@ biggozz

I would advise you not to seek advice over sensitive issues like this at Nairaland. Reason? because a lot of people here are in worse condition than the proverbial blind man that tries leading the blind, you would simply asilmilate a dose of distorted and unhealthy views.
And it is so embarrassing that Seun is making such a wrong contribution.

Find a good marriage advisor, and my piece is that you communicate more with your husband to know what he has not told you that gets him angry and be the virtous woman, prayerfully handle it, it will get better.
Cheers.


Am very sure you are a married man, for you to have a deep thinking and not like that of Se**
I guess that is the best thing to do. Dont divorce your MAN b'cos he wil definitely change, And improve in what ypu do as a wife

@ poster
no b person wey first go report 4 police dey win case.
ur husband is not a mad man to complain abt this things without reason.
Hv u eva thot abt wat is complaining abt? r they true? if they r wat hv u done 2 correct it?
cos 4rm wat u said he's complaining abt d way u do things _{mayb u b one of this ajebuta wey dem bring up with maids 4 house wey no sabi do anything.} just thinking no dissing

i dey pray make GOd help u sha.

Fine-apple.

1. Dont blame Seun, he is not married and ther4 e no know how e dey do person.
2. I wish you answer all these questions you are been asked, be4 I can help.
I can authoritatively tell you that I nagged for a while in my marriage too. I am just 4yrs + and can I tell you part of the truth, It is becos some girls were eyeing me outside there. What makes a man to nag, by my personal experience, is reduction in what you feel about yr spouse. Believe it or not. The ladies contributed a lot to it, ven though, I have reasons to nag, when you remember that she is not yr maid/slave and what she did can actually with you, you got to take things easy.

Can I now give you the antidote. Go to God in prayers. My wife did, she came to me 3weeks ago and apologised and said all those bla bla bla. I was touched becos she prayed be4 coming, my heart softens and since then I have under her bondage. I thought of changing my GSM, but later I decided to confront it headlong.

I am running from the girls now, and things are changing for the better.

I hope it works for you too.

Best of Luck!!

teeboyy:

@ biggozz

I would advise you not to seek advice over sensitive issues like this at Nairaland. Reason? because a lot of people here are in worse condition than the proverbial blind man that tries leading the blind, you would simply asilmilate a dose of distorted and unhealthy views.
And it is so embarrassing that Seun is making such a wrong contribution.

Find a good marriage advisor, and my piece is that you communicate more with your husband to know what he has not told you that gets him angry and be the virtous woman, prayerfully handle it, it will get better.
Cheers.


Am very sure you are a married man, for you to have a deep thinking and not like that of Se**
I guess that is the best thing to do. Dont divorce your MAN b'because he wil definitely change, And improve in what ypu do as a wife

Correct.
haba!Seun and co. ki la gbe ki le ju? there are ups and downs in evwery marriage and this may be just a phase in theirs

maybe fine-apple's husband has siezed her computer.

davidylan:

maybe fine-apple's husband has siezed her computer.

Rofl

At this moment she's likely writing "I will not offend my husband by existing" 8000 times in cursive.

@Poster

To be honest you will never get the right answer on this forum. Sit him down and sort out your differences and keep praying.

@poster
     i will want you to realise that this is a very sensitive issue and i'll not want you to be emotional about it like most people including the so called seun have.
     being a decent woman (as you have portrayed yourself to be) i believe you will never stoop so low as to marry a complete mad man.i will also want to believe that things were not this way when he proposed to you and you agreed to marry him.
    what i am driving at is that "your husband is not insane" and don't allow those without a home not to talk of a happy one and who will do anything to be "mrs anything" to use there attitude that has been repelling decent suitors away from them to distract you.if you ask any happily married woman/man,they will tell what they have endured to make there marriage work.
     have u ever sit down to reflect on what he always nagged about? in the areas where u personaly know that you have faults,what attempt have you made to correct it?,what is it you do before that always make him smile and happy? have u stop being the happy,bubbly woman he married? you said he complain about salty soup,ok let's consider it from this angle:- i am a bachelor and i don't really like eating outside and will sure not go back to it when i marry.what if i got married to a woman whose only talent is oversalting everything,i talk to her about,suggest she take a catering course to improve and even volunteer to teach her one or too things and everything falls on deaf ear. do u think i wont complain?, i dont like eating outside and the only food i will eat at home is always TOO MUCH SALT! and yet she is not willing to change!, those are some of the situations that makes a man to nag when something you used to enjoy suddenly becomes so frustrating and yet all attempt to correct it yields no fruit.
if you marry an angel,and after a kid she decides to start living in the past and suddenly becomes so dirty and careless about her appearance and those nice perfumes you smell on her is replaced with odour!, lets be factual,if you are a man,wont you complain?, if you really love her u will and will insist she change.
one thing i want you to remember is that it is your home and your own husband we are talikng about here,the fact that there own husband or wife is bad does not make yours to be.your husband loves you and if you love him too and want him to continue loving you please try to understand why he is nagging and make corrections where necessary.no one love to be unhappy,i am sure it is affecting him too because the whole thing will make u to be distance from each other which is wrong.what ever happen,don't ever allow communication to break down between you two.to make it work,you have to swallow your pride and make sacrifices.

i wish you the best and i pray God put your house in order.

Soory dear, in marriage, we learn and grow everyday. Most people pretend that all is well, when it isnt the case. In my opinion, your husband is unhappy about something and he is venting it on you , it could be regrets, disatisfaction, thinking the grass is greener on the ther side or even a spiritual issue. Plus sometimes when the age difference is much, they begin to step-father you, look at you as little and shove "truths" and "dominant ideologies down your throat".
My recipee is pray, show him more love, use food money to pay for a drycleaner to wash his clothes, pay for his food, sometimes serve take out food (for the meals you can't cook properly, he doesnt have to know), make him feel he is the best (though he is a nag), look your best at all times, focus on your work and channel your energy into other things.
I once told a colleague at work that if my husband behaves overlly funny like that or is abusive, I will keep muted and encourage us to relocate abroad, record all the abuse and then divorce him for every dollar, cent, naira or kobo he has. Some of you men will not try this abroad!

nagging husband , tot it was a nagging wife, men if the guy no cool down give am RAT POISON, MAKE HE SHOT UP.doesnt he knw dat we r d key to d world , why must he nagg.u beter give him 3 options,if he doesnt relax ,u use the poison on him , na so no be so,

@ poster (fine apple)

Please search for JOURNEY by DANIELLE STEEL.

Go through the novel and may GOD GUIDE and PROTECT your marrige. NO MARRIAGE IS 100% OKAY.

Every marriage has one open or close secret, marriage is not a bed of roses, you need to brush, polish and shine continuously, not forgetting to put the best ingredients at the apropriate time.

Good Luck.

Nagging husband? Hmmm.Sori if wat i'm abt saying sounds preachy. Love they say conquers all. Love expresses itself thru patience, tolerance and LONG SUFFERING! U'v probably been patient but after trying everything else, like discusing it with him, praying and other means of getting him to understand he's hurting you.All you can do is continue(suffer-long). Remb, why you married him.
Your marriage vow are underlaid with this silent line, "I will love him, no matter what"
S this is me saying, Be Strong!

minute:

Have a conversation with him.

Ask what he wants out of marriage,out of  life . ,  and where he would

want his marriage/life to go? Talk about it.See if the two of you can agree on general goals and approaches to life.

If you can't,perhaps you might want to consider counselling . ,  if not reconsider the entire marriage.

Counselling can help with all issues you know,even if it means ending a relationship.

easier said than done.
i think you need to take him to a spiritualist or better still an exortist.

Pennywise
Not sure how long you ve been married and hence how much and how well you understand your husband.

But what you said hardly suggest a rocky marriage.It sounds like your man is concerned about things being done correctly, personal discipline and determined to drive his point home.All these can be traced to the kind of upbringing he 's had. Do not mistake his behaviour with that of some lily livered whimp who though is fed up of the marriage does not have the courage to say so.

You must not listen to people like seun only to regret later. Most men with short fuse like your husband can be very passionate and deep in their love for spouse. See it as a weak point of his and even accept blame when you are right sometimes and you will have >60 years of marital bliss together.


I must say ur reply is among the healthiest on this post by my own judgement.
At the same time i m disppointed in some who are calling for divorce and dat goes along way to show how inexperienced and narrow minded some people are.
@poster,
Marraige is not a do or die affairs i know. But be4 we run out lets do our best so that even God can bear us withness that we tried. And divorce is never my prayer for anybody not even my enemy especially if u already have issues(kid(s))
Look, marraige is another school entirely that many people usually underrate. U are simply inn to learn a new world of affair. As much as one may not know plenty about ur husband more than urself, i will advise like others mentioned here, check ur ways, see if u can improve. Above all ,embark on a 3days fast and pray for that purpose alone and the same u will share a testimony here.
Most problems that people see impossible come impossible to them cos they believe d problms are unsolveable so they dont reference or asked from God. He will do it i trust Him. So no divorce, no unneccessry confrontation. shikina! I will be on my knees for d sake of ur marraige too.
Goodluck .

Sis,such a man need flogging hundred stroke of cane like what happens in the north to know his level of manhood .He can not be responsible as per being able to handle issues.The wife will eventually become a punching bag.

Advising her to try as much as she can to avoid from doing this wrong is not the sollution.
It`s not good if you have to walk on eggshels.
Because some people cannot help it that they are a lil bit clumbsy.
I`m also that kind of person. I can be doing 20 different things and forget 1 thing or accidently drop something.
Hubbs not happy about it and yes, he can nag ( uhmm he`s a perfectionist ) too. What i always do is take a deep breath and ignore the nagging or i ask him if he never accidently dropped a plate or forgot to close the gate.

Try to know what gets him to the point of nagging

Make few adjustment where necessary

If you can't get to know what the problem is

Then get on your knees, pray and pray and pray

There is nobody God can't touch and change

But continue to be a good wife

Cheers

Hi, u say he cpmplains of things u do wrong, have u tried not doin them or doin them the right way,

hello , You know what just be carefull Okay and make you sure you are far away from him

My dear, sorry for your predicament oh. But didnt you notice that in hime before you got married?
I am sure you thought you could change him. I dated a guy like that once, it was orrible, he nagged about everything, my love for football, my closeness to my family, my work, my eyebrows, and at that time i thought he would change with a little love and care but one day i went to a park sat down for sometime alone and i had to tell myself the truth. Recently i ran into him and his wife, she said something and he started scolding her in my prescence for speaking bad english, i cant stop thanking God for Delivarnce.
My Sister, sorry oh but i always say when you meet someone dont think you can change him, what you see is what you get if you can live with it, then marry him if you cant, run, your won man will come, there is someone for evry one

You need to be a bit submissive , soft and tender. You don't need to react immediately .But let him realise you are not happy with his nagging nature.

All you should do is to be yourself and to be more focus in whatever you are doing.good luck.

wth?

either he is cheating or planing on and comparing u to the other woman or tired of the relationship
its also a way of showing his fustration when he wants out of the relationship but find it difficult to tell u about his feelings,so he tries to fustrate u and abuse u emotionally so that u will end the relationship urself,so he can play the good guy.just ignore him whenever he nags and try to comminicate with him about it and pray hard.

my husband nagging? weird. why?

I dont think it has anything to do with fine apple. there is always a better way to address an issue better than nagging!!!

people do stuff they know they can get away with.

Pray and always do your part in your marriage and live God to handle him.

Find some fun thing to do when he naggs like listening to music or watching movies because crying is outta of the question. he will soon get tired!


Ana ro adi abuo ayi ara! (for igbos)

@ fine apple

i think the answer is much simpler than that - get a job



perhaps i'm wrong, but i'm assuming you're a house wife or finacially dependent on him in some way - if were your car, bought with your money, you can drive it any wy you damn want, esp if you are the one who will pay for its repairs.

on the other hand though , you may be a working woman, who has subscribed to the commonly held belief among nigerian women that your money is for your spending, and that your husband must pay all the bills. if thats the case, i'm sorry, you'll just have to deal with it

people have a tendency to get patrichial/matrhicial towards their dependents - get some finacial independnce, contribute meaningfully towards paying of bills in the house, and the nagging should cease - unless of course the husband actually wants someone he can nag in which case it will be a diff series of complaints

Do nagging husbands exist?

Nagging guys exist real time.

if u v one in your live, n want to cope, if u must cope then do any of the following.
1. make a jest or joke of whatever he says when nagging, increase your sense of humor.
2. create or give him some space. decrease your contact time with him, get a job away from him or in another town.
3. call him to order, ie, tell him u dont like the way he talks to u, do it with ultimost respect.
4. work on your self, what r those areas of your life, issues of your life, u know he capitalizes on to nag u, do away wt them.
5. watch out when he is out of order and tell him immedaitely, this makes him know he is not perfect too.
6. if he embarasses in public, just keep your cool, ist apologize, then in a cool way right there, correct him by telling him u dont like such public embrassment.
7. the best is actually to stay away from such nagging people, the can kill u by making u think too much, which developes ulcer or cancer in your system. bible says its better to stay at a corner on the roof than to live with a nagging person in d same house. a nagging person is as irritating as a leaking roof.



this is my piece pple.

slimfine:

my husband nagging? weird. why?

Grouches are not only of the feminine extraction,if you marry a grouch,get ready to have a married life of nagging

Again,most men grappling with issues that put question marks on their manliness could nag,e.g a man grappling with financial insecurity will def nag, ,,,,, the list goes on and on

@ OP,

You gotta pray for your hussy and do a lotta ignoring of his naggings (at least just so you don't have HBP).I pray he gets more comfortable than he is right now and always pick times when he's in a happy mood to tell him how much you'd love for him to act that way more and how much the nagging(BTW,NEVER use that word) gets to you real bad.

Finally,your hussy is not the worst,there could be some nairalanders who're having it rougher at home but WILL NEVER breathe it to a soul,how much more share it on a public internet forum,so I commend your courage and I hope you can pick one or two useful points on this thread to help you

Good luck sis