social status of the husband to be in the society.
“Once they go into the marriage with such mindset, whenever anything affects the position, they want to seek divorce because they are not ready to absorb the ups and downs of marriage,’’
- See more at: http://www.vanguardngr.com/2012/06/lawyers-lament-high-rate-of-divorce-in-nigeria/#sthash.FANlmI4y.dpuf

Kimoni:
TV!!!!!!!!

So what is the summary of your message lekunrere??

Our matured singles should remain single forever ba?? DiarrissGodoooo. Remember that wine gets better with age o

Coogar, marry a matured single and you will testify

naijababe:
Edwife, please give a sister a hug. I also grew up in a household with a larger proportion of males. Mehn, the things these my young eyes have seen eh!

There is this Yoruba adage that used annoy me when I was much younger but which getting somewhat older has now been proven to be true that goes this.......' No man can match the guile of a woman'......I used to think it was sexist choi, now I know better.

edwife:


We pay more bride price than we receive and everytime a girl is getting married in my family,we make it huge!All my uncles,cousins get involved.
[b]My blood brother was deceived by a lady,she was 26 when we paid for her bride price-[/b]we were preparing for marriage when we discovered that she had an 11 years old son somewhere leaving with his father. She didn't look the part,nothing on her could tell you that she had a child.
But some were not too lucky as they live with such women.

bellong:


Your brother, like many others including female, didn't do his proper background check and digging. If he had done it, he would have uncovered what was closely hidden.

edwife:


He did,trust me.They dated for 2 years-the girl was good and her family was super good.They had it all covered.God was just on our side.

Bellong just like many men today are not fathers to their first children.It is a complicated world out there,we live by grace and those of us who have it good,need to be grateful.

naijababe:
Bellong, how could he have found out especially if her family are in cahoots with her ?

bellong:

I understand the part of grace but many do fail in what they should do.
As Christians, approaching the issue of marriage require both spiritual sensitivity and being street smart.