hi my fellow Nigerians why is it that love doesn't last in most relationships?especially marriage.with the little i know or have seen,i've come to realise that in most relationships, Love at the early stage is really strong but as time goes,the love begins to depreciate.especially with couples.when they start getting older no more "sweetheart" "honey" "angel"e.t.c. u know what i mean

Not for my mum and dad. It's still strong for them

happy 4 u

yea happy 4 u too

my dad doesnt know what sweetheart and all dat stuff means but they still got love for each other.

i can only think of love in marriage. outside marriage, it is mere infatuation cuzz love is pain to me. if you havent felt pain, den you havent loved yet.

Ok this is wat i feel bout why love doesn't last i would say when one falls in love an atom of lust is present which fades after they have made love 2 each other.But if d lust is no mose there d love is not there.

cuz wat most people think of is SEX so why should love last while in their minds, they r going in it for sex and come out and look for another victim

my hottie has spoken so y'all should listen.

true talk. they want sex, sex and sex. what the hell is sex sef? damn, sex is so overrated.

@ diddy, very ovarated ohhhh, ma good friend told me hers yesterday and I felt like killing da dude and hmm not 2 talk of wat ma ex said about me all cuz he wanna impress sum assholes

im coming online to hear jist abeg. my ear don the scratch me small small.

because sex takes over

It is true that the feeling of "in love" or "falling in love" comes and goes, sometimes very quickly. In my experience, the only reason that real love dies is because no one tends to it. Or one may tend to it, but the other becomes indifferent. Love matures and takes different forms over a lifetime. It is up to us to recognize love in whatever form it takes at that moment.
For instance, a wife that helps her husband during cancer treatments will feel love differently from the man that just married his sweetheart. Both are love, only in different forms. It is up to both people in a relationship to recognize, appreciate and tend to their love.

It seems not to last because its not even love at all!!!!!

To me, love means to DESIRE the eventual happiness and joy for a person. Now, good wishes ARE NOT ENOUGH! You MUST be able to make these desires for their joy and happiness a REALITY FOR THEM! that's when the love equation is complete!

Desire their happiness + make these desires reality = LOVE!

because their eyes keep wondering about and can't be satisfied with one partner.

kheme:

It seems not to last because its not even love at all!!!!!

You've said it all.

I disagree. Love is a temporal emotion - that is, it is something you feel now. That you are in love with me now doesn't mean you'll be in love with me tommorrow morning or in ten years time. That is why people should use their sense when getting married instead of depending on an emotion. Compatibility is what matters!

exactly seun.

God bless u Seun!
U said it,

Why love doesn't last in relationships? We human beings like deceiving ourselves a lot. Agreed, there's LOVE but it's LUST that bring people together. You lust for someone and you wish/desire to get to know the people better. You act the good boy or girl etc just to warm yourself into the person's heart. Thereafter, you start holding hands, kiss, being naughty and finally you bang each other. After this process you chill out a bit but when you realise that that person is worth keeping for life, you then move to the next level - monopoly.You keep professing unshaking love etc. Eventually you get married. you make love almost everyday - in the kitchen, the toilet, the sitting room. If you are lucky, she gets pregnant. That's another level. Sex reduces. You have to do it with care so that you don't kill the foetus in a sex frenzy. She finally gives birth. That's a new level. Taking care of the baby starts sapping all the energy from you and your wife to the extent when you have time for sex, you would prefer to sleep instead! You see, things are beginning to change. But mind you, this the period when the foundation of most marriages develop everlasting cracks, Marriage is not the same as boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. Marriage is not co-habiting. Marriage is not single-parenting. Marriage is not a bed of roses.

true talk right there!
so what should we do now?

The text below was culled from the internet. It makes quite an interesting read and could serve as a guide for those about to settle down.

A relationships coach lays out his 5 golden rules for evaluating the
prospects of long-term marital success.  When it comes to making the decision
about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake.
Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50percent, it appears that many
are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr, /Ms.Right!

If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting
married,they'll say:
"We're in love."

I believe this is the #1 mistake people make when they date. Choosing a
life partner should never be based on love. Though this may sound not
politically correct, there's a profound truth here.

Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result
of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will
come.

Let me say it again: You can't build a lifetime relationship on love
alone. You need a lot more.

Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about
finding and keeping a life partner.

QUESTION #1:

Do we share a common life purpose?

Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married for
20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do
with each
other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share
something deeper and more meaningful.

You need a common life purpose. Two things can happen in a marriage.
You can grow together, or you can grow apart. 50 percent of the people out
there are growing apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want
out of life bottom line-and marry someone who wants the same thing.

QUESTION #2:

Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?
This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship.

Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The
basis of having good communication is trust - i.e. trust that I won't get
"punished" or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings.

A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you
feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself
on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to
marry.

QUESTION #3:

Is he/she a mensch?

A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you
test?

Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a regular
basis? Are they serious about improving themselves?

A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always
striving to be good and do the right thing." So ask about your significant other: What
do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a
materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement.

There are essentially two types of people in the world:

People who are dedicated to personal growth and people who are
dedicated to seeking comfort. Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will
put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that
before walking down the aisle.

QUESTION #4:

How does he/she treat other people?

The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the
ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure.

Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they
wrapped up in themselves and self- absorbed?

To measure this, think about the following:

How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as a
waiters, bus boy, taxi driver, etc?

How do they treat parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and
appreciation? If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them
everything, you cannot you --who can't do nearly as much for them!

Do they gossip and speak badly about others? Someone who gossips cannot
be someone who loves others.

You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly
will eventually treat you poorly as well.

QUESTION #5:

Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're
married?

Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention
of trying to "improve" them after they're married.

As a colleague of mine puts it, "You can probably expect someone to
change after marriage , for the worse!" If you cannot fully accept this person the
way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them.

In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous. The
key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart.

It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating, to be sure
to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues.

Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on
your finger, you don't want to find yourself in trouble because you didn't
do your homework.

Another perspective,

There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a
distance. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or at least minimize
your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not-going anywhere
relationships.
Observe the relationships around you.

Pay attention.

Which ones lift and which ones lean?

Which ones encourage and which ones discourage?

Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going
downhill?

When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse?

Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know, or
appreciate you?

The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and
truth around you, the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in
the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life.

An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes
open, and after you marry, close one eye."

Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let
lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low
self-esteem make you blind to warning signs.

Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change
someone or that what you see as faults isn't really that important.

Once you decide to commit to someone, over time their flaws,
vulnerabilities, pet-peeves and differences will become more obvious.

If you love your mate and want the relationship to grow and evolve,
you've got to learn how to close one eye and not let every little thing bother
you.

You and your mate have many different expectations, emotional needs,
values, dreams, weaknesses and strengths.

You are two unique individual children of God who have decided to share
a life together.

Neither one of you is perfect, but are you perfect for each other?

Do you bring out the best in each other?

Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete,
compare and control?

What do you bring to the relationship?

Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past
mistrust, past pain?

You can't take someone to the altar to alter them. You can't make
someone love you or make someone stay.

If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life" you
won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or
responsible for your pain.

Manipulation, control, jealousy, neediness and selfishness are not the
ingredients of a thriving, healthy, loving and lasting relationship.

Seeking status, sex, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a
relationship.

WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG IS:

1. TRUST

2. COMMUNICATION

3. INTIMACY

4. A SENSE OF HUMOR

5. SHARING TASKS

6. SOME GETAWAY TIME WITHOUT BUSINESS OR CHILDREN

7. DAILY EXCHANGES (a meal, shared activity, a hug, a call, a touch, a
note)

8. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS

9. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE

10. GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT

If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as
resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect, dishonesty and pain WILL replace the
passion.

" In order to move forward, you sometimes have to take a  step back"

Start sexing each other till kingdom come and know thats what its all about .damn

faajilawa:

Start sexing each other till kingdom come and know thats what its all about .damn

I hate it when people use that word,it sounds sooooo. . . somehow!

Anyway,i think that love lasts in some relationships and it doesnt in some.The first thing you should do before getting into a relationship is to be very good friends with the person.If that happens,you'll hardly fall out of love with that person.

Seun you have a great way of looking at r/ships for someone ur age. u impressed me tremendously, with this one.

why do most people think that love dies wen sex is involved? love and sex both have there individual relevances o! have u ever stopped to think that there are sexually based r/ships dat are stronger than most of our marriages these days.

girl's seem to think that once a man has been there and done that, dats it he is out. am sorry to say dat is the greatest bull, although i would say depending on how much in harmony you guys are wt each other, a man will have sex and stay.

yes there are sexcapades that are worth nothing, they start and finish as sex, and dats it. but there are times you wan chop clean mouth, and end up hooked. abi u neva hear man wey carry ashewo for road one night, and ends up marrying her, me thinks most gre8 r/ships, lasting marriages are based (not solely) but mostly on sexual compatibility.

I have a friend whose husband tells me dat everytime he sleeps wt her is like he's never had sex wt her be4, and to think they courted all through university (sex involved) and have been married now for 4 yrs, sounds incredible. but true. they still have sex at least 3x daily.

love in r/ship dies, and only god know's why.

my solution is simple 'old fishermen never die, their rods just go limp' if love dies? move on damn it. life is too short to waste brooding.
and for those who say sex is overated, i say u dont know nothing man. as a matter of fact it is grossly underated.

i did like when you talk, say "personally" aite sweetie, This place is a dicussion forum where people come to say their minds and release the stress and not a JAMB hall where the best answer is required

Two dayz ago, family friend of mine and his cuzzin were in da car with maself and my female friend and they told us that the first thing a guy thinks when he sees a lady  is SEX, so by this, some would stay after and some wouldn't. so it goes back to ONE MAN'S FOOD IS ANOTHER MAN'S POSION, meaning, it breaks relationship and as well makes it stronger depending on da nature of the relatuionship

did like when you talk, say "personally" aite sweetie, This place is a dicussion forum where people come to say their minds and release the stress and not a JAMB hall where the best answer is required

Yeah! and my mind is wat i am saying, and stress i have relieved.
Did i say mine is the best answer or wat? or did i say am in a competition with you

Love is like a flower, It must been attended to. Watered, trimmed for it to flourish. In rainny season water is not needed, but trimming, while in dry season you need water and trmming.

It then implies that at every season or day of your love life there is a particular ingredient that is needed to flouish it. You should not use one way to nourish you love.

Love does not last only for those that got hooked because of lust for each. In relationship you have to understand each other, know what turns your spouse on & what turn him/her off. No head/tail relationship.

If your wife is making dinner, you can be do better by entering the kitchen to steal a piece of meat, just for her to call you naughty man, and you end up giving her a kiss, and walk back to watch your sports journal or listen to the news. Just be part of what your spouse does. It is no a woman's work or men's work. Just do something. Don't leave her alone.

Make dinner atimes. Let your wife watch you. It is all these sharing that make relationship last. If you play boss. Your relationship will end soon.

@zarah
u don preach everything u wann@. but let me ask you something, when something is responsible for 85-90% of break ups, is dat thing really good?

you here saying sex is underated, underated ke, open your eyes and stop viewing it from one angel. sex is overrated and i will keep on saying it.

out of all the realtionships going on, only few survive cuzz of sex others are destroyed cuzz of it. where im at, if it aint sex, he wont go out with you. the only thing this morons think of is sex, sex and sex, like they are dog or something.

what is a guys next move after dating you for more than a week or 2, isnt it to trynn@ get in between doz legs and bang the daylight out of you.


sex is so damn overrated and dat is my own. that one or two r/ships survive upon sex doesnt make it mandatory in every r/ships. i am a guy and i know what im saying. all my males friends have had not less dan 10 girlfriends in a period of 1 year. all they do is sex and sex and sex and if the sex aint good, they break up with you.

sex is overrated. kapish.

@Zarah, i love your response. Seun too, very precise

4 some people its the intimacy that they built up b/4 their marrige that keeps it going. People that say sex breaks up relationships are delusional if u ask me. I feel sex is really important (and not over-rated, sorry its not everybody that will enjoy sex very much and its unfortunate that those that don't enjoy it so much think everybody else does not) but that alone can't sustain a relationship though

My own verdict is that love is fickle. Close friendship is the only thing that can sustain a relationship for a life time. Friendships usually last. Love is 4 the mind of the teenage girl that is dreaming of magical nights and hapily ever afters and all that bullshit.

In reality, u guyz should be the best of friends with spicing up here and there. Things will get monotonous after a while, which u cant help, but friendship and sweet memories of u two from the start of ur relationship together goes a long way.

Just to add my 2 cents,


Part of the reason I think love doesn't last is CHANGE. People change with time, sometimes
intentionally and sometimes they are forced to change by events around them. The change
could be for the better or for the worse. It takes more than love (hollywood definition) to
sustain a relationship. If the love was based on looks, there is always someone out there
better looking than your partner. And of course, looks do change too. Those with lasting
marriages didn't get there by calling each other honey every minute or for the simple fact
that neither partner ever strayed. Love needs care, loyalty, forgiveness, humility, hardwork,
endurance, common sense, sex, etc. to keep it together.

The bible says,if the foundation is faulty,what will the righteous do.Relationships without the author for guidelines cant last.the author is christ. no matter the initial gra gra

Love is very necessary, why,

The human race needs to be sustained by procreation, gone were the ape-men days when a simply bleedin - deer (or a club to the head) would do, Civility has trained our sense of reasoning to the point that in-order to make love (have sex) without been looked upon as a rapist, prostitute or playboy, you have to be in love, i have never met anyone who fell in love and did not have sex within a month of the episode, it is just sensible biology, we need to be in love to fill the earth.