TV, I'll be back, my network is very low right now.

But Edwife did highlight some good reasons why it's not all 'eureka' when it comes to marrying young. And she came with true life stories to support it.

bukatyne:


@Bold:

Long story

If you had wooed and God said no, won't you have taken who He gave you?

It is you assuming that in all instances God gives wives, or even in the cases that He does, He would let you needlessly woo before saying no.

I broke some of my own criteria to marry my wife - all considered she warranted bending those particular rules for, and I was happy to bear the consequences. Men woo, men win.


TV

TV01:

It is you assuming that in all instances God gives wives, or even in the cases that He does, He would let you needlessly woo before saying no.

I broke some of my own criteria to marry my wife - all considered she warranted bending those particular rules for, and I was happy to bear the consequences. Men woo, men win.


TV

I have edited my posts

Kimoni:


TV, I'll be back, my network is very low right now.

But Edwife did highlight some good reasons why it's not all 'eureka' when it comes to marrying young. And she came with true life stories to support it.

I never said it's all "eureka" - In fact I clearly stated that it's genrally better for the dynamic and one of the things to seriously consider. I saw no story from Edwife that was a direct result of a man marrying a younger women - or something that couldn't have happened with a woman the same age or older. Or are all the issues between older men and younger women, and due specifically to the age difference?

My advice remains as is !


TV

bukatyne:
I have edited my posts

...my remains fine as is !


TV

TV01:

I never said it's all "eureka" - In fact I clearly stated that it's genrally better for the dynamic and one of the things to seriously consider. I saw no story from Edwife that was a direct result of a man marrying a younger women - or something that couldn't have happened with a woman the same age or older. Or are all the issues between older men and younger women, and due specifically to the age difference?

My advice remains as is !


TV

the conclusion of those stories is this - In our world today, those advantages you highlighted do not exist anymore because young is no longer young. And I think you got her drift just that you waved them off as being scare tactics. But it's really the truth - young is no longer young.

Kimoni:
young is no longer young.

Really? So what is young these days? And what happened to old? Abi old sef is no longer old?

Kimoni:
And I think you got her drift just that you waved them off as being scare tactics. But it's really the truth - young is no longer young.

Just tell us why and how older is superior to younger, or why it's just as good, or better even! But if young is no longer young, how can you actually do that

You see now why you need to start using big big grammar


TV

Bro TV there is Nothing wrong with marrying someone younger than you. I am not just sure that your idea of young is actually young ni o!

If you are looking for someone you can “mould” and who comes to the marriage with minor baggage & mileage, has loads of energy & will have racing car metabolism for the next 20 years etc. then you are going to have to go a lot younger than 25 bro.

You are going to have to go to as low as 16 and this puts you into a different level of problems altogether, assuming that its even illegal, which 16 year old wants to get married anyway unless they are running away from poverty or abuse or something terrible?
Do they even have the mental and emotional maturity to thrive in the marriage?

To be honest there is not much different between a 25 year old and a 30 year old . . . They’ve both been there, done it and have got the T-shirt and their hand luggage is almost identical

TV01:

Really? So what is young these days? And what happened to old? Abi old sef is no longer old?


Just tell us why and how older is superior to younger, or why it's just as good, or better even! But if young is no longer young, how can you actually do that

You see now why you need to start using big big grammar


TV

calm down bro. I'll be back! Enough deadlines ahead.

tearoses:
TV there is Nothing wrong with marrying someone younger than you. I am not just sure that your idea of young is actually young ni o!

If you are looking for someone you can “mould” and who comes to the marriage with minor baggage & mileage, has loads of energy & will have racing car metabolism for the next 20 years etc. then you are going to have to go a lot younger than 25 bro.

You are going to have to go to as low as 16 and this puts you into a different level of problems altogether, assuming that its even illegal, which 16 year old wants to get married anyway?
Do they even have the mental and emotional maturity to thrive in the marriage?

To be honest there is not much different between a 25 year old and a 30 year old . . . They’ve both been there, done it and have got the T-shirt and their hand luggage is almost identical

You people won't gree me

There is a difference between a 25 year old woman and a 30 year old woman if you are a 25 year old man - or even a 30 year old man. That's when you wil hear that your wife has no intention of cooking !

TV

TV01 my only question is ( you know me its ijebu I understand abeg sofry on the big big grammar ) are you saying that a younger wife for a man is more a consideration( I know you have given other considerations) than the actual character of the person in question? Now this not to hold brief for anyone but just wondering why the age factor is more an issue than the actual character of the person? A good person is a good person ( I think) regardless of their age and so if my brother finds a woman who is good woman who is 2 years younger he should disqualify her as a suitable mate because a suitable mate would be more in the 7 to 12 year age difference?

I am not asking defensively or anything cos my husband is almost 10 years older than I am while my mum and dad were in essence age mates( less than 2 year age difference) as they had been courting since their A levels. and I feel my father was a good man( I am biased I know).And my mother a good wife to him.

I just want to know how age is a factor in the character judgement of any individual.

TV01:

You people won't gree me

There is a difference between a 25 year old woman and a 30 year old woman if you are a 25 year old man - or even a 30 year old man. That's when you wil hear that your wife has no intention of cooking !

TV

We no gree o!
Actually if what I read on NL is true, its the younger ones who are the most commited hardliners and the "mi o ni gba ones"
You are likely to be fed by a 30 year old woman who knows how many times she was sidelined for younger versions before she became a Mrs than a 20 year old who had 100 suitors begging her to get married.

I like Damis way of looking at things too. A good person will be a good person regardless of age and vice versa.

damiso:
TV01 my only question is ( you know me its ijebu I understand abeg sofry on the big big grammar )

E we so !

damiso:
are you saying that a younger wife for a man is more a consideration( I know you have given other considerations) than the actual character of the person in question?

No

damiso:
Now this not to hold brief for anyone but just wondering why the age factor is more an issue than the actual character of the person? A good person is a good person ( I think) regardless of their age and so if my brother finds a woman who is good woman who is 2 years younger he should disqualify her as a suitable mate because a suitable mate would be more in the 7 to 12 year age difference?

Sometimes it's by degrees, think of it relatively; would a man prefer a perectly behaved wife without the physical intimacy he wants, or a wife with a little drama, a few character flaws but awesome in the sack? think I know what most men would choose.

damiso:
I am not asking defensively or anything cos my husband is almost 10 years older than I am while my mum and dad were in essence age mates( less than 2 year age difference) as they had been courting since their A levels. and I feel my father was a good man( I am biased I know).And my mother a good wife to him.

Regards to hubby - sharp dude, can't wait to meet him ! Funnily enough, my dad was just over 2 years older than my mum - and she tried. He was her first and only love.

I've given a general rule of thumb. At least it's a starting point for men and they can factor accordingly.

damiso:
I just want to know how age is a factor in the character judgement of any individual.

It's not, it's a totally different - and important - consideration in it's own right. You buy a car, you consider, the cost, consumption and capacity. Even if there is a hierarchy, they are all important. I think age differentials speak to a number of things, although I honed in on intimacy here, 'cos I'm hearing a lot of that.

For me personally, character was paramount. But I didn't focus out everything else. Till today I tease my wife about how it was when she knelt to pick something up in her fishtail dress that I caught an eyeful and said "ye, today na today" . I had been studying her from afar exactly to discern her character.


TV

All these epistles again. more grease to your power abi elbow

Happy Epistling

tearoses:


We no gree o!
Actually if what I read on NL is true, its the younger ones who are the most commited hardliners and the "mi o ni gba ones"
You are likely to be fed by a 30 year old woman who knows how many times she was sidelined for younger versions before she became a Mrs than a 20 year old who had 100 suitors begging her to get married.

I like Damis way of looking at things too. A good person will be a good person regardless of age and vice versa.

And the older ones who are most set in their ways and jaundiced about men - swings and roundabouts. I would avoid both. Character and attitude are no less important. I chinned a younger woman for my wife

And there is no issue with a 30 year old who has kept and cultivated herself. Especially if you are a 40 year old man !

Please gree na !


TV

boohoo

Whats the issue with diabetes

with good health and information, it can be well managed

why did the girl now back out

The man needed time to consider all the pros and cons... not some emotion laden decision

Kimoni:


You know sometimes, I pity people who have "stories" they need to share with their intended before the wedding. There is so much uncertainty about the outcome of the story that you get confused as to whether to share, when to share and how to share. A colleague was just telling me how he broke off his engagement 2 days ago because the girl shared her "story" with him.

So there is this girl he met and within 3 months, he wanted to take things to the next level. He travelled all the way to London to propose to her. On the d-day, he knelt down on one knee and said the usual. She started crying that she had something important to tell him. She had Type 2 diabetes He started crying as well but was very angry that she had waited till that moment to tell him something this important. I pointed out to him that their courtship was quite short so she wasn't really at fault. He said they had several moments where they had both spilled everything about their past and he was pained because according to him, he said everything there was to say and he thought she did the same not knowing she had deliberately left out that important factor.

Anyways, he took back his ring and asked for more time to think about it. Unfortunately, the girl felt pained that he could actually withdraw the proposal so she sent him a text telling him that she didn't think the relationship was worth it, that if he could take his ring back, she wasn't sure he could handle her issue so they should both take the easier route and break the relationship completely .

Personally, I told him I didn't think he should break up with her or withdraw his ring the way he did. She must have been at a loss all along as to how to go about breaking the news to him but at least she had enough integrity to tell him before accepting his proposal. Then he shocked me; he said he would even have preferred she held it back and told him after the proposal but telling him at that joyous moment not only confused and demoralized him but left a permanent scar in his life. Poor girl! You are damned if you do, you are damned if you don't. Hmnnnnnnnnnnn

Relationships are complicated. What works for A might not work for B. There is no manual in this institution. I can only listen to how you do yours and tweak it to suit my own situation but it will be foolhardy to adopt what works for you from pali to pali.

damiso:
TV01 my only question is ( you know me its ijebu I understand abeg sofry on the big big grammar ) are you saying that a younger wife for a man is more a consideration( I know you have given other considerations) than the actual character of the person in question? Now this not to hold brief for anyone but just wondering why the age factor is more an issue than the actual character of the person? A good person is a good person ( I think) regardless of their age and so if my brother finds a woman who is good woman who is 2 years younger he should disqualify her as a suitable mate because a suitable mate would be more in the 7 to 12 year age difference?

I am not asking defensively or anything cos my husband is almost 10 years older than I am while my mum and dad were in essence age mates( less than 2 year age difference) as they had been courting since their A levels. and [b]I feel my father was a good man( I am biased I know).And my mother a good wife to him.

[/b]I just want to know how age is a factor in the character judgement of any individual.

The best person to ask is your dad how his perception of wifes age would be knowing what he knows now....

Not you

pickabeau1:
boohoo
Whats the issue with diabetes
with good health and information, it can be well managed
why did the girl now back out
The man needed time to consider all the pros and cons... not some emotion laden decision

Abi, after they'd had a heartfelt chat, why did she not reveal it - in all liklihood it would have endeared her to him. Women often feel the need to manipulate men, when the men would readily accomodate whatever it is anyway ! I think he was right to reconsider.

pickabeau1:
The best person to ask is your dad how his perception of wifes age would be knowing what he knows now....

Not you

The new "no holds barred, taking no prisoners, ox goring Pickabeau1" Me likey . Regulate bro'


TV

TV01:

Abi, after they'd had a heartfelt chat, why did she not reveal it - in all liklihood it would have endeared her to him. Women often feel the need to manipulate men, when the men would readily accomodate whatever it is anyway ! I think he was right to reconsider.


The new "no holds barred, taking no prisoners, ox goring Pickabau1" Regulate bro'


TV

I agree...

From the little I know of diabetes, with good health.. you can manage it

If the woman had the attributes he wanted, he may have still made the choice only that it was informed

That being the key word

LOL

Kimoni:



Anyways, he took back his ring and asked for more time to think about it. Unfortunately, the girl felt pained that he could actually withdraw the proposal so she sent him a text telling him that she didn't think the relationship was worth it, that if he could take his ring back, she wasn't sure he could handle her issue so they should both take the easier route and break the relationship completely.

Lol. What entitlement! Hope he told her to fvck off with her issue? Was he the one stuffing her destiny with sugar?

A bit harsh,... it could be congenital too right?

medical people help me

Timbuktou:


Lol. What entitlement! Hope he told her to fvck off with her issue? Was he the one stuffing her destiny with sugar?

pickabeau1:


A bit harsh,... it could be congenital too right?

medical people help me

Even if, and this is a big if, it was congenital, did he bestow it upon her? The nerve she had to send that text is beyond appalling.

Timbuktou:


Even if, and this is a big if, it was congenital, did he bestow it upon her? The nerve she had to send that is beyond appalling.

really funny though

The funniest thing about such people is they will not hesitate to throw u to the dogs if it was their own

pickabeau1:


really funny though

The funniest thing about such people is they will not hesitate to throw u to the dogs if it was their own

Perfectly diagnosed, Pick. Classic traits of a selfish person; me first. I bet she didn't consider herself handling 'his' issue of not appreciating being blindsided.

Like I said, I hope he told her to fvck off. I would.

pickabeau1:


The best person to ask is your dad how his perception of wifes age would be knowing what he knows now....

Not you

Unfortunately he is not with us anymore so I guess you have to take my word for it

I don't get what you are implying by 'what he knows now' are you insinuating that a younger woman might have made a better wife for him than my mum was?

TV01:
E we so !

No

Sometimes it's by degrees, think of it relatively; would a man prefer a perectly behaved wife without the physical intimacy he wants, or a wife with a little drama, a few character flaws but awesome in the sack? think I know what most men would choose.


Regards to hubby - sharp dude, can't wait to meet him ! Funnily enough, my dad was just over 2 years older than my mum - and she tried. He was her first and only love.

I've given a general rule of thumb. At least it's a starting point for men and they can factor accordingly.


It's not, it's a totally different - and important - consideration in it's own right. You buy a car, you consider, the cost, consumption and capacity. Even if there is a hierarchy, they are all important. I think age differentials speak to a number of things, although I honed in on intimacy here, 'cos I'm hearing a lot of that.

For me personally, character was paramount. But I didn't focus out everything else. Till today I tease my wife about how it was when she knelt to pick something up in her fishtail dress that I caught an eyeful and said "ye, today na today" . I had been studying her from afar exactly to discern her character.


TV

I don't disagree with people having differently preferences because I even know loads of women who say they would find it difficult to marry/respect a man who was the same age. And some who say a 10 year age gap is too wide and it would feel like they were married to their uncle.

However like so many others have said I think it's down to the individual. And finding that person who complements you and who you can tolerate to a certain extent. To put a blanket figure of '7 to 12' age differential just feels a bit specific to me. I know a couple with a 1 to 2 year age differential and they both got married late . Now I don't live with them and know the intricacies of their home but based on what I see the way the woman 'carries' her husband I must say I no near am even with higher age gap.

Anytime my mum visits she is always telling me off on how I serve(or rather do not ) serve my husband food. I cook and put in the fridge and when he comes he takes his food and warms it up himself. Sometimes if he is home I dish it but with minimal fuss.Sometimes sef he makes the food and dishes mine. She can't wrap her head round it because to her part of respecting your husband is how you serve him his food.you know the whole set the table and go and call him that food is ready

I just think different relationships have different dynamics and I don't think a man going 'younger ' will necessarily always be the best starting point for getting the best outcomes in a wife. I agree though that it could be a preference for some.

damiso:


Unfortunately he is not with us anymore so I guess you have to take my word for it

I don't get what you are implying by 'what he knows now' are you insinuating that a younger woman might have made a better wife for him than my mum was?

I'd like to know too.

damiso:


Unfortunately he is not with us anymore so I guess you have to take my word for it

I don't get what you are implying by 'what he knows now' are you insinuating that a younger woman might have made a better wife for him than my mum was?

My condolences I was not aware
May he RIP

My post was linked to your statement about husbandry which a child will not have the best information on
That information is best given by the spouse

On the optimal age range. You may find out he may have a different opinion of it asked him about it later in life

A family I know the man said he may have married a younger lady because the career decisions had to made immediately on his wife's case unlike if she was slightly younger

A woman far advanced career wise is not as flexible to focus on family

Do you get?

Timbuktou:


Lol. What entitlement! Hope he told her to fvck off with her issue? Was he the one stuffing her destiny with sugar?

Show me the entitlement....I term it consideration.

Kimoni:

Show me the entitlement....I term it consideration.

It's right there in what I quoted and put in bold.

Kimoni:

Show me the entitlement....I term it consideration.

It's right there in what I quoted and put in bold.

pickabeau1:


My condolences I was not aware
May he RIP

My post was linked to your statement about husbandry which a child will not have the best information on
That information is best given by the spouse

On the optimal age range. You may find out he may have a different opinion of it asked him about it later in life

A family I know the man said he may have married a younger lady because the career decisions had to made immediately on his wife's case unlike if she was slightly younger

A woman far advanced career wise is not as flexible to focus on family

Do you get?

A child is able to view the parents marriage from a very proximate view. Dare say I that part of a child's early views on marriage can be formed from viewing the relationship bee tween their parents. So yeah I can't speak for my dad but I can say that the age diffrence would not be an overriding factor on which my dad would have judged his wife against her other redeeming qualities.now I am not saying they did not have differences but I did not think the age difference made her respect him any less or would have been the main thing he could change.

As for career, that sef too is even subjective because for me sef a woman who is settled in her career has the resources to be a bit more flexible in prioritising work life/balance . A younger woman who might have just been starting out in career and then giving that up along the line for family might have some resentment at what might have been if she did not have to sacrifice her career for her family. Majority of the women I know who took career breaks to tend to family are women who are a bit more stablished career wise.