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Why I’m Happier In A Sexless Marriage - Romance - Nairaland

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Why I’m Happier In A Sexless Marriage by GoodFaith: 4:11pm On Jan 09, 2014
http://living.msn.com/love-relationships/love-sex/why-i%E2%80%99m-happier-in-a-sexless-marriage

My husband and I met at 24, got married at 26, and had our daughter at 29. Now we’re both 34, and we’ve probably only had sex six or so times in the past year.

And honestly? We’re perfectly happy. It’s something I wouldn’t ever tell my friends, but it works for our marriage. My husband is my best friend, my soul mate… and our marriage is fine the way it is—without any acrobatic Kama Sutra-type moves.

I’m not a prude. I lost my virginity when I was 16. I’ve used a vibrator. I’ve read Fifty Shades of Grey. I appreciate the idea of sex, but I feel about it like I feel about working out: I know there are a ton of people who love it and can’t get enough of it, I know it’s good, I know I’ll enjoy it when I’m actually doing it, but it takes a lot to drag me off the couch (or into bed).

My husband’s the same way. Even when he and I first began dating, it seemed like we felt a lot closer talking under the covers than we did having sex. We enjoyed sex when it happened, but it never felt like the main point of our relationship. Now, 10 years later, he and I definitely make time for intimacy—we have date nights, we cuddle on the couch, we’ll even sleep naked together sometimes in the summer—but we also don’t have sex unless both of us are really raring to go.

It’s not that I’m not attracted to my husband. He’s hot! And I know he’s attracted to me too. Despite my earlier comment about the gym, we both do stay in shape, and our lack of sex doesn’t have anything to do with how we feel about each other physically. It’d be one thing if we suddenly stopped having sex, but since we’ve always been like this, it just feels right.

I know what you’re thinking: That he probably watches porn behind my back, or that he secretly wishes that we’d both get more action, but that's not the case. It’s something we’ve talked about. While we like having sex with each other when we have it, we’re just not super-sexual people. In fact, he's confessed that before he met me, he always wondered if something was wrong with him because he didn’t think about sex as much as stereotypical guys seem to. And to be honest, we did have sex pretty regularly when we first started dating. But the more comfortable we got with each other, the less essential it was for either of us. We probably did it once or twice a month for the first few years of our marriage. Then, I had a really tough pregnancy, and we maybe had sex twice. And honestly, once our daughter was born, we didn’t miss it. I asked my husband how he felt, and he's pretty happy about the groove we’re in. Now that we’re parents, it’s really comforting to be able to end the day cuddling and know that it’s not “supposed” to lead to anything more.

In fact, I think in a lot of ways, not relying on sex makes our marriage more honest. We don’t have “make-up sex” and we don’t have sex as a way to mask all the things that aren’t going right in our lives. Instead, we have to talk and face up to what’s not working. I think that sex can solve a lot of everyday issues, but it doesn’t cover up the larger ones that lurk below the surface. Not having sex be a regular part of our routine means we’ve had to work harder to fulfill each other’s emotional needs. For example, after I’ve had a hard day, my husband will take on dinner prep and put our daughter to bed. It’s not because he expects anything; it’s just that he sees what I need and responds to it.

What would I do if my husband wanted more sex? Well, then, he wouldn’t be my husband. I don’t mean I wouldn’t have married him, but I do think one of the reasons why we get along so well is because we’re both on the same wavelength in terms of how much importance we place on our sex lives. Everyone is born with different sex drives—and I believe that problems arise when couples have wildly different sexual needs. But I don’t think that my husband and I are weird or abnormal in that neither of us is especially interested in sex. We’re human, and if I did surprise him one night by showing up in the bedroom clad only in lingerie, then I’m sure he would react appropriately. But at the end of the day, that wouldn’t be me, or us.

A few years ago, I was at a brunch with some close girlfriends when the subject turned to sex. One woman shared that she didn’t think a marriage without frequent sex was “real,” going on to say that it was more like a roommate relationship. Let me make one thing clear: My husband is far more than my roommate. Not only is he the father of my daughter, he’s also the person I love and trust more than anyone in the world. And I don’t need to do the deed a certain number of times a week to know that’s true.

1 Like

Re: Why I’m Happier In A Sexless Marriage by Nobody: 4:24pm On Jan 09, 2014
In a few years, her husband will reveal he is gay.

4 Likes

Re: Why I’m Happier In A Sexless Marriage by Mynd44: 4:31pm On Jan 09, 2014
Good for them

3 Likes

Re: Why I’m Happier In A Sexless Marriage by oluwadartey: 4:40pm On Jan 09, 2014
madam...... if You know What's good for You.. better increase the rate at which You offer/give it to him.... What exactly is your point?.. that we should stop having sex if we want to have a happy married life?... your husband is one of the few men very good at cheating and ur Just too engrossed in ur sexless life to notice. don't give it to him o... be there basking in ur sexless world euphoria.

4 Likes

Re: Why I’m Happier In A Sexless Marriage by GoodFaith: 4:44pm On Jan 09, 2014
FlowerPower: In a few years, her husband will reveal he is gay.

You are a true American
Re: Why I’m Happier In A Sexless Marriage by Nobody: 4:45pm On Jan 09, 2014
Mynd_44: Good for them
Re: Why I’m Happier In A Sexless Marriage by Nobody: 5:21pm On Jan 09, 2014
GoodFaith:

You are a true American

You got that right! I've seen it several times in real life. The women thought their husbands were ok with no intimacy and never saw any signs of him cheating with a woman. When everything came out in the wash, there was a man giving him what he desired.

1 Like

Re: Why I’m Happier In A Sexless Marriage by Nobody: 7:37pm On Jan 09, 2014
Choose one of these....

1) He or you, or both of you sulk at sex
2) He's gay or you are a lesbo
3) He's getting layed by someone else or you are getting it from some other guy.....

That's assuming you write-up was factual....


Ten years of relationship, 8years of marriage, only six freaking sex scene? Doesnnt add up mrs, the equation has got some major missing variablesi!!!!
The other variables of the equations might be the three or any combination ivolving the three....

2 Likes

Re: Why I’m Happier In A Sexless Marriage by freda506(f): 8:45pm On Jan 09, 2014
Well,if they aren't complaining,who am I to? undecided

1 Like

Re: Why I’m Happier In A Sexless Marriage by Marvyx(m): 8:49pm On Jan 09, 2014
You two need help.
Re: Why I’m Happier In A Sexless Marriage by Medunah: 9:12pm On Jan 09, 2014
Dat one is deir problem
Re: Why I’m Happier In A Sexless Marriage by Buyeradvertcom: 9:18pm On Jan 09, 2014
T
Re: Why I’m Happier In A Sexless Marriage by andyanders: 9:50pm On Jan 09, 2014
I wonder the kind of luv you share staying without sex. Your husband must be into something else or spiritually married where he derive much intimacy than having you. While my joystick is always awake and my wife never put on anything as I use to be annoyed even having to see her with her undies on when sleeping I will pull it off as I can navigate at anytime I want and you are here telling us that you no dey bleep.

So, check yourselves as something is wrong somewhere.Men who behaves like that are usually bi-sexu--als.

1 Like

Re: Why I’m Happier In A Sexless Marriage by Nobody: 4:34am On Jan 10, 2014
We shall see.
Re: Why I’m Happier In A Sexless Marriage by Nobody: 5:20am On Jan 10, 2014
FlowerPower: In a few years, her husband will reveal he is gay.

Gbam!
I could bet on that
He is definitely using her as a cover up to be seen as a heterosexual family guy
The man is on the down low

1 Like

Re: Why I’m Happier In A Sexless Marriage by yinkeys(m): 5:39am On Jan 10, 2014
Madam u better listen good; it's either he's cheating on u or he's so occupied with & loves his job so much that he transfers unused sex energy into his job. The more u stop giving a guy sex; the less he'll b a loyal puppy. In most cases, if a guy is not getting he's due, he's definitely tapping it from somewhere else
Re: Why I’m Happier In A Sexless Marriage by Alikaxon(m): 7:21am On Jan 10, 2014
I know the problem.
The man is impotent
and
The woman is frigid(low sex drive)
How can u cuddle with a man all time without his d.ick responding hard? Ah! He has to explain Or is that woman so ugly? Ichi iche, hun akari eka.

1 Like

Re: Why I’m Happier In A Sexless Marriage by Project400: 9:23am On Jan 10, 2014
Interesting
Re: Why I’m Happier In A Sexless Marriage by Abbey2sam(m): 10:53am On Jan 10, 2014
Something is wrong with You both,


You both are gays

1 Like

Re: Why I’m Happier In A Sexless Marriage by ChiSun27(m): 1:01pm On Jan 10, 2014
Not subscribing to this.
Re: Why I’m Happier In A Sexless Marriage by jennylove7575(f): 6:00pm On Sep 04, 2014
goodfaith u impregnated my friend and and gave her money for an abortion and then u came to nl to start running your stinking mouth isnt it...go and take up your responsibility..stop
donating your sperm...if u ain't ready for a child. you came using different usernames i know all of dem..you are a bad person all the ladies in da house needs to know..you come here posting silly topics. whom is fooling whom? for your information am waiting for your father to come and marry me. so that i can give him a legitimate child since you are born out of wedlock. charity begins at home.

1 Like

Re: Why I’m Happier In A Sexless Marriage by GoodFaith: 6:50pm On Sep 04, 2014
jennylove7575: goodfaith u impregnated my friend and and gave her money for an abortion and then u came to nl to start running your stinking mouth isnt it...go and take up your responsibility..stop
donating your sperm...if u ain't ready for a child. you came using different usernames i know all of dem..you are a bad person all in the ladies in da house needs to know..you come her posting silly topics. whom is fooling whom? for you information am waiting for your father to come and marry me. so that i can give him a legitimate child since you are born out of wedlock. charity begins at home.
3000naira is that the cost for abortion?--- cheap
I don't do naira
crackhead
Re: Why I’m Happier In A Sexless Marriage by jennylove7575(f): 6:53pm On Sep 04, 2014
GoodFaith:
3000naira is that the cost for abortion?--- cheap
I don't do naira
crackhead
you are the crackhead oh i see what do you do? yahoo yahoo? liar, deceit, penniless fraud?. was that why you gave her 3000naira for an abortion? you heartless child. she loved you that was why she opened her legs for you. now you are denying your responsibilities. now you have failed. its me and you in this niaraland.goodfaith u impregnated my friend and and gave her money for an abortion and then u came to nl to start running your stinking mouth isnt it...go and take up your responsibility..stop
donating your sperm...if u ain't ready for a child. you came using different usernames i know all of dem..you are a bad person all the ladies in da house needs to know..you come here posting silly topics. whom is fooling whom? for you information am waiting for your father to come and marry me. so that i can give him a legitimate child since you are born out of wedlock. charity begins at home.
Re: Why I’m Happier In A Sexless Marriage by GoodFaith: 6:56pm On Sep 04, 2014
jennylove7575: you are the crackhead oh i see what do you do? yahoo yahoo? liar, deceit, penniless fraud?. was that why you gave her 3000naira for an abortion? you heartless child. she loved you that was why she opened her legs for you. now you are denying your responsibilities. now you have failed. its me and you in this niaraland.goodfaith u impregnated my friend and and gave her money for an abortion and then u came to nl to start running your stinking mouth isnt it...go and take up your responsibility..stop
donating your sperm...if u ain't ready for a child. you came using different usernames i know all of dem..you are a bad person all the ladies in da house needs to know..you come here posting silly topics. whom is fooling whom? for you information am waiting for your father to come and marry me. so that i can give him a legitimate child since you are born out of wedlock. charity begins at home.
Ur B ass is talk in naira
I don't live in that country
So smelling toto
stop lying
Re: Why I’m Happier In A Sexless Marriage by Crocz(m): 7:01pm On Sep 04, 2014
Yepa!...6 times in a year?..ah!...this woman yaff finish me patapata if she's ma wife!!!..ehn!?..olorun maje..me and my wife go dey kabikush-kabigan like 6times a week...we take sundays off grin
Re: Why I’m Happier In A Sexless Marriage by Nobody: 8:49pm On Aug 20, 2015
oluwadartey:
madam...... if You know What's good for You.. better increase the rate at which You offer/give it to him.... What exactly is your point?.. that we should stop having sex if we want to have a happy married life?... your husband is one of the few men very good at cheating and ur Just too engrossed in ur sexless life to notice. don't give it to him o... be there basking in ur sexless world euphoria.


You need to do comprehension in English language again. U think say everybody na u!
Re: Why I’m Happier In A Sexless Marriage by Nobody: 8:53pm On Aug 20, 2015
I honestly cannot believe the comments I ve been reading. Its amazing how people think that cos they can't do something or fail to do something, everyone else can't do it! That's myopic in my opinion!

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